22. Gabriel

22

GAbrIEL

A part of me thinks I’m dreaming. That this has to be the most erotic wet dream of my life, brought on by four years of deprivation and only the occasional release. For a long moment, all I can do is stare down at Bella, my hand still wrapped around my softening cock, unable to quite make sense of what just happened.

I’ve never done or experienced anything like that. It was all completely born from a desire to somehow have what we both wanted without scaring her, without making things worse. It was the only thing I could think of.

And it was the hottest thing I’ve ever done in my entire life.

Somehow, I manage to pull myself back together, to tuck myself away and get up, finding napkins for her to wipe herself off with. That feels wrong—like I should be the one caring for her after that, cleaning her up, but I still can’t touch her.

She looks up at me with those huge blue eyes, slowly pushing herself to her feet, and I see her wobble slightly. She licks her lips, and I can see all of her nerves rushing back, all of the uncertainty. I can understand why.

I just don’t know what to do about it.

“That was—” Bella swallows hard. “I’m going to go back to my room, okay? I—” She grabs her clothes, yanking them back on, and backs away from me as if she’s not sure what happens next. She looks frightened, and that’s the last thing I want her to be.

I want to reach for her, to comfort her—but we’re both out of our depth now. I don’t know what she needs in this moment, and I have no idea how to give it to her.

So I let her go, and watch as she half-runs back up to the house, disappearing inside. I go to collect my clothes, and when I walk back inside, the house is silent. If she’s still awake, I don’t hear any sign of it. I have to resist the urge to go and check on her.

My bed still feels empty without her—more so than ever, after that. I have the overwhelming urge to be close to her after that, to have her curled up against my chest so that I can feel her sink sleepily against me—something I haven’t wanted for a long time. It’s a feeling that I’m afraid to look at too closely.

But I’m also exhausted, and I fall asleep easily this time—only to be rudely awakened what feels like a short time later by the shrill sound of my alarm clock.

Every dream I had was filled with Bella—with her perfect body, with her sighs and moans, the look on her face when she came, and I’m jolted awake with a rock-hard reminder of what happened between us last night. I’m tempted to hit the snooze button. But there’s a possibility that Bella will be waiting for me downstairs to workout, now that she’s back to her usual routine today, and that propels me out of bed and into my workout clothes, my cock only marginally softened by the time I’m downstairs.

She’s waiting in the foyer, in her usual workout outfit with her chestnut hair up in a high ponytail, and for a brief second, I feel like I can’t breathe when I look at her. I’m painfully aroused, my entire body strung taut with a thrumming memory of last night, and all I want is to pick her up and carry her back up the stairs to my bedroom. I want to spend the entire day learning the same map that I told her to trace last night, to re-cover all that ground with my own fingers and mouth.

Bella looks up at the sound of my footsteps, and I see her swallow hard, her gaze quickly flicking down. Whatever she saw in my face, it’s making her nervous, and I do my best to school my expression into something that isn’t blatant lust.

“You ready to go work out?” I ask, in a tone that’s as neutral as I can make it, and Bella nods.

“Let’s go,” she says softly, her voice cracking a little at the edges, and we head down the stairs.

It becomes immediately apparent, as soon as we’re down in the gym, that Bella has no intention of talking about last night. She avoids my gaze as she hurries over to where she usually starts stretching, going through her routine while avoiding looking at me—in the mirror or otherwise—and then she stands up, nodding towards the boxing bag. “The usual drills?” she asks, and I manage a nod in return.

“We’ll have to mix it up eventually, but for this morning, that’s fine.”

Everything that I want to ask her is crowding in my throat, and I swallow hard, moving to the other side of the bag as I start a series of drills of my own. “Did you sleep alright last night?” I ask, as calmly as I can manage, but Bella’s gaze shoots up to meet mine, her stance faltering.

“I did,” she says, licking her lips nervously.

“No nightmares?”

She shakes her head. “I took a pill. I’m groggy because I didn’t get enough sleep, but—I didn’t want to risk it.”

“Because of what we did? You thought it might set them off?” I know I probably shouldn’t have asked the question as soon as it’s out of my mouth, but Bella nods, and something squeezes in my chest. “I’m sorry. I didn’t intend to make anything worse.”

“You didn’t,” she says quickly, her gaze meeting mine and then dropping, and we both stop, going very still. I can see her breathing quicken.

“I can’t say I’m sorry for it,” I murmur. “Because fuck , Bella, I’m really not. But?—”

“I don’t want you to fire me.” She blurts it out, looking up sharply at me, and I can’t think of what to say for a moment. I just stare at her as she keeps talking, rapidly. “I love it here. I love taking care of Cecelia and Danny. I love this house. Everything you’ve done for me has been incredible. And I really, really don’t want you to fire me?—”

“Bella.” I walk around the side of the bag, stopping before I’m too close. “I’m not going to fire you. I never would. Especially not over something I instigated. But I have no intentions of firing you, regardless.”

“Then—” She lets out a breath. “You look conflicted. Like you regret last night.” That comes out in a rush, too, as if she can’t keep it in any longer. “I’m sorry if?—”

“I just said I wasn’t sorry for it.” I manage a lopsided smile. “I don’t regret it, Bella. But I know you deserve things I can’t give you, and?—”

She frowns. “Like what? What do you mean?”

I let out a breath as she takes a step back, leaning back against the wall. Her hands rub nervously against her thighs, and just that makes my mouth go dry, makes arousal throb through me, remembering her touching herself for me last night.

“I can’t give you a relationship, Bella,” I say quietly, stepping a little closer, a hand’s length away from her. She tenses slightly, but doesn’t move, and I’m cautious not to touch her by accident. “You’re incredible. You’ve blown me away in ways that it would take me a long time to list, ever since I met you. And last night was the most erotic thing I’ve ever done. But I—” I take a deep breath, measuring my words. “I’ve long thought that I don’t have it in me any longer to have another relationship. That I don’t have enough left to give any woman what she would need, but especially you. And the last thing I want is to promise you things that I can’t deliver. I’ve been trying to keep my distance, because of that. And last night, I couldn’t. I took things further than I should have, and I should regret it, even though I don’t. But I can’t promise you what you deserve, and that means that I shouldn’t let it happen again.”

Bella swallows, her throat working as she nods slowly. “I understand.” Her voice is low and quiet, and I see her still rubbing her fingers against her thighs, picking at the material of her leggings. There’s a look on her face that plainly says that she wants to say something, and doesn’t think that she should.

“What is it?” My curiosity is piqued, and besides—I never want her to hide anything from me. I don’t want her to feel that she has to. “You can talk to me, Bella. I’m willing to listen to whatever it is.”

A small laugh escapes her, and she looks up at me. “Maybe not this,” she says softly, and I shake my head.

“You can tell me.”

Her teeth sink into her lower lip, worrying at it. “I’ve started thinking about this recently,” she says softly, drawing in a slow breath. “And I thought more about it, after my appointment with my psychiatrist. I had lunch with Clara, and some things that she said made me think about it even more. And then—” She looks up at me. “I want to be able to have a relationship, eventually. You’ve done all of these things to help me be independent. To escape an arranged marriage. You gave me a job. My own bank accounts. You’re teaching me how to drive. And?—”

Something tight and hot coils in my gut at the thought of someone else touching Bella. At the thought of someone else with her at all. I’ve been around long enough to know the feeling of jealousy, and I can feel it sliding white-hot through my veins, just at the possibility of her wanting someone.

But I have no right to jealousy. Not with her. Not after what I just said.

“I don’t want to feel broken,” Bella whispers. “You gave me the first hint that maybe I don’t have to, last night. I never ever thought I could do something like that. That I would enjoy it. That it would be so—incredible.” She looks up at me under her lashes, her breath quickening, and I feel arousal slice through me, my cock stiffening in an instant. She has an undeniable effect on me, and this close, hearing that, it’s impossible to control.

I should tell her that with time, of course it’s possible. That with the right, patient person, she could work through all those fears. But I can’t get the words out, because the idea of any other man helping Bella work through her intimacy issues has jealousy burning through me, and I can’t stop it.

“You’ve helped me so much already,” she whispers. “You might be able to help me in another way.”

I tense, looking down at her, suddenly wary. “How?” My voice sounds raspy in my throat, my mouth dry. I don’t want to imagine that she means what it sounds like she does, because my control feels so very thin, and I can’t allow it to snap. Not with her. “You’ll have to explain, Bella.”

She swallows hard. “I know you want me,” she whispers, still looking up at me from under those long lashes, almost shyly, defying the words coming out of her mouth. “And I can’t pretend like I don’t want you. Not after last night. If we—” Her voice shakes a little. “If we agreed that it was no-strings-attached, and that it was just friends, you could?—”

I’m frozen, listening to her as she draws in another trembling breath, clearly working up her courage to finish. “You could— help me with my aversion to being touched.” She licks her lips nervously, and the sight jolts through me, making it feel hard to breathe. “We could start a little bit at a time, until?—”

For a moment, I can’t think of what to say. My brain feels scrambled, like I can’t properly form the words I’d need in order to answer her, the desperate desire to say yes to any and all of it warring with the practicality of whether or not this is truly a good idea.

My mind is telling me that this could go terribly wrong, and meanwhile, my throbbing cock is reminding me of all the ways it would feel so fucking right.

Not to mention, there’s some long-buried, kinky part of me that is horribly, thoroughly aroused at the idea of teaching her. Of taking each small step of her sexual education together, bit by bit, as she opens herself up to me in every way. The dynamic of it makes me feel dazed with arousal, all of the blood in my body shooting straight down to my dick.

Bella’s eyes drop, her cheeks flushing as she flattens herself against the wall. “I’m sorry,” she mumbles, clearly taking my shock as a rejection. “I shouldn’t have thought?—”

“I’m not telling you no,” I manage, and her eyes shoot back up to mine, nervous and faintly hopeful in a way that makes me feel like I’m going to lose my mind. “I just—we need to be clear about what it is that you want, Bella. What it is that we’re doing here.”

“Okay,” she murmurs nervously, biting her lip. “What do you want to know?”

I take a deep, slow breath, trying to organize my thoughts, to move past the throbbing in my cock and focus on the important parts of this—what I need to ensure I understand in order to make sure I don’t fuck up, and accidentally hurt her. It occurs to me that I should go and lock the door, but no one ever comes down here except for me, and Agnes won’t clean while she knows I’m still down here, until after she’s seen me for breakfast. All of that rattles through my head—but the truth is, I can’t pry myself away from her. I’m an inch away, close enough that I can feel the heat radiating off of her skin, smell the sweet scent of her sweat and soap, and I couldn’t move if the whole fucking room was on fire.

“Have you had sex before?” I ask quietly. “I know a little of what happened to you. And I know it’s hard to talk about. But if this is supposed to help you—move past it, in some way, then I need to know how far it went. How much you’ve experienced, before you shut down.”

Bella swallows hard, shaking her head. “No,” she whispers. “They didn’t go that far. They roughed me up, and they touched me inappropriately—” She moves her hand up to her breasts, brushing her other hand against her thigh, and just between them. “One of them put his hand between my legs, but not actually inside of me. They were too afraid of ruining me for Pyotr and being punished. While they were keeping me in the room, waiting on him—” Her voice breaks, and I step back, giving her a little room.

“We don’t have to talk about all of it today,” I tell her gently. “We don’t have to do anything today. If you’re not ready now, Bella, it can be anytime. You’re not going anywhere, and neither am I. This—thing that you’re asking for…we can start and stop whenever you want, if we’re going to do this. It doesn’t have to be right this second.”

She nods quickly, still worrying at her lower lip. “I know,” she breathes. “But I want to—no, that’s not right. I need to talk about it. Before I lose my nerve.”

“Alright.” I wait, and she sucks in another breath, her gaze still on the mat between us.

“They got me into the room and pushed me down on my knees. A couple of them were turned on, and they— got themselves out, started touching themselves. One of them pushed it up against my mouth, rubbed it on my face. But they didn’t actually—” She winces. “Penetrate me anywhere. It was all just posturing, threats. But that was somehow worse. The dread was worse.”

The anger that floods me is like nothing I’ve ever felt. “You said they were dead, by the time you were taken out of there?”

Bella nods. “I think so. Most of them. The don and some of his men stormed the hotel, looking for his wife. The woman whose place I took. I heard shooting, and—” She wraps her arms around herself, and I clench my jaw.

“Good,” I manage to grit out. “Because if they weren’t, I’d kill them all myself, for touching you that way. For hurting you.”

Bella’s eyes snap up to mine, and I see a glimmer of disbelief in them. I don’t blame her for that—I’ve never presented myself as a violent man. Truthfully, I’ve never killed anyone, or had call to be all that violent. A few fights is the worst I’ve run into, in my line of business with the criminal underworld of New York. But in that moment, I mean every word. And she must see it, because there’s something else in her eyes, too.

Gratitude. And a heat that tells me exactly what else it makes her feel.

“Anyway,” she licks her lips again, dropping her gaze once more. “I’m still a virgin. And I’m—I’m miles away from being ready to do anything about that. But I?—”

She breaks off, and I want so badly to reach out and slide a finger under her chin, to tip her face up so that she’s looking me in the eye. But I can’t touch her. Not yet.

After a moment, she looks up at me. “I trust you,” she says softly. “And I want to get there. I know you won’t hurt me.”

My pulse is thundering in my ears. My entire body feels wound tight, my cock a painful, hard bar of iron in my workout shorts, and Bella has far more faith in my capability to take this slowly than I do. But I have to, because the last thing in the fucking world that I want to do is break this woman’s trust.

She’s been hurt, and she trusts me to help put her back together. The gravity of that alone is enough to tell me that I shouldn’t be doing this, as emotionally unavailable as I am. But she said that she didn’t want to make this a long-term thing, either. That we’re doing this as friends. That eventually, someone else is going to take over where I leave off.

That shouldn’t send the burn of jealousy through me that it does. But, right or wrong, I push it away for now, because I can’t face it. The only real option is to never start down that road at all, and faced with Bella in front of me, sweetly asking me to teach her how to enjoy all things sexual, I can’t stand the idea of telling her no.

“Alright then, Bella,” I murmur, looking down at her with desire running rampant through every inch of my body. “Tell me what you want.”

She breathes in shakily, the tension between us so thick it feels as if I could reach out and grab it.

“I want you to kiss me,” she whispers. Her eyes are wide, nervous, her full mouth parted, and everything in me wants to devour her. I steady myself, leaning forward, one hand on the wall next to her head.

Fuck. I can do this. I can just kiss her, softly, gently, and stop there if that’s what she wants. I’ll have to stroke my dick raw in the shower afterwards, just to function for the rest of the day, but I won’t go a step further than what she’s asking for. I can’t quite believe what she is asking of me—but in its own roundabout way, it makes sense. I’ve helped her so far. I’ve shown that I want her to have her freedom, that I want it to be possible for her to make her own way in the world. This is just another step in that direction. Which is why she’s asked me to help her with it.

Deep down, I know I’m lying to myself if I think we can fool around, keep doing what we’re doing, all the way up to me being the first man to ever be inside of her—and then just walk away. But her trust in me, and how lost I am in her, makes it impossible to resist.

“Gabriel?” Bella whispers my name, and I feel the muscles in my abdomen tighten, my cock twitching at the sound of my name on her lips. She tilts her head up, her eyes becoming more and more nervous. “Is something wrong?”

I shake my head, swallowing hard. “No. I’ve just been thinking about kissing you for a long time. And I want it to be good for you.”

She smiles faintly. “I’ve got nothing to compare it to.”

Somehow, that gives me the courage to lean in. I breathe in as I angle my mouth towards hers, the scent of her sweat and soap and shampoo filling my senses, the thought that I’m about to taste her for the first time making me throb with an incomparable need. I touch my mouth to hers, just a brush of lips, and I feel her gasp.

“Gabriel—”

She breathes my name against my mouth, and my hand curls into a fist against the wall by her head, as I fight for control. I kiss her again, a little more firmly this time, and Bella makes a soft whimpering sound that goes straight to my cock.

Her eyes open, and she breaks the kiss, her nose brushing mine as she looks up at me innocently. “Can you take your shirt off?” she whispers. “Just the shirt. I want to try touching you.”

My heart feels like it’s going to come out of my chest. I nod, licking my dry lips, and I reach for the edge of my shirt, tugging it over my head and dropping it to the floor. Bella’s eyes drop to my pecs, and I see the way her teeth sink into her lower lip, her small gasp of arousal.

“Like what you see?” I can’t resist the question, my voice coming out rough and a little ragged. Bella nods speechlessly, and she slowly raises her hands, her fingers hovering over my skin for just a moment before she presses her palms against me.

I feel the touch ripple through her, the way her fingers curl into my skin, her eyes fluttering closed. Her back arches a little, leaning towards me, and I step close enough that I’m almost brushing against her, but not quite, as I lean in to kiss her again.

“Tell me to stop if I go too far,” I whisper, and then I press my mouth to hers.

Even like this, kissing close-mouthed, her lips are impossibly sweet. Soft and full, the plush feeling of them against mine makes my cock throb with every pass of my mouth against hers. I flick my tongue out, gently tracing it against her bottom lip, testing that—and she gasps, her mouth opening for me as she presses her fingers into my chest and drags her short nails down to the top of my abdomen.

“ Fuck , baby—” I groan against her mouth, my hips jerking forward, stopping just short of pressing myself against her as my entire body tightens under her touch. My cock is beyond hard, tangled up in my shorts, wet with pre-cum. There’s a not-inconsiderable chance that I’m going to come in those shorts before this is over, and I’ve already chalked it up to being well worth the embarrassment if it happens. I’m too turned on, and the slow, torturous pace that being with Bella requires is too fucking hot for how worked up I already am.

Slowly, I let my tongue slide against hers. I feel the heat of her mouth, and I finally, finally learn the taste of her, the sweet mint on her tongue as I feel her knees buckle and she moans, open-mouthed, into the kiss.

I break it, gasping, stepping back as I fight for control.

Bella’s eyes widen, and I see her tense. “What’s wrong?” she whispers. “Did I do something wrong?”

I swallow hard, shaking my head. “I just need a second.” I gesture down to my rock-hard cock, and Bella’s face heats, but the tiniest of smiles plays at the corners of her mouth.

“You really do want me, don’t you?” she whispers, and I groan, doing my best not to roll my eyes.

“That,” I manage, “is the biggest understatement I’ve ever heard.”

Her gaze rakes over my chest, down to my abdomen, lower than that—and I can tell from her breathing and her flushed skin that she likes what she sees, too. Slowly, she reaches for the edge of her shirt. “Promise no one will come in?” she whispers, and I feel my heart thud against my ribs.

“I can make sure,” I tell her, and I go to lock the door. I turn around, every step away from her painful, and as I reach the door and lock it, I turn back to see her pulling her shirt over her head and tossing it to the floor, leaving her in just her leggings and a soft, stretchy sports bra.

My balls tighten, a burst of pleasure racing up my spine, and for a split second, I think I’m going to lose it. I’m going to come from watching a girl take her shirt off, like a fucking teenager again. But I wrestle my arousal back under control, and stride towards her, my eyes devouring every bit of bare skin I can see.

“You can touch me,” she says softly. “Just—above my waist.”

I nod, feeling nerves that I shouldn’t be feeling at my age. I’ve somehow been dragged back in time to the very first time I ever touched a girl like this, to the days of high school makeouts and getting excited to be allowed to slip a hand under a bra, and I don’t hate it the way I would have thought. With anyone else, this would have been frustrating. Tiresome. An irritating game.

With Bella, it feels like unwrapping a gift. Her trust in me is unparalleled, and I don’t want to break it. And somehow, the need for restraint, the requirement to go slow, to not devour her in the ways I would have already if I’d been given free rein, makes all of this a thousand times better than I could possibly have imagined.

“Kiss me again, first?” she whispers, and I’m all too glad to acquiesce.

I lean in, kissing her more firmly this time, going straight for the step that we’ve reached. She opens her mouth for me, her tongue sliding against mine, and I gently reach out, setting my hands on her waist with a light brush of skin.

She reacts instantly, her skin pebbling under my touch, and she sucks in a sharp breath. But she doesn’t break the kiss, doesn’t pull away, and I slowly slide my hands up to the edge of her bra, stopping there.

Carefully, I drag my palms upwards, feeling the full curve of her breasts. When my palms pass over her stiffening nipples, she jerks again, her hips arching forward, and she moans into the kiss.

“Under the bra,” she whispers against my mouth. “Please. I need?—”

I know exactly what she needs. We’re moving faster now, but I trust her to tell me if she needs to stop, and the last fucking thing I want to do is to stop touching her. I slip my fingers under the edge of the bra, the warm scent of her skin filling my senses, and I groan at the pressure in my aching cock as I touch the bare curves of her breasts for the first time.

When my fingertips slide higher, pressing against her nipples, Bella lets out a sobbing moan that tells me exactly how good it feels.

I press her back against the wall with my hands, deepening the kiss as I start to toy with her nipples. I roll them under my fingertips, teasing, pinching lightly, tugging as the heat rises between us. Bella’s breaths come in small, panting gasps against my lips, her hips rolling in a way that tells me that this is working for her.

“It feels so good,” she moans brokenly. “Please don’t stop. Please?—”

I’ve never had a woman come for me just like this before. I’ve heard locker-room talk about it, but I always figured those guys were just bragging. But I know when a woman is about to come, and Bella is on the edge, so worked up that I have a feeling I might send her over the edge just from this.

“Gabriel.” She gasps my name, arching deeper, pressing her breasts into my hands as I continue to pluck at her nipples, tugging them into stiff peaks that I’m aching to suck into my mouth. “I’m, I’m going to?—”

She cries out, grabbing onto my shoulders, her fingers digging into my skin as her hips buck wildly, her body writhing, searching for something to grind against, some outlet for the pleasure throbbing between her legs, careening through her body. I pull back from the kiss, and I take a risk.

I yank her bra up with one hand, molding one breast in my palm as I press my mouth to other, and I suck her nipple into my mouth, rolling my tongue over it as I press my teeth against her skin, just enough for her to feel it.

I hope to god that this basement is as sound-proof as it’s supposed to be, because Bella screams. She arches against me, her entire body pressed against mine for a brief second before she pulls back, shaking hard as her knees nearly buckle. I slide an arm around her waist, steadying her, luxuriating in the feeling of her weight in my arms for a moment before she sags back against the wall, and I regretfully let go of her. She hasn’t stopped me yet, but I don’t want to push the boundaries too far and risk undoing the progress she’s made.

I take a step back, panting. I’m harder than I’ve ever been in my life as I look at her—her hair falling loose from her ponytail, her bra dragged up over her breasts, a red mark around one nipple from my mouth. She looks wrecked, and I want to take her down to the mat and make her come again with my mouth, my fingers, my cock. I want to make her come over and over, until neither one of us can stand.

Bella takes a shaky breath, reaching up to tug her bra down. “I—I didn’t know I could?—”

“I didn’t know either.” I run a hand through my hair. “God, Bella, I—” I take a deep breath. “What do you need? Because I’ve got to go somewhere and do something about this.” I gesture towards my cock with a shaky hand, and Bella’s eyes narrow.

Her hand shoots out, gripping my hip as she tugs me towards her. “Come here,” she says determinedly, her teeth sinking into her lower lip.

For a brief second, I think she’s going to ask me to jerk off again while she watches. But then a small smile twitches at the corner of her mouth, and her fingers hook under my waistband as I forget how to breathe for a moment.

“I want to try touching you,” she whispers. “Is that okay?”

Speechless, all I can do is nod my assent, and hope that I last past the first brush of her fingers against me.

She reaches out with both hands, tugging my workout shorts down my hips, just enough for my cock to spring out. It slaps against my abs, so hard that it stays pressed there, and Bella lets out a soft gasp that ends with a nervous giggle.

I’ve never imagined that a woman giggling when she saw my cock would do anything but make me feel like shit, but something about the sound Bella makes only serves to send another thick drop of pre-cum pearling down my shaft.

She reaches out tentatively, her left hand resting on my bare hip as her right stretches out to touch the tip of my cock. I brace myself against the wall, both hands on either side of her, and look down to see her fingers touch my cockhead for the first time.

Nothing could have prepared me for the sensation. It’s just her fingers barely circling the tip, but it feels better than some of the sex I’ve had in my life. I feel myself throb, my cock twitching into her hand, begging to be touched with more intent.

Bella sucks in a breath, and skates her fingers down my length.

It’s an exploratory touch. Her fingertips trace the veins, the straining flesh, down to the base and up the underside, a graze of fingers against skin that shouldn’t have me trembling, right on the edge, thinking about anything I possibly can to keep from erupting onto her belly right now and ending this excruciatingly pleasurable moment. This doesn’t even qualify as a handjob, but it’s going to be the only thing I think about the next time I’m alone with my hand around myself.

This, and how fucking gorgeous she is when she comes.

That makes my cock lurch again, more pre-cum spilling down my shaft, and Bella catches it with her fingers, spreading it down my length as she finally, finally, wraps her hand around it. I let out a shuddering groan, and she looks up at me, her eyes half-lidded as she gives me one long, slow, exploratory stroke.

“Is that good?” she whispers, and I let out a shaky laugh that turns into a moan as she strokes upwards, her palm passing over the tip of my cock.

“Bella, you’re going to get maybe two or three more of those before I come all over wherever you’re willing to let me,” I manage. “That’s how fucking good it is.”

She bites her lip, clearly fighting a smile and losing as she strokes me again, slowly. “Okay,” she whispers. “That’s one.”

My knees nearly buckle. I don’t know how she’s making a simple handjob one of the hottest fucking things I’ve ever experienced in my life, but I can’t imagine it getting better than this. And I know it can. It will , if we keep doing this.

She strokes me again, slowly. Deliberately, the sensation makes my eyes roll back, another jolt of pleasure crawling up my spine. “Two.”

Her hand slides over my cock again, up to the head and back down, her grip just tight enough, my cock so slippery with my own arousal that the friction is just this side of perfect. “Three,” she whispers, and somehow I manage to keep myself from coming, because I don’t want her to fucking stop.

Bella breathes in, her hand resting at the base of my cock, and then slowly, tantalizingly, she drags it back up, her fingertips pressing just beneath the tip. “One day,” she whispers, her hand squeezing me as she holds me there, “I’m going to be brave enough to do this with my mouth.”

That’s it. Her hand drags back down, and my mouth falls open, a ragged warning escaping me in the instant before raw heat bursts up my spine, my cock exploding. I’ve never felt anything like that first jolt of pleasure as a spurt of cum shoots onto her stomach, Bella’s hand stroking me faster now as cum jets from my cock, coating her belly as my hands curl into fists against the wall, and I fuck her hand, hips thrusting hard as I come all over her. I moan something that sounds like her name, the pleasure crashing over me again and again, coming harder than I think I ever have in my life as she strokes me through the climax, cum dripping over her hand as the spurts finally ebb.

“I—” My cock is so oversensitive that her touch is just this side of pain, but at the same time, I want her to keep stroking me forever. “That’s good. I?—”

Bella drops her hand, and I blindly grope for a towel on the rack next to the wall, reaching to clean my cum off of her stomach. She starts to take it from me, but I shake my head.

“I wanted to do this for you last night,” I tell her, managing to regain some of my composure. I tuck my softening cock back into my shorts with my other hand, reaching for hers to wipe it clean, too. “I couldn’t touch you then. But now?—”

Bella looks up at me, her lip caught between her teeth. For a moment, I think she’s going to say something, but she just nods, allowing me to help clean her up.

“I’m still going to take a shower,” she says with a small laugh. “I should—I should probably go do that.”

She looks up at me with those huge eyes, her lips still parted, the feeling of what she just did to me throbbing through my body, and I want to pull her to me and kiss her again. I want to never stop touching her. But I can see something shuttering in her face, and I know we’ve gone far enough for today.

With effort, I take a step back. “I’ll see you upstairs,” I tell her, and she nods, pushing herself away from the wall. She looks at me for one more long moment, and then turns, walking a little unsteadily towards the door.

It takes everything in me not to go after her. Not to follow her upstairs and into the shower. Not to never, ever let her out of my sight again.

But I know better than to give her expectations I can’t follow through on. We’ve made it clear what this is. I’ve blasted past every other line I’ve tried to draw between us, but this one, I need to stand firm on. So I watch her go, thinking about the next time she’ll let me touch her.

This is a slippery slope.

And I’m already falling .