17. Raven

17

RAVEN

I do as Vinnie asks.

I get up, get dressed, and find my phone. As he suspected, there are several calls from my mother. Several texts as well. She wants to know where I am, if I’m safe.

I consider texting her back, but knowing my mother that won’t be enough. She’ll get it in her head that someone has my phone and is texting in my stead.

So I call her.

“Oh my God, Raven, thank goodness. Where are you?”

“I had to go somewhere, Mom. But don’t worry. I’m going to be home in a couple of hours.”

“Raven, please. What are you up to? After everything that’s gone on…”

Maybe I should be straight with her. Maybe I should tell her that I’m in love with Savannah’s brother. Maybe. I already told Falcon and Leif. I told Savannah.

But I can’t.

“Just trust me, Mom. Please.”

“Raven, you know very well it’s not a question of trust. Of course I trust you. You’re a mature adult.” Her voice cracks. “But after almost losing you… I suppose I’m destined to worry about you until my dying day. After everything Falcon went through, and then you… And now this. Someone getting into our home. Our sacred space. Murdering that poor attorney.”

“I know. Have the police contacted you again?”

“No, not yet. If they need any of us to make a formal statement at the station, I’m sure they will let us know.”

“I suppose it’s a good sign that we haven’t been called yet,” I say.

“Yes, definitely a good thing. Your father’s beside himself. Even this new security system that your brother and Leif got installed hasn’t helped.”

“I understand. His space has been violated. Yours was too. And mine. It’s disorienting. But that’s nothing compared to what happened to Mr. Latham.”

“I know, honey. I know.”

“I’ll be home soon, Mom. So don’t worry, okay?”

“I’ll try not to. And I won’t ask you where you went.”

“Thank you for that. I appreciate it. I appreciate your trust.”

“Just stay safe, honey.”

“I will, Mom. Goodbye. I love you.”

“I love you too, sweetheart.”

I end the call.

Vinnie has dressed, and he’s waiting for me at the front door of the guesthouse.

“You ready?” he asks.

I’m not sure how to answer that question. Am I ready to go home? Yes. I need to go home. For my mother’s sake. For my father’s. They need to know I’m safe.

But am I ready to leave?

That’s another question altogether.

Because when I leave, I don’t know when—or if—I’ll see Vinnie again.

“Sure,” I finally say. “Let’s go.”

He looks at me then, meets my gaze, and his own dark eyes are so beautiful and troubled. I want to lean into him, lean against his hard body, show him that everything will be okay.

But I don’t know that it will be.

And neither does he.

If only we could go away. Far from here. Start over.

I open my mouth to say as much, but then I close it.

“What do you want to say, Raven?” he asks.

“Would anything I say make a difference?”

“You mean change our lives right now? Make it so we can be together?”

I nod.

He sighs. “I wish I could say it would, Raven. You have no idea how much I wish that.”

“So that’s your answer?”

“You want me to be specific about it? No, Raven. Nothing you can say will make any difference.”

“Then I suppose there’s nothing to say.”

And there isn’t. We don’t speak for the rest of the drive.

* * *

I wake up the next morning in one of the guest bedrooms in my mother and father’s house. I can’t stomach the thought of being in my own room—where a man was found bleeding out on my bed.

It’s still a crime scene anyway. It will be until the police close the investigation.

So far, the police aren’t questioning my parents and me any further.

I don’t know whether that’s because they believe our alibis or because my father is who he is.

He’s a good man. He doesn’t own the police station or anything.

But he does know them all. The two policemen who were here the other day—Detective Harrison and Officer Martinez—are young. Probably about my own age, though the detective may be a few years older.

My father has contacts everywhere, so it’s reasonable for me to believe he has contacts with the police who will see that no charges are levied against anyone in my family.

But then I wonder…

If my father had that kind of power, why did Falcon go to prison?

We were told at the time that two factors were in play. Number one, the Bellamy name. It was a good chance to make an example of Falcon, to show that no one is above the law, no matter what his name is.

But more so, it was because a young rookie cop was dead. Not only that, but Jaden Perez left behind a pregnant wife.

Public sympathy had never been higher.

It was around ten o’clock when Vinnie drove my car into my parents’ drive.

No kiss good night, though he did walk me to the door.

Then he parked my car in the driveway, got into his own car with Fred at the wheel, and drove away.

My mother was waiting up for me in the kitchen, of course. Dad was in the study.

I saw my mother, kissed her cheek, told her I was fine, and went to bed in the guest room.

This morning I’m up early, and I head into the kitchen where my mother stands at the stove, staring into space.

“You okay, Mom?” I ask.

She nods.

But she’s lying. How can she be okay? My mother has been to hell and back. First with Falcon, and then with me and my illness. And now with this horrific crime that took place in our own home. Maybe our lunch yesterday helped a little…but only a little.

Finally, she gathers her composure. “Breakfast, Ray?”

“Sure, Mom. Two eggs, scrambled. Toast.”

My mother robotically prepares my breakfast. I want to tell her I can fix my own breakfast, or that I’m not hungry—which I’m not, but I know I’ll eat anyway. But she needs her routine. She thrives on it.

She prepares my breakfast and places it in front of me on the table, along with her signature tall glass of orange juice.

I drink it all without complaint.

I’ll pay for it later with the heartburn, but it makes Mom happy.

“I think I’ll try to contact another attorney about my nonprofit,” I say once I’m done with my breakfast.

Mom jerks around, looking me straight in the eye. “You’re still going to do that?”

“Yeah, I think so. I considered not doing it, in light of what happened to Mr. Latham. I thought maybe I would go back to school. But no. I want to do my nonprofit. I’ve already thought of a name for it.”

“Oh?” Mom’s tone is noncommittal.

“Yeah. Raven’s Wings. Isn’t that a great name?”

“You’re naming it after yourself?”

I purse my lips. “Is that not good?”

She blinks for a moment and then shakes her head. “I’m sorry, honey. Raven’s Wings is a great name. I don’t know what’s gotten into me.”

She doesn’t need to explain herself. I know exactly what’s gotten into her, and so does she.

I place a hand on her upper arm. “Mom, everything’s going to be okay.”

She closes her eyes, takes a deep breath in, and then sighs. “Raven, I don’t want you in this position. I don’t want you in a position where you’re telling me that everything’s going to be okay. That’s my job. I’m the mother here. I need to be taking care of you.”

I chuckle lightly. “That would be true if I were five or ten. Or even eighteen. But I’m nearly thirty years old, Mom. Yes, I’ve been through hell. And yes, a crime was committed here in our home. A perfectly heinous and horrific crime. We’re all rattled. Any sane person would be. So I think it’s perfectly fine for me to do the soothing for a bit, Mom. We have to face what happened. Just like I had to face my illness, and we all had to face Falcon’s incarceration. We’ll face it head on, like we face everything else. And we can make it a heck of a lot easier if we support each other through it.”

Mom smiles then. “You amaze me, Raven. Such internal strength you have.”

I walk toward her and give her a hug.

I hate to tell her that she’s wrong. She’s wrong about my internal strength. I won’t deny that I have it, but I don’t have any more than anyone else. I’ve just had to rely on mine more than the average person. Because when push comes to shove, you play the hand you’re dealt. To do anything else would be to give up.

And Bellamys don’t give up.