Chapter Nineteen Pax

Chapter Nineteen

Pax

Light streamed through the cracks in the drapes, rays spearing into the dim light and covering her in glittering gold.

Her breaths were deep and long as she slept. As she found the peace that I so desperately wanted her to possess.

Rage threatened to close off my throat when I thought about not knowing how long that would last.

I scrubbed an agitated hand over my face. How the fuck would I ever be able to give that peace to her?

For hours, I’d watched her sleep, sitting on the side of the shitty twin bed, my stomach in knots as I contemplated what all this meant.

Finally, I’d started to pace the small room because I couldn’t remain sitting still. Thinking if I kept moving, I could find some clarity. An answer. A solution to get her out of this.

Anxiety tripped through my bloodstream.

I’d had one singular goal in mind when I’d left Las Vegas three days ago.

Get to Aria and get her out.

But there hadn’t been a whole lot of time to contemplate what we would do after.

Running seemed the only prudent answer.

The problem with that was, whatever you were running from always had a way of catching up to you. And no matter where we went, evil would lurk in every corner.

Wickedness covered this Earth in a shroud that humans were blind to.

But I saw it clearly.

Every night and every day.

I knew the sickness. Knew the depravity.

I didn’t only hunt it in Faydor. I hunted it while I was awake.

It’d been my sole purpose since I’d understood what this calling meant.

Now my gaze slanted to Aria. To the purpose I should have known would be mine all along.

The tiniest moan murmured from between her lips as she shifted from her back and rolled onto her side, leaving her face fully turned toward me.

I guessed what I’d been most unprepared for was what had slammed into me the moment I saw her.

The way the protectiveness had pulsed, a blast hitting me so hard that it’d shattered the boundaries of the way I’d seen her before. It had been my own thoughts that veered in a direction I couldn’t let them go when I first saw her in the flesh.

My gut had tangled in a need I should not feel.

Hungry for something that I knew better than to ever take.

It wasn’t like I hadn’t known she would be a beautiful woman. But I’d convinced myself that I could never see her that way, even though it’d grown harder to keep my thoughts from drifting that way over the last year.

It’d become impossible when she’d been standing in front of me.

Whole and in the flesh.

Knocking the fucking breath from my lungs. And when she’d reached out and touched me with those tender fingers? I’d nearly come undone.

I gave a harsh shake of my head to stop the thoughts from spiraling. From devolving into indecency.

I knew the warnings. The tales that had been given. How Valeen had loved Kreed, only he’d desired her power more. His greed to rise above her had cut them in two, and that sundering had created Faydor, the Kruen his offspring.

We’d been told that as Valeen’s children, we would suffer the same consequence. That our duty to our Nol was only to fight the evils of Kreed, and anything beyond that would lead only to destruction.

Even though there was no part inside me that could ever imagine turning on her, I couldn’t take that chance. Couldn’t allow my thoughts to go that direction.

My responsibility was protecting her.

That was it.

I paced back to the window, and I used the barrel of my gun to nudge back the drape an inch so I could peer out.

I’d already done it a hundred times.

Ensuring it was clear.

My nerves edged into a frenzied chaos that I knew better than to try to shake.

I squinted against the blinding light, the winter sky clear and crisp.

I scanned our surroundings.

There’d been little movement since we’d gotten here, the motel mostly quiet. There were only three other vehicles in the spaces in front of the motel rooms.

On the opposite side of the lot was a diner. It was busier there, and a handful of cars and pickups were parked in front.

Two semitrucks sat in an open field in between, and I’d seen one of the drivers amble into the diner an hour before.

The other I had yet to see.

Another of those soft moans echoed from behind me. I swore I could feel the air stir as she shifted. Could feel her presence caress over my flesh like the greedy brush of fingertips.

My teeth ground as I turned to look at her.

Aria sat up, and the covers slipped down around her waist. My gray tee draped over her tall, slender frame.

Her long, black hair rained around her, though it was a matted, tangled mess. The midnight locks only made her pale skin seem paler, only it glowed, vibrant in the bare rays that flooded the room.

Glinting sparks that grazed the defined angles of her face.

She was a clash of severe and soft.

Her cheekbones high and her nose straight.

Her plush mouth contrasted her acute edges, a pink bow of temptation, her chin kissed with a dimple.

But it was those eyes that matched mine that nearly did me in.

The way they watched me like they could see through to the deepest places inside me.

Into places I didn’t allow people to go.

But this was Aria we were talking about, and I didn’t know how to stand in the weight of who she was and who she could never be.

“Hey,” I managed to grumble.

“Hi,” she whispered. Uncertainty bound her brow, and there was no missing the unease cut into her consciousness.

“How do you feel?” I asked.

Her head barely shook, and she blinked at me, gaze so intent I thought she was trying to see right through me. “Like I woke up in a world that isn’t supposed to exist.”

“It’s your world now, Aria.”

Swallowing, she dipped her chin. “I know.”

“Was any of our family in Tearsith?”

Her head shook. “No. I was alone.”

“Good. I wanted you to rest.”

“I did.”

We wavered in that apprehension for a few seconds before she looked up at me. “You should do the same now.”

“No point in it. I won’t be able to sleep. We need to get you something to wear and something to eat; then I think we’d better be on our way.” Sitting idle would only make us easier targets. We needed to keep moving.

Concern edged into her expression. “But you’re exhausted.”

“I told you before that you don’t need to worry about me.”

Soft disbelief filled her features. “Don’t ask me not to worry about you, Pax. You know that’s not possible.”

I swallowed around the lump in my throat, unable to give her an answer, to open my mouth and give voice to this thing that swelled around us, a current so fucking strong it held the power to drag me to the depths of the darkest sea.

I glanced back out the window to the calm that still remained on the other side. “There’s a store across the street. I’m going to see if I can find anything for you to wear. Don’t open this door for anyone, okay?”

She nodded again. “I won’t.”

Her words were thin—and shit, I hated the pressure that strained between us, but falling into comfort wasn’t going to do either of us any good.

“I’ll be back as quickly as I can.” I tucked my gun into the waist of my jeans, hiding it under my tee before I pulled on a coat and slipped out the door. My stomach was in knots at the thought of leaving her for even a second.

I rattled the handle, making sure it was secure, before I jogged across the dirt lot, figuring it’d be faster to go by foot.

There was no shaking the sticky sense that crawled over me.

The urge to return to her.

To stand by her.

A lure that called for me to return to her side.

It was going to be a fucking problem.

With a break in the traffic on the two-lane road that cut through the desolate town, I ran across it toward the small discount store situated in a rundown strip mall on the other side.

A bell jangled overhead when I tore open the door. The eyes of the woman behind the counter went wide when she saw me. Alarm blanching her skin white at the sight of me.

I ignored her.

I was used to it.

The way people shifted on the disquiet that infiltrated the air because they knew there was something about me that was off.

Wrong.

Inhuman.

Most dropped their gazes. Unable to look me in the eyes. Turned away. Crossed the street when they saw me coming.

Others seemed drawn to it, feeding off the morbid curiosity and the fear that spiked their blood with a heady rush of adrenaline when I got into their space.

No matter their reaction, they all knew I was dangerous, but none of them had a clue what the fuck that really meant.

I scanned the store. It basically stocked a little bit of everything. Housewares and toiletries, cleaning supplies, some packaged food. Clothing and shoes ran along the far side.

I moved quickly down the aisles. There wasn’t much of a selection, but I grabbed whatever I could. Based on the way Aria swam in my shirt, on the way I knew her, the way she was so much the same and so goddamn different than she was in Tearsith, I surmised she wore a small.

She was close to being too skinny.

Like this reality had worn her thin.

Even though every part of her radiated with a bridled strength. Like here, her ferocity had remained untapped, but it might come ripping out at any moment.

I found some leggings and tees, underwear, some copycat Vans, and a package of fuzzy socks. Two sweatshirts. Then I headed to the toiletries section and piled whatever shit I could get into my arms, and on my way to the register, I snagged a green duffel printed with You’ve got a friend in Pennsylvania from an endcap.

Doubtful.

I could feel the stare of the cashier tracking me the whole time, and she eased back from the counter as I strode her way. I dumped the pile onto the counter. The whole time, I kept looking over my shoulder, out the panes of glass to the motel across the street, ready to go flying in that direction if the energy shifted even a fraction.

“Will that be everything?” The woman’s voice shook as she eyed the items.

“Yeah.”

She kept fumbling and trembling as she scanned everything while I stood there itching like a beast, the urge to get back to Aria close to overwhelming.

“Your total is $173.57.” She basically issued it to her feet, the discomfort seeping from her so thick that I felt sorry for her.

But what the fuck was I going to say?

Spit out that I wasn’t going to hurt her?

That it was my job to protect her?

Digging into my back pocket, I pulled out my wallet and counted out $200 worth of twenties. I tossed them on the counter before I grabbed the plastic bags she’d filled and strode for the door.

Surprise echoed from behind me, and finally she called when I got to the door, “Don’t you want your change?”

“Keep it,” I threw out, voice rough, pushing out and heading for the motel. Needing to get to Aria.

The dull hum I’d always felt somewhere at the back of my brain screamed.

It was the same one that had led me to her in Albany.

A compass that existed somewhere in my spirit.

One that promised there wasn’t a place she could go that I wouldn’t find her.

I’d always thought that it’d been another messed-up consequence of being who I was. Human but ... not. The constant noise in my head that so often had made me feel like I was losing it.

Now I got that it was Aria.

She was the sound.

The drum.

The chaotic, frenzied song that beat inside me.

I ran across the street and went directly to the door. Relief heaved from me on the breath that I’d been holding when I found her sitting on the side of the bed, raking her fingers through the matted locks of her black hair.

I tossed the bags onto the end of the bed. “You won’t be winning any fashion awards, but I found a few things.”

She choked out a small surprised laugh as she peeked into the bags before she peered up at me with the tiniest smile hinting on her mouth. “I’ll have you know I only wear name brands.”

Air huffed from my nose, and something in the hardened cavity of my chest cracked. Surprised that she found any lightness or ease in the middle of this mess.

“Is that so?” I played along.

“That’s right. These are not going to do.” She pulled out the white canvas shoes and waved them like proof.

“Always knew you’d be a princess.” My haggard voice had somehow pitched into a tease.

Her eyes widened in a razzing challenge. “A princess? Are you trying to offend me? Tell me that’s not what you imagined when you woke up every day and thought of me.”

Every molecule in my being softened as I stared at her. This woman who was barely more than a girl, but the things she’d faced in this twisted life shackling her with more horrible experiences than any one person had ever suffered before her.

“Maybe that’s what I hoped. That you were a princess living in a castle. Safe and protected.”

Any playfulness that had been in her expression drained. “But it’s not been that way for either of us, has it? And I can’t help but wonder what that looked like for you.”

Sincerity wove into her words, this care that slipped through me in a way that I couldn’t let it.

Aria understood more than she should, like she recognized what had been carved inside me.

This loneliness.

The solitude.

I’d learned to find comfort in it. Knew it was for the best. Getting close to someone only hurt you in the end, and I could afford no attachments.

Could trust no one.

Aria’s teeth plucked at her bottom lip, so fucking pretty, so fucking real.

The hollowed-out hole inside me throbbed.

I should have looked down, turned away, except her expression shifted, and I was trapped when it twisted into awe.

“Thank you, Pax. For this.” She hugged the shoes to her chest, and she swallowed hard. “For coming for me. For fighting for me. For putting yourself on the line for me.”

With a gentle shake of her head, she blinked. “I know what this sacrifice means. How great it is. That it is too much.” She clutched the shoes tighter. Emphasis poured from those plush, pink lips. “And to know that you heard me? That you heard me in my torment? That you heard me calling for you? I don’t—”

She clipped off, her brow pinching before she was whispering in reverence, “I didn’t think it was possible. I never hoped to think it was possible that you’d know. That you could find me. That you could feel me.”

A tremble rolled through her body. “You saved me. I don’t know what would have happened had you not come.”

My hands curled into fists.

I had to remind myself that this was temporary.

Still, I moved forward, took her by the chin, and stared down at the one face that had ever meant anything in my life, the one that had been marked in my mind and imprinted in my soul, and made a promise that I was forbidden to make. “I will always come for you.”