Chapter 23

I can't regret telling Mara the truth. But in the few days that have passed since my confession at the clinic, I don't think I'm any closer to touching her heart. We sleep together every night, and I prepare most of her meals. Her sexual appetite for me is ravenous, and I'm more than willing to oblige when it hits. All of that is enough to stave off the worst of the toxin's effects.

But I'm weakening. Today at the arena, Orix had to beat me senseless to burn off the Wrath that exploded from me when one of the new recruits commented on the hologram of Mara's face I hung in my storage cupboard.

It wasn't even a lewd comment. But my control of my Wrath, something I've always prided myself on, is splintering more and more.

If I think about what will happen to Mara, to my child, if I succumb, it gives me the strength to fight another day. I won't leave them defenseless. I swore to Mara no one would hurt her again.

I just need more time. Time I don't have.

I don't know what step I'm missing to earn her love. What key will give me the insight into what her heart desires.

Or maybe she will never trust me enough. For what I did to her, maybe there's no forgiveness. Maybe, for my failure to recognize and save my mate, I don't deserve a lifetime with her and our child. Regret is a tight, twisting pain in my stomach.

As I walk home, my horns heavy on my head, an odd noise from a shop window stirs my interest. I look up to see a pet store. Generally speaking, Kral don't have pets. It's not a part of our culture to care for small animals that aren't a food source. However, Lustra has so many different species that I've noticed the trend of adopting pets growing more and more popular.

It seems like a waste of resources to me, but something compels me to step into the shop. The air smells odd, full of conflicting scents. Something grunts, and another something trills a high-pitched warble.

It was the trill I first heard from the street. I track the source of the noise to the back of the shop. In a wire cage, a green bird calls out, its head bobbing up and down and its clawed feet tapping on the branch beside it.

"She's telling me she's hungry," a voice murmurs from my left.

Startled, I control my reflexive jolt with an iron will. A Kintan female is watching the bird with a smile on her face. She coos at it, and the bird bobs its head again.

The female scoops a handful of seeds and pours them into the cage. The bird gracefully alights from its perch to gobble them down.

"She's a julaby, from the Heliiis homeworld. She's very smart and loves to sing."

I recall Mara's stories from her home. How she had a green bird she loved before she was stolen. Would she want another? Or would it make her sad to remember what she lost?

I stroke my chin, considering.

The Kintan explains how to care for it, and it doesn't sound that complicated. I'm not sure I see the appeal, although it's pretty, with blue undertones to its green feathers. When it finishes the seeds, it hops to the branch again and cocks its head, staring right at me. It trills a sweet chirp, and I nod my head.

"I'll take it."

ITtakes me about an hour to get the bird, its cage, and its food home and set up in Mara's apartment. The bird is mostly silent while I work, but once I've stopped bustling around and I'm in the kitchen preparing dinner, I hear it warbling softly to itself.

When Mara walks in the door and sees it, however, I start to think maybe I made a terrible mistake.

She's frozen in place for so long, the bird hops closer to the bars and chirps at her inquisitively.

Mara bursts into tears, covering her face with her hands and bending over.

I drop my knife and hurry to her side. Guilt fills my throat with acid. I should have asked her first. I should have taken more care with her raw feelings.

"I'm sorry. I'll take it back. Give me a few minutes, and it'll be gone. Go take a bath. I'll clean everything up."

I try to usher her into moving, but she grabs my arm with both hands and raises her tear-stained face to protest, "No!"

"No?" I repeat doubtfully, looking from her to the bird and back.

"No."

The bird chirps. Mara inhales a shaky breath and approaches the cage, sticking out her finger to ruffle the bird's breast feathers. The bird leans into her touch, trilling softly.

Mara's smile is soft and tentative as she coos back at it.

Nonplussed, I watch their exchange of whistles and trills carry on for several minutes before I can't help but ask, "So you like it?"

"I love it. You're not worried I'm going to hurt it?"

Her pleading expression is an arrow to my heart. "No, Mara. What you did to the Kryllians was forced on you. You don't have an abusive or sadistic bone in your body. I would trust you with anything."

Her tears well again, and panicking, I try to brush them from her cheeks. I didn't think about this very well at all. I'm such a stupid male, clumsy and unthinking of my mate's feelings.

I press kisses to her face, wiping the tears away, until she gives a watery chuckle and leans into my hold. Exhaling in relief, I press a final kiss to her forehead.

"But why did you get me a bird?" Mara asks eventually, stepping from my hold to croon at the bird again.

I rub the nape of my neck, my brow furrowing as I watch another exchange of trills. "You told me you used to have a pet bird. I thought it might make you happy to have one again. It might . . . bring you a little bit of comfort."

She shakes her head. "I don't understand."

I frown harder, moving closer to stare into her upturned face. Her eyes are red-rimmed, but there's a determined set to her chin.

"I wanted to do something nice for you?" I try again.

"Why?"

"Because you're my mate."

"But giving me a pet isn't something a biological urge would force you to do. It has nothing to do with feeding me. Having sex with me. Spending time in my company."

"A biological urge?"

It's her turn to frown. "Your mating urge that's forcing you to take care of me. Your bonding drive."

A light begins to dawn, and with it comes a spark of hope. I drop my hands to her hips, drawing her closer to me, until we're sharing the same breaths, and her waterdyas scent envelopes me, soothing me.

"Mara, my mate. I love you. Not because of my bonding instincts or because of my Wrath."

"Love?" she squeaks.

I squeeze her hips, digging my claws slightly into her skin the way she likes. "Is there not a Terran word for love?"

She drops her hands to my forearms, holding me in place. "Yes. But I didn't think . . . I mean, you never said it."

I press my lips to her forehead, my heart beginning to pound in my chest. "I should have. I'm not good with soft words. Kral males, we show our love with our care. I tried to show you. I'm sorry. I should have said the words."

Her lips part in wonder.

"I would choose you, Mara, even if you were not my mate. If we met on the street, I would be instantly obsessed with you, even without my Kral instincts. You're beautiful. You're gentle and kind." I move my hands to cradle her belly. "You're the type of female who will be a fierce protector of her young. You will love our son, even though he will look different than the other babies."

She nods, tears beginning to fall again.

"If something happened to me, you and our son would survive. You're strong. Determined and capable. You made a home here with just your bravery and your will. You didn't give up in the lab. You didn't give up in the jungle. You never stopped fighting. You're a fierce female, and I adore you."

"Viz'en," she whispers. "I—"

"I don't say this expecting you to say the words back to me," I interrupt hastily. "I'm sorry I never made it clear how I feel about you. I assumed . . . but that was foolish of me. How could you know?"

"I—"

"I'll say it more often. Every day. Every hour," I interrupt again, wanting to impress upon her my understanding of her needs. Cupping her cheeks, I lean my forehead against hers. "I—"

"Viz'en! Stop talking!"

Blinking rapidly, I rear back. Did I say the wrong thing again? Lyfia's Blood, I'm a bumbling fool around this female.

"I love you, too."

A whooshing sound fills my ears, and I realize it's my heartbeat. I swallow hard, trying to clear the echo. I couldn't have heard her correctly.

"I love you, too," Mara repeats, lifting her own hands to cradle my jaw. "I don't know when it happened. Maybe the seventh time you made me those spicy noodles. Or after that time in the shower when you—" she flushes and clears her throat.

I grin, remembering what I did in the shower. "We should do that again, my mate. Right now. I would taste you every hour of every day if you let me."

She sways a little on her feet before shaking her head. "Let me finish. It's not one moment, but all of them. It's not just that you're so big and strong, and handsome. It's not just because you're taking care of me so well. It's not just the way you smell. It's just . . . you. It's you."

Dropping a kiss against my chest, she whispers, "I can never go back to Earth again. But with you, I feel like I'm home."

The broken sensation in my chest, aching for weeks at the thought of this female leaving me, closes tightly and seals. "You are my home as well, dshe mordren. And I will never let you forget it."