41. Ana

FORTY-ONE

Ana

I should feel guilty that Nina's dead but there's peace in the finality of death. She's not being made to wish for it anymore and I set her free from the horrible thing we call life. The more time that passes since she died, the easier it gets to breathe. I'm not focused on trying to convince myself she's real, I know she is, I felt her blood on my hands. So, I'm real too. Maybe it will change in another week, but right now I'm enjoying the quiet.

Dima is attached to my hip, and I abruptly stop walking through the room so he runs into me. Turning to face him, I ask with a laugh bubbling in my throat, "Why are you following me to the bathroom?"

He looks at me like it's a dumb question and cups my face with both hands as he implores, "I need you safe."

What does he think is going to happen? I'm not going to fall into the toilet and get flushed down while I pee.

He's been weird all week and we haven't left the house. Everyone has been visiting, which is weird too, everyone other than Vlad and I hope he's not dead. I was just getting used to having an asshole brother.

"I'm sure there are no monsters in the toilet and I'm not going to fall in," I say slowly to let the words sink in.

When he sees he's being stupid and stops being my shadow, I feel better, but he doesn't leave the bedroom and sits on the edge of the bed as I go to the bathroom. I have new scars on my body and they're tiny in size but huge in replacing the memories, I like these ones and I can get my tattoo now.

Dima is still sat on the bed when I leave the bathroom and I look at his neck as I ask, "How long did it take?"

His tattoo doesn't stretch the full expanse of his neck, but I'll be able to use it as a measure of how long mine will take. He doesn't answer me and there's sadness weighing down features and voice.

"Come here, lisichka."

As soon as I'm within arm's reach, he pulls me down to straddle his thighs and hugs me. Again. He's very needy. I press my lips to his forehead because it always makes me feel better and he relaxes as he holds my chin between his thumb and forefinger.

He doesn't say anything. He just stares at me, like he has all week, as though he can't believe I'm real. Prodding his cheek with my finger to make him move doesn't work and I move around his face testing his skin. Nothing seems to snap him out of it, and I fight the urge to move his lips. There are no words leaving his mouth as he threads our fingers together then wraps both of his arms around me and pulls me forward to stop me touching him.

His lips don't touch mine; they go to my forehead and his quiet voice is slow as he asks, "How you feeling, lisichka?"

My chest vibrates with my laugh as realization hits. He thinks I'm even more crazy because I killed Nina. I might have been in the time between pushing the knife into her throat and waking up in the safe house, but I'm fine now and tell him in a way only I understand.

"All the filing cabinets are closed and organized."

They're not screaming at me anymore to find answers. I know where she is, buried in a cemetery and Inessa is going to help me plan a funeral for her. Nina deserves to be remembered, even if it's a random person reading her headstone.

My nerves rise with Dima's clouding the air. I try to lean back so I can look at him, but the position doesn't allow me to, it just pushes my chest forward. He lets go of my hands and massages down my body with the same low tilt to his voice.

"I want you to come somewhere with me, krasotka."

His nerves increase and I freeze as he reaches my ankles. He's never mentioned the scars on my feet, assuming they were caused by Yulia, but I don't want to admit the truth.

The strange atmosphere has me anticipating a bad conversation. It leaves as soon as he moves his hands back up my legs and he relaxes as I wrap my arms around his neck. Tapping my fingers against his shoulder, he squeezes me and kisses my neck. The admission on his tongue is quiet and filled with emotion.

"You're the most important person in my life," he takes a deep breath, "I keep seeing you passed out and coated in blood."

I don't know how many people I killed, Tali said he counted thirteen and Val counted fifteen. Dima isn't afraid of me, he's scared for me.I stroke up his nape and remind him of what he's forgetting.

"I'm invincible, remember."

He blows out a breath as though I'm joking. I've always had this idea that maybe I died to the world, so the Grim Reaper has forgotten me along with it too. When a random name was all I had for a father and there was no information about a mother, it was easy to lie and pretend they mourned me, the reality is worse and I've witnessed little, innocent babies being born from wombs of other children.

My excitement comes back.

I can kill her now.

As quickly as it comes, it dampens knowing I fucked up. Rowan would have told her it was me, fuck. Why did I have to shout what he always called me? I don't scream threats or enjoy the showmanship. All of the sick rats will be going deeper underground because I'm an idiot.

Kissing Dima's cheek, I squeeze him like he's doing to me and agree to wherever he wants to go.

"I need to see Inessa first, then we can go?"

He doesn't try to delay me, knowing she's been clingy too, I'm sure she has a timer on her phone to ensure I get at least one message an hour and she'd probably offer me her lung right now if I asked for it.

My lips move across Dima's cheek until I reach his lips and my smile is crazed. It stretches from ear to ear as he kisses me back with the same bone deep emotion as always and there are still no ants. He groans into me as I grind down, feeling him harden and I flatten my palms on his chest until he lays down. I'm stopped from moving further down how I want to as he grabs my throat and squeezes the sides, focusing on the wrong thing.

"Why were you asking about my neck?"

His brain is on a delay, and I copy his hold. My full hand doesn't wrap around his throat, but he tilts his chin up to make it easier for me. My brain is delayed too because I like the feeling of his throat in my hand.

"I like holding your air," I murmur.

His fingers flex around my neck and he gently pulses his fingers against the sides as his deep voice rumbles through his chest.

"You always will hold it, lisichka."

My body falls into his comfort, not due to tiredness, but soul deep comfort knowing I'm safe and he lets me lay with my head on his shoulder.

My eyes close as he keeps pulsing his fingers at the sides of my neck and kissing my temple. It's the most intoxicating hug of my life and he strokes down my back to cup my ass. A moan breaks free as he applies more pressure and I look up at him, dazed as I blindly stretch down to push his shorts down. The soft kisses against my temple don't stop and he helps me. It's easier since his rule of not wearing panties and I stole his t-shirt, so I'm not only covered in Dima but fully surrounded by him as he grips my inner thigh to pull my hips up.

A soft brush of air floats through my hair as I stroke his dick through my slit and circle my entrance.

"You're soaked, malyshka."

It's the comfort, but I can't tell him that. This is different than the other times even though he's still being gentle, there's no clicker or filing cabinet, it's just me and Dima. We don't look away from each other as I slowly rock back with my mouth open on a silent moan.

"That's it, krasotka, feel everything you do to me."

His fingers tighten around my neck, and he slowly thrusts up, only allowing me an inch at a time while pressing admiration into my skin.

"You're so beautiful, and strong. I don't deserve you."

I freeze in panic. He can't go anywhere, he promised. It chokes me and makes my voice low.

"Are you going to keep me?"

The slow smile put me at ease as he tilts his head so we're eye to eye.

"I'm never letting you go," he promises. "On this planet or the others, you belong to me and if you try to leave me, I'll chase you to the ends of the universe."

He switches to my book while his eyes tell me that he means the words too.

"I'm going to breed my little human so she can never escape me."

I push my hips back and ask, "What if I'm just me and not a human?"

His smile gets wider, and he loosens his hand on my throat when I want it tighter. Slowly sitting up, he fully sits me on his dick, wrapping both arms around me. I'm hugged to him as he cups my ass and pulls me up his length with his voice deepening.

"Whatever you are is mine."

I hug him back and agree. "And you?"

He does the same and fucks up into me. "Yeah, malyshka, I'm yours."

The lock is firmly placed on the filing cabinet as he kisses me and massages my back, bringing the t-shirt up until he pulls it over my head and throws it behind me.

His lips are even softer as he kisses over my heart and I grind down as he gives me more promises.

"I'm yours, hellion," another kiss that leaves a small red mark "and you, my beauty, B, any name you have, are mine."

I smile wider and pick his hand up to place it on my neck as I press against his shoulder. As always, Dima moves with the slightest pressure and he wraps his hand around my neck as I lay my head on his shoulder. His lips rest against my hairline and each slow thrust is marked with a kiss as he softly presses the pads of his fingers to the side of my neck.