Chapter XXVI

Good at Heart, Evil in Theory

"I can see why you don't want to leave this place," Hamilton said. He was seated beside Jeremiah on a pyung-sang; a wide and square wooden bench big enough to fit at least four people. It was low to the ground and also acted as a table with its size. Min-jae had built it with his own hands so that he and Jeremiah could enjoy the outside in comfort without going too far from the hanok.

Jeremiah had begun sitting under the sun most mornings now that Spring was in full swing. From where the pyung-sang was situated, he could watch Min-jae from afar at the perimeter of their own home. Given the slope of the village, the rolling hills of tea and other crops sprouting from the lower terrain were in perfect view. Every acre of the land could be appreciated no matter which direction he looked, and Jeremiah was a bit grateful to have been able to watch it change with the seasons.

Autumn had gone fairly quickly, Winter almost seemed to never fade, and now they were in the midst of Spring. The ginkgo trees were no longer a brilliant yellow, but as their luster slumbered under healthy green leaves at this time of year, the vibrant pinks of the seasonal plum blossoms were in full bloom instead.

With Hamilton beside Jeremiah, enjoying the world together under the moon was just as nice on this night.

"You get it," Jeremiah said, leaning on his palms, and his eyes searched the glitter of stars about the sky. "I've sent you countless pictures over the months, but there really isn't anything a camera can capture as beautifully as the naked eye."

Lying back upon the bench, Hamilton folded his fingers over his stomach as he looked into the sky as well. He might not be able to appreciate the world in all its glory under the shine of a warm sun anymore, but his enhanced vision surely could see more of the night now than any human being ever would without the workings of a telescope.

"I'm just glad this place has been a much better experience for you," Hamilton said, watching as a shooting star appeared to fall toward the edge of the night. "You can imagine how badly I miss having you home, but…this is your home, too, and I've come to accept that. If not with your father and I, you belong here, where Min-jae can watch over you."

"He doesn't watch over me as closely as you think," Jeremiah chuckled, looking down on himself when a nudge shifted in his womb.

Being five months along now, the movements had picked up, and he had to admit it was still an incredibly bizarre feeling. Acknowledging this life growing in him was one thing, but being able to feel it move inside of him was remarkable and strange.

"But he's here all the time, yeah?" Hamilton asked. While no happenings had touched Saengsacho since Demiesius and Eros' visit, knowing Min-jae was always near enough to see Jeremiah had always put Hamilton and Demiesius' minds at ease.

"Majority of the time, yes," Jeremiah said, placing a hand over where a shift knocked from within. "But he's still out in the fields and checking in with neighbors. He's very attentive to everything around here, and I respect the type of dedication he has for the things he cares about. He always lets me know I'm at the top of that list, and he makes certain I'm comfortable and have what I need, but once he's out the door, I try to hold off on my wants and needs so he can focus. He enjoys what he does."

"And you respect his work," Hamilton interjected.

"I do," Jeremiah nodded. "As simple as it may seem, he's living his dream, and I'm glad I get to watch that dream unfold with him."

Hamilton thought that was such an immensely beautiful thing for Jeremiah to say; it seemed as though Jeremiah was included in that dream Min-jae was living day by day.

Every second that'd gone by since his eldest left the walls of the castle yet again, Hamilton hoped relief and joy followed Jeremiah every step he took. Knowing how devoted Min-jae was to the things and people that matter most to him put his own heart at ease.

Hamilton sat up again and crossed his legs, tucking his hands between them. He had a question on his mind he very much wanted to ask. He didn't consider it too invasive, and it was something he was curious about regarding all his children; Jeremiah more so since he was so far along in his life now.

Having been a sheltered boy growing up under the eyes of a father and a brother, it seemed Jeremiah had only begun to live a proper and unguarded life after forty-some years. In the time that followed, he'd been captured by what he thought was an unbreakable first love, experienced his first dangers, and…while Hamilton wasn't blind to his son's woes, he'd never wanted to pester him so as not to come off as a nuisance. In his eyes, Jeremiah was so obviously happy right here and now, but was there more he could be looking for? And if so, what was it?

"Do you have dreams, Jeremiah?" Hamilton asked, and when the dhampir looked his way, the perplexity in Jeremiah shone through. "Outside of this?" Hamilton went on. "So you don't feel pressured, I asked Dominick the same question last night. His answer was that he's already living his dream of being a good father to his girls, a good husband, and as someone who makes your father proud. To make your father proud had been his first and only dream until Raeden came around. Now he feels like his life is all in order."

"Do I have dreams?" Jeremiah hummed and began to stand from the pyung-sang. He stepped into shoes alongside Hamilton as his thoughts collected.

Starting away from the bench, the two began to distance themselves from the hanok. The field was vast and the edge was lined with tall plush trees.

As Jeremiah thought, he couldn't stop thinking of the actual dreams that'd continued to come to him whenever he would slumber. Either submerged in an endless ocean trailed by a curious bubble or followed through fields of green by a dancing light, the majority of Jeremiah's dreams were accompanied by a presence he couldn't quite hold. But if there was something he did know about it, it was that it embraced him with the same comfort typically perceived when his feelings were low. It was his baby. He knew it couldn't be anything other than the eager spirit of his baby peeking through to him.

"My dreams…" Jeremiah said again, kicking at a stone in the grass as Hamilton watched him. "Dreaming of someone to love me unconditionally sounds a bit cliche, doesn't it? I've always wanted what you and Father have; a love that time couldn't break. During the years you two were made to be apart, I knew Father would have never loved again the way he loved you, and — while sad — I considered a love like that, a love so undying to be incredibly beautiful. Someday I told myself I wanted the same, even if we only remained friends."

Recalling the old letters of longing, of affirmation, and the crestfallen looks his father once gave the old pictures of Hamilton placed through the castle, Jeremiah came to see what exactly this thing called love was supposed to look like. He'd wanted the same, acceptance without judgment, commitment and all its promise, and he was content knowing those elements had caught up with him the moment Min-jae saw something more in him.

Hamilton's smile was big, the faint crinkles on the sides of his eyes looking more like sun rays shining bright. "I think it's safe to say you already have that," he said. "Anything else?"

"I don't know, if I'm honest," Jeremiah shrugged and tucked his hands in the front pocket of his hoodie. While his hands were hidden, they hugged beneath his stomach. "But, perhaps if there is one thing I hope for, it's to be viewed as good. And before you go on about how much you love me, I know, but I want that perception to come from this child I'm having. I want to work on being someone my son or daughter can look at and feel proud that I'm their dad…like how I feel about you and Father."

While words of defense from Hamilton and Demiesius weren't quite what Jeremiah was looking for, Hamilton still wanted to fill his son with an immeasurable amount of encouragement. Having been able to watch him through the years with Sebastian, Avery, Gabriel, and Lysander, even Zelda, Sienna, Lucius, and Cedric, it was obvious Jeremiah was a natural when it came to children.

Once this baby came forth, Hamilton was positive nothing shy of goodness would be waiting for them. And even if there were any struggles or doubt experienced, Jeremiah had the biggest, most loyal support system to lean on.

"You'll do so well," Hamilton said, stepping up beside Jeremiah, and he placed a tender hand at his lower back.

The mood in the atmosphere seemed to shift then with the breeze that carried by, and when Jeremiah looked upon Hamilton, the troublesome thoughts could almost be seen trying to breach the surface. Jeremiah's brow was knitted, and his lip was bitten. He looked more frustrated with himself than anything else.

"What is it?" Hamilton said. "You know you can talk to me about anything. It's just you and I here."

Jeremiah appeared unsure on whether or not he should share what had been on his mind for months now. He hadn't spoken up about it to anyone, more so because it wasn't something he figured was important enough to dwell on. But still it pestered him day by day, leaving him restless and doubtful .

Over the months, Mrs. Mok's words had stayed with Jeremiah since their little conversation at her home. Her rendition of what exactly the Pyreneans were used for hadn't stopped ringing in his head; the emphasis on evil most of all. If the damned thing hadn't worked in knocking Jeremiah's capabilities down a massive peg, perhaps he wouldn't be so concerned with it, but to know the plant had done what these people were promised it would, it brought forth an uncertainty Jeremiah had only ever considered once in his life.

When he was but a boy discovering what exactly he was, a half-human, half-vampire boy, the required consumption of blood had made him feel incredibly lost and disgusting. And the chilling myths that followed vampires made him feel that much more like he was a monster walking in a world he didn't belong. While he'd been nothing more than a confused and shaken boy who'd grown into a confused adult, it'd taken the nurturing of his parents to accept that he was and had always been the person he was meant to be, and living this life as a half-vampire didn't make him a depraved being from birth.

— an evil that walks in the flesh —

But to have been plundered of all the durability he'd had all his life up until now, something outside of his own conviction was holding onto the fact that he was a corrupt abnormality.

"Jeremiah," Hamilton wiped away the tears his son wasn't aware he'd shed. "Talk to me. What's troubling you? I don't want you to stress."

"Dad," Jeremiah at last spoke, clearing the rest of his face with his sleeve. "Do you think it's possible for someone to be evil by default?"

"Oh, Jeremiah," Hamilton shook his head feverishly. "You are not evil. Where are these thoughts coming from?"

"Just answer the question," he pleaded. "Do you think it's possible for someone to be evil by default? By default. Think about us, for instance. From what Dominick told us when Lilith's sister brought Raeden out of his lost nature years ago, she said Rogues are vampires returning to their initial state. The rage, the near-unstoppable thirst and even the physical changes that occur in our appearance when maddened enough; our bodies are backing into a natural state. No matter if we've never experienced being lost to that extent, it's a state of being we go to when nurturing fails. Without proper guidance, we'd all be a danger to society."

"Jeremiah—."

"You don't agree?" the dhampir interrupted. "How could you not? Your job used to be cleaning the streets of vampires looking for blood; they never cared about the death they left behind so long as they got their fill. Every vampire you were ever tasked to get rid of, were they not in line to do more damage than they'd already done? You killed them, because of the atrocities they caused. Right? Yes or no?"

"Yes, Jeremiah," Hamilton gave in. "But that's not you . You are good. You have never and will never sink to the far-gone level of a Rogue."

"I want to believe you," Jeremiah scoffed, dragging his hands into the top of his hair. "With how much the Pyrenean has taken from me, it's come to my attention that it considers me a being monstrous enough to infect with its purity. The people of Saengsacho believe the flower has the ability to weaken evil beings, and I am no longer what I used to be. But, in doing so, it has also taken me from the one person who would have always been able to keep me as I am now."

There was an odd peace on Jeremiah's face, a mixture of acceptance and amusement.

"What do you mean?" Hamilton asked, not quite sure if he wanted the answer.

"Father and I can't reach each other as we once could," Jeremiah explained. "Through our thoughts and sensations, I'd always been connected to him. Being able to speak to me, as if directly to my heart, was Father's most vital key to keeping me in check. Without him…"

Jeremiah didn't finish, but Hamilton didn't need him to. He'd already been informed enough by Demiesius on what outcomes would follow if ever Jeremiah's current mentality slipped away. It would be a living nightmare.

"I have a request," Jeremiah said then, taking his dad's hand in his, and he smiled into the light gems that matched half of his. "If something ever does happen to me, tell my child I was good. Even if it turns out to be a lie, tell them I was good."

Hamilton bit his lip, grip securing around Jeremiah's hand a little more. He raised his other and placed it on his eldest's cheek, passing his thumb beneath Jeremiah's eye, and he nodded without a word. There didn't appear to be anything he nor anyone could say to prove to Jeremiah things would turn out well from here on. He was in an incredibly loving relationship with someone who valued all aspects of him, they were expecting to welcome a baby and lived together in a place that was so peaceful it seemed impossible that any bad could take hold of it again.

"But don't worry about me," Jeremiah added. "My own worries don't mean I'm not going to do the best I can. This baby already means everything to me, and the last thing I want is for them to know the world a lot like I did when I was small. If it can be helped, I'm here to stay."

Hamilton tapped a gentle hand against Jeremiah's cheek, keeping with his son's eyes. He was sure there were lots he didn't quite know about Jeremiah despite their years together. They were close in a sense of being able to speak openly with one another, but that didn't mean there still weren't topics here and there Jeremiah would rather keep to under wraps, and Hamilton respected that.

As for his other children, Hamilton thought himself informed enough to say he knew just about everything about Sebastian, Avery, Gabriel, and Lysander. The boys would run to share things with him, were eager for advice, and if there was one thing he knew best, it was how highly the boys thought of Jeremiah. They loved him as their brother, thought he was incredibly noble, intelligent, respected him, and — while they missed him so much now that he was far from the castle, their respect for him remained impenetrable.

"Can I tell you something?" Hamilton asked.

Jeremiah nodded.

"The other night, after Dominick's tutoring was over and he'd returned home with Lucius and Cedric, Sebastian seemed a bit far away. You know Sebastian," Hamilton chuckled. "He's exuberant and brazen more often than not, and although he has Avery, Gabriel, and Lysander at home and the twins see him often, I can see how afraid he's become now that you're gone. To him you're his fearless older brother. Fearless but kind and gentle, patient, and though the differences between you two are blatant as ever, it's your goodness he hopes will shine through him. No matter what anyone else in the world could ever say about you, Jeremiah, no others matter more than those closest to you. You are good."

Warmed from the inside out, an appreciation touched through Jeremiah. He and Hamilton turned toward the hanok when the sound of a gliding door interrupted them.

Having returned home some minutes ago to shower, Min-jae looked refreshed with damp hair, and he held out a plastic bag filled with strawberries. "I collected enough to take back for the boys, Mr. Titus."

Hamilton couldn't help a laugh at the manner Min-jae addressed him. He was so respectful even though he'd already been given the go-ahead to call him by his given name.

Joining the Korean dhampir in the kitchen area, Hamilton kindly received the bag and peered inside. The last time he'd eaten a strawberry was a year or two after Lysander was born, and while the fresh fruit looked delicious enough to eat, the solid would surely disrupt his stomach. Watching the boys enjoy them at home would be nice enough, though.

"Thank you," Hamilton said. "I know they'll appreciate it, just as much as I appreciate you taking care of my boy here. But I'll get out of your hair now."

With that, Jeremiah sent his love and well wishes along with Hamilton before Min-jae gladly assisted in mastering him back to the castle.

When the two materialized, before Min-jae could say goodbye, he was stopped when Hamilton closed a fast hand around his wrist.

"Min-jae," Hamilton said, the stress in his tone immediately determined no matter if he tried to appear calm. "I just want to say thank you for loving my son. You two are doing so well together, but if there is anything at all you ever need, you can always come to my husband and I. We're always here. Always."

Where is this coming from? Min-jae thought, but he nodded regardless. "Of course," he assured. "Jeremiah is the first person I've ever loved, and I'm confident enough to say he'll be the only person I ever love." Min-jae smiled to himself then, and crossed his arms over his chest, shifting a bit awkwardly as a redness came to his face. "This might sound strange, but every day I'm grateful he was born. I hadn't existed for so long, and the odds of us meeting should've been impossible considering where I was eventually born. But if time, distance, and circumstances couldn't stop us, I don't think anything in the world has the power to pull us apart. I love your son very much, Mr. Titus, and I plan to carry that out for a very, very long time."

Hamilton's bright eyes sparkled and glowed delightfully that it seemed a beam of light might shine from them. He was beside himself with happiness to hear an admission as promising as Min-jae's, more so because his words were for Jeremiah.

When Min-jae vanished, Hamilton started further into the castle. It was 10:00am here and the iron guards were down. He was considerably exhausted since he would usually sleep through the daylight hours, but he'd been trying to change his sleep schedule since Jeremiah's departure.

Moving through the darkened halls, few light fixtures were on, and he could hear Sebastian and Avery in the dining area discussing what sounded like lessons Dominick had lectured them through some hours ago. When he entered the kitchen, the light of the refrigerator shone upon Gabriel and Lysander helping themselves to what lay inside .

"Dad!" Lysander went for him first, and Hamilton couldn't help a bit of laughter when the youngest Titus boy hurriedly embraced him. "You weren't gone as long as I thought you'd be. Welcome home."

"I didn't want to pester your brother too much," Hamilton admitted, patting a hand at Lysander's back. "But Min-jae did give me these strawberries for you all to share."

Receiving the fruit, Gabriel shut the fridge and poked his head in the bag. "The perks of knowing someone with a garden. Free food." Drifting to the sink, Gabriel dumped the strawberries into a bowl and rinsed them. "How was Jeremiah?"

"He's doing well," Hamilton said, not wanting to get too deep into his worries for Jeremiah since everything else was going well right now anyways. "Couple more months and I'll be a very young-looking grandpa, and you all will have a niece or a nephew. Isn't that exciting?"

"Yeah!" Lysander chimed in. "I just wish Jeremiah still lived here. Going to see him is fun, but…never mind. I should be happy for him." He looked toward Hamilton. "Right?"

"Right," Hamilton nodded firmly. "Your brother is happy and in good hands. That's all that matters."

Plucking strawberries from the bowl, Gabriel, and Lysander each tossed one into their mouths. A moment later, they were joined by Sebastian and Avery who welcomed their dad and helped themselves to the fruit as well.

At the sound of footsteps, Demiesius appeared in the archway fully dressed still as if he'd been waiting up for Hamilton's return. He would have traveled with his husband, but there'd been some things for him to tend to in the early hours of the morning .

"Come, my love," Demiesius beckoned with an outstretched hand. "Let us head for bed."

"Come, my love," Sebastian mimicked with a hand over his heart like he was quoting Shakespear, and his jest caused Avery, Gabriel, and Lysander to snicker. "Let us head for bed. You must be exhausted, my love. "

Amused by the playful gag, Hamilton chuckled into his hand, watching Demiesius arch a brow in their son's direction. He looked like he wasn't offended, but also wasn't quite sure what to say.

To save Demiesius from the light-hearted laughter of their children, Hamilton took the elder's hand and turned them from the kitchen. "Let's," he said. "And while we're at it; Sebastian, I expect all the halls to be mopped before nightfall."

"Seriously?!" Sebastian shouted. "Wait!"

The laughter from the rest of the boys picked up as Demiesius and Hamilton carried on. "You and your big mouth," Avery added, and he was followed by Gabriel and Lysander as they started for their favorite entertainment room. "Make sure the floors are spotless!"