8. Deacon

Idon't want to leave. I know I have to. I know it's necessary, but I don't want to. Every fiber of my being wishes I could package her up and bring her with me. Not because she isn't strong enough to stand alone but because I don't know if I am.

It's been the two of us for as long as I can remember, and I don't know if I can breathe without her. It's all I can think while I watch her put on a brave face for me while sucking down her strawberry shake. We spent the morning having breakfast at our favorite hole-in-the-wall and then went on a run that took us around the outskirts of town.

The chase lacked its usual enthusiasm, both of us warring on the inside. I could see her trying but knew the light-hearted nips were for my benefit.

Even sitting across from her at the diner, sadness shrouds her. It is palpable, and it makes my wolf restless under my skin.

We are hurting her.

On a logical level, I understand why we need to finish this, but my wolf only feels her distress and wants to fix it.

We can't fix it.

We are the cause.

I reach across the table, grab her hand, and spin the ring she wears on her left finger—the promise ring I gave her at the tree house. It didn't cost much, but I designed it to encapsulate all we were. Unending and connected through nature and love. She hadn't taken it off outside of shifting since that night.

I could always look at it and know our future was solid. Know that even if we were mad or stressed, we would get through it. It was my visual proof of our love.

Her hand slides on top of mine, stopping the movement and drawing my eyes to her.

"You have a lot to worry about in the coming months: proving your strength, finding allegiances, and holding up the story that you are loyal to the Marlo pack. The one thing you don't have to worry about is us. It's just time. It's just space. It's temporary." She says, trying to reassure the part of me that has always believed that I wasn't enough.

Enough for her, the pack, my family.

When you grow up in the shadow of love, that darkness can seep inside you, touching all of the places you try to make bright.

Grace is everything bright in me. Without her, there"s only darkness.

"I know, Tails. I just don't know how to let you go," I say honestly, meeting her gaze. Her eyes scan my face, but I can't tell if she is searching for answers or trying to memorize me.

"You aren't letting me go. You're trusting The Fates to watch over us both until we can start the next phase of our lives." She smiles, and the sadness leaves her eyes for the first time all day, and I realize she's saying it as much for her as she is for me.

Trust The Fates.

"I trust you, so if you trust them, then I will too," I whisper before bringing her knuckles to my lips to kiss the ring. "Finish your shake. The farewell party starts soon."

She rolls her eyes, knowing as I do that the party is a front my father puts on to appear human.

People buy the act because who could believe a man could only love two of his three children? He has his golden boy and his princess. I'm an obligation that he wishes he could return.

"Leave it to our Alpha to take our last hours together to mandate a function. Any chance we can slip away and spend them in the treehouse instead?" she asks, suggestively lifting her eyebrow. My cock is immediately on board, but I know if I don't show up or leave early, the punishment will be worse, and I don't want to be healing when I meet the other Alphas. These retreats are notorious dick-measuring contests, and anything could give them the upper hand.

I may not want power, but its value in this world is a currency I may need to get out of here. I'll play whatever games I need to in order to give Grace the life she deserves. I will be worthy of her.

I smile, wishing I could give her one more night, one more orgasm, one more memory to hold onto while I'm gone, but knowing it wouldn't be enough.

Forever won't be long enough.

***

One thing you can count on from my father is a lavish event that makes him look good. When it comes to his image, he holds nothing back. This farewell party is no exception. Lights hang from beams across the courtyard, music filters through every space, and everyone who is anyone is here.

As the guest of honor, you would think I would have had a say in some of these aspects, but my opinions weren't necessary. Hell, I'm sure I wasn't necessary. I was another pawn in his game of power. Another Alpha son to parade around in front of lower pack members to remind them of his strength.

This was a waste of precious time I should have been spending with Grace.

Minutes after arriving, we had already said hello to a handful of our old school friends and were huddled up at one of the tables in the back, enjoying each other"s company. Luca and Rachel had joined us, and Ashley came by occasionally with a new group of annoying thirteen-year-old groupies.

Luca and Rachel had been dating on and off since high school, but neither wanted to commit because they knew they weren't Mates.

Seeing as only about one in ten wolves ever found their Mate, it seemed like a waste to me that they wouldn't just give their relationship a shot. Glancing over at Grace, I knew we wouldn't have that problem. Mates or not, she's mine, and I'm hers. We've talked at length about both possibilities.

If she isn't what they chose for me, then she's what I choose for myself.

It's not like we'd be likely to find our Mates if we weren't because our plans had us living outside of most shifter circles, in our cabin, away from the politics and incessant need for power.

I bring her hand to my lips and kiss the ring.

She's Mine.

My wolf rises to my skin as if needing to defend that statement, but I push him down, knowing there is no threat here.

Luca leans over to me, trying to talk above the music but quiet enough not to be overheard.

"Remember what I told you, Fratello. It's a test of loyalty, strength, and alliance. Use this time to rafforzare il branco. Make the pack strong." He looks at me, his face full of confidence, and I wish I could tell him the truth: that this pack means nothing to me, that I will be leaving it when I finish the training, and I will never return.

I love my mother, Ashley, and him, but nothing means more to me than getting away from a world that plans to use my strength to start wars, displace families, and create a pack built on fear and blood.

Grace doesn't need to be a part of that world. Grace needs books, nature, and children who grow up in peace.

We can't find that here.

"Of course, il mio futuro alfa. Il branco di lupi viene prima," I say, sliding into Italian, so Grace doesn't have to hear my lies. The wolf pack comes first? Only to those who plan to be a part of it.

He nods, sliding his arm around Rachel and pulling her into his lap. He seems more relaxed than I have seen him. Our sparring sessions have become less and less frequent as my departure grows closer, and for a moment, I wonder who will help him. Who will give him the strength to take control from our father in the coming years?

Luca's wolf isn't as strong as our Alpha's. Hell, his wolf barely beats most of the Betas in the ranks, and usually, it"s only with his use of command.

Guilt hits me, and momentarily, I wonder if leaving is the right choice. He didn't choose to be the firstborn. He didn't choose the life he would have to live or the weight of the pack he would need to carry.

If we stay, we will never be free.

My wolf speaks, reminding me of these scenarios we have run through. Luca will be safe. Ashley will be protected. Our mother will be secure as Luna, no matter what happens.

It's our job to protect Grace.

I kiss the top of her head, wrapping my arms around her as she lays against me. I use this moment to take in her scent, her warmth, all of her in these final moments.

"You aren't even listening….D!" My little sister whines, and I turn my attention back to her, trying to remember what she was talking about.

"Katie said that when her cousin went to his retreat, he had to scale a cliff with his bare hands, and half of the Alphas fell. Is that true? Do they make you do stuff like that?" she asks, her eyes large with worry.

"I'm sure they have all kinds of ways to torment and torture us, but you know me, Ash, I will be fine," I say, trying to ease her concern without alerting Grace to what lies ahead for me. I have purposely shielded her from what I know will be a grueling few weeks.

From what Luca has passed on, it"s six weeks of enforcers trying to break you down, all leading up to a final three-day blind contest that changes yearly. In Luca's year, they were stranded in teams of three in the mountains and expected to find their way to the flag encampment without being caught, killed, or losing anyone.

Only two teams out of eight succeeded in his year.

Four Alphas died during the final test.

Only three of them were accidents.

At least, that"s what Luca says. I don't know what I'm in for, just that I'm ready to fight my way through whatever it takes to get back to Grace.

"Sorellina, Deacon's strong. We can count on him," Luca says confidently, his eyes flashing to mine. There's something behind them that I can't quite read.

Giovanni: Come here, boy, you have obligations.

The mind link message causes me to tense, alerting Grace, who whips her head back to look at me.

"I have to go. I will meet you at the car later." I grab her chin, pulling her lips to mine, memorizing their taste in this moment before lifting to leave another kiss on her forehead.

"I will come with you," my brother announces, lifting Rachel off his lap and retrieving his drink off the table. His eyes meet mine, still holding something behind them. I try to decode before a mask of indifference falls into place.

We all wear a mask, playing the parts assigned to us. Mine is a shield, Luca's an invitation, and for a moment, I question what mask Grace wears before realizing she doesn't have to play games in this political world like the rest of us. She is pure.

And I will fight for her to remain untarnished by my world.

Walking toward the main hall, I steel my resolve, readying my wolf beneath my skin. My father is a lot of things, but he's not a man who misses any opportunity to exert his power over others. I may be the guest of honor in title, but this isn't my party; it"s his, and if I were betting, this impromptu meeting isn't a fond farewell.