Chapter 45

45

C ole Bauer . That's my biological father's name. He's fifty-five years old, he's the Alpha of a shifter pack in Denver, and he's got a mate and three children; two boys and a girl. He runs a portfolio of businesses. He's well-known in the city as a philanthropist. Sloane's mom, Astrid, is his younger sister, and their parents live abroad.

I've gone through the file so many times that I've practically memorized it, but there's nothing in the pages to adequately prepare me for actually meeting the man. A list of facts can't convey what type of person he really is.

On paper, Jonathan Knox seemed like an upstanding guy, but I know better than anyone how many secrets he kept. I might've been the only one who knew the true depth of his cruelty; cemented by our last conversation. Now, his body's buried beneath the smoldering remains of the safehouse, along with the rest of the active soldiers in The Guild's ranks.

I couldn't draw a deep breath until the team of squad fighters who stuck around until the cabin stopped burning verified it, picking through the rubble to count the bodies. I thought I'd feel guilty or mournful when I received the confirmation of his demise, but instead, all I felt was an overwhelming sense of relief.

Jonathan Knox was the only father I knew. When he found out what I am, he discarded me like a piece of trash- so needless to say, I don't have high hopes for any relationship with my bio-dad. Jonathan hated me because I'm a shifter. Cole may very well hate me because I was a hunter. The fact that Jonathan raised me didn't stop him from aiming his gun and pulling the trigger, so I doubt sharing blood with Cole Bauer would stop him from doing the same, if it came down to it.

I guess I've got a warped sense of familial bonds at this point.

Not only do I have a father out there that I didn't know about, but I also have three half-siblings in Denver. Not to mention an aunt, an uncle, and three cousins here. In one flip of a file, I suddenly went from having no family to more than I know what to do with, and although a few days have passed since I found out, I'm still trying to process it all.

I suppose there's a silver lining to the timing. Rather than replaying my last conversation with Jonathan Knox over and over again in my mind, wondering if there was anything I could've done differently to change the outcome, my obsessive tendencies have honed in on trying to understand my lineage instead.

The first night, I just sat with the file, re-reading it countless times as I pored over the details with Avery.

The next day, Sloane took me to Riverton to meet the rest of her family.

And now, I'm posted up on a park bench, about to come face to face with my sperm donor for the first time.

Fuck, what if this all goes horribly wrong?

Sloane lived with her uncle in Denver for almost a decade, and she described him as being stern, but fair. Astrid said he can be a little stand-offish at times, but other than that, she had nothing but glowing things to say about her older brother. When we met yesterday, she couldn't get over the fact that her psychic abilities never tipped her off to my existence- especially since she knew who I was the moment I walked through the door of the Riverton packhouse. Intuition . Too bad it wasn't her I ran into when I first showed up here, or I could've solved the mystery of my origins a hell of a lot sooner.

A flicker of movement in my periphery draws my attention, and I glance across the picturesque park to see a tall, broad-shouldered man walking in my direction with two paper coffee cups clasped in his hands. He's dressed in tailored grey slacks and a black button-down, his dark hair shaved short and a thin dusting of stubble coating his jaw. His height and build are similar to mine, though his skin tone is a little deeper bronze, his nose slightly more prominent. His eyes are set a bit wider, but they're the same dark brown as my own.

He walks with a confident stride, though the furrow of his brow is a pretty solid indication that he's feeling just as out of place as I am right now. Nothing about this situation is comfortable. In hindsight, maybe I should've let Avery come with me. She's a talker, while I still have no idea what I'm supposed to say to this man.

Hey Dad, sorry I didn't know who I really was and helped lead an effort to exterminate our entire species, hope we're cool…

As he draws closer, I can't stop staring like a fucking creep, trying to identify every similarity between the two of us. The color of our eyes. The curve of our lips. The sharp angle of our jaws. I'm not Cole Bauer's spitting image by any means, but I can still see myself reflected in his features.

I'm not sure how to feel about that.

He silently steps up to the bench I'm seated on, easing down to sit next to me and turning at the waist to extend one of the coffees in offering. "You must be Cameron," he drawls in a low, gravelly tone.

Fuck, does his voice sound like mine ?

"And you must be Cole," I reply gruffly, dipping my head in acknowledgement as I reach out to take the cup from him. I immediately bring it to my lips and take a sip, buying myself time to think of what the hell to say. But the only thought that crosses my mind as I choke down the bitter liquid is that I wish there was whiskey in it; just a little something to take the edge off.

"I knew your mom as Margot Kinney," Cole states, the deep tenor of his voice cutting through the tense silence. "We met at one of my clubs and just hit it off. It wasn't anything serious, but when she showed up later saying she was pregnant, that changed."

I lower my coffee, wrapping both hands around the cup as I lean forward to stare out at the small pond in front of us, resting my elbows on my thighs.

"I wanted to do right by her; by both of you," he continues, joining me in looking at the pond to spare us the discomfort of eye contact. "I wanted her to move into the packhouse with me so we could raise you there together."

My eyes start to glaze over as I track the ripples on the surface of the water. "So what happened?" I ask, an undercurrent of bitterness in my tone.

Cole heaves a sigh, dragging a hand down over his face and swiping it across his chin. "I told her I was a shifter. She didn't believe me, so I showed her my wolf, and she was… well, she was terrified." He shakes his head with a wry chuckle. "She couldn't wrap her mind around it. So I gave her space, thinking she'd get used to the idea and come around before you were born, but then…" he abruptly trails off, dropping his gaze to the coffee cup in his hands and picking at the plastic lid with his thumbnail.

"Then what ?" I prompt, flickering a sideways glance in his direction.

"There was a fire." He swallows thickly, lifting his gaze to the pond again with a haunted look in his eyes. "Her whole apartment complex burned down. I spent months investigating it, exploiting my connections with the local P.D. to get my hands on every piece of information I could about what happened. The fire department ultimately determined that it was an electrical fire, and they issued a death certificate for Margot. They closed the case, and as difficult as it was, I had to accept that and move on."

He swivels his head to face me, dark eyes brimming with regret as I turn my head to meet them. "I want you to know that I didn't just write you off," he says hoarsely. "I grieved for you. I never had reason to believe you were still alive out there somewhere, or I wouldn't have rested until I found you. I'm not the type of man who would abandon his own child, no matter the circumstance."

His sincerity is like a punch to the gut, my throat tightening uncomfortably as I digest his words. I'd already been told the news was a shock to him, but I guess I didn't fully believe that was true until now. It was easier to assume he just didn't want me; that he was some evil sonofabitch that threatened my mom and cast us aside. It's harder to accept that I missed out on growing up among my own kind, with a father who could've loved me, just because my mom feared what she couldn't understand.

"Yeah, I get it," I breathe, shifting the coffee cup from one hand to the other as I wipe my sweaty palms on the denim hugging my thighs. "Sorry, I'm just trying to take this all in."

"Me too." The corner of his lips lift in a faint smile, my chest tightening as I return the gesture.

Another tense silence descends upon us. I take a sip of my coffee and he does the same, his Adam's apple bobbing with a swallow as he leans back against the bench. Then he raises a fist to his mouth and clears his throat, the muscle in his jaw feathering as he turns his gaze on me. "Astrid said your mom passed away."

I jerk a nod, chest burning with repressed emotion. I've always had trouble talking about her death. Despite how long it's been, the pain of losing her at such a young age and the sharp turn my life took after has tainted even the good memories. "About ten years ago now," I state flatly, averting my eyes.

"How'd it happen?"

"Cancer."

Cole winces. "That must've been difficult."

"It was pretty quick," I murmur. "It had already metastasized to her bones when they found it, so there wasn't much she could do for treatment. And she wasn't really lucid at the end." I swing my gaze back on him. "She started rambling about werewolves."

He stiffens. "And that's how The Guild came to be?"

I nod again, lifting my cup and taking another sip of the shitty, liquorless coffee.

"Did she have a good life before that?" Cole questions, swiping a hand over his chin thoughtfully. "Was she happy?"

I swallow the coffee, pausing to consider his question. "I think so," I breathe, my throat achingly raw as I think back to what my mother was like when she was alive. "She was a good mom. She loved my dad- Jonathan , I mean. She was always a little high-strung, but I guess that makes sense now since she was on the run. Guess that's also probably why we moved around so much."

He nods slowly, dark eyes still trained on mine. "And what about you? Did you have a good childhood?"

"I guess so," I shrug. "I mean, up until Mom died. Then all this shit with The Guild started and I had to grow up pretty quick."

Cole drops his gaze to his coffee cup, thumbing the lid again. "I wish I could've seen you grow up," he murmurs quietly, almost to himself.

"Me too," I rasp.

Another pause settles between us, my knee bouncing anxiously as I consider how different my life might've been if Cole was involved from the beginning. He seems like a stand-up guy, and I can feel the truth of that intuitively. I could've been raised with loving parents alongside siblings. I could've grown up understanding what I was; could've met Avery under different circumstances where we weren't fundamentally at odds with one another. It's crazy to think how one snap decision made out of fear changed my life's entire trajectory.

"Are you happy?" Cole asks, breaking the silence.

I turn to look at him, narrowing my eyes. "Right now, or in general?"

"In general, I guess."

"That's a loaded question." I make a scoffing sound in my throat, stabbing my fingers through my hair as I glance back toward the pond, blowing out a slow breath. "The past few weeks have been a lot, but I think I'm getting there. As happy as I can be, anyway, since I'll always have to live with regret for the things I've done."

"Can't change the past, even if we all wish we could," he sighs. "The only thing we can do is learn from it and try to do better."

I turn to meet his eyes, giving him a tight nod.

"Cameron…"

"Cam," I correct.

"Cam," he repeats, nodding. "I know this situation isn't really ideal, but I'd like to get to know you, if you're open to it. Make up for some of the time we've lost."

"Yeah, I'd like that too," I mumble, raking a hand through my hair.

His gaze lifts to follow the movement, the ghost of a smile crossing his lips. "You've got the curly Bauer hair."

I freeze, slowly lowering my hand back down to my lap. "Can you tell me about them?" I ask. "About your family?"

He smiles fondly, the corners of his eyes crinkling. "Of course. Everyone says your brother Hayes is a lot like me. He's not a big talker, but he's always listening, and he's got a knack for problem solving. Which is a good thing, since your brother JJ is just like his mom. If you tell him to do something, you can almost guarantee he'll do the opposite just to prove a point that he can't be controlled. The kid's like a magnet for trouble."

"I know someone like that," I remark, chuckling lowly.

"I bet," he muses. "Astrid mentioned that you're fated to Avery Kessler."

I nod, taking a swig of coffee.

"She as wild as her mom?"

I dart him a smirk as I lower my cup. "That's putting it lightly."

Cole chuckles softly, shaking his head. "You're lucky, you know," he sighs, leaning back and kicking an ankle up to rest on his opposite knee. "Not every shifter finds their other half. A lot of them take chosen mates and never get to experience the fated bond."

"Did you?"

His lips curve into a smile. "Yeah. And even though Juliet and I couldn't be more different, she's my match in every way. Fate always has a plan, even if it's hard to see at first." His smile slowly fades, that haunted quality returning to his eyes. "I told her about you when we first got together," he murmurs. "She helped me through my grief over losing you before ever getting to meet you. I didn't know it at the time, but she was exactly what I needed at that point in my life. She brought me out of the shadows, gave me some perspective and helped me learn how to enjoy life again."

As I turn my gaze back to the pond, I can't help but draw parallels between his situation with his mate and my own. I was grieving Ben when Avery walked into my life, and she was like a fucking ray of light in the darkness. She became my reason to keep soldiering on. That was before I even discovered what I am or what she is to me, but looking back, I always knew there was something different about her; something soul-deep in our connection.

She could've tossed me aside like Jonathan did, but she didn't. She answered my questions about werewolves. She helped me understand what I am. She taught me how to shift. As misguided as it was, she ran into that fucking cabin to save my life, which is more than anyone's ever done for me. It's more than I deserve. She's more than I deserve.

"Delilah's our youngest, and she's on the quieter side, but she's starting to come out of her shell more and more every day," Cole continues, picking up right where he left off. "She's good with computers, like Astrid and Sloane."

"Is that kind of thing genetic?" I wonder aloud.

Cole swivels to face me, arching a brow. "You an IT guy?"

"I dabble."

His lips spread into a grin. "Maybe Sloane could get you a job in the IT hub with the six-pack."

"Yeah, maybe," I mutter, averting my gaze. "I'm not really sure how long I'll be sticking around."

Cole's brows shoot up in surprise. "What about Avery?"

"That's kind of up to her, I guess."

"I'm sure you two will figure it out," he replies gruffly, stretching an arm over the back of the bench. "And for what it's worth, you're welcome in Denver anytime. I know it was never your home, but there's a place for you there if you ever want it. I mean, you'd technically have a claim to the pack, as my eldest son."

I snort a laugh. "Yeah, how would that go over with them?" I ask, the sarcasm thick in my tone. "Think they'd want a former hunter running things?"

He just stares back at me, the muscle in his jaw ticking.

"Yeah, that's what I thought," I sigh, leaning back against the bench and waving a hand. "Doesn't matter, anyways. I just learned how to shift, I've got no business trying to take charge of a bunch of other shifters that have been doing it their whole lives. Or stepping on your son's toes, for that matter. I'd rather just do my own thing, maybe visit sometimes."

"Anytime," he reiterates, nodding. "No pressure, but your siblings are dying to meet you. My mate, too."

"Still trying to wrap my head around the fact I've got siblings out there," I admit.

"And you've got the rest of your life for them to annoy you now," he remarks, snorting a laugh.

We chat for a while longer, until our coffees are drained and the sun slips lower in the sky. Then we both push up to our feet, stretching our limbs, and that initial feeling of awkwardness returns as I debate how to say goodbye to Cole Bauer.

Do we hug? Shake hands? What's the protocol here?

He steps toward me and extends a hand, so I slap mine into his, settling for a handshake. But then he uses it to pull me in, bumping his chest against mine and clapping me on the back with his other hand.

"I'm so glad we were able to meet," he rasps in my ear, holding me captive in an awkward bro hug that feels way better than it has any right to.

I clap my own hand against his back, returning the gesture as I murmur, "me too."

I'm not sure where we'll go from here or what kind of relationship we'll be able to forge, but this feels like a solid first step in rebuilding the wreckage of my life.

It feels good.

It feels like a new start.