Chapter Eleven

Ling Xin was overwhelmingly tired. The Chingming festival was tomorrow where she'd offer gifts to her ancestors in hopes of good fortune at the Feast of Fertility. To draw the most favor, she'd spent the day making festival cakes and folding joss paper into intricate offerings. Her hands and legs ached from the work, but it was necessary before she attempted anything so grand as becoming the Empress of China.

Either way, it was done now, and she had to fight sleep as she waited to see Zhi Hao. It was agonizing to wait, but she couldn't stop dreaming about the sensation of having his hands on her body. About the fire in her belly whenever he was near. And—strangely enough—she kept recalling the quiet way he'd held her when the bliss was over.

For all that the man fought invisible enemies when he exercised, she knew him to be a gentle man at heart. At least with her. And that made her body melt with desire. He made her feel safe. He would never hurt her, never destroy her chances, never take what she was unwilling to give.

Or so she believed… Finally, when it was dark enough, when she finally heard her family's snores as they slept, she crept out to her garden spot and climbed the wall to watch Zhi Hao exercising.

Except he wasn't there.

She leaned forward, scanning the shadows to see if he was somewhere else. She even walked the rock wall to see better, but he…

She spotted him. He was leaning against the back door, clearly waiting for her. But what was he doing there?

She leaned forward far enough that he could see her and she, him. She gestured with her hands for him to come closer because she wasn't going to his bed. Their time together would be on this wall or not at all.

Apparently, that meant not at all. Because after locking eyes with her, he pointedly turned his back to her and walked into the house. He left the garden door open, no doubt thinking she would change her mind.

She did not.

Some things she would not risk, and her virginity was at the top of the list.

Still, it was unbelievably difficult to leave the garden. She had been looking forward to their time together. Besides, she'd become used to spending time with him, even before he'd started to train her.

It didn't matter, she told herself as she stomped off to bed. She was tired anyway. And if he had no desire to teach her, she had no desire to learn from him. Unfortunately, her dreams were another matter. They filled her mind and body with such imaginings that she woke in a sweat. Such erotic dreams! And all featuring the man who had turned his back on her last night.

"Are you still asleep? Get up!" Li Fei hauled the covers back, and Ling Xin glared at her. "Don't look at me that way!" her cousin said, her hands dropping onto her hips. "The sun is already up. You haven't bathed, and we must leave to honor your ancestors before noon."

Ling Xin groaned as she sat up. Her entire body felt achy from a night spent dreaming of love play. Could muscles ache from such a thing?

"Ling Xin!" her cousin snapped.

"Why before noon?"

"Because your father fears assassins."

Now that had her attention. She turned to stare at her cousin. "Assassins? Truly?"

Li Fei tsked as she pulled Ling Xin out of bed. "He manages the empire's gold. Do you not think there are people who might be angry about that? About who gets the gold and who doesn't?"

"Of course there are," Ling Xin said. The poor were everywhere in the city. "But that is not father's fault. He spends the money according to the emperor's command." And he was doing his best to fight the corruption of the eunuchs who stole constantly from the coffers. Or so she had heard her father grumble more than once. "None of that is his fault."

"The poor don't know that." Li Fei shook her head. "What is wrong with you lately? You're so distracted, so unfocused." She started pulling off Ling Xin's night clothes. "You cannot meet the emperor in such a state. He will toss you aside for sure."

"Would that be so bad a fate?" she muttered under her breath. Unfortunately, Li Fei was close enough to hear.

"What has gotten into you?" she gaped.

"Have you heard what it is like in the Forbidden City?"

Her cousin snorted. "Yes, I have. There is always food and good clothing to wear. Servants help you with everything. The cares of the world do not enter there."

"Neither do other men. What if I end up in the lower harem? I will never see the emperor, never bear his child. I'll be surrounded by eunuchs for the rest of my life." She shuddered at the thought. "At least when you marry, you will have children and a full life."

"If not a full belly," Li Fei countered. "The Forbidden City does not sound so bad to me."

"Married on the outside does not sound so bad to me."

The two cousins stared at each other, both aching for the other's fate. If only they could choose for themselves, but they both knew that was not the way in China. Not for the daughters of high-ranking bannermen.

Eventually, Ling Xin took her wishful heart in hand and stuffed it away. She had to be on her best behavior when making her gifts to the ancestors. If she could not learn more from Zhi Hao, then at least she would be the best daughter possible. She would show her devotion to her ancestors, and they would bless her.

"Come on," she said as she tugged on her cousin's sleeve. "The water will be cold soon."

"The water is cold now," her cousin retorted, but the two rushed away.

Two hours later, the household was headed for the Song family tomb. Not just herself, but her parents, and Li Fei. Her father brought a few retainers along as well, older men good with a sword. Her brothers and their families would meet them there.

It was a good morning for a gathering, and Ling Xin relished the spring heat in the air. The world was coming alive, and she would soon as well, according to her father. She would be a spring bride for the emperor, even though the Feast of Fertility wasn't until summer.

Ling Xin didn't argue. She had on all her best clothing, cosmetics, and adornments. In truth, she felt like a weighted down doll, but she could wear no less when she presented her gifts to the ancestors. Worse, it was difficult to walk in her shoes and almost impossible to see through the curtain of jade beads set before her eyes that was part of her hair piece.

Still, she managed it, shuffling behind her mother to the Song tomb, until she heard gasps all around her. Not gasps of fear, but ones of surprise. She tilted her head to see better.

And then had to pull the curtain of jade away from her eyes just to be sure.

Zhi Hao stood beside the Song tomb, his head bowed respectfully. Master Gao was with him, but Ling Xin only had eyes for her nighttime tutor. He stood taller than his master, his muscles slightly obscured by his student robes. He'd clearly been working because she saw beads of sweat on his forehead, but that was the only indication of toil.

Except for the sparkling stone edifice, cleaned of dirt and debris. The family tomb looked spotless.

Zhi Hao had done it all, she was sure, though Master Gao appeared mussed as he made his bows to her father.

"Greetings, Earl Song. I have come to show my devotion to your family, honoring your ancestors even before my own."

At the front of their procession, her father grunted, though Ling Xin knew he wasn't angry. If anything, he was pleased by that act, though he would never admit it out loud. Sure enough, a moment later, she heard her father's gruff voice.

"And why would I ask you to do my duty?"

"You did not, honored earl. And I have left the place of honor for your honest toil."

At this, Zhi Hao stepped aside to show a small square in the very center of the edifice that was still marked by dirt. Bowing his head, he held out a coarse bristle brush to her father.

Her father took the implement, but he didn't kneel to work. Instead, he glared at Zhi Hao. "Who is this?" he demanded.

"My newest student, honored earl."

Zhi Hao gave his greeting, speaking his name in a strong voice.

"I am Ko Zhi Hao. It is a great honor to meet you, Earl Song. You are the first I have ever met who has passed the imperial exam."

Her father snorted. "And I am likely the last." He turned to Master Gao. "What say you, Master? Is he smarter than my sons?"

And here Master Gao had a problem, because her two brothers and their wives had arrived as well. They flanked her father on either side and would not appreciate being insulted in favor of a young student.

"Not smarter. Not by any measure."

"Then he has no hope—" her father said, but Master Gao hedged.

"But Ko Zhi Hao studies diligently. Indeed, I believe him to be especially favored."

"Really?" Doubt was heavy in her father's voice. "How so?"

"Because he and his mother—on the very same night—dreamed an angel showed them the star above his head."

That would not sway her father. Dreams meant nothing to him, those made at night or during the day. Fortunately, Master Gao did not pause to give her father time to comment.

"Dreams of a mother and a boy can be dismissed. I thought nothing of it myself until I saw the proof myself."

At this, everyone lifted their heads to hear better, Ling Xin included.

"What proof?" her father demanded.

"A fox spirit, honored earl. A fox spirit has tempted him twice now. It tries to steal his chi so that he will fail. But I have counseled him to refuse it, and he has listened." There was extra emphasis on that last word. Enough that it made her brothers shift where they stood. How many times had Master Gao complained that her brothers never paid attention to what he was telling them?

"A fox spirit?" her father scoffed. "You have seen it?"

"I have seen red fur and angry eyes. And I have seen its power over Ko Zhi Hao." His voice dropped a note. "He confessed to me that he released his chi to the demon."

Demon! Was that what he thought of her?

It was all Ling Xin could do to keep still. It was absolutely ridiculous for anyone to think she was the vixen who had seduced him. He was the one with all the knowledge. But as ridiculous as it sounded, her father seemed intrigued. He even tossed an arch look at his sons as he commented.

"No fox spirit went after my sons."

"Father," her eldest brother snorted. "You cannot believe he is blessed simply because Master Gao has seen a fox."

Her father straightened to his full height as he took the coarse brush from Zhi Hao's hand. "What I believe is that I must do my duty to the ancestors." So saying, he bent to scrub the stone. But rather than finish the task, he cleaned one small portion. Then he straightened and held the brush out to his first son.

"As must you," he said.

Jian Hong took the tool and did his part, as did her second brother. There was nothing left to scrub then, though her young nephew toddled over and, with his father's help, did his best. With the tomb cleaned, the entire group bowed three times before the women began offering their gifts.

All went in order, save for herself. She watched behind her jade beads as her mother, sisters-in-law, and cousin all presented gifts of food, flowers, and incense. She was saved for last because her offering would be the most auspicious.

While she stood there, her feet aching from the awkward shoes, she was aware of Zhi Hao's gaze on her. Certainly, he kept his head lowered in respect. In this gathering, he was the lowest person, even lower than the retainers, since they were part of the Song household.

But still, she was excruciatingly aware of the way he peered at her at despite his lowered head. Did he look to see if she was in truth a demon? Or was he remembering their nights together? How she had released her chi around his hand, and he, in turn, gave up his own.

Just the memory made her flush with desire. And that was completely inappropriate for the chaste Song daughter who was meant for the emperor. Which meant she had to redouble her efforts to appear demure in every way.

She kept her head down, she performed her kowtows, and she never, ever looked directly at Zhi Hao. She carried her gifts of food to the tomb. She burned the joss sticks and paper. She even recited her best poetry for the ancestors and prayed diligently for success in the Feast of Fertility.

She had just finished her last kowtow when disaster struck.