Chapter Twenty

Zhi Hao sat on his narrow bed, his head pounding while his heart felt like a leaden weight inside his chest.

He had tried to forget Ling Xin. That had been especially difficult while spending hours every day inside her house. It had been worse when she had instructed him in Manchu.

And every day, he told himself it would get better. She was destined to be the empress. His future depended on him pleasing Earl Song and accepting Li Fei as his wife.

He did his best not to look at Ling Xin. He would not think of her, he would not want her.

It didn't work.

And so in the last days before he headed to the imperial exam and she to the Feast of Fertility, he racked his brain for a solution. He'd planned all sorts of raids where he grabbed her and ran off to the farthest corners of China. He'd thrown himself before Lady Song and begged for a boon. He'd even burned joss sticks to the fox spirit who haunted him, all to no avail.

He found no solution. Especially since he couldn't seem to get past the fact that she'd chosen to be an empress over being with him. He knew she'd done it to save his life, but still, it hurt.

Yet what man took away a woman's chance to be empress? A woman who had spent her life and likely a great deal of her father's fortune in pursuit of that goal.

Except he knew that was her father's goal. He knew Ling Xin loved him. She'd said as much. And yet what could he do?

Nothing.

Perhaps if he passed the imperial exam, he would eventually have enough gold to buy her out of the harem. Assuming, of course, that she did not make it to empress.

So many questions, so few solutions.

None, to be exact. His only hope was to pass the imperial exam and pray some twist of fortune appeared in the future. Something—anything—that might turn things in their favor.

He was burning his last candle in study when someone knocked on his door. It couldn't be Master Gao. The man was almost as nervous as Zhi Hao and had gone to bed early with a bottle of plum wine.

But when the knock persisted, he grumbled as he hauled open the door. He didn't hide his rancor when he growled, "What?"

The person in front of him recoiled at his sharp tone, taking a step back before exhaling in obvious relief.

"Thank heaven I've found you!"

It took a moment for Zhi Hao to focus. The person in front of him wore coarse clothing and a heavy scarf about her face and shoulders. It was a woman, that much he could tell. And then he saw her eyes.

It couldn't be.

"Ling Xin?" he whispered.

"Let me in!" she said, abruptly shoving him aside to enter his room. Once there, she pulled off her scarf and used it to wipe her face. "You have no idea what I've been through today!" Then she turned to him, her smile radiant. "But it's all over now. I've finally found you." She wrinkled her nose as the singing from the taproom grew louder. "Could you not stay in a less rowdy inn?"

"It is the night before the imperial exam. The masters are celebrating."

"Celebrating what?"

He shrugged. "Getting rid of their students."

She chuckled, dropping down onto his bed with a groan. "My feet ache. I have walked across Peking this day. Twice, I think." She smiled at him. "I got lost twice, but I am finally here." She grinned.

He couldn't believe it. After all of his fruitless wishing and planning and praying, how could she be here?

He dropped down to his knees before her, barely daring to touch her. But when he did, she felt solid beneath his hands. As if she was truly here.

"How?" he whispered.

"Li Fei doesn't want to marry you."

He started, then abruptly laughed. "I don't want to marry her either. Shouldn't you be in the Forbidden City?"

"She took my place. And I am taking hers as your wife." Her eyes flashed a moment of uncertainty. "That is what you want, isn't it?"

"More than anything, but…" His voice trailed away. "You were to be empress!"

She shrugged. "I don't want to be."

"But you swore on your honor, your family's honor. Even your beating heart!"

Her expression darkened. "Then I am dishonored. I do not care."

"Ling Xin," he whispered, knowing what her decision had cost her. She might make light of it, but she had thrown everything away in coming to him now. "Why have you done this?"

"My father had plans for my brothers—he set out their course from their earliest moments. But they chose a different path. Am I not allowed to do the same?"

"They failed the imperial exam."

"So, give me the exam. I will fail it, too."

"Ling Xin," he said, straightening until he faced her on the bed. "Can this truly be what you want?" Could he be what she really wanted?

She touched his face, stroking the hard cut of his jaw. "I am here, aren't I? I have chosen you." She pressed a tender kiss to his lips, then drew back. "What do you choose?"

Her. A thousand times, her. "I fear you will regret this. I fear you will regret me," he said, his gaze landing on his neat pile of inkstone and brush to take with him in the morning. "What if I do not pass the exam?"

"What if my father turns into a monster, finds me at this inn, and drowns me in the Yangtze river?"

He gasped, leaping to his feet as if her father were at the inn's door. "Is that possible?"

She shook her head, but her words weren't as reassuring. "I don't know. You had best ruin me completely before he arrives."

He gaped at her. She didn't mean…

She sighed as she got up to stand directly before him. "Take my virginity, Zhi Hao. We can marry in the morning."

"I must take the exam in the morning."

"After the exam, then."

"I am to report to your father the very next morning." He rubbed a hand over his face. "He will kill me for this."

"Well, we'll say our vows between the exam and the killing." She grinned. "I do not know what is to come, but I have not risked everything, tromped across Peking, and shown up at your door looking like this, just to have you not finish the job."

He shook his head, completely amazed by her. "Finish the job," he echoed.

"Take my—"

"Yes, I know what you meant." He ran his knuckles down her cheek. "I am nothing compared to you," he said. "But in this and for the rest of my life, I shall do my very best for you."

Her eyes widened, and he caught the shimmer of tears in them. "Is that a vow?" she asked.

"It is."

Then he kissed her. And she opened herself to everything. Not just to what he did, but to his heart until it seemed hers beat in the same rhythm, the same breath, the same place as his own.

At that moment, all his worries and fears—and there were many—faded away.