41. Anastasia

FORTY-ONE

Anastasia

I gave myself something to focus on, a goal to work towards so I didn’t have to think about anything else, it consumed me, otherwise Vitali would have. Now I don’t have that, he’s back to invading my senses and I gasp into his mouth when my back hits the rough bark. He pushes me further into the tree with urgency and his hands move around my body as he tries to pull back. The space doesn’t last as we both move back together again.

Sleeping beside him isn’t the same as being present. I’ve missed him, being fully with him and having his dopey grin in my face.

He kisses across my jaw as he grinds into me and his lips brush the shell of my ear as he says, “Marry me, sweetness.”

It’s not a question and I feel more normal hearing the same bullshit out of his mouth. I laugh in response, and he moves back, blinking as though he wasn’t aware of what came out of his own mouth.The slow smile reaches ear from ear when it finishes its ascent, and he rests his palms on the tree either side of my head.

“You are going to be my wife one day,” he claims as though it’s fact.

My chest shakes and I have to bite my lip so I don’t laugh in his face. He flexes his arms into a standing push up and presses his lips against mine with every syllable.

“Anastasia Maskimovna Vartanova.” No one ever says my patronymic name since my dad died, but Vitali did and he’s the puppy again as he scrunches his nose up. “Bit long so don’t get arrested.”

My body language doesn’t match my refusal as I thread my fingers together at his nape.

“Who said I’d marry you?”

He fills me with warmth as he steps into my body while confusing the fuck out of me.

“We’ve been together for over a year, and it is kind of romantic under the stars.”

He’s delusional, in a way that I have to laugh or I’ll go crazy. I know it can’t be drugs fucking with his head since he’s finished his detox and his brothers watch everything he does but there’s got to be something, a parasite or infection that alters his cognitive function.

“We’re not together,” I whisper.

He hardens and looks cute with his brows coming together as he says, “The first time you slept in my bed was over a year ago.”

That unhelpful piece of information does nothing to say we were in relationship of any kind. We were just meeting each other’s needs. Even if the thought of there being a day I don’t wake up beside him has my heart sinking, and I can’t bear the thought of anyone taking that spot, we aren’t in a relationship that could lead to marriage

Vitali sighs and dips his head, so we’re eye to eye. “Can you hear me?”

Weird fuck.

Nodding my head at his dumbass question, he cups my face in both hands and speaks louder and slower than necessary.

“You are my woman, Anastasia. The woman, for me.” His head moves up and down as he acts like a condescending prick. “Nod your head if you understand.”

When I don’t move he sighs again and gently holds my jaw to make me nod.He steps back from me and grabs my hand, threading our fingers together before bringing it up to his lips. The part of Vitali I adore comes out with his smile.

“Good girl, now that’s settled let’s go home so you can sit on my face, it’s missed you.”

I tuck myself into his side with my arm around his middle and he kisses the top of my head as he hugs me closer as we walk through the trees to his car.

He doesn’t let go of my hand the entire drive and alternates between squeezes and kissing my knuckles. But his voice is back with his smiles as he refuses to give up on his idea of marriage.

“Do you think they’ll let us keep the crowns? I’d love fucking you in it and I reckon it would suit me.”

I roll my eyes as he squeezes my hand tighter, stopping me from pulling it back. “They’re extremely heavy, I had a dead arm after holding Inessa’s for so long.”

My arm still aches now with the memory of it, and I wish I left Val to hold them both. Vitali doesn’t turn to look at me as we get closer to home, his smile is out in full effect and the light is back in his voice as he sing-songs, “You didn’t say no. I knew you wanted to marry me.”

He’s brainwashing me, that has to be the reason for the reduced discomfort at the thought. He doesn’t allow me to say no and speeds down the private road leading to the house.

“It’s okay. sweetness, I’d marry me too. You’re lucky that you can do it, really, imagine how many people wish they could be in your position.”

I open the window and my voice is monotonous as I say, “Just to let some of your ego out before it chokes me.”

“Malysh,” he drops his head to the side so his cheek is resting on his shoulder, “we both know you love choking on me.”

The guards come into view, and I pull my hand back so they don’t see. He loses all of his playfulness and comes to an abrupt stop at the gates, rolling down the window fully, and his voice is harsh as he asks, “Do you have a comment about my woman?”

The guard loses all color and quickly shakes his head while I sink inside myself.

“Good. Keep it that way and spread it between yourselves that from now on no one even looks in Anastasia’s direction or I’ll have to rotate you all again. Just like I had to after the conversation one of you had with my brother.”

Tali drives off and stops closer to the front doors than he usually does and I ignore him as I get out. The rumors will only intensify now that he’s decided to voice his claim and he’s already getting shit for killing Borya. It’s as though he does this shit on purpose, and he has no care for his own reputation. Everyone in the Bratva talks shit about him not being Vor like he’s lesser than his brothers, and now he’s gone and tied a fucking noose around his neck.

No one is downstairs as I enter the house and I’m faster than him as I take the stairs two at a time. When we’re away from everyone else it’s easier and I don’t feel the need to hide. There’s no blood on my skin but I walk straight into the bathroom and kick my shoes off in the closet.

There’s a different level of comfort when someone knows all the worst parts about you but they look at you with the same awe as a sunrise. And it’s even better when it’s Vitali. He doesn’t have anything but warmth in his hands as he pulls me away from the bathroom; his eyes are brighter, the icy swirls of blue contrast against the dark edges as he stares down at me and forces me to walk.

His lips are on mine and the joking words from the middle of the forest are about to come true as he grabs my hips and walks into the bedroom. My calves touch the mattress and my body floats down until he’s leaning over me. I’m breathless from the urgency of his kiss and he leans over me with his forearms pressed beside my head.

“Hi, sweetness, ready to admit you’re mine?”

I’m having deja vu with the repeated topic.

I shuffle back so he can take the weight off his leg and stroke across his shoulders. “Let me read the terms and conditions first.”

A laugh blows across my lips and he dips down, lowering with one knee between my thighs. The intensity of his eyes and speech make me stop breathing as he says, “You get to be whoever you want, and I get to have you forever, I get to love you and protect you.”

My brain stutters to a stop at what he tried to slip past me sandwiched in his usual bullshit. Love. We don’t use big words like that.

He didn’t say he loves me.

I get to love you.

As though it’s a privilege and not a burden.

Wrapping my legs around his waist, I grab his nape and pull him closer. Our mouths are better suited for this. There’s no words that can leave, but he haunts me, I’m sure he’s moving his lips in the same pattern as those five words and then his tongue joins in, trying to pass me it and sink deeper into me.

I push against his shoulders, so our positions are reversed, and he lets me pin his hands down as he thrusts his hips up, playfully bucking me. A moan breaks our mouths apart and the chatterbox says, “What do you need, sweetness?”

You .

It’s my first thought.

Rather than answer, I kiss down his neck and pull at his T-shirt until it’s off.

First thought, best thought.

It’s plaguing me. My mind won’t shut the fuck up remembering that the first thought you have is the only one free of self-doubt. It’s instinctual trust, in myself and what I know. The second thought holds experience, the words of other people. I don’t need to doubt myself when there’s always been a steady stream of it directed at me.

The thoughts are knocked out of me as I’m roughly flipped on to my back and Vitali grabs both of my wrists in one hand. Pinning them above my head, he grinds into me and wraps his free hand around my neck as he asks, “You need to forget?”

My voice is too quiet and too honest as I nod, “Everything but you.”

He reacts as though I’ve said three very different words and robs me of air. Getting lost in him becomes the only destination I want to achieve as he kisses me like he needs me to exist.

My lips are tingling, every nerve on my body is hyper aware of his and he presses his thumb under my jaw to extend my neck. The usual phrase changes, so does the meaning, as he moans, “That’s my fucking woman, finally stopped lying to herself.”

He drops his hold on my wrists and neck as he moves faster than my lust-filled brain can anticipate. He grabs the sides of my jeans in his fists and pulls with enough force that I’m dragged halfway down the bed. I turn to hold anything so I don’t hit the floor and grab the sheets, but they’re still covering me. He tugs again. Harder.

Fabric tearing has us both freezing and I slowly look down to see the frayed edges of my jeans.

“Asshole. These were my favorite pair.”

They weren’t but he gets the sad puppy face and it’s cute as fuck as he steps between my thighs and strokes my hair back, his voice a feigned coo as he pouts and nods his head. “You want to suck my dick until you feel better, sweetness?”

This is what my life is going to be with his insistence to never let me leave. An idiot who doesn’t take shit seriously and always makes me laugh.Which is exactly perfect to counteract my shit.

I sit up and press my lips to his abs. He flexes and suppresses a groan as I look up innocently, but my smirk gives me away as I hum, “Hmm, maybe another?”

The gentleness disappears and he fists my hair above my nape, pulling my head back as he looks between my eyes with his jaw clenched, and the deep authoritative voice comes out.

“Try it without me there, Anastasia, I fucking dare you.”

My thighs clench together at the bass in his tone, but it’s the caveat that has a different part of my attention.Vitali isn’t a jealous person, other than food, he doesn’t care about ownership of things. It’s why he hasn’t tried to become a Vor when they’d all give him their votes in gear of his family name. He has the intellect and physical capability, but he doesn’t want it. And what Vitali doesn’t care about doesn’t exist to him.

People are supposed to have evolved enough to have understanding, but the caveman territorial part of our brains is still there, so he should still have it too. Why the fuck is it annoying me that he’s not jealous? I couldn’t stand the thought of him touching someone else and hid under a pillow for fuck’s sake.

I’m a hypocrite and beg for him to lie, “So, you don’t care if I fuck someone else as long as you get to watch?”

He pulls my head further back until I’m looking straight up. His anger is a balm to my ego as he leans over me.

“You might moan for someone else but you fucking scream for me. Do you know how hard it makes me knowing that you can have another dick down your throat, but you look at me ? Even when you’re lost in pleasure, you fucking search for me.” A moan builds in his throat, deepening his voice and dilating his pupils. “You’re so fucking beautiful and I want everyone to know that, I want them to see you, taste you, fuck you, and know that all that divinity inside of you is mine because you choose to give it to me.”

Our noses brush as he lowers further, and everything darkens.

“You know why, Anastasia? Because you need me like I need you. Not for a body or a fuck that you could get anywhere, we both know it and I’m not going to lie to myself, so you stop lying to yourself too.”

Dropping his hold on my hair, he switches to my jaw and whispers against my lips, “You can’t see it when we’re close, but we’re opposite ends of the same thread. You can’t run or hide from me, sweetness.”

The tone and position should be threatening, yet alarm bells don’t sound in my head.Instead, it all falls silent. No doubts, no degrading comments, just Vitali’s conviction that’s louder than anything I’ve ever heard before. His fingers flex on my jaw, pulling me closer so my ass is just brushing the sheets, and he hasn’t finished his speech and gives his own mix of filthy romance.

“You were made for me, to take my dick and carry my heart.”

The adorable shithead is sinking his claws deeper into me and doesn’t let me escape physically while caging me mentally; it’s not an uncomfortable cage, it’s warm and has every amenity I never thought I would need.

He slams his lips over mine and wraps his arm around my waist to sit me up on my knees. Every inch of my skin is worshipped under his rough palms as he grinds into my stomach. The smirk touching my skin is sadistic matching his tone as he says, “Lay back, malysh. It’s time to show you how much I’ve missed you.”