Chapter Seventeen

~ Tawson ~

T awson woke up with Vic curled up against his side. It was Saturday and they were officially on vacation for the next week. And it was way too fucking early. But Vic had to go help with the horses and do a few more things with their family before leaving tomorrow. They'd be back on Wednesday night, in time for Thanksgiving dinner on Thursday. Which Tawson had officially been invited to by Patrick.

"Wake up, Princess." Vic barely stirred. Which wasn't a surprise considering they were awake until one in the morning. Tawson had tried to finish packing for their trip while Vic described all the things they had bought and packed. Vic may have ended up bent over the bed next to the half-filled suitcase.

Vic grunted but didn't open their eyes. It was the same thing every time. Tawson laughed to himself and sat up, jostling the bed just enough for Vic to send a louder groan. "I don't wanna get up," they grumbled. One arm wrapped around Tawson's waist and he laughed when Vic tried to pull him back to the bed .

"I promise to not make you wake up early our entire trip," Tawson said. "But we won't be able to take that trip if you don't get down to the barn. Besides, I have things to do today that you can't be around for."

That seemed to get Vic's attention. The alarm went off a second time and Vic reached behind Tawson to turn it off. There were soft kisses placed along Tawson's bare back before Vic came back into his view. "Good morning."

"Good morning," Tawson responded with a soft smile. "Come on, let's get you back down to the house. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yeah, yeah." Vic stood up and stretched their arms up, popping more than one joint. "Joe is picking me up at nine and meeting on campus."

"I can't wait," Tawson said with a much bigger smile. "I'll see you later."

Vic gave him one more kiss before walking to their car. It was just after four in the morning and Vic learned quickly if they backed their car into a certain spot on the other side of the house, they avoided the motion light turning on and didn't have headlights hitting any of the other houses. He stayed in the doorway until Vic's taillights disappeared around the barn. There were at least thirty acres between the houses and the paddock so it was still within eyesight but took about twenty minutes or so straight across the yard to get to it.

Tawson meant to lay back down for a bit, but he couldn't get comfortable. The bed smelt like Vic and he had a list of things going through his mind that he needed to do. First being a shower, something he should have done after their impromptu sex last night. Then he needed to finish packing. And head into town at some point once the jewelry store opened .

He decided to start with cleaning up. If they were going to be gone for a couple of days, he didn't want to come back to a messy house. By the time he finished, he was on his second cup of coffee. The sun was starting to rise and he took a book out on to the patio to enjoy the cool morning. It wasn't set to get higher than seventy-five. He'd probably throw on a sweater before leaving.

He made it through two chapters of the book before deciding to get ready to head out. And he may have gotten a text from Vic saying that they were heading out to the back end of the property where they kept the cattle to help with moving them from one field to another. It would be an all-day thing and they wouldn't be able to use their phone much.

Don't miss me out there. I'll see you tomorrow.

Tawson pocketed his phone and grabbed his keys and wallet and headed to his car. The drive into the city wasn't too bad, but there was quite a bit of traffic once he hit the limits. It didn't click that most students were probably being picked up or leaving campus for the week. Tawson had spent the first couple of weeks in the area exploring, making his way this way and that to get the layout. He passed the grocery store he went to on Fridays, the laundromat that he and Vic may have accidentally planned to wash their clothes at at the same time one evening. Then there was the bar that he went to with Daniel and some co-workers. They'd gone back, sans Daniel, two more times. There were different faculty joining each night, but he and Yvonne were the constants.

The GPS led him to the local mall and he circled one of the lots to find a spot. It was crowded and he wasn't exactly looking forward to fighting what seemed like quite the crowds. After three rows, he finally snagged a spot and headed inside, trying to figure out where exactly the store he needed was.

"I'm on the total wrong side," Tawson mumbled to himself when he saw the jewelry store on the map supplied on one wall. He tried to look around and orient himself. That was when he happened to catch the eye of none other than Clark, William's husband. They hadn't spoken but a handful of times when they joined for dinner or Clark tagged along with William and Brett doing checkups on the tenants.

"Hey, Tawson. What are you doing here?" Clark had a bag in one hand and what looked like a half-eaten pretzel in his other. His hair looked freshly cut, shaved on the sides and a bit longer on the top. He had a business casual style, which made sense because he grew up around politics and his current job required a lot of public relations.

"I could ask the same thing," Tawson said. He didn't want to say that he was looking for the jewelry store. That would lead to questions. Ones he didn't want to answer.

"Early Christmas shopping," Clark said. "William is in some meetings today so I figured I'd go out and see what I could get. Plus, I had a craving for a pretzel. But enough about me. I didn't take you for a mall guy."

"I'm not usually," Tawson said. "Unfortunately there was only one store that had in stock what I wanted, so here I am."

"Oh yeah?" Clark adjusted the bag in his hand. "What are you getting?"

"Oh, um." Tawson tried to think of something on the spot. He wasn't near as good at it as Vic was. "Just getting something personalized for a friend. Also a gift."

"Wait to avoid the question," Clark said with a small laugh. Thankfully, he changed the subject. "Have you been invited to the Thanksgiving dinner yet? "

"I was," Tawson nodded. "Patrick let me know about it. I've been politely asked to bring the peach cobbler I made last dinner." Which Tawson realized he would have to grab the ingredients for today because the stores would be closed by the time they got back on Wednesday.

"Can't have too much dessert," Clark said. "I won't keep you. I actually have to meet my mom for lunch soon. I'll see you on Thursday."

"See you then," Tawson said. He looked back to the map and made the mental note of where he needed to go. He tried to relax, reminding himself that it seemed like Clark was leaving the mall. It wasn't like he'd stalk him and see what he was buying anyway. Tawson was just thinking worst case scenarios.

By the time he made it to the right place, he was more than grateful to step through the glass doors into a quieter space. It wasn't the people, really, but the noise. There was a child throwing a tantrum and the parents were sitting on a bench not doing anything to calm them. A group of teenagers were walking out of a store giggling and talking way too loud about what they'd seen in the back section. Tawson was usually an outgoing person, but sometimes he just liked his quiet.

"Hi there, sir. How can I help you?" An older lady walked up and greeted him. She had to be in her fifties at least. Her hair was that style from the 80's where the only products used were Prell shampoo and hairspray.

"I was looking online at some of your necklaces," Tawson said. "It was a gold chain with a purple gem set in the middle. It said you had them in stock."

"We have a couple different options if you want to follow me," the lady said. Her nametag pinned to her jacket said Tara. " Are you looking for a birthstone purple or something else?"

"Just a general necklace," Tawson said. "My partner has a love for the color and I want to surprise them."

"Well, aren't they lucky." The lady smiled and opened the glass case on her side. "Now, like I said, we have a couple different options depending on your budget."

Tawson looked at the necklaces. There were four of them. Three had the thin, gold chain. One had a silver one. The one that immediately caught his eye was a small jewel, a light purple shade, that was set in a gold bracket with three diamonds curving around the bottom side. It was beautiful.

"How much is this one?" Tawson asked, pointing to the second one on the display.

The lady looked at the tag before smiling. "It's two hundred and thirty. This is an eighteen karat gold with three half-carat diamonds."

"Do you mind if I look at it?" Tawson held his hand out while the lady pulled it off the display. It was lightweight, simple enough in design. He held it to his own neck to gauge sort of where it would lay on Vic's chest. The gem and diamonds looked well set. "This is perfect. I'll take it."

"Are you sure? We have other options you can look at first," the lady said. It wasn't in the tone of trying to make a larger sale. Tawson had been looking online though and he knew what he wanted.

"I'm okay," Tawson said. "I'm pretty easy to shop with."

"Well, that settles it," Tara said. "Let's get you checked out then. Would you like the insurance on it? It's good for a year. We'll fix the clasp or replace the necklace and up to two of the diamonds within the first year."

"Yeah, we probably should. I have a feeling this is going to be well worn."

"That's a good thing," Tara said. He paid with his card and took the small bag from the woman. "Thank you so much."

"Have a great day," Tara said with that customer service smile.

Tawson felt much better walking back out of the store. He knew as soon as he saw it with the others that this was the one for Vic. He'd been told that picking out jewelry was his specialty. His phone vibrated in his pocket as he stepped onto the escalator to go back down. Seeing Clark earlier made him want a pretzel.

He had a notification for his personal email come along. He didn't recognize the email address, but the subject line caused him to almost miss the step off.

It's been a while…

The phone screen went blank before he could click on it. He didn't know if he wanted to or not. It couldn't be from his ex. Could it? His personal email was the only thing he hadn't changed when he left. He found an Auntie Anne's and ordered the pretzel bites with a lemonade before finding a place to sit down and stare at the notification.

After four pretzel bites and half the lemonade, he finally opened it. He could always just delete it and pretend it didn't happen. Report it as spam so he didn't get anymore.

Hi Tawson,

I know you don't want to hear from me, but I had to reach out. I've been trying to find the words to say to you but I'm sorry doesn't seem like enough. I am though. I'm sorry for all the words I said, for turning my back on you when you needed me most. I was upset. Hurt. I thought you had gone and slept with someone else. I didn't think I could trust you. And by the time the trial came around, I let others convince me of those same things. I should have stuck by you.

I heard you're working as a professor. Congratulations, Taw. I know you always talked about that being your dream job. You were so good with those high school students though. You always put in 100% with everything you do.

I hope you're doing well.

I'm going to include my contact information if you want to reach out. I'd love to hear from you, Taw. I miss you.

Love,

Meredith Helvey

Tawson knew he was sitting alone, in the middle of a food court, crying at his phone. He could feel the tears falling but couldn't do anything to stop them. He shouldn't have opened the email. Should have just deleted it. She was sorry after all that time? The whole email was about herself, even he could see that. She tried to justify her feelings on the worst night of his life.

The worst part was the sign off. Yeah, they'd gotten a divorce, but that last name wasn't her maiden one. It was the same last name as his ex-best friend. Who he thought was his best friend since their first year at the local community college.

Tawson caught the eye of a lady sitting at the next table. She gave him a look that was half pity and half concern. He had to get out of the public. At least to his car. He wiped his eyes and took a steadying breath. He loved his new life. He wouldn't let those words ruin what he had going on.

He hit reply to the email. His fingers hovered over the screen, brain whirring with all the responses. She had left her phone number and even her address. She still lived in their old house. There was no reason for her to send this email. It made him relive all the weeks of trying to convince her to believe him, to save his marriage. This email wasn't for him. It was a way for her to tell him what had happened since he left. She was married again.

One word came to mind.

Well-

Two words came to mind, but he only typed out one before sitting send.

No.

He immediately blocked the email and then the phone number provided and gathered his things. He didn't notice the crowd this time, just wanted to get through it and to his car. The first person he thought of reaching out to was Vic. But they were working with their family. He couldn't disturb them. And crying to his nineteen-year-old partner over something that happened long before they met was not fair to them. Vic promised that they were always there to talk, but some things Tawson needed to deal with on his own.

The second person was Megan, the foundation's therapist. They'd had a couple of sessions. Once was when he first moved to the ranch. The second was after he was settled a bit. He never revealed Vic's name, but he'd spoken to her once about meeting someone younger than him. She'd been the one to suggest he look into the code of ethics with the school.

Locked safely in the car, he pulled up her contact and texted a simple, Can we talk ?

It took a couple of minutes. Tawson busied himself with turning the key and adjusting the air. It was still cool out, but his car was sitting in the sun and had been for about an hour already. Megan's contact appeared on the screen and he swiped his finger to answer it immediately.

"Hey, Tawson, what's going on?"

"I just needed someone to talk to," Tawson said honestly. "I was out doing some shopping and I got an email. It's from my ex-wife."

"Oh, okay. Did you read it?" Megan's tone turned from casual to business in two seconds. "Are you okay? Are you safe right now?"

"Yeah, I'm safe. I went out to my car so I'm sitting here now. I did read it. And I wish I hadn't."

"Can you tell me what it said?" Megan's voice was gentle and patient. It had a calming effect on him and he finally, for the first time in several minutes, took a deep breath. "Take your time."

Tawson closed his eyes and recited what the email said. Not word-for-word, but for her to get the gist of it. He rested his head back against the seat and sighed. He could feel the tears starting again. "This shouldn't be hitting me so hard," he mumbled.

"It's totally reasonable for something like that to hit you," Megan said. "You went through a traumatic event, Tawson. And those that should have supported you ended up turning their backs. It's okay to feel hurt and angry about that."

"She married my best friend. My old best friend." He forgot to mention that part. "That's how she signed off the email. With her first name and his last."

"And that's hitting you the hardest, isn't it? "

"I don't know," Tawson said honestly. "I don't know how to feel toward it. I was just sitting there, angry and also numb. I sent back just one word. Just said no and then blocked the email."

"Okay, so let's talk about that."

Tawson spent fifteen more minutes on the phone, talking about everything. Megan had him explain the things he loved about his job and life now. Had him remind himself that he was surrounded by a great group of people. Then the conversation moved to romantic relationships. The words for Vic came easily, like a geyser. It didn't stop. There was not enough good things he could say about them and how they made him feel. He didn't reveal Vic's name, not even the shortened preferred version of it. Megan didn't ask either, understanding he didn't want to say. She knew it was someone on campus, but never specified another professor or student. She did ask him about specific things; how it went when they learned of his past, how he's handling the intimate moments. He revealed that they were going away for a couple of days.

"Take the time away to focus on you and your life now," Megan said. "I want you to put this in the back of your mind. I know-" She cut him off before he could protest. "It's easier said than done, but you need to remind yourself that you've come so far, Tawson. You are strong. You made it through the divorce and the trauma. You've worked through it and you know I'm here whenever you need. It won't magically go away, you know that. Random things might trigger a memory or response and that's okay. You have the skills and the support system to get through it."

She talked to him for another few minutes, guiding him through deep breathing exercises so he was calm enough to safely drive home. Home.

Vic.

They were one in the same now. He knew it, deep in his chest and mind. It'd only been a handful of months, but that tightening in his chest squeezed around his heart and lungs when he thought about not having Vic around.

"Tawson." Megan's voice brought him back from that train of thoughts. "Are you okay enough to drive now? I can come get you if you need."

"No, no. I'm okay." He sighed and wiped the tears away once more. "I'm good, I promise. Thank you for calling."

"I'm always here," Megan said. "I'll text you, but I want to set a follow up with you in a couple days. Maybe after the holiday, okay?"

"Yeah, I'd like that. Thank you."

"You're welcome, Tawson. Have a good day. If you need anything before then, just text me and we'll work it out."

They ended the call after twenty-six minutes.