Chapter Fourteen
~ Vic ~
" Y our alarm is going off," a low voice whispered behind them. Then there was a small grunt and the arm holding him disappeared. "Oh shit, nope that was my alarm."
"I don't have any classes before ten," Vic mumbled in their sleep. Vic rolled over, chasing the warmth that Tawson took with him. "Come back," Vic grumbled.
"You might not have class, but I do. I'm going to hop in the shower and head out. You go back to sleep." Vic felt lips press to their skin. "I'll text you later."
"No, I'll get up with you." Vic rolled over and smiled at the sight. Tawson was still totally naked. Vic was too. They did, in fact, use the second condom before both of them were spent enough to fall asleep. Between rounds, though, they talked. A lot.
Vic opened up more about wanting to go by Vic full time and use different pronouns. They talked about the things that Vic wanted to wear or try out for themselves. Tawson talked more about his past, opened up about the months after the incident and how he finally gave up on trying to save his marriage. He tried to keep it from Vic, but Vic pushed, promising that they wanted to be there for him as much as he was for them. After that, Tawson opened up about his old friends, his years in college before getting married. He talked about coming out and how most were accepting of it. They ended the night with Vic on their stomach, a pillow situated under their hips, and Tawson thrusting hard enough to shake the bed. Tawson joked that he hoped the frame of the bed held up.
Vic, still half-asleep, pulled themselves out of the comfort of the bed and yawned their way through finding a pair of shorts to wear. "Do you want some breakfast?"
"You don't have to do that," Tawson said across the hallway.
"I don't have to, but I'd like to." Vic didn't bother hiding another yawn as they stretched their arms above their head. "I have eggs, toast, maybe some bacon. I think I have a couple hashbrown patties left too. Or we have leftover- Oh, I'm going to make some breakfast burritos."
Tawson chuckled from the bathroom. The shower was already running, but he hadn't stepped in yet. Vic stepped into the room and moved toward the toilet. They'd just spent the night fucking; pissing in front of each other didn't seem like a big deal. Tawson's lips pressed against the back of Vic's shoulder once they were washing their hands. "I had fun last night. All of it."
"Even the bare your heart and soul part of the night?" Vic's voice was dripping with sarcasm. They locked eyes in the mirror above the sink and Vic couldn't help but smile.
"Especially the bare your heart and soul part, baby." Tawson spun Vic around and gave them a chaste, closed mouth kiss. "I know I've said it before, but I'm proud of you for being brave enough to be who you feel like. You're braver than you give yourself credit for at your age."
"At your age," Vic said, continuing the sarcasm. They wrapped their arms around Tawson's neck, playing with the small hairs at the nape of his neck. "You make it sound like we're further apart than reality. My uncles are fifteen years apart."
"Your uncles also aren't a professor and student at the same university sneaking around," Tawson said. "But go, I'm wasting water. I'll take one of those burritos to go. Can you bring me my briefcase from the front door? I brought a change of clothes."
"Will do," Vic said. "I'll leave it by the door."
And with that, they finished up their morning as planned. Vic gave him a kiss on the way out. There were a few students out, but with the hat and sunglasses, no one seemed to pay him any mind. And if Vic watched him walk down the path from their living room window, no one else had to know that.
Tuesday and Wednesday were kind of boring after their Monday night together. They texted as much as possible, ending each night with either a phone or video call. One or both of them were usually cooking dinner. Vic was doing homework on Wednesday night. They talked about Vic having Joe over. Vic made sure to wash the sheets and the blanket, getting a rise out of Tawson when he was informed that Joe would be sharing the bed with them.
Classes were all the same as well. Vic turned in the study guide they'd worked on over the weekend and got a good grade for it. There was a surprise test in another class that didn't seem too hard. Joe invited Vic out for dinner on Wednesday with a group of friends. Vic joined but bailed soon after finishing their food. Vic was already getting used to hearing and referring to themselves as Vic, that being introduced as Victor almost felt off. Joe must have sensed something was wrong because he'd texted Vic once he got back to his dorm asking if everything was okay. Vic promised they would talk about it Thursday and changed the subject to ask if he could pick up the pizza since Vic would be at the Queer club meeting beforehand.
By the time the meeting came around, Vic was ready to see Tawson again. And felt more confident in themselves. They were fully prepared to grab one of the little badges that had the they/them pronouns. It was something new the group implemented with the help of Tawson. Professor Lancaster. Pax told Tawson over a supper earlier in the semester they started out with writing it on name tags, but the pins were cuter, honestly. And could be kept and reused. Better for the environment and all.
"Victor!" a very familiar voice caught their attention when they walked into the room. William and Brett were standing just inside the space, along with Paxton. Vic's eyes scanned the room for Tawson, having received his text earlier that he was already there helping to set up. "How's the campus life treating you?"
"Not bad," Vic said. Their eyes were still darting around and when they finally landed on Tawson, Vic's shoulders relaxed just a little. "Tests, studying, roommates, the usual."
"How is your roommate?" Brett asked.
Vic shrugged. "We live well enough together. Keep out of each other's hair."
"Always with the long answers," Paxton said. Vic knew she had a big game tomorrow which they were all planning on attending before going home for the weekend. The game was against a rival team the soccer team hadn't beat in three years. Vic wondered if they and Tawson could pull off the driving together thing again. Probably not. Vic noted that each of them had already grabbed their pins. Brett was wearing a gay pride flag, William with two: gay and demi. Paxton had the bi flag pinned to her shirt. Vic turned to look toward the table, wondering which option they'd go for. "I didn't know you attended these groups, though. It's nice to see you here."
"Oh yeah," Vic stumbled. "I mean, I come to support and all."
The three of them looked back, a mixture of confusion and questions on their faces. The silence started to get a bit awkward. Tawson's voice saved any of them from having to say something else. "Hey guys," Tawson said. He stood next to Vic. "Do you mind if I steal this one away for a bit? I need some help setting something up."
"Go for it," William said. "We're going to mingle and get ready for the announcements."
Vic let Tawson pull them away from the three people. They walked far enough away, even exiting through a side door into a smaller room. It looked like a well-stocked supply closet with extra chairs stacked against the walls, a podium, two folding tables, and some random knick knacks that looked like holiday décor.
"Are you okay?" Tawson asked. "I could see the tension in your shoulders from across the room."
"I'm okay," Vic said. "I just wasn't aware that they were going to be here tonight."
"And are you comfortable with what we talked about Monday?" Tawson took a step closer and held his hands out. Vic stepped into the embrace easily, hooking their chin over Tawson's shoulder and wrapping their arms around him.
"I don't know," Vic answered honestly. "I was prepared to come out around strangers, just casually. And I still want to tell Joe tonight. But family? They didn't even know I come here each week."
"You don't have to do anything you don't want to," Tawson whispered into Vic's ear. He pulled back just enough to look Vic in the eyes. "But I promise you that they aren't going to judge if you do. You know this place is a safe space."
"I know and I'm grateful for it. I just don't want to see any hurt or confusion or anything on their faces." Vic could feel tears threatening. They leaned their forehead against Tawson's shoulder. "I think I might just dip out and have Joe come over a little earlier."
"Text me when you make it to the apartment, okay?" Tawson kissed their forehead and then their lips. "Be safe and I'll see you tomorrow. Or if you need me, just call."
"Thank you." Vic gave him one more kiss and walked back through the door. Paxton caught their eye but didn't say anything. Just watched as Vic rushed right back out of the room. Vic trusted that Tawson would handle it.
Vic pulled their phone out once outside, pulling up Joe's number.
Dipped out on the meeting tonight. Heading to the apartment. Feel free to come over whenever.
Joe texted back almost instantly. Actually at the place picking up the pizza now. I'll be there half an hour, maybe. Everything OK?
Vic was grateful for the cooler weather coming. It was the middle of September already and while the days were still mostly sunny and hot, the nights were cooling quickly. The skies were clear too, the moon full and bright.
I'm good. I'll see you in a bit.
By the time Joe arrived, Vic had taken a shower and texted Tawson that everything was okay and they were safe. Vic let their best friend in and they sat on the couch to eat and watch a couple episodes of Family Guy. They'd seen all of them already, but it was a comfort show. Joe had been there an hour before he finally muted the TV and turned to face Vic.
"Okay." Joe licked sauce off of his fingers and adjusted the blanket over his lap. "What's up?"
Joe was keen to Vic. He knew there was something they needed to talk about. Vic wasn't sure how to start the conversation, though. Joe moved his hand slowly, reaching out for Vic's. Vic had to remind themselves that this was their best friend. The one that helped Vic realize their sexuality. The one that was there since Vic was the oldest in their Kindergarten year from being held back.
"I'm nonbinary."
There.
The words were out.
Vic couldn't take them back. They stared at their hands, the way Joe had held his out to comfort them. His hand squeezed around Vic's, tugging lightly until they looked up at Joe. Joe was smiling.
"I bet that feels good to get out, doesn't it?" Joe asked. "Victor."
"I actually, uhm." Vic coughed, clearing the lump in their throat. "I like to go by Vic. If you don't mind."
"Vic." Joe said their name and smiled. "I like it. I don't know why I never thought of it myself. But Vic, how long have you felt like this?"
"Promise you won't get mad at me?" Vic asked. They didn't have secrets between each other. Joe told him about his crushes and any problems he was having at home. It was mostly just typical stuff like arguing with his parents, growing pains, girls he got to second base with, and so on. On top of that, the experimenting they did together when Vic realized they weren't straight. And that Joe definitely was.
"You know I won't," Joe said. "Does this have to do with the secret person you keep dodging my questions about?"
Vic gave him a small smile. Vic had talked to Tawson about it on Monday. Tawson wasn't the most comfortable with someone else knowing about them, but Vic reassured him again and again that Joe wouldn't tell. It wasn't to convince him, to make Tawson change his mind, but to explain how close Vic and Joe were. That they had their own little bubble of secrets they kept for each other.
"Nearly two years," Vic said. They were back to not looking Joe in the eye. The silence stretched on for longer than they thought it should. Thoughts were boiling up in the back of their mind, regret of saying it. "I'm sorry. I should have told you sooner."
"Hey, no. None of that, Victor. Vic." Joe tugged on their hand and they looked up to lock eyes. Joe was a dirty blonde with soft, brown eyes. He had a little bit of chub on his face, but it was hidden behind a five o'clock shadow. "I might be a straight, cis guy, but I am smart enough to know that these things aren't on a deadline. You came out when you were ready. That's all that matters."
Joe seemed much too calm about the whole thing. Vic looked back up and saw Joe smiling. It wasn't his reassuring smile or his I just learned something new smile. It was his I kind of already knew this information but I'm pretending smile.
"You knew?"
"What? No." Joe answered too fast. Vic tilted their head, narrowing their eyes in suspicion. "Okay, so I really didn't know. But I suspected that the skirt and tank top I saw in your closet last time I was here wasn't from a woman you invited over. I was hoping to nab a clean shirt from you but saw that and just closed the closet door instead."
"Of course," Vic said. "But that doesn't bother you? I mean, I'm still kind of coming to terms with it and I'm not ready to tell my family. It's why I left the meeting. I was going to come out at the club, introduce myself as nonbinary, but William, Brett, and my sister were there."
"Why don't you want to tell them?" Joe asked. "Your family is, like, the most supportive group of people in the world."
"I'm worried that they won't understand or that my dad might look at me differently. He already doesn't ask me to help much around the ranch. I don't want to know how they'd react if they saw me wearing more feminine clothes or… other stuff." Vic took a deep breath, wanting to get everything off their chest in one swoop. "Plus, I'm kind of sleeping around with the new professor living on the ranch and that's already something that's going to take them by surprise."
Joe coughed, choking on air presumably. Vic rested their head back against the couch. Joe was turned sideways to face them but Vic was still sitting facing the TV. They turned their head to face their best friend. "You. Professor Lancaster. Together?"
"Yeah. I'm sorry I've been keeping so many secrets."
"I'd say," Joe said. His eyes were wide and he shook his head slightly. "I thought I was having a good start to the semester."
"Believe me, it hasn't been all sunshine and rainbows. There were tears, a lot of them. But Tawson is amazing. He's really helped me. Actually was the one that started calling me Vic."
"So, you two are serious? Like, not just casually sleeping together or anything like that?"
"I think it's pretty serious," Vic said. "We haven't officially labeled it, but we spend as much time together as we can. Usually at his place on the weekends and he stayed here on Monday. Neither of us are ready to tell everyone though. But we have fun. He makes me laugh and we have serious conversations and discuss books. He's funny, gentle, kind, everything."
"I can see how that's smart," Joe said. "But I'm happy for you, Vic. I love you like my brother no matter what."
Vic sighed, closing their eyes at the sound of that. An easy acceptance for something they'd been building up for years in their head. Vic felt the couch dip as Joe moved and arms wrapped around their shoulders tightly. Joe guided Vic's head to his shoulder. They stayed like that for what felt like hours. Vic didn't cry, but their body felt just as exhausted as if they had.
"How about we go lay down?" Joe asked. "I can pull a movie up on your laptop."
"Sounds great," Vic said with a small smile. They shifted to wrap their arms around Joe as well, connecting the hug that lasted for a full minute. "Thank you so much. I love you."
"I love you too," Joe whispered. He pulled back and Vic could see his smile go from reassuring to almost a smirk. "But now that you've told me this, about the professor, expect for me to ask so many follow up questions. I have a whole arsenal. "
"You can ask me about the other thing too," Vic said. They stood up and cleaned up their mess before heading to the bedroom. "I'm still figuring it out for myself, but don't feel like you have to tip toe around me okay? I'm not going to be mad if you use my full name or say the wrong pronouns. I'm still catching myself doing it sometimes, especially still around my family."
"Would it be too much to ask to see you in the skirt?" Joe waggled his eyebrows at Vic. "I'm kidding. Sort of. But I hope you know that I'll be there to stand up for you or help with whatever you need. What pronouns are you wanting to go by?"
"They, them." Vic pulled back the cover while Joe pulled up one of the streaming sites for movies and shows. "But like I said, if you-"
"You can't dismiss yourself like that, Vic. If I slip up, call me out on it." His words were so casual, like he had no idea how much Vic appreciated the words. "Call anyone out on it. Now, do you want a rom-com or action?"