5. Vitali

FIVE

Vitali

I have theories about life. One of them won’t leave as I keep going over the details Stasi gave me — everyone on Earth is inherently selfish. That’s why she’s putting herself in danger, so she feels better about who she is by convincing herself she’s making a difference when the infuriating woman doesn’t realize that she’s going to be adding her name to the long list of people the cunts have managed to defile.She’s selfishly thinking about herself and disregarding me because the thought of anyone hurting a hair on her stubborn little head has me doing breathing exercises.

Pushing all those thoughts away, I focus on acting like a dickhead to brighten my mood since she turned cold on me and kicked me out. Dima is entering the house at the same time as me, so I hook my arm around his shoulders and present him with my cheek. “Kiss for your uncle, nephew?”

It’s too easy getting under his skin and he grumbles as he pushes me away. He’s an old fuck but his argument is bullshit when he’s married to my niece, so I get to pull the relation card as much as I want despite him semi raising me.

My mind is like a windmill, there are four blades and two and half of them are solely occupied by Stasi. I jump over the back of the sofa, making the cushions bounce as Viktor does his homework. He’s a little shit since he’s become a teenager, but I catch the smile before he can hide it. It drops as he abruptly turns his head to the side and mumbles, “Oh shit.”

I follow his line of sight and I’m sure he has bionic hearing because the little babbling and giggling is barely audible. It’s followed by the sound of punching as the giggles get louder and I gesture towards the stairs leading to my floor as I whisper, “Go quickly before they see you.”

He collects his books together and takes off running before the new psychos of the family can annoy him. There’s no click of Inessa’s heels but I’d recognize the slap of Dani’s sneakers anywhere with the soft little clack of clay that’s stuck on the bottom of them. But I smile at the sound of my best friend being a grown up when she used to let me throw chocolates in her mouth when I was bored.

“Dominik, sweetheart, it’s not nice to hit people, is it?”

Even Dima finds amusement in her telling off and the grumpy bastard smiles wider when he sees his son. I watch them all being adults, even though Vlad pushes his son-in-law out of the way. He drops down to his haunches and lifts Vasy and Adrik in each arm. It’s weird as fuck that he’s a grandfather and I can’t wait to teach Adrik to call Inessa babushka, she’s going to lose her shit.

The demon spawn’s eyes light up when he sees me. Vasy smiles like a little freak. He looks like one of those murderous dolls out of the horror movies I watch. His outfit isn’t helping matters and I stare at his legs that are covered in orange fluffy shit.

“What the fuck is he wearing?” I ask.

Vlad blows out a breath, shakes his head, and sighs, “Inessa dressed him, don’t fucking ask.”

The little shit kicks his leg out as he shouts, “Want look?”

“No, you can stay with your dad. Kick the shit out of him for once.”

Adrik is unnerving, whether that’s on account of his mother or father is still to be determined but I think he has more of Vanya’s personality traits. He watches everyone and they have their own language even though they’ve outgrown baby talk. I can’t decipher what it means as Dom babbles some shit and the other two in the trio giggle. They’re clearly planning something.

“Touch me and I’ll tell your mama.” I point my finger at him before he can attack me.

He looks up, smiling dopily at Dani who is a fucking mug and believes it. I already knew she was an idiot for choosing to be with someone like Val but she cements the belief as she acts like her son is innocent, and lowers to kiss the top of his head. He’s exactly like Val, a conniving little asshole, and he hugs her then kisses her cheek.

“Tali loves?” he asks and I’m going to push him over if he comes near me.

Ever since the trio have been able to crawl, they’ve had a vendetta against me. The little shits will run at my legs and start punching me. The day they turn eighteen, I’m laying them on their asses.

But Dani forgets that she was mine first as she melts and lifts him onto her hip. I can’t escape with imminent danger being carried towards me and she leans her brat forward. Dominik tilts his chin so it’s touching his chest and smiles full of fucking threat as he wraps his arms around my neck.

“If you bite me, I’m giving you a wedgie,” I whisper.

Surprisingly, he doesn’t attack me. He kisses my cheek as he coos like a nutcase, “Nice, Tali.” His small hand runs over my head and he fucking pats me like I’m dog.

Dani gasps as I roughly pull him out of her arms. I blow raspberries on his cheek while digging my fingers into his ribs to tickle him. “Do you think I’m a doggie, little Val?”

His giggles get louder as he nods and Dani’s disagreement is ignored.

“He was being nice to you.”

I drop Dominik on his feet while he’s still giggling and disoriented to prevent him lashing out at anyone. He’s a little weirdo but he’s my nephew and he’s cute when Dani has him under control. He takes his mom’s hand and hugs her leg as he pulls faces at me. I’ve never been mature so I do it back as Dani asks Vlad, “Do you want me to take them in the kitchen for their snacks?”

He kisses each of their heads before he sets them on their feet to walk on their own. As soon as the trio are back together, I stare at them, making sure they walk straight into the kitchen without diverting to me. Inessa will complain about me avoiding them since she thinks it will give them a complex, but there’s no denying that violence is inherited.

As soon as they’re away from me, I relax into my seat and look over the back of the sofa to the kitchen to make sure no one’s eavesdropping before I turn to Dima. “What shit have you got Stasi doing?”

His jaw tics. The tell is in his eyes as he looks off to the side, silently communicating with his husband. Vlad and Dima may not be married but they’re like an old couple, even down to not fucking each other. For as long as Dima has been in our lives I can recall the silent conversations they’d have when they were debating how honest to be with Val and me.

The former is the one who speaks despite my question not being directed at the neurotic fuck. “It’s none of your business, eat your snacks.”

The words themselves are infantilizing. I can’t say shit when my snack tub is hidden under the table to stop anyone stealing from it. But the senseless danger Stasi put herself in diminishes my appetite and I look at both of them as I say, “She went into the fucker’s bedroom.” There’s no reaction and I add, “Alone.”

Both of their heads snap up and I know I’m not crazy, Stasi is for thinking she could pull that shit.

Husband and husband do their creepy eye contact thing as they cut me out of their conversation. I’m not a kid anymore yet they refuse to treat any of us like adults unless we leave the house. The threshold of our front door is like magic, it allows us to grow up while we live in a perpetual state of childishness behind it thanks to our actual parents who are still staring at each other like I’m not right here.

Both of them walk away, leaving me behind as though I’m a child, and I follow after them into the office as Vlad types on his phone. Dima doesn’t sit, always acting like a soldier, and there’s no information given from my controlling brother, only an order that has care buried so deep inside it it almost can’t be heard.

“You good with seeing some of this?”

I shrug. It’s the most honest answer I can give. The auction fucked with my head, and my stomach, but they were adults. I could lie to myself and say they chose to be tortured or deserved it in some way. The photos on Stasi’s laptop were children, not teenagers or little shits who think they know everything and are already adults. Toddlers and pre-school-aged kids, children my niece and nephews’ age who I allow to beat the shit out of me because it makes them giggle.

The door is pushed open behind me and I don’t need to turn to know who it is when floral perfume floats behind Vanya’s stomping in her shitkickers. Every member of my family has the ability to scare the living shit out of a person, but she’s the only one who does it in a way that you want to protect. She’s like a cute little killer with her immaturity on full display as she pokes her head around my arm and smiles.

I hook my arm around her neck and kiss the top of her head as I ask, “Want to get burgers when we’re done listening to your old man?”

She pulls her head out of my loose headlock and drops down into the seat opposite her dad’s desk. “No, Adrik wants to go and see the stars with Vasy and Dom.”

I steal the other seat as Stasi walks in, so she’s left without a seat. I widen my legs along with my smile as I call her over. “I can write your name on it if you’d prefer.”

There’s another seat I’d like her sit on, right above my neck, but I stop myself from saying that, so I don’t get slapped in the mouth by my own niece.The traitor shifts over, making space so Stasi can perch anywhere but on me as says, “You can sit next to me.”

My girl is beautiful and glares at me, knowing I’ve snitched. I’m going to have scratches going down my back tomorrow morning, the perfect marks, and I’ll skip away with the knowledge that she’s safe so it’s a win-win situation.

My focus is on Stasi as I zone out of their conversation to prevent hearing the foul shit. She’s a little liar, pretending she’s high all the time, and there are so many questions in my head as to why. Her stepsister is a snake, hungry for power and perverted to fuck. But her mom is known as being decent enough. There aren’t any rumors about her family amongst the guards despite them all talking shit about Stasi.

I’m pulled back into the room at the sound of my name and look towards it dumbly as Vlad says, “Tali can go with you from now on, I’m not having my wife complain when you get yourself hurt.”

I’m smug and sit taller as she chokes on her argument, stopping it in her throat. It’s going to be fun spoiling her fun and getting under her skin. She’s always so tightly wound, it’s probably why she comes as beautifully as she does, her body needs to get rid of the tension and she can’t hide shit that way.

Her angry stomp is cute as fuck and I’m on her heels so she can’t disappear. Grabbing her hand, I pull her towards the hidden stairway and up to my floor. Viktor’s bedroom door is open, so he’s probably decided to hide out somewhere else and I won’t have to make my girl mute herself.

There’s no argument from her until we’re sealed away from the rest of the house, and she pulls her hand away.

“What the fuck is your problem?!”

A lot of things .

But I don’t answer her and grab her nape, sealing our lips together. I’m not a sex addict, I know what I like, and I like having it every opportunity I can get it. Whether it’s fucking, fighting, or food I’m a strong believer in overconsumption.Especially where Stasi is concerned because I love watching her when she drops the masks and shows me who she truly is.

I grab her ass and press her into my bedroom door and she fucking moans. In turn, I do the sound back and grind into her stomach.

“Fuck, sweetness, don’t make noises like that.”

A switch goes off and she pushes me away as she says, “I’m on my period.”

Fuck me, I thought I’d actually fucked up. Picking her up by the back of her thighs, I throw her on the bed. Her heel gets caught in the sheets, making my job easier as I grab her other ankle and pull her legs apart. My head is aiming for my happy place when her palm slaps against my forehead. She’s pushed me away twice now; her ass is going to be red for another fucking reason.

“I said I’m on my period.”

I clearly don’t give a fuck as I move her hand out of the way and kiss the inside of her knee. My tone comes out playful, trying to put her at ease, as I wag my brows, “There’s nothing wrong with a little seasoning.”

Using two fingers, she pushes against my forehead and monotonously says, “Every time you open your mouth, I question my life choices.”

She’s not in the mood to fuck so I lay beside her. I enjoy Stasi’s rare company and if I had unrestricted access to it I’d never be bored. I miss sleeping beside someone, the mundane shit of knowing someone’s there. After years of having Dani in my bed, my body still isn’t used to waking up alone and that has nothing to do with fucking. It’s connection and knowing I exist. Stasi and I only give each other that when we fuck, and I turn my head to offer, “Shower then? Warm water will help if you have cramps and it’ll be easier to clean up.”

Her laugh is silent and I’m about to force out the sound when she turns rigid, dread pulling her beautiful features down.She moves mechanically, her hand going to her phone and answering a call while she hates every second of it. I pull her into my side and kiss the top of her head as I eavesdrop without meaning to when my name is mentioned.

“Why didn’t you tell me you got your hooks into one of the Vartanov boys?”

Fuck me, is that how people actually talk about us, like we’re some prize at a fair while spreading rumors my brothers beat their wives and keep them locked in the stables. Her mother is a cunt and sells the fake image of a good wife and mother so well it’s easy to forget how the wives of the Vory conduct themselves. The men with the title aren’t the masterminds they make themselves out to be, it’s always their wives who are the brains while the Vory are a figure to show everyone.

There’s no opportunity for Stasi to answer and she folds in on herself as her cunt of a mother continues running her wretched mouth.

“You need to learn to control yourself around other men. If he finds out how easily you go to another he’ll lose interest, remember that a man wants a whore to belong to him alone or it’s an embarrassment. I’ve sent you a juice cleanse, stay on it for the next three months to keep him, Marta mentioned that you’ve put on too much weight.”

Her mother is shameless, and my anger grows at the fucked up shit she’s saying to her own kid.

“You should have started it months ago so you don’t show up Marta at her wedding but what can we do? We’ll have to find something that fits your larger frame at the dress fitting, you won’t be able to match anyone else and it’s too late for you to have it sucked out like last time. This is why it’s important that you keep on top of it.”

Stasi doesn’t put the phone down. She twists away from me as though hearing fake faults is normal as I try to grab her fucking phone. If she takes any of the suggestions on board I’m killing her mother to prove them wrong.

“Yes, mother. I’ll be there.”

The strain in her voice isn’t physical despite fighting me off and she abruptly ends the call. She throws her phone with more force than required and fixes on me as her eyes flare with fire.

A woman’s beauty is only ever magnified with rage, it’s not bloody like a man’s, it’s sharper and more brutal.

“You’re such a fucking prick,” she huffs, “now she’s going to be crawling up my ass!”

The offer to make her an orphan sits on my tongue, but the world turns white as she smacks me in the face with a pillow, stopping it leaving. Grabbing her hips, I sit her above me so she can’t attack again and let her rant. She’s exquisite on a normal day, when she comes alive and cusses like a sailor it’s even better.

“Everyone is expecting you to be at the engagement now. Why did you have to put your big fucking head in my business?!”

It’s a punishment for me more than her. I couldn’t think of a worse way to spend my time than around the stuck-up older fucks in the Bratva. I may be a Vartanov, but they hold hierarchy over whatever they’ve attached to my name and as long as I’m not a Vor they’ll look at me with the same disappointment Len did. Which reminds me that I haven’t pissed on his grave in a while, I’ll go once Stasi has calmed down.

“What did she mean by last time?” I ask in fear of what she’ll say.

Her mother has fucked with her head because she doesn’t push me away, mentally she’s exhausted and she doesn’t have the energy to do it as she says, “When I was fifteen I didn’t look how she wanted me to for her brother-in-law’s wedding and she didn’t want me to embarrass them in Moscow so she sent me to her surgeon.”

“ Fifteen? ”

She nods and takes a deep breath before she lies.

“It’s not that big of a deal.”

Cupping her cheek, I pull her face down so she’s hovering over me and soften my voice to battle the toxic bullshit her mother has brainwashed her with.

“Stas, malyshka, you were a fucking kid. If someone tried to bring a scalpel near my niece or nephews at fifteen fucking years old for anything other than saving their life, I’d use their tongue to wipe my ass.”

The corners of her lips twitch as though she wants to smile but her eyes are the saddest thing I’ve ever seen as she whispers, “Some of us don’t have an Uncle Tali.”

“I can’t be your uncle, but you can call me daddy if it will make you feel better?”

Her arm moves in my periphery, and I don’t block the pillow slamming into the side of my face as she rolls her eyes.

“I’d never call anyone that,” she says and looks away from me.

Because she called her dad it, never papa.

Fuck, I’m losing her so I massage her thighs, and keep my tone even, not betraying my own emotions as I change the topic to prevent her retreating.

“When do you need me for the wedding, sweetness?”

Without answering me, she sighs and slides away. Like a ghost, Stasi floats away whenever I try to be here for her. She doesn’t turn as she straightens her shoulders and walks out of my room, and she doesn’t slam the door because that would be too much emotion for her cold-bitch personality to show. She has commitment issues for her commitment issues, someone put shit in her head telling her she’s unworthy.

I slide my hand under the mattress, taking my life preservers before getting up.Ever since I found some kid on a bridge I’ve been going back there in case she does the same. I’m not a savior or a good Samaritan, but for one night, her loneliness kept mine company and its selfishness that has me leaving the house once my pills have kicked in.

Vanya is waiting for Dima by the front door with the trio of terror at her feet. She looks down at them and laughs, “You’ve put your shoes on the wrong feet, poop machine.”

Vasy stares up at his sister then looks at his feet, shaking his head. “No. Mama do this.”

I drop to my haunches and correct his shoes while she just laughs at him. I spent my life with this deep instinct that I had a little sister, I couldn’t shake it, and now I know it’s due to my niece not being with us. But I like fucking with her and slowly bring my brows together as I look behind me to sell my bullshit as I force Vasy’s shoe onto his foot.

“Didn’t you go to the warehouse with your dad and Dima?”

Her face darkens and she’s learnt to check the facts as she storms to the office to make sure Vlad hasn’t killed Dima for the simple fact of being in love with his daughter. There’s no cursing as I ask my nephew, “You know you’re dressed like an idiot?”

He scowls at me. “Am not.” Then pats his orange furry legs. “Mama got me.”

“Yeah, and your mama has bad taste. It’s why she’s married to your ugly papa,” I whisper as Vanya leaves the office to collect the little shits.

My nephew laughs and Dom joins in when I talk shit about his dad. “Your dad’s ugly too.”

“Nooooo, he hug monster,” Dom states.

There’s another pair of footsteps with her and Dima grumbles, “Are you arguing with toddlers?”

Straightening up once their shoes are on properly, I keep my tone light and say, “I’m just being truthful. Don’t disturb me next time and I’ll tell Adrik about you too.”

I leave and drive towards the bridge where I saw the girl without a care for breaching territory. She never leaves my mind; I don’t know what I’d do if I ever saw her again but there’s always this thought in the back of my head of her. I don’t even know what she looks like with how bruised her face was, and being high didn’t help. Causing death and seeing someone willing to do it to themselves is different, one is an impulse the other is forced and I continue my routine of hoping she’s there again.

I don’t get out of the car when I reach the bridge, I never do. I must have watched the figure debating between life and death for over an hour before I got sick of watching and spoke. She could be dead. She could have left that night with her face beat to fuck, her hood pulled over her head, and went to wherever she lived to end it there.Yet I still keep coming here every night in case she didn’t, and she tries to do it again. Maybe I’ll stop her, maybe I’ll get to know her, or maybe I’m too late.