Epilogue

vanya

E ver since my conversation with Dima about the future, I can't stop thinking about it. I don't think I'd be good in a normal job and after checking the account Vlad set up for me, I'll never have to actually work. But I can't do nothing and killing people will be harder if I'm old. Inessa has mentioned helping her with Steorra at the new branch she's opened, but she'd be pissed if someone found out I killed someone. I can't work with children who are being hurt then do nothing, it's wrong to know and turn a blind eye to it, so there's no if about me killing it's more about being found out.

Those questions about the future are hard, but the family ones are harder. I always dreamed of being part of a family until I lost hope. Would I be a good parent? Probably not. I'm a bit of a psycho and it would be half crazy. Someone physically snaps me out of my thoughts as familiar arms wrap around me from behind. Dima presses his lips to my cheek and his voice is soft as he asks, "What are you thinking about, beautiful?"

I don't know how to tell him I want something I'll be bad at.

My voice comes out small and I tuck my chin to my chest, feeling guilty for wanting to ruin someone.

"I think I'd want a family, but I won't be good at it."

He turns me around so fast it makes me dizzy. He picks me up and sits me on the counter, so we're eye level. There's nothing but belief in his voice as he steps between my thighs and declares, "You are perfect and so fucking pure that you don't even see it."

Cupping my face with both hands, he strokes my cheeks with his thumbs and presses a chaste kiss to my lips.

"It's impossible for you not to be good, you wouldn't hurt our kids, or let anyone else. You wouldn't force them into some fucked up mold of who they have to be. If that's what you want, you'll be amazing and their biggest protector. Never for a moment think you are anything other than perfect, lisichka."

His conviction is so strong it overrides my doubt as he kisses each of my cheeks, moves up to my forehead then my lips before moving back and there's a new nervousness on his features. He isn't a loud person but he's never this softly spoken.

"Come somewhere with me?"

It sounds like a question rather than telling me, so I nod and wait for him to move so I can get down. He doesn't let me and picks me up. I could get used to being carried everywhere, it makes me feel taller and I like seeing the world from his height.

Holding me with his arm under my ass, he doesn't put a hand up my dress. It's my first real birthday and I wanted to make an effort so I can always remember celebrating it and knowing who I am. I have a name and I'm real, there are people who know me, so I'll be remembered. I can't go missing now because they're all crazy like me and Tali was making a big deal out of his surprise.

Dima walks us out of the house, and he doesn't go towards the car but the trees. Reaching the cleared area with a bench, he gently sets me on my feet and presses his lips against mine.

"Keep your eyes closed for me."

The nerves have intensified, and I nod as I close my eyes. My cheeks move up as his lips press against each of my fingers then my palm, but he doesn't say anything as leaves rustle. I have to fight to keep my eyes closed rather than check for intruders.

His voice is low and filled with emotion, but he doesn't tell me to open my eyes so I keep them closed as he says, "I love you, Vanya, no matter what your name is or—" Cutting himself off, he curses under his breath. "Fuck, open your eyes, lisichka."

I slowly blink and my eyes go wide seeing Dima on one knee holding a ring box. I'm pretty sure my mouth is open with no words coming out and he smiles up at me, continuing his speech.

"I'll meet you on any planet in any galaxy, I know you like I know my own name, and I want you to share it with me. Ty vyydesh' za menya, Vanya?"

I think I nod but I don't know if I moved.

He doesn't do anything, and I realise I definitely didn't move.

"Yes please," I squeak, unsure of words and never the answer.

He blows out a watery laugh and places the biggest sapphire I've ever seen on my ring finger. He kisses the back of my hand before wrapping his arms around my thighs and rising to his full height as I laugh, turning giddy.

"Happy birthday, beautiful, ya tebya obozhayu," 1 he says as he presses his lips to the middle of my chest.

He moves up, slowly finding my lips, and I'm not a ghost anymore. I'm real and Dima won't hurt me, ever. It's my first real birthday and it couldn't be any better as I wrap myself around him, knowing I get to have him forever.

His arms tighten around me as he says against my lips, "You're getting your tattoo next month, pick anything you want. Not because of that cunt or to save you, just because you want it."

I wrap my arms around his neck and lean back to look up at the sky and the branches breaking up the clear blue. Soft lips brush my neck, directly over my scar. The second time I died is marked on my skin but it somehow reversed my first death and I know everything now.

There's no Yulia or Marlo, no Ana. Everything from then is dead and I get to be Vanya, someone who exists, is remembered, and has a family who won't let anyone else near me.

My chin drops down and excitement makes my voice higher pitched as I say, "I know what I'm getting."

Dima kisses my cheek, his lips roving across my face as he asks, "Hmm, what?"

"The moon in the forest, with a wolf."

My old family is my real family, Dima is the moon, and the others surround me too. I'm not B, but I have my forest and moon every day. The wolves are new, the protectors who let me hunt with them while covering every angle.

I don't need to wait for Venus or have a sticker to smile at me because Dima does it every day and even when I get confused, forget, or feel like I'm not a person he's there to remind me and I look at him, knowing what I feel isn't a thought, it's a fact like I am.

"I love you."

His eyes soften as he rests his forehead on mine then abruptly dips me as he bends in half. I laugh as I tighten my limbs around him and he brushes the tip of his nose against mine.

"Whatever your name is, however many people are in your head, I love every part of you, my beautiful hellion." He kisses my cheek and closes his eyes as he whispers, "Happy first birthday, Vanya."

1 ? I adore you