Chapter Forty Pax

Chapter Forty

Pax

I eased back onto my knees, taking Aria with me, and I scooped her trembling frame into my arms as I pushed to standing. It seemed crazy that she could feel so fucking light in my hold.

Delicate.

Fragile.

A distinct contrast with the way she oozed an implacable vibration of strength. It climbed into the dense, thick air like the whispering of wind that spoke of a great, haunting power.

I curled her tight against my chest as I carried her to the bathroom. Her slight shape was slotted against my body like we were notches of the same mold that fit perfectly together.

My mind raced and my spirit spun with what we’d done. With the boundary we’d crossed and the decree we’d defied.

The mandate we’d shaken.

It might have been our greatest rule, but I couldn’t find a place inside myself that could regret it. I got the sense that maybe we’d been here all along and had only been giving in to what was already done.

Valeen was wrong. I knew it in my soul. There was no chance Aria and I weren’t meant for this. No chance she wasn’t supposed to be mine and I wasn’t supposed to be hers.

And I might have been standing right then, but I was on my knees.

An offering.

She had those arms looped around my neck, holding on to me like I was some kind of savior.

I’d give it all to be.

Her savior.

The one who would see her purpose through. Stand behind her while she rose.

My insides twisted with the fear of whatever had happened that had led to this. To the girl drenched and choking in her sleep.

Anxiety clambered through my insides as I angled into the tub and turned the water on full force, still holding her in my arms like they might be strong enough to protect her.

But how the hell could we stop this wickedness when we had no idea it was coming at us from every direction?

Her breaths were shallow, and she panted as I held her there while the water heated, her body still twitching from the aftershocks of her pleasure.

I would never be able to wipe the memory of it from my mind.

The way she’d glowed when I’d filled her.

A luminescence radiating from her skin, her spirit a whispering flare that speared into me.

Like every cell in her being was trying to find a way to join with mine.

No question it had, and neither of us was going to be the same.

Once steam had begun to fill the enclosed space, I stepped into the tub with her.

Chills rolled through her the second the heated spray hit our flesh. The cold that had seeped down to her bones had thawed, the ice melted by the connection we shared and the warmth that fell over us in sheets and rivulets that skimmed down our bodies.

I eased her head back under the steamy fall, saturating her hair with the heated water while she looked up at me with those fathomless gray eyes.

Bottomless.

Eternal.

Right then, they toiled like a dark sea tormented by a violent, unending storm. But right in the middle was an island.

Her pupils firm with a fierce, stark love.

With hope.

With belief.

Unfound and undying.

My heart hammered in spasms of volatility. I brushed my fingers through her long, black locks, chasing away the lingering cold steeped in the strands. My voice was brittle when I finally forced myself to speak. “Can you tell me what happened?”

Blinking, she shook her head in doubt, and when she spoke, her voice was rough from the trauma she’d sustained. “I thought I’d almost fallen asleep, but then something woke me up. I was here, in the room, and you were sleeping on the floor, but when I looked out the window to figure out what the sound was ...”

Droplets of water trailed down her face, gathering with the tears that got loose from the darkened pools of her eyes. “The little girl was there.”

A bolt of terror rocked through me, and my molars ground.

There’d been something about the little girl that hadn’t sat right.

It’d felt like an omen.

A harbinger.

“She was outside, alone in the cold. Barefoot and only wearing a thin nightgown.”

Distress pinched Aria’s brow. “It was like I could feel her out there, calling to me, and I knew I had to help her. But there was also something about it that warned everything was wrong. Instinct kicking in that what I thought was happening wasn’t. I tried to call out to you, but I couldn’t make the words form. It was like ... I could make no sound. Had no control over my actions. The only thing I was capable of was unlocking the door and following her out.”

A tremor rolled through me, and my arms tightened around her.

I didn’t respond; I just waited, letting her sift through the debris.

Aria inhaled a shaky breath. “She darted across the lot. I shouted for her to stop, but she just looked back and laughed before she turned and ran farther away. I knew the road was out there, so I followed. There was a heavy fog, and I could barely see. It was so disorienting. Like everything I’d remembered from when we’d pulled in had ceased to exist—the motel disappearing behind me, and rather than there being a gas station on the other side of the road, there were fields. The only things remaining were the road and the little girl.”

I couldn’t breathe as she continued to explain. “Right before I got to her, she ran across the road. A truck blazed through, and I thought she’d been hit.”

Her nails sank into my skin as her explanation hitched. Then the words started tumbling like a landslide from her mouth. “Only, once it blew by, she was on the other side, and she was laughing and laughing. I followed her, Pax. I followed her into the maze of high grasses on the other side, even though I knew something was off. I could feel it. But it was like I was shackled by a panic that wouldn’t let me go, and I kept chasing her. Pleading with her to stop. She kept going until the field opened to a pond, and when she stepped into it, she immediately sank.”

Fuck.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

A ball of razors rolled down the length of my throat, and I pulled her closer and clung tighter. Desperate to get her close enough that I could protect her from every threat. From every monster. From every evil that hunted her, night and day.

Aria felt the torment of it, too. The hopelessness that roared inside me. How could I truly protect her when I had no idea what we were up against? How, when whatever the fuck this was echoed with a power unlike any of which we’d ever been told?

“I didn’t think, Pax—or maybe I did know it in my gut and I just didn’t have the choice—but I jumped in after her. I saw her sinking toward the bottom, so I swam after her. Only, when I finally got hold of her, her face shifted.”

Aria’s expression pinched in turmoil. “It was the man ... The man from earlier today ... The same man I’d thought I’d seen the first night after you rescued me from the facility. It was him. And it was her.”

Her pulse flew as fast as the words that poured from her tongue. “Their faces were flashing between the two of them, and when she opened her mouth, shadows began to flood from it. Wisps that curled and spun before they grew to take shape. Kruen.”

Ice slicked down my spine.

“They wound around me. They bound me the same as if I were bound in chains and kept me under. I tried to fight them. I tried so hard, but I couldn’t break free.”

Tears blurred those mesmerizing eyes. “I would have drowned if you hadn’t awakened me. If you hadn’t heard me.”

I shifted so I could pull her flush against me. My hand went to the back of her head and my fingers wound in the strands. My other arm looped around her waist as I crushed her in my hold. “I will always hear you, Aria. Feel you.”

“I think I’m running out of time, Pax.”

“No, Aria. No.” My voice croaked over the rejection.

She blinked up at me. “If they can get to me this way? Keep me from passing into Tearsith and instead drag me someplace else entirely? How can I anticipate an attack when they’re coming for me from every direction? Awake? Sleeping? And in the in-between?”

I edged back to put a foot between us, and both my hands flew out to frame her face as the water pounded into her back. I dipped down to make sure she was looking at the truth of what I said. “I won’t sleep. I won’t drink or eat or rest until I’ve ensured that you’re safe. Not until we end that Ghorl.”

Curling her hands around my wrists, she peered up at me. Trusting me. Loving me. All while a storm battered in the middle of us, raging against our shores.

Reverence filled her voice. “I want you to know, whatever happens or however this turns out, that tonight, with you? It was the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

I inhaled a shaky sound and crushed her against me, her cheek pressed to the ravaging of my heart.

Her fingertips dusted up and down my chest, over the designs that howled and the scars that wept. She peeked up at me. “Is it always like that?”

My lips pressed to the top of her head as I released a weighted sigh. “No, Aria. Not even close. There’s nothing that could compare to you. It was ...”

How the hell did I put that into words?

“Otherworldly.” I figured it was the best I could do.

Her nails scratched a little deeper as she looked up at me. The softest smile teased the edges of those red lips, which were swollen from my kiss. “Magic?”

I tossed her a weak grin. “Something like that, considering the way my princess has me enchanted.”

Pink lit on her wet cheeks, and she clamped down on her bottom lip. For one second, the two of us gave ourselves over to the type of easiness that could never be ours.

Just simply flirting with someone who made our hearts go boom.

Then she sobered, and she brushed her lips over the organ that would always beat for her, no matter how many days it was given. “I think it was just us, Pax.”

I swayed her in my arms, the water pounding over us, my murmur barely breathing, “Yeah, it was just us.”

Lightly, she dragged her fingertips down my side and to my hip. I nearly lost myself all over again as she kept touching me.

“Do you regret it?” she asked.

The way my spirit reacted to the question was visceral. A rush of incredulity gushed from my nose. I’d been so sure all this time that I should. Shame striking me at the idea of having her this way. Worry that I was only going to make things worse. Put her in more danger.

It didn’t take much to discern the only regret I could ever find would be in hurting her in some way.

“Do you?” I asked instead of answering.

“No, I could never regret you.”

“Then no. Not even a little bit. You are the only good thing that’s ever happened to me. I fucking love you. I didn’t even know what that meant until I saw you in that room. I had no idea that every second of my life was adding up to bring me to that very spot. And I promise that every second I have left? Each of them belong to you.”

“I dreamed of it ... of you loving me that way. Back in my room when I felt so alone.”

I hugged her to me. “You’re not alone anymore, Aria. And as long as I’m still breathing, you’re never going to be.”

We washed each other then, letting our hands drift and explore.

It felt like with each caress, the stigma of what we’d believed was washed away, giving way to a new understanding.

Our understanding.

We were in this thing together, in every fucking way we could possibly be.

When the water began to cool, I shut off the faucet and scooped her up again, and I grabbed the two thin white towels from the rack and wrapped them around us as best as I could. Then I carried her back out to the dull glow in the dingy room.

“I’m capable of walking, you know.” She whispered the affected, soggy words as she peered up at me.

I pressed my lips to her temple. “I know, but I don’t want to let you go.”

So, rather than doing that, I climbed down onto the floor with her, laid her out on the white sheet, and grabbed the blanket that had slipped off the bed when she’d been trapped. It was only damp on one edge, so I tossed it out, unfurling it so it coasted down to cover us.

Then I took her in my arms again.

Our naked bodies plastered together.

No barriers left.

“You should try to sleep,” I murmured where my lips were pressed to her forehead. “I’ll be awake, watching over you.”

Aria barely shook her head, and she took my hand and wove our fingers together. She pressed our hands tight between us. “Come with me, Pax. If you hold me like this? I’ll be with you wherever you are. I can feel it.”

Anxiety had that ball of razors taking a tumble down my throat again. “I’m terrified of losing you there.”

“You won’t,” she promised, and she lifted our hands and kissed across my knuckles. “You won’t. Just hold on to me.”

Somehow, I managed to pull her even closer, and I dipped down and kissed her, my fingers threaded in her hair and my spirit tangled in her soul.

I inhaled her, took her into my lungs.

Coconut and the girl.

And I whispered, “I won’t. You are what my heart knows.”