Chapter Eighteen

Under any other circumstances, Zhi Hao would be intrigued by Earl Song's library. He was fascinated by the maps and tallies everywhere. He had no idea if the earl oversaw all of China's money or just part of it, but the network of information here was stunning. And Zhi Hao wanted to learn everything about it. But not now.

Now, he waited in terror to find out if he or Ling Xin would be killed.

He leaped to his feet when she and her mother walked in. Her face was blanched white, and he flinched to see it. Checking one's virginity had to be a painful and humiliating process, even when done by one's mother. Perhaps even more so then.

He took a step toward her, wanted to say something to ease the pain or even to reassure her. He wouldn't let her father kill her. He wouldn't let any disaster befall her. And privately, he hoped that this ended her chances to become empress. That gave him time and a sliver of a chance to claim her for himself.

But before he could do more than speak her name, her father stomped into the room. He dismissed the retainer with a curt nod, and then he turned to Ling Xin's mother.

"Well?"

"She is pure. She is too smart to be anything else."

Her father grunted, neither acknowledging the truth nor disagreeing. Then he turned to Zhi Hao. "Your bed is neat. I have not found evidence of your perfidy."

Ling Xin huffed. "Because there is none."

Her father whipped around fast enough that Zhi Hao tensed to save her from a blow. But none fell. Instead, her father bent down until he was nose to nose with his daughter.

"You have been reckless and stupid. You do not deserve to be empress."

"That is not the threat you think it is."

Everyone gaped at Ling Xin. For a woman who had been caught sneaking out, she was remarkably bold. If nothing else, her parents had trained her to be strong, to stand her ground. Indeed, if her color had been pale before, she was now flushed with emotion.

"You dare?" her father rasped.

"Of course I dare," she snapped. "What is an empress but one who dares?"

The words made only partial sense, but her father seemed to understand. But he was not cowed.

"You are nothing without me!" he bellowed.

"And all your plans will come to nothing without me," she countered. Then she lifted her chin, every inch the empress. "Shall we discuss a bargain, then?"

"You go too far," he rasped.

And then Ling Xin did the most extraordinary thing. She looked her father in the eye and nodded. "I do if I am your daughter. But if I am an empress, then I have not gone far enough. Choose, father. What am I?"

Zhi Hao watched with awe as the earl's expression shifted from fury to appreciation. He knew that an empress had to stand tall no matter the provocation, even against her own father. And so his daughter finally earned his respect. But she was still his daughter, and he would demand deference.

"Do not spend coin from an empty purse."

"You have filled my purse, father."

"At least you know who has given it to you."

At that, she bowed, showing that she did indeed know who had trained her to be the magnificent woman she was. Zhi Hao had adored her before. Now he worshiped her. She would make a magnificent empress.

"Very well," her father finally said, grudging respect in his tone. "If I say you are empress, then what should I do with him?"

She turned to him, as did everyone else in the room. Zhi Hao could see the agony in her eyes, need and desire that were quickly suppressed. Did his eyes mirror the same? He certainly felt them.

And when his heart all but broke, she spoke. Two words that shocked him to the core.

"Train him."

"What?" her father exploded.

"Ko Zhi Hao has bargained with me faithfully. He has treated me honorably when…" Her voice faltered a bit. "When he could have taken advantage.

Her father folded his arms and glared at Zhi Hao. "That says he has fear, not honor."

"It was a smart bargain on his part, don't you think?" she continued, dismissing her father's statement with a wave of her hand. "He learned Manchu when he hasn't the money to afford a teacher. And he became friends with the future empress." Her voice didn't waver when she said those words, but her gaze did, flicking to him and then away. "And in return, he told me everything he knew about the Forbidden City. Much more than I had ever heard from you."

There was no accusation in her tone, and yet everyone heard it nonetheless. Her father's eyes flashed hot.

"And for that, I am to train him in the lifeblood of China's commerce?"

"You have two sons in whom you poured your love and training. Neither had the drive to succeed at the imperial exam. Neither could follow your footsteps into the Forbidden City."

"Your brothers have nothing to do with this!"

"My brothers failed you." She pointed to Zhi Hao. "He will not."

"That has yet to be seen."

She arched her brow at him. "I have seen it. I know it. And as an empress, that should be enough."

The words were preposterous, and yet her confidence was so blatant as she spoke that Zhi Hao felt the truth of it. He would pass the imperial exam. He would work diligently for her father. And he would do it because she wanted him to.

Meanwhile, her father rocked back on his heels, his gaze going back and forth between her and Zhi Hao. "What do you feel for this boy?" he finally asked.

She flinched, and he closed his eyes. He did not want to hear what she had to say, either good or bad. Both would break him.

"Answer me!" her father snapped.

She did not. Instead, her mother stepped forward. "It is love. Can you not see it? They think they know what it is."

"Love," he scoffed. "And what do they know of love?"

Her mother rolled her eyes. "What did we know?"

The earl glared at Zhi Hao. "Is this true?"

There was only one answer. He gestured reverently at Ling Xin. "How could I not?"

"Because I say you cannot!"

And now it was Zhi Hao's turn to show his mettle. "Empress or not, I will devote my life to her."

Her father snorted. "Childish nonsense. You are not in love!"

"And yet my vow remains."

The earl paced the confines of the library. He glared at both his daughter and Zhi Hao, grumbling under his breath. He even paused at one point, standing in front of his wife, but the lady said nothing. She merely shrugged. They both knew they could not stop feelings.

In the end, the earl rounded on his daughter. "Here is my bargain with you both." He flicked a dismissive glance at Zhi Hao to focus on Ling Xin. "You will become empress. You will study and practice the virtues."

Ling Xin lifted her chin, her gaze hard. "And in return?"

He grimaced, but he turned to face Zhi Hao. "I will train him. An hour every day, here. If he is capable, then I will accept him as my protégé. Assuming he passes the imperial exam."

Zhi Hao jolted. That was a position that would make his career. It would give him a salary large enough to help his family, to dower his sisters, and to have a wife of his own. Such largess couldn't be ignored. And yet…

His gaze went to Ling Xin's. He would have to give her up.

She returned his look, her expression carefully blanked. She knew—as did he—that so long as she was a virgin, her father would send her to the Feast of Fertility. Short of total disgrace, she could not escape the Forbidden City.

But her father was not done. With a snap of his fingers, he pulled Zhi Hao's attention back. "You will learn Manchu," he commanded. "It is a necessity at court."

Zhi Hao nodded.

"Li Fei will be your instructor."

Zhi Hao winced, but he understood the reason. If he continued be near Ling Xin, he would not be able to resist her.

"And your wife."

His breath choked off. Even knowing it was coming, he could not deny the pain that lanced through him. He looked to Ling Xin, but her gaze was on the floor. But what could they do?

He had to know. He had to know what was the cost of disobedience.

"And if I do not?"

"Then your body will be found in the Yangtze River." The earl said the words with such implacable certainty that Zhi Hao could not doubt it.

Worse, he saw the words hit Ling Xin. She was already shaking her head.

"You cannot kill him. If our love is true, heaven will punish you."

Iftheir love was true? Did she doubt it?

"I will risk it," her father drawled.

The tears in her eyes almost undid him, but Zhi Hao stood still. He would not give in. Not yet. He just needed to think—

"Baba, please," Ling Xin said, her voice filled with pain.

"Are you an empress? Or my child?"

"I am your child," she said, her voice quivering.

"Then you have dishonored me and the family. Do you die with him?"

"You will not kill her," Zhi Hao said. "You are not that cruel a man." It was not his place to say such a thing, but he needed to reassure Ling Xin that her father cared for her.

Unfortunately, he may have misjudged the man because the earl whipped around and grabbed Zhi Hao by the collar. "You know nothing of me!" he spat.

"But I do," his wife said softly. She stepped forward and set a gentle hand on her husband's fist where he gripped Zhi Hao. "Empty threats are beneath you."

"Bah!"

Her father threw Zhi Hao backwards, hard enough for him to land painfully against the desk. Zhi Hao caught himself, but if he had not been a skilled fighter, it would have been very painful.

Meanwhile, the earl turned to his wife and daughter. "Look on my face," he said coldly. "Your brothers have failed me. Since then all my time, my favors, and my bribes have gone to one thing." He pointed at Ling Xin. "For you to become empress. You will not abandon that course. You are my daughter, and as such, you will obey me."

There was no quarter in his voice, no softness in his stance. And then he turned even colder.

"I cannot kill my daughter," he continued. "But I will kill the one who has destroyed you." And with that, he turned to Zhi Hao, murder in his eyes.

So it was to be death then. Zhi Hao tensed to fight. He would not hurt the women. He did not think he could force himself to kill the earl. He would not visit that pain upon Ling Xin. But he could fight fiercely enough that he could escape.

But escape to what? The earl would send soldiers to find him. Even if Zhi Hao could still take the imperial exam, he would never get a good position. Never earn enough to help himself, much less his family.

"Stop!" Ling Xin screamed before the violence began. "Stop!"

Her father straightened, his eyes cold. "Give me your word, daughter. Swear to me upon your family, your honor, and your beating heart that you will do as I say."

She nodded, her face as pale as a shroud. "I will do all I can to become empress," she said, her words ringing hollow. Then her eyes flashed fire. "But you must do all you promised for him. He will be your protégé."

"And he will marry Li Fei."

She straightened, her shoulders looking painfully frail despite her stance. "That is between him and Li Fei."

The earl snorted, as if their wishes made no difference. "We are agreed?"

Ling Xin looked to Zhi Hao and said the words that would seal his future.

"We are agreed."

Pain lanced through him hard enough that it cut off his breath. It was the only choice she could make. The earl was too powerful for either of them to disobey. She had made the bargain she thought would save him.

After all, they'd both known from the beginning that she was headed for the emperor's bed.

And yet…

And yet…

He looked at her and said the words he knew the earl wanted. They sliced his throat even as he spoke them because they were more true than he wanted to believe.

"I wish we had never met," he said. "I wish I had turned you away." He looked to the earl. "I will never risk like that again. Now that I know the price of failure." Did the man understand what he was saying? Did he know that the pain of giving up Ling Xin would haunt him for the rest of his life?

He couldn't tell, but she seemed to understand. He could see the pain in her eyes as clearly as agony cut through his heart.

He would never risk loving again. Because losing her ended all color in his world.