60. Deacon

My head slams into the arena flooring, causing me to lose focus just long enough for my wolf to push through, forcing my shift. I throw the heavy weight on top of me off with a push of my hind legs and whip around, a spectator in my fight. My wolf is calling the shots now.

Blood drips from Giovanni's snout, and he stands there, no longer attacking me, with his eyes fixated on the floor. My wolf is processing too slowly to understand.

I'm not bleeding.

Crouching in preparation to jump, my eyes catch what he's staring at, and I freeze in place.

Lying on his side, facing away from me, is Luca.

Why is he on the platform?

My wolf slowly stalks toward him, very aware of Giovanni standing at his feet. My muzzle pushes against Luca's shoulder, causing him to fall to his back, exposing the gaping hole in his throat.

Nooooooooooooooooooo!

My stomach drops as a whine leaks from me. His eyes are glassy and expressionless, the expanding puddle of blood the only sign he was alive moments ago. Something inside me changes as I look down into the face of the only person who truly loved me. The only person who stood by my side no matter the consequences. The person who died trying to save me from myself.

Brother, you should have known there was nothing left of me to save. I'm a shell of the man you were. This pack needed you to lead them. I'm not you.

Only then do I hear the shouting, not only from the crowd and the council but also from my mother, her wails breaking through all the other noise. My head whips in her direction to see her crumpled on the floor, sobs rolling from her as my sister curls into her chest, tears streaming down her innocent face.

I'm sorry, Ash, you lost the wrong brother.

Giovanni killed Luca. Giovanni killed my brother.

My wolf turns back to him, anger building with each passing moment.

Deacon: Look what you've done!

Giovanni: Me? This is all you, bastardo. Your weakness forced him to intervene. His death is on you.

Deacon: Then yours will be too.

I shout into the mind-link seconds before I turn on him, knocking his wolf to the ground. My jaw snapping shut narrowly misses his right flank, which causes him to kick out his back paw in defense. Seconds turn to minutes as we search for weakness, an opening, a moment to take advantage.

He moves quickly despite his age and uses the memories of my years of fights with Luca to predict my attacks. Reading each as they come and defending them quickly.

His jaw snaps at my face, teeth grazing my muzzle as I lean out of the way of the attack. The move has me off balance, so I kick off the ground in a leap, using the movement to adjust my weight back to center and crashing my weight onto his flank. He attempts to snap at my front paw, but I retract it just in time, snarling and gnashing my teeth in defiance.

We pop up, backs arching, ready for the next attack, as we circle each other, looking for an opening. His front leg gushes blood while a bite at my hip still oozes. His wolf pants, exhaustion evident and I chastise his conditioning.

Deacon: Need to take a break… I guess you should have pushed yourself as hard as you pushed Luca and me.

He doesn't respond; he merely takes his chance, jumping in my direction, jaw open, full force. I dodge the hit, and we roll, battling for control when I force him to the ground beneath me.

Deacon: Submit. Say the words to me so I can hear your defeat.

Panic fills Giovanni's eyes as he realizes he's lost.

Giovanni: I submit.

He sends finally, his voice small, defeated even in my mind.

A snarl rolls from my mouth seconds before my jaws lock around his exposed throat.

Giovanni: I submit. I submit.

He shouts into my mind.

Deacon: I. Don't. Care.

I send before I bite down completely, tearing his throat out just as he had to Luca moments ago.

As understanding sparks in his expression, the truth that his submission was only a cruel gesture I would never follow through on.

He doesn't deserve civility.

Something inside me snaps, breaking away and leaving no trace behind. A dark kind of happiness flows through me, vengeance tasting sweet upon my tongue. The light slowly leaves his eyes, and I howl, letting out all of the day"s emotions and pulling the pack in with me.

Some howl for Luca, others for Giovanni, but in the following moments, I feel my connection to each pack member—an invisible thread tying itself to every wolf until I feel them all.

My Pack.

Mentally, I flip through them, taking in the emotions as they flow uninterrupted through the bond. My wolf relents, allowing me control, and I shift back. Blood coats my jaw and throat as I stand at the center of the platform, Luca and Giovanni at my feet.

Belsom's voice roars again over the microphone.

"The challenge winner, Deacon Marlo, Alpha of the Northern Nevada Pack," he says, causing cheers to go up from some pack members and boos to arise from others.

I lift my hand in the air, and the crowd grows silent. They wait for my command, my words, my leadership.

This was never supposed to be me.

"Some of you will celebrate a change in Alpha. Others will dissent over the loss. Either way, it won't happen tonight. There is no victory in this win. Get this body out of here," I order, pointing to Giovanni. "And prepare the funeral pyre. We mourn my brother's death at dawn," I finish before walking off the platform and heading from the arena.

Before I make it to the exit, the gentle tendrils dance in my mind, letting me know Alexander is back.

He believed you could lead them.

The words come through, but the message confuses me.

What?

Your brother knew you were the more powerful wolf, but he also believed you could lead them, which is why he chose to intervene.

They were never mine to lead. They needed him.

Then it's unfortunate that The Fates disagreed.

Fuck. The. Fates.

Not a fan of the path they have given you, little Alpha?

He says with a laugh that irritates me as I walk into the pack house.

I no longer allow anyone to choose my path.

It's a shame your escape plan didn't pan out. Shall I inform the LLC that you will be running the Northern Nevada Pack?

His question lingers in my mind as I figure out my response.

No. Tell them Deacon Marlo runs the Reno Pack. The Northern Nevada Pack belonged to Luca. It dies with him.

As you wish.

He says before leaving my mind with a subtle caress.

I pause when I reach the stairs, not knowing where I'm going.

Do I go to the Alpha quarters?

My room?

My brothers?

At the thought, my feet begin their march to the third floor.

Tonight, I stay with Luca. Tomorrow, I take over the pack I was never meant to lead. One day at a time until I know what I'm doing.

After a shower, I fall onto Luca's bed, wishing he was still here to guide and help me through this transition I'm utterly unprepared for. For a moment, I think of Frank—my father. Even now, I know that the term will take some time. He was always trying to make me better, teach me what he knew about enforcing, and teach me how to defend myself, even from Giovanni.

I pull against the threads connecting me to him before sending a message.

Deacon: Meet me in the conference room at 7:30 am. Don't be late.

The order goes through, and I feel him receive it. Guilt and something else flow through the bond, but I don't have time to unravel it before he responds.

Frank: Yes, Alpha.

Deacon: And tell Marcus I need to see him before he leaves tomorrow.

Frank: Of course.

One day at a time.

That's how I will lead.

Before I can stop myself, I feel my mind sorting through the threads, looking for hers. I know it isn't fair. I know it isn't right, but I tug on it, feeling her emotions coursing through the bond that connects us. It's a mixture of grief, melancholy, pride, and shame.

The hole in my heart searches for a response to the feelings, wishing I knew which thoughts they were attached to. I take on her grief and her melancholy, adding it to my own. Grace deserves to be happy. I'd always wanted it to be with me, but despite her circumstances, Grace is the kindest person I know. She deserves more than a life filled with regret.

I feel the moment she realizes I've siphoned her emotions. Anger emanates across the bond before her walls slam into place, and I feel empty. The loss of her feelings is another missing piece of me.

I'm pathetic. Sitting here taking her pain away when she's the cause of a huge chunk of mine.

I've lost my girl and my brother.

I've lost myself.

In a few days, she will join a new pack, and our connection will be severed for good. Luca will be laid to rest, and I will stand alone as the Alpha of his pack. The fear simmering beneath the surface finally slides in, filling the empty spaces between me.

Without Grace's light and Luca's goodness, how will I keep the darkness at bay?

Maybe it's time to use the darkness within me to balance the scales.