Chapter Eight

Ling Xin couldn't have slept if she tried. Fortunately, she wasn't trying. She was waiting until everyone was abed to sneak out to her wall perch. But while she waited in the dark, her heart pounding, her mind spun with the possibilities of her choices.

She could rely on the emperor's perception of her virtue and wait to be selected.

Absolutely not. For one thing, what she'd already done with Zhi Hao had tainted her virtue. Besides, waiting passively for heaven to bestow a gift had never been her style.

Alternately, she could wait for her mother to find the book. She knew Mama had called for grandmother's stored trunks, but she had no idea if or when her mother would come across the mysterious book.

And again, that required passive waiting.

Which left her with her last option—she must learn everything she could from Zhi Hao without risking her virginity. That was something she could not lose. She would be checked in the Forbidden City, and if she did not pass the test of virginity, she would be thrown onto the street as trash.

Her father would not accept her back then. Not if she failed the virginity test. He had already told her that when she had her first menstrual period. That meant she would have to live with her aunt and uncle in the north, but what kind of life would she have there? Her uncle had already thrown away Li Fei and killed her lover. Li Fei was his daughter. How much worse would he treat his niece?

With her choice made, Ling Xin snuck outside and quietly climbed up to her perch on the wall. She noted with pleasure that yesterday's rain had brought more leaves onto the branches. With the moonlight beginning to wane, this was a very secluded bower.

At least, that was what she told herself, since stroking a man's dragon on a rock wall was not the sort of risk even a daring girl would take. Unless, of course, she was very desperate to learn.

As expected, she found Zhi Hao in Master Gao's garden. He wore no shirt, no shoes, and the moonlight played delightfully with his muscles as he worked through his exercises. She could see that he wasn't working very hard, and that he turned to look at her the moment she settled on the wall. Then before she could do more than smile, he bounded up beside her on the wall, perching like a bird in front of her.

"Good evening, Ling Xin," he said, his voice a throaty purr.

She shivered at the tone even as she sensed a note of hardness in it.

"Good evening, Zhi Hao," she whispered, her sense of danger climbing. "You seem different tonight."

"Me? No. Have you come for another lesson?"

She nodded slowly, concerned by the glittering anger she felt radiating from him. It was not right, and she instinctively shrank back from him.

"I do not think this is a good night to converse," she said. But as she turned to leave, his hand shot out and gripped her shoulder. Not hard enough to bruise, but strong enough to concern her.

"Tell me about yourself, Song Ling Xin," he said, a seductive note in his voice that worried her, even as it thrilled her. "Tell me about your family. What does your father do for the emperor? What are your favorite fairy tales?"

What an odd set of questions. "Why?"

He smiled, the white of his teeth flashing bright in the moonlight. "So I know that you are real, Song Ling Xin. Tell me something that a spirit would not know."

She gaped at him. "You think me a spirit?"

"I think that the Song daughter would not be someone who climbs walls."

She almost laughed at that. "Then you don't know her very well, do you? I have been the bane of my nurse's existence since the day I was born. Hard on the breast as I sucked with all my might. Then running, always running, when I was little. My mother used to rub her temples as I rushed up and down the stairs out of boredom. I even did it in summer. No matter how hot it was, I could not sit still or I would scream. My mother used to wish that they had bound my feet so that I would cease moving."

He glanced down at her legs, hidden beneath her light robe. "Why aren't your feet bound?"

Did he know nothing? "Because it has been banned and no daughter of an earl would be so treated." She arched a brow. "How do you not know that?"

"I do know it. And yet, where I grew up, many girls are still crippled."

She grimaced. She had seen older women hobbling on their heels, growing fat because they tried to eat away their pain. She was fortunate to have been born of a Manchu bannerman. The Manchu had never bound their daughters' feet. That had been a custom of the conquered Han. And yet, all became China and some customs remained.

"My feet are strong," she said. "But my spirit…" She sighed. "My spirit has always been a little wild. Sometimes I think they bound women's feet because only then would they be content to live inside walls." She glanced out toward the street. How many times had she wanted to leap over the stone and run free? Nearly every day of her life. But she knew the cost. After all, Li Fei had been banished for wandering into the market and kissing a man.

Meanwhile, Zhi Hao was watching her. Did he see the shifting thoughts on her face? She couldn't tell, but in a moment, his expression softened and he gently stroked the back of her hand.

"The Forbidden City will be equally constricting," he said. "Once there, you will never leave."

She knew it was true. "At least it will be a bigger cage."

He exhaled with clear exasperation. "But you have options besides the Forbidden City. You would have more freedom if you married. If your husband was generous."

"And whom would I marry?" she countered in a whisper. "The butcher's son? The apothecary's nephew? You?"

His shoulders squared at the offense. "Would that be a bad life?"

Maybe not. But as the daughter of an earl in the year of the Festival of Fertility, her path was set. "My father has declared that I will be empress."

"He has high aim."

Of course he did. No man became counsel to the emperor without it. "He says it must be. He said I must make it so. He has said that since the moment I was born a girl."

"But how?" he pressed.

That was the very question she had been asking all day. All week. Perhaps all her life.

"I am here so you may teach me," she stressed. Then she reached for the ties of his pants.

He caught her well before she could touch him. "You have seen my dragon. You have seen how it releases. But that is like seeing the end of a story without learning about the beginning."

She lifted her gaze to his. "How do I begin?"

"You must show the emperor, from the first moment he sees you, that you are excited to be with him."

She shrugged. "I will be excited. Everyone will be."

"Not excited in that way. You must be aroused, so to make him equally aroused."

She had no idea what he meant. She could not even begin to ask.

He shook his head. "You do not know any of this, do you? Have you even thought of men and what happens in the bedroom?"

She bristled at the implied lack. She was not a woman who lacked for anything. But the moment her pride surged hot, logic held it back. What she lacked was knowledge, and that was the exact reason she was here.

"I thought of you last night," she said. "And the emperor always."

He leaned forward before she could frame an answer about the bedroom. "I know you had not kissed a man before. Did you like it?"

She'd liked it so much that she wanted to kiss him again. She wanted to feel all of his muscles touching her body once more. All that power surrounding her again.

The idea was thrilling.

"I have seen lovers," she finally said. "From the other place on the wall where I first saw you. Sometimes I sit there and watch the street. And sometimes late at night, I see things."

"Couples in an embrace?"

"Yes." She smiled and felt her lips tingle. Now she knew what that felt like. Now she knew the tangle of tongues, the rapid beat of her heart, and the liquid heat down low in her belly.

"Ah," he said, his tone back to that throaty purr. "You are thinking about it. You are remembering last night?" There was a satisfied note in his words.

She ignored it. Let him think that he was an amazingly skilled lover. He was probably terrible. It was only that she had no way of knowing any different. Meanwhile, she had to keep to her purpose.

"You are saying that I should remember our kiss. When I meet the emperor, I should think on that?"

"Angel, that is only the beginning of what you must remember. You must know it all."

"All?" That sounded dangerous.

"Arousal, Ling Xin. From the beginning to the sweet end."

She shook her head. That made no sense. "How can there be an end?"

He dropped back onto his haunches. "Think, Ling Xin. If you are who you say you are, then apply your mind to the act. You saw my release last night. Tonight, you must experience your own."

She pulled back, alarmed. "I will not lose my virginity to you!"

He held out a hand as if to stop her, but it was his chuckle that froze her in place. "I will not touch your virginity, I swear. But this is the next lesson. And to experience it, you must surrender to me."

"No." She was not about to surrender to anyone.

"Come into my bedroom, Ling Xin. Master Gao snores, so we will know when he wakes. I will not take anything from you save what is given in release."

Now she swung her legs over to her side of the wall, preparing to leave. He was clearly a cad who wanted the same thing all men wanted. "Do you take me for an idiot? I will not go into your bedroom!"

He shrugged. "Then experience it here, as I did last night." His eyes were serious. "I meant to make it more comfortable for you, that is all."

She did not trust him. She should run away. But before she leaped down, she remembered just what was at stake. She had no other option. He was the only one who could teach her. What if he was right? What if this was the next step?

She didn't know, and she silently damned her parents for not giving her the information she needed. How could they expect her to win over the emperor without giving her the training she needed to do it?

He clearly saw her indecision. And as she hesitated, he pointed to a perch in the tree. "I will make it safe for you. I will lean back there. You will sit between my legs."

"Between your legs! But—"

"With your back to my front. I cannot take your virginity from there. You know the basics. You know it is not possible."

She frowned, trying to see what he suggested. She supposed it looked sturdy enough. "But there is not room for me to…" She bit her lip, unwilling to finish her sentence.

He arched his brows as her words trailed away. "Angel, I must know what you are thinking. I cannot teach you without knowing what you do not understand."

She grimaced, seeing his logic but hating to voice the words. Nevertheless, she forced them out. "I will not be able to kiss you. How will I stroke your dragon—"

He smiled, his teeth glittering in the moonlight. "You will not touch my dragon except with your back. I will not release my seed tonight. But you, you must feel everything. You will give up your chi to me. If you want to catch an emperor, that is."

His words rang with challenge, but she didn't understand it. Of course she wanted to catch the emperor. Hadn't she said so? And how was her chi involved? He made no sense.

"Come now," he said. "Where is the Ling Xin who was bold enough to squeeze me so perfectly?"

"I am right here," she snapped. "But this is—"

"Dangerous? Every part of this play is."

She knew that. To rest there between his thighs, to allow him to surround her like that…

It shamed her to think how much she wanted that. How desperately she tingled at the thought. But…

"I will be vulnerable," she finally said. "To whatever you want to do. I do not know you well enough for that."

He nodded as if that made sense, but he had a logical response. "You will be no more vulnerable than I was last night. Besides, you can protect yourself well enough. I will show you how."

He maneuvered around her, shifting on the wall to climb into the branches. And as he moved, she smelled his scent, heard his breath, and even felt the ripple of his muscles as he adjusted around her.

She shifted away quickly. She had to, or she'd have fallen off the stone wall. But the more time he took maneuvering, the more she allowed herself to "accidentally" feel him, "inadvertently" push against him, and of course, "ignorantly" linger close.

She was a fool. She knew it. She felt the lure of him every second she was in his presence. She felt the burn of desire and knew her judgement was suspect. But she could not stop herself. She wanted to experience what he was offering.

"See?" he said as he finally settled. "If you slam your head back against my chest, I will fall back. This is safe for some things, but not if you object." He glanced down into his courtyard. "It will be a bad fall for me if you fight."

She saw what he meant. His legs were braced, one on a branch, one hanging over the side. If she was between his thighs, a hard shove backwards could push him over. Indeed, a well-placed elbow might even do it.

"You are safe," he said.

Not exactly. She quickly saw why he was suggesting this position. If she sat between his thighs, he would be able to touch all of her. His hands could move freely over her body. And she would not be able to do anything but lean back and experience whatever he wanted her to feel.

"Where will I set my hands?"

"Wherever you like. But perhaps hold on here." He rustled a nearby branch, one that was sturdy enough to steady her. It might even be strong enough for her to swing into her garden if he did something she didn't like.

Oh, how tempted she was!

They looked at one another as she struggled with indecision. He didn't force her. Indeed, he said nothing. He simply sat with his arms spread, waiting for her to decide.

"What will you do?" she finally asked.

"I will kiss your neck," he said. "And I will stroke your breasts."

At his words, she felt her skin prickle as if he were already doing as he said.

"And then…" His voice trailed away.

"What?"

"I will raise your skirt and use my fingers, pretending it is my dragon."

Her belly clenched at that. Not in fear, but in desire.

"You must know what it feels like without losing your virginity. You must experience what it is to be taken by the emperor so he will lose his seed inside you."

"But—"

"It is only pretend, Ling Xin. You will pass the virginity exam."

She nodded because she wanted to believe him.

"I will feel it all?" she asked, her voice a whisper of need.

"I swear it." He grinned at her. "It is the only way to know. You must—"

"Yes." The word escaped before she could stop herself.

She carefully turned around on the wall, settling herself gingerly between his thighs. And when she struggled with her legs dangling on opposite sides of the wall, he guided her to put one leg over his where he braced himself on the branch. And the other…

Oh my. The other went across his dangling one, leaving her legs spread wide, her skirt tight across her thighs, and…

And his hands tightened across her belly. Her breath caught. His hands were so large, so warm. And then he began to kiss her neck. Heat and pressure. A sweet lick that made her body tighten with desire.

So fast. So open! And yet as his tongue slid across her damp skin, she shivered in delight. This felt nice. With his teeth scraping across her flesh, she felt tingly.

Her belly fluttered. Her body felt surrounded and so safe that she relaxed further against him.

"Remember," he murmured against her ear. "If you are afraid, you can slam your head backwards against me. You might even knock me unconscious."

She twisted to see behind him. Yes, he was not perched so solidly that she couldn't throw him off.

"You have control," he said.

She nodded slowly, saying the words aloud in order to convince herself.

"I have control," she said hoping it was true.

He waited as she turned to face forward again, with him at her back. She felt his hands slip around her waist and she shivered at the sweet feel. It was especially thrilling because his hands were not still. Indeed, her belly tingled as his hands slipped slowly, inevitably up from her waist.

Inch by inch, his hands crept higher while she held her breath in anticipation. And then, he cupped her. On both sides, he held her breasts in his two hands.

That was when she realized she had no control at all.