25. Deacon

December 6, 1982

Tails,

We're two days in, and it's taking every bit of resolve I have to keep from walking out of here and running back to you. So far, everything is exactly as Luca explained. Lots of bullshit psychological tests used to pit us against each other. Worse, my reputation precedes me. The previous Second for the Northern Nevada Pack, Rodriguez, put a target on me. Well, and my partner, too, I guess. Just another day of being me. Twenty-nine cadets made it through day one out of the fifty we started with, so it"s already a huge drop.

I miss everything about you. Don't give me that eyebrow lift. I can prove it. I will list them. Each letter will have more ways that I"ve realized there's a hole in my heart where you used to be. To start, here"s the first ten.

I miss the light that fills your eyes when you look at me. It's like you have so much love that it has nowhere else to go, so it brightens the world around you.

I miss the way your head fits perfectly on my chest, allowing my arms to circle to your back.

I miss the sound that escapes when you surprise yourself. The laugh that rolls out full and loud, almost like a bark, followed by the flush that fills your cheeks as your hand covers your mouth, trying to contain how adorable you are.

I miss tracing the freckles delicately scattered down your arms.

And the goosebumps that appear when I do.

I miss the taste of your kisses, always lightly flavored with your double bubble gum.

I miss the way the sun dances off your scarlet hair, always making me want to ruin your braids.

I miss the weight of your palm in my hand, squeezing twice to reassure me that you're right there.

I miss the way your chin juts out slightly when you feel challenged; the subtle lift makes you appear confident even when you don't feel it.

And last for today, I miss the way you slam your elbow into my ribs when I pick fun at you.

Ten isn't enough to even scratch the surface, but for tonight, I will end my first letter with the promise that there is no joy in my world without you in it.

Impatiently awaiting your response.

D

PS. Did you get your new book?

December 11, 1982

My Deacon,

It's strange still being here without you. All the places that usually bring me such peace leave me feeling blue. I can't tell you how many times I turned to tell you something only to remember you're gone. My legs have a mind of their own. Most afternoons, after work, I find myself walking past your house.

The walk back home is worse. Knowing time will drag on. The only reprieve I get comes from diving into fiction in hopes that imaginary problems will push away the weight lying on my heart since you left. It never lasts long until something reminds me of you, and I'm sucked back into the real world again.

As for missing me, I thought those were supposed to be nice things? A bark?!?! How rude, sir! See if I ever laugh around you again.

I'm glad you made it through the first trial. I know that one was supposed to depend on teams, so you were worried. Twenty gone the first trial!?! That seems like a lot to bring out there just to send them home. Is this a retreat training, or is this some sick survival game?

Did you find any alliances this week? Anywhere I should start researching at the library? Tell me everything. Let me live through your words as I wait for your return.

Everything here is the same. Greg still stops in for every one of my shifts, hoping I will wait on him. Thankfully, Harry has been running interference and changing my station once he's seated. I've got it handled, so you need to focus on getting through the next challenges in one piece. Is the fighting next?

I love you, D.

Tails

XX

PS. I found a book with a half-naked man on the cover so I can distract myself from thoughts of you.

PPS. I ran into Ashley at the pack meeting tonight. Both she and your mom are doing well. Luca wasn't there. Something about a border meeting, but I will look for him over the next few days so I can check-in.

December 17, 1982

Tails,

Replacing me already? The way I know you put that just to rile me up makes me want to spank you until my handprint decorates that porcelain skin. Then, you can walk around with a reminder of who you belong to.

The jealousy I felt reading that you're looking at another man, gave me the strength to defeat both Montgomery and Wilson in our duels today. It ranked me in group A, along with my partner from the first task, Marcus Stone. I lucked out being paired with him. He's smart, well-trained, and good at adapting to whatever's thrown at him. He fought Mason French and broke his arm in three places before he got him to tap. Mason has two black belts, one in Jujitsu and the other in Krav Maga.

I thought Stone was done for with his match-up, and apparently, so did French because it only took a matter of minutes for him to get the upper hand.

We have round two tomorrow by random draw. I'm not sure if we are fighting within our groups or out of them. I'm hoping for the former because my group has Conner Saint, Veronica Kent, Brent Barlow, Seth Moore, Anthony Lucci, Marcus Stone, and Me. So, anyone besides Marcus would be fine.

Last week, we had to complete an obstacle course tied together with half our team blindfolded. We came in third out of six teams, mostly because I think one of our members is trying to sabotage Stone or me.

Let me know how Luca is holding up. Is Ashley getting home from school ok? You should visit my mom. I'm her favorite, you know, so she must be lost without me.

Most importantly, I miss you.

11. I miss seeing you pick at your nail polish when you"re worrying.

12.I miss the days when we would stay in our tree house lying in bed until sunset.

13. I love the way that light kisses your bare skin.

Shoot. I'm supposed to be doing things I miss. The ‘things I love list' is longer. I'll save that list to whisper in your ear each morning when we're finally reunited.

14. I miss listening to your theories about the mysteries in your books ( the ones with CLOTHED people on the cover).

15. I miss our lunch table at school. The place we did our math worksheets, well, you did. I just stared at you…X

Promise you'll smile when you think about me today.

The world would be such a dark place without it.

D

December 22, 1982

D,

My big strong man is out there taking out two men at a time. (I swoon) I knew you would be fine. My nail polish may have had some doubts, so I tore it off piece by piece. I'm sure your next letter will tell me that you placed first in the duels.

I'm glad you've made a friend. What pack is Marcus from? Could he be our ticket out of here? I ran into Luca today, and he looks stressed. He tried to be polite, but Alpha Marlo is pushing him hard with you not here.

Ashley got into a fight at school. Something about her having an ‘overrated brother' and that ‘the rumors probably aren't even true about the ten minutes' She kicked his ass, so she was out for a few days, and I took her to ice cream.

As for your mom, I'll think about it. She scares me. The last time I was there, you left to help with something, and I caught her going through my bag, looking for my birth control! I swear that woman would drug me herself just to get some grandbabies. Maybe I can make sure Ashley is there as a buffer.

Last thing, and don't freak out, but I think someone's been following me. Maybe it's just my imagination since I usually have you here, but today I went by the treehouse, and my book was gone. Maybe it's just misplaced? I haven't seen it at home, but I could have set it down at work and left it. I don't want you to worry, just didn't feel right keeping it from you.

Other than that, everything around here is the same. Me missing you more every minute, especially with the holiday coming up. If I don't get my next letter to you in time, Merry Christmas, D. I love you so much it hurts. Keep being strong for us.

Tails

XX

PS. I got you the perfect present… Want me to spoil it or hold off until you get home?

December 24, 1982

Tails,

I haven't received a letter since the last one I sent, but I wanted to make sure this one got to you before Christmas. Ask Ashley for your gift. She has it tucked away in the closet. I hope it brings that smile to your face that I miss so much. Almost a month down, two more weeks to go until I can hear your voice on the phone. That will be the first one on my list for this letter.

16. Your voice.

17. I miss the way you order your burger ( no one likes pickles enough to ask for a triple helping).

18. I miss that Halloween costume you wore last year. The one with the handcuffs.

19. I miss your morning breath ( don't you roll your eyes at me).

20. I miss the way you squeeze me extra tight before you let go of our hugs.

As for us here, we finished the duels. I came in second. Now, I know what you're thinking: ‘How is that possible?' Well, the final match was between Stone and I. He needed the win, and I needed to show the other Alphas that I could be beaten. They dismissed half of the Alphas at the end of the duels, so there are only twelve of us remaining as we head into the preparation for the final trial. We get a few days off for Christmas, not for our benefit, but so that the guards and leadership can celebrate with their families. I plan to spend the day thinking of all the places on your body I plan to mark when I return.

Merry Christmas, Tails.

Wish me luck!

D.

PS. You are by far the best gift The Fates ever gave me. X

December 26, 1982

What do you mean you think someone is following you?!? Did you catch anyone's scent in the treehouse? Do I need to have Luca check it out? Damnit, I knew I should have assigned an enforcer to protect you while I was away, but I was trying not to be an overbearing asshole. You can't just spring something like that and tell me not to worry. I will ALWAYS protect you!

Please respond quickly, or I will leave here and come home to ensure your safety.

D.

PS. I don't miss how stubborn you are…. But I miss the stubborn face you make ( #21).

X

December 26, 1982

Luca,

I need you to keep an eye on Grace. Someone is following her. Someone broke into the treehouse. Someone has a death wish the size of my boot up their ass.

Also, Grace said you've been stressed. Everything okay? Anything I should worry about. This retreat is a waste of time if everything falls apart while I'm gone. Please remind Ashley that I can fight my own battles and stop getting kicked out of school. Geez, I'm gone a month, and everyone is losing their minds.

As for here, we're down to 12 cadets for the final trial. Hopefully, it's like yours and most of us will make it, though from the whispers it sounds like it"s every wolf for himself, and that means I have to compete and watch my back the whole time.

Please let me know if everything's ok.

Hug mom for me, and tell her I'm fine.

Deacon

December 30, 1982

Deacon,

Everything's fine here. I've had Manny keeping an eye on her after her shifts just to be sure. You're ready for the final trial. The initial test was to ascertain your level of endurance and cunning. The second trial was for communication and teamwork to see if you can follow as well as lead. The duels show dedication to training and overall physical strength. The final trial is always centered around your ability to adapt, test your alliances, and establish yourself as a leader. If you're allowed to use your wolf, use him. He's your best chance at getting through this.

I'd wish you luck, but you don't need it, Brother. See you soon.

Luca

Luca's words allow me to breathe a sigh of relief, knowing that Grace is being watched, and by someone Luca and I both trust. His warning about the trials also helps. I forgot the pack Alphas can come to the final trial and ceremony. Though I doubted mine would. Giovanni Marlo didn't concern himself with his second son. I only hoped it meant he was sending Luca instead. I'd love to have his support.

I wondered briefly if Stone's Alpha would make an appearance. Joshua Barton rarely attended events in the region anymore. Rumor has it his health was declining and he didn't want to show weakness before his son was ready. Based on his lack of attendance at our training retreat, I'm going to guess there are problems in the Vegas pack. Jonathan Barton's name was on the list of cadets, and yet Stone is here in his place.

Glancing over at Marcus's bunk, I see him studying the map I'd brought with me. Smart to prepare. We fell into a quiet friendship over the past three weeks. When the trials picked back up, we competed together on the red team with Dith, Hines, and Miller. Stone and Hines were both blindfolded, and I swear Hines did everything he could not to listen to a damn thing I said. It slowed us down significantly. Climbing over makeshift walls, and under rope crawling felt like pulling teeth. By the end, we literally dragged him through it, barely beating the orange team.

For the duels, I silently cheered every time Marcus took someone down, and I could see him smirk when I won my battles. When the final round came up, and we were seated at the top, I knew it would come to a face-off. He avoided my eyes as we returned to the bunks the night before, and I knew he was struggling with having to try to defeat me.

I let him wrestle with it overnight but woke the next morning intent on relieving his guilt.

"You ready for me to kick your ass Stone?" I asked, pulling on my T-shirt. His eyes flew to me, confusion evident. "I mean I could take it easy on you if you prefer." I finished with a half grin on my face.

"You better not pull your punches, Marlo. When I win, I want to know I earned it." He lifts his eyebrow a sparkle in his eye.

We're going to be just fine.

He needed this win more than I did, and I didn't even have to try to make it look like he won it. Years of ‘losing' to Luca made me really good at slightly leaning my weight into a punch or shifting too much of my weight when throwing one I knew would miss.

It looked real.

However, there was a moment in the fight before I started my downfall, where I wondered if I could beat Marcus in a straight-up fight. Honest answer. I don't know. He's a damn good fighter, and it made me respect him more than I had anybody in a long time.

His face when I tapped was priceless. Surprise and relief flashed in his ocean eyes before a grin overtook his entire face.

The same thing happens when Grace smiles.

I'd made the fight last, made the takedown believable, and made a lifelong friendship all in a single moment.

It was nice to have a best friend.

Grace had always been the only person in my life. I have Ashley and Luca, but they are family. Grace was the only one who chose me. Everyone else in the pack followed the Alpha's lead ignoring or fearing me. Having Stone in my corner made me hope that my future with Grace didn't have to be so solitary.

Not that Vegas was a place we could move to. It was too close. We would need more distance to truly escape the hold Giovanni has on the area, but maybe Marcus would end up with another pack. He has no ties to Vegas leadership. He could lead anywhere, and he's strong enough to take down a sitting Alpha in a lot of packs.

That's a possibility.

"Did you notice we set up not too far from this cliff face?" Marcus interrupts my future planning. He extends the map in my direction, prompting me to take it before pointing to the place he indicates.

"They used a similar rock drop for a challenge several years ago," I say, wondering if he was on to something. "But, if I remember correctly, they lost too many cadets. Doubt they would go back to anything similar without some sort of contingency plan."

Shifters are hard to kill but not impossible. A broken neck from that height would certainly do the trick.

"I guess you have a point. Man, I'm spinning on this final trial. Do you think we won the advantage?" His face shows the worry he's carrying.

"I do, but we won't know for sure until tomorrow. From my understanding, we get all the information after closing formation, and then they move us to the final trial," I respond, handing him back the map. "You're going to do just fine."

My statement does nothing to ease his tension, and he shifts his gaze to the paper on my chest.

"Your girl write you another letter?" He asks in an attempt to distract us both from the challenge looming ahead of us.

"This one is from my brother, Luca. I needed him to keep an eye on her, and she mentioned in her last letter that she thought someone was following her. I'm still not convinced they weren"t. Though I can't imagine who would be bold enough to get on my bad side." He laughs at that and nods.

We've talked about home several times over the last five weeks. I know he has a sister named Juliet, who is Ashley's age, and both his parents are lower-ranked wolves without pack positions. They work as a teacher and a doctor but mostly stay out of pack affairs.

Sounds like an awesome life to me.

I've talked about Grace, how we met, when she punched Greg in the face, and even slipped up and mentioned our plan to move when I get back. It was a stupid mistake, but I trust that Marcus will keep his mouth shut. Even Luca doesn't know about us leaving.

Marcus knows I don't want to lead my pack, and that leading another pack is of no interest to me. I know he wants that life and is hoping to find a pack he can lead after his apprenticeship. He's the only one who doesn't know where he is going. Apparently, the pack Stone was supposed to be apprenticing with changed their mind when they found out he wasn't the Alpha's son.

Trust me. Stone's the better choice.

Jonathan Barton's a lazy, entitled brat. He's never taken his role seriously. He wants the perks of being Alpha with none of the work. I would respect the absolute ‘fuck you' to the system if he didn't also try to wield its power.

All of us, even those eliminated, are supposed to complete a six-month stint with another pack. The purpose has historically been to establish stronger ties but it's also is a way to form better leaders by seeing different ways packs are run. Maybe Stone will take Alvarez's place now that he's no longer able to complete the job.

Maybe I can see if Luca can mention something to our Alpha. He might be the only one who could sway him into taking someone on.

At formation the next morning, the tension was thick as we waited for news regarding the final challenge. Stickman was late, and the twelve of us stood quietly, ready to memorize every bit of instruction that would come from this briefing.

Saint and his crew of worshipers, at least the remaining ones, talk among themselves while the rest of us keep our distance. Other than the intentional slowdown during the blindfolded team competition, no one has made a move against me, and after ignoring both Megan and Veronica's attempts to try and seduce me, they've even backed off.

Let's get this over with.

My wolf's restless. While we're allowed to shift in the evenings, it's never long enough, and it was never for a real chase. He's ready for a challenge, and I'm hoping this final task will be that for him.

Stone always remains stoic in every situation. He's very good at keeping his mask firmly in place and not allowing his true emotions to slip through, so I don't know if he's flipping out or completely calm.

As if I summoned his attention with the thought, his eyes lift to mine locking in a silent conversation. He subtly drops his chin in a single nod before turning his attention elsewhere. While he said no words, his message is clear.

We're good.

The additional relief the small gesture gives me is still a bit surprising. Opening up and allowing others to know me isn't my strong suit, but I feel like Marcus has proven his loyalty again and again.

Stickman walks out of the leadership tent and storms up onto the platform. The anger radiating off him sets me on edge as we move to line up on our assigned dots. Four lines of three. Ordered by rank. Stone stands in the number one spot, and I fall behind him to stand at number two. McCormick finishes our line at third. Next to Marcus is Saint in fourth followed by Sullivan, and Perkins in fifth and sixth respectively. The third line includes Moore, French, and Barlow falling seventh through ninth. The last line wraps up the tenth through twelfth spots with Clark, Lucci, and Kent.

"Tomorrow is the final challenge," he begins, pulling all of our attention. "You will be randomly sorted into teams of three. This challenge will focus on your ability to work together toward a common goal. Each team will have an item they must retrieve and bring back to the starting point. You will not be told where the starting point is or what your team"s item will be until the start of the challenge. For this trial, you will have three days to return, so pack your bags and be ready to face the winter's cold overnight." He pauses, allowing that information to sink in.

Three days? How far are we going to have to go?

"Additionally, at the first challenge, we had several teams answer the riddle that was posed. Three of you will begin with a disadvantage, and two of you will begin with an advantage based on those responses. Stone. Marlo," he says our names with venom dripping from his tone, and the snarl pulled on his lip brings a grin to my face.

Someone's a little butt hurt.

"You may choose a time advantage for your team or choose to switch teams, choosing a single player to trade places with. Decide now," he orders, crossing his arms as if waiting for our choice is a waste of his time.

Marcus turns around, and I whisper my idea before he can speak.

"You take the time. I'll take the swap. That way, we end up on the same team and have a time advantage." He nods, turning back to face the podium.

"I choose the time advantage, Stickman," he says, completely calm in his delivery.

"I choose the option to trade," I answer, hoping this works. The only way I can see this being a problem is if we end up on the same team, and now I need to switch places. It's a long shot, but it"s still a possibility.

"Fine," he seethes, turning his attention back to the group and motioning to the bowl at the center of the table in front of us. "You will draw a team in rank order. Cadet Marlo will decide his trade. Then, you will have today to strategize. Pebbles, you're first," he says, looking at Stone, a smile forming on his face at the nickname he chose.

Marcus steps up to the table, pulls a paper, and walks back down to his spot. I follow his lead, and one by one, each cadet pulls a piece of paper from the bowl until Kent takes the last slip. Holding my breath, I open the folded parchment to see the word ‘EAST' on my paper.

"Move to your new team"s corners," Stickman yells, causing me to look around the space to see large flags distinguishing the compass directions at each corner.

Slowly, I step toward the banner bearing the word ‘EAST' on the east side of the courtyard space and carefully see where everyone else has been divided.

Brad Sullivan and Veronica Kent are at my banner. They"re not the worst team I could imagine, as Brad is actually really resourceful, which he proved in the opening challenge and again in the duels, but Kent is worthless and has been carried through this retreat on Saints" back.

Sean Moore, Mason French, and Brent Barlow are at the ‘NORTH' banner. I was supposed to be making a solid alliance with Moore since he's from the Salt Lake City Pack, which borders ours, but he has no interest in aligning with an Alpha who isn't taking over a pack.

At the South banner are Sage Perkins, Anthony Lucci, and Megan Clark. If I was betting, they would be the team that doesn't finish. Sage can't stand Megan, a thing we have in common, and Anthony is as wishy-washy as it comes to making decisions, so that group will probably end up walking in circles fighting.

At the West banner are Marcus Stone, Finn McCormick, and Conner Saint. If that isn't the easiest decision I've ever had to make.

Once we are all at our respective banners, Rod turns to me, zeroing his one good eye on me as he waits for my decision.

"I'd like to trade with Cadet Saint," I announce, and watch the smug attitude slide off of his face as he realizes I now get the team I want and the time advantage. Conner is equally pissed as he sees his new team and watches his time advantage slip away.

I smirk as I pass him on my way to my new team, handing him my slip of paper and snatching his in return.

Team West is now the team to beat. With all three of the top-ranked cadets and a time advantage, this is ours to lose.

Rod regains his composure and concludes the briefing with a final message that I can't tell if it's a threat or a warning.

"For this trial, there are no rules outside of the following.

Everyone on your team must return together with your item to count.

You may use your wolves.

No team's items are safe and can be collected by another group if they so choose.

If you return with another team's item, they are out, but you must have your item to be counted.

It's every team for themselves. If you run into another team, you may take any means necessary to delay them and protect your item.

Alphas from the participating packs have been invited to attend the third day of the trial to see the groups finish and view the closing ceremonies. Do your best, Cadets. We are watching."

He finishes his speech and walks off the platform, taking his guards with him back into their tent.

After hearing the rules for the final task, I know two things are abundantly clear. First, not everyone will make it through this challenge alive, and second, we're going to have to be both fast and lucky to avoid all of the other teams because, from the faces I see in the other three corners, they want nothing more than to take us out.