Prologue

Dear Nix,

Where to start. If you're reading this, it's already too late for me. I'm sorry. Things got really bad really quickly, and I didn't know what else to do.

Maybe I should have confided in you sooner…

Maybe you hate me now and this letter won't mean anything to you…

Maybe you won't even read it.

Actually, that's probably for the best. I hope you aren't reading this. I hope it remains forever tucked away in the drawer of your ridiculous blue end table we painted the summer you turned eleven. Or it burns to ash in a bonfire you throw at our spot on Aunt Arla's orchard. I shouldn't even be writing this down, but I'm selfish.

I guess that's the first secret I'll share with you now. I'm selfish, Nix. Don't shake your head; you know it's true when you really think about it. I've always been this way. Too strong-willed and overly confident in my lackluster abilities. If only I'd been more like you, perhaps things would have gone differently. But I'm not you, and I never will be, so I foolishly thought I could beat Enigma. That I could earn that crown and ascend to greater heights.

I thought I could rule the world…

This is secret number two and where my story turns into one massive cliché that you and I would no doubt laugh about if it'd happened to anyone else.

I met a boy, Nix.

And that boy betrayed me.

Now, no one will ever know the real end to my story, and the fame I literally traded my life for will go up in a puff of smoke. What am I now to you? To mama and papa? To Aunt Arla? Am I the girl who gave up? The girl who lied? The girl who wasn't strong enough? The girl who let a man get to her and ruin her life?

Can I tell you the truth, cousin? Just you, and no one else?

I'm all of those things.

I won't tell you secret number three. I thought this would help, writing it all down, but it's not. Nothing helps. Nothing will. I should tear this up and destroy it myself, but I won't. I won't because in the off chance you do read this, Nix, there's still something I need you to know. Something important.

I didn't tell anyone about Enigma, you aren't allowed to. Only those of us on campus know. I didn't tell anyone about my guy either, because everyone knows falling for a man through an app is pathetic. There's no paper trail you can access. No proof you can find.

There's nothing. It's all turned to wind.

Like I have now.

Don't try and find out more, you won't be able to anyway. He's good at covering his tracks. Good at hiding. I'm sorry for being vague, but this is as much of the truth as I can safely share with you. I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough.

I'm sorry I can't be there for the day you achieve your dreams.

I love you, cousin, and I know you, maybe better than anyone. So I'll leave you with this.

Don't try to fix this.

Stay away from Foxglove Grove. I should have taken your advice that day when you said it wasn't the right fit for us. I'll regret not listening for…well. I guess my life has come to an end already, hasn't it? If there's something after, though, I can promise you, I'll be regretting it still then.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

You don't have to forgive me.

Love,

Branwen Cherith.