CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

If Carter had a kryptonite, it'd be heart-to-heart talks. I've avoided them for years for his benefit. Never pressed him for a reaction after I told him his mother's tragic story.

The concept of opening up about my feelings isn't something I'm looking forward to, either. Unfortunately, it's not like we have a choice. This situation isn't one we can dance around. We can't fuck, sleep together, and then what? Hope for the best?

I haven't survived in this business for years by leaving things to chance.

"About the three of us," I start, leaving it hanging in the air, studying him.

His agitation is a living, breathing thing. He chews and sucks on the inside of his cheek. Clenches his fists in his lap. He sits on the couch as I instructed, but he might as well have been hopping from one wall to another.

"We're happening," he snaps. He and I are on either side of the couch, and yet it's like he said it in my ear. His demand is silent, determined. "Don't fucking lie to me. Don't say you're not in."

My eyebrows shoot up my forehead. This fucking ki—guy. Never stops surprising me. "Carter—"

"Don't fucking Carter me." He points an accusing finger in my direction. "You don't get to be a fucking coward."

"Watch your mouth."

His cursing doesn't bother me. His attitude does. I've been treating him like an adult for years now. This adolescent shit won't fly. Whether we're fucking each other or not.

Whether I…

Never mind.

"Sorry." His unruly hair parts when his fingers rake through it. "Yeah, you're my stepdad. Yes, some people think you're my dad." He rolls his eyes. "They'll judge us for that. They'll come for us the day we come out with this. Target Amara. If they find out about it. I'm aware. Doesn't matter. We're doing this. I'm not letting go of what we started this evening."

His speech gives me pause. This isn't going how I thought it would.

I was going to suggest the three of us ease our way into this. Let them get used to me. While I answered emails earlier, my mind wandered to the two people in my bed. Tonight was on my mind, then our future.

At no point did I expect them to jump into a relationship headfirst. Wanted it, sure. Didn't expect it to happen. Not this soon.

"You talked about this with Amara?" I cross my arms on my chest, defensively. I can't fucking help it. I hate uncertainties. Hate opening my heart up. Goddamn loathe this…weakness.

"Don't need to." He scowls. Where I'm skeptical, Carter drives right through any obstacle in his way. Any obstacle other than telling Amara about our hotel, I suspect. "I can tell she's in."

I cock my head to the side, eyeing him skeptically.

"Listen, I know Amara." He scoots closer.

Electricity buzzes through me at the contact of our knees. I grind my teeth. My biceps flex. Now, I'm the one nervous. Fucking spectacular.

"This thing she and I have, it's important to her. Just as much as it's important to me. I would never cheat on her, and she wouldn't cheat on me. Before you say anything, she sure as shit is not bored." He dips his chin, giving me a meaningful glare. "I work hard so that won't happen."

He stops there. I don't say a word. I need more than that.

"What I'm trying to say is, being with us is more than just sex for her. For some reason, my complicated, beautiful woman likes you. Us." In a very unlike Carter fashion, words spill from him. Proving to me how deeply he feels about the idea. "If it would've been just sex, she wouldn't have agreed to any of it. She wouldn't have jeopardized what we have for sex. I"—he splays his palm on his naked chest—"wouldn't have. Her parents and sister are assholes enough. I take pride in knowing I won't be that person in her life. So, yeah, safe to say she's in. We're in."

He leans his elbow on the cushion, the moonlight making his eyes twinkle. Letting the information sink in.

"I'll still need to hear her consent." I don't ask about the part about her family. This isn't the place. That isn't his secret to tell.

"You will." No stories or gossip from Carter. Good fucking boy. "What else?"

"I do have to ask." Because my cold heart can and will snap depending on his answer. "Are you doing this for her?"

A small smirk—a wicked one—crosses more than just his lips. His entire face lights up.

Fuck, do I want to kiss him. To hug him. See how he'd fit in my arms. In bed, we had Amara mashed between us. But how would it feel, just he and I?

My fingers flex, itching to see for myself. I clench them into a fist just as fast. His eyes zoom in on the action.

"Well?" I call his attention back to my face.

"No." His honesty purge ends there. No. Just no.

I'm not satisfied. "Are you serious about it?"

"What do you mean?" The twinkle of joy in him diminishes. "Can't you tell? I thought I was being clear before."

"We've been the only meaningful person in each other's lives for years." I ignore the clouds descending on his gray eyes. Overlook the simmering anger. "We've never been apart for over a day. You might confuse the love for a father figure to a—"

"Step, Killian." He does what I can't, grabbing my hand in both of his strong ones. His voice is a rugged growl. "Stepfather. We're not blood-related."

"I'm the only parent you've ever known." I'm not being fair for pressing him. But he has to think this through. This isn't some kinky adventure.

"Step fucking parent." He squeezes my fingers angrily. I glower at him to calm the fuck down, and he does. "Fuck you for the fucking insinuation. I'm not confused. I'm not a kid. I'm a twenty-five-year-old man. I know what I want."

"Okay." On its own accord, my thumb rubs the inside of his wrist, soothing his jacked-up pulse. "And what's that?"

He licks his top lip, curses, and looks away before searing me with his gaze again. "You. You and Amara together. Why is that so hard for you to understand?"

The right answer would be because, for the better part of my life, you've been a kid to me. My kid. Then you became Amara's. For six months I've been sure your love started and ended there.

It's too much of an admission. Too emotional. Too fucking deep for this time of night. One of these days, I'll use big words like love and obsession.

"Everything happened so fast." I resign to the second-best answer. "I didn't see it coming."

"Oh, really? That's what you tell yourself?" He tightens his hold on my hand, his grip turning affectionate. "Neither of us is blind to it, Kill. On some level, we've seen it coming. I haven't missed the looks you give me. I haven't missed you getting hard around me. I don't believe for a second you haven't noticed me doing the same up until I started dating Amara."

"Your dirty fucking mouth." My eyes roam across his body. To my sweats that he's wearing.

My sweats.

His erection tents them. Tents the goddamn clothes I'll wear later.

Jesus fucking Christ.

"See?" He jerks his chin to my painfully hard cock. "We've had this going on for three years. I haven't been fucking around during that time. Then Amara came, and fuck, she's everything. From the very first moment, I couldn't imagine a life with her not in it. I thought you'd never come for me. That's why I set the idea of you aside. Have been loyal to her in my heart and soul. But we don't have to choose anymore, do we?"

He moves in closer. I smell my toothpaste on his breath. See every hair of his stubble. The shadows under his high cheekbones. His full lips.

"You haven't been with anyone either." Carter's determined tone dares me to tell him otherwise. "Haven't brought anyone over."

"I haven't had sex in three years, no. Not since I…" Love isn't the word.

I do love him. He's the only person I've ever loved other than my parents who died when they were young. Both from a stray bullet—the reason I entered this world to begin with.

Is it this kind of love, though? A romantic one? Could be. No fucking clue. I'm not about to drag Carter into my mess.

"Since the first time, I found that I was attracted to you."

"Because I'm the only family you've got?" He's not taken aback by my confession. He's taunting me. Throwing my question back in my face.

"This isn't the same thing." You're younger. More impressionable. "And no. I'm attracted to you because of you. That's that."

"Do you like Amara"—he quirks a teasing eyebrow—"because she's been hanging out here? Because you got used to her being around?"

"No," I admit the truth. "You don't need me repeating that. You overheard what I told her."

"Yes." He's unapologetic about listening in on us. Smirks in triumph.

Another emotion shines behind his playfulness. One I never witnessed on Carter's face before he met Amara.

A foreign emotion on Carter.

A good one.

I'm glad for the change of subject. Fucking him without her in the room—without discussing how this should work—would've been wrong. Selfish and wrong. Amara deserves better.

"Does she know?" I continue in that direction. When Carter's confidence morphs to confusion, I clarify, "That you love her."

He pauses. His hold on my hand loosens.

He loves her, that's for goddamn sure. He's clueless about how to handle it, but he loves her.

"Not yet. I mean, it's not a fucking secret I'm obsessed with her. That she's mine even if I don't call her my girlfriend." His lips twist. "I'll tell her. I should. Soon."

"Good." Last item on the list. I squeeze his hand one final time before pulling away. "Carter, we have to set boundaries. We'll discuss them with Amara later, let her set hers as well. If there's one thing I know, though, what just happened wasn't right. We're here, and a second ago, we were about to jump at each other. That needs to be addressed."

"No screwing around behind each other's backs." He reads my mind. "Gotcha."

"If that's okay with Amara, of course." Air expands my lungs. "Fucking in duos is fine. It's that sneaking around feeling I'm looking to avoid."

"I second that," he says earnestly, his eyes flicking to the door. "Anything else or are we going back to bed?"

"The hotel." The two loaded words grab his full attention.

"She has no idea what we do there," Carter tells me what I already suspected.

"There's no reason for her not to know," I state another obvious fact. Amara won't open her mouth if we ask her to keep our secret. She's far better than the likes of fucking Preston. "She's a part of us. Has been for six months now."

"No."

"Why?"

"Honestly? I'm afraid we'll lose her if she finds out." He groans, his shoulders slacking. "She's special. She can take everything. Thing is, I'm worried she won't take our job well. That she'll leave. Then I'll have to lock her up here with us, but she might not like that either."

There's fear in his eyes. Genuine fear of losing her.

Voltage has always been a source of pride for me. Carter's proud of his job as well. We haven't had a reason not to be.

I see where he's coming from, though.

Then again, the hotel isn't going anywhere. Carter might as well own up to what we're doing.

"You should give her the choice, Carter. Lying or omitting the truth is worse. Selfish. You're hurting her." My brows furl. "She thinks we're embarrassed to be seen with her. I've caught glimpses of her pouting at the hotel. I've been playing your game, and I think it's time to end it. It's killing her. It's killing me, watching the rejection on her face."

"Been stalking us, Kill?" Instead of being mad, his lips hike to the side. "Preparing this speech for the day your fantasies came true?"

"I never dreamed it'd happen. I would've said something, eventually. You're my business." I wrap a hand around the side of his neck. "Meaning she's my business."

The vein in Carter's neck thumps beneath my fingers. "Damn right, we are."

"You're putting her at risk every day you're not telling her. Every day she doesn't know someone might find out about you and her. About us." That wipes the smile off his face. "This isn't me meddling. This is me protecting her. We can't put security on her because she doesn't know. Because no one can know about us until we're ready. When we come out, our plan will have to be airtight. We'll find a way to come out without anyone blaming me for grooming you. I don't need to explain to you what they'll do to us if the hotel closes."

He rubs his temples. "Yeah, you're right."

"It won't be easy, but there's no other way to handle it. You'll have to tell her," I summarize, getting to my feet. "About time."

"I will. This month." Following my lead, he stands up. "Or in two."

My glower would normally destroy any other man. Not Carter.

"This selfish person isn't you, Carter."

"I'm a ruthless fuck who does what he thinks is right." There's that smile again. "While taking care of the people he loves."

I nod. We walk to the door, heading to my bedroom side by side. Settling on either side of Amara. Doubts and every negative scenario run rampant in my head. Then Amara wiggles her ass against my cock in her sleep and Carter drapes his arm over us.

For a few more hours, I have my peace.