Chapter 10

10

Cass

T he next day, I'm still angry at Cole for not panicking like I am about Lochlan's discovery, and also because he's talking to some girl when I interrupted. Is she someone he goes to school with in New York? Is she his girlfriend?

Vanessa has never mentioned Cole seeing anyone seriously. And if he is, he's a cheating bastard. I should repay the favor by telling his mother how he went down on me twice and fucked me.

I set out to find him the next day while Vanessa and Sophie are out shopping for a wedding dress.

My little sister is trying on freaking wedding dresses for a ceremony in three weeks when she's still a child.

I'm not jealous, and I don't want to be forced into an arranged marriage to a man I don't know. I'm just furious that Lochlan wouldn't even consider me as an option to replace Madison. Only Sophie would do. Why is it that men love to be the ones to ruin the virginal maids?

I find Cole sitting on the sofa on the second floor living room, typing away on his computer.

"What are you doing?" I ask.

His head comes up, then his eyes rake over my black sports bra and spandex shorts, lingering a little longer on my bare midriff and chest for only a moment before his gaze returns to the laptop screen. "I'm just sending your sexy little videos to every porn site."

"What?" I whisper.

"I'm joking," he mutters without looking up at me.

"So, what are you actually doing?"

With a heavy sigh, he says, "I'm just doing some research."

"Research? On what?" I ask, taking a seat in a chair next to the sofa.

"Why do you care?"

Wow. He's in a shit mood today. Is it because we didn't fuck last night? Because I threatened to kill him? I wouldn't actually try to drown him or anything. Probably.

When I don't respond and don't leave, Cole eventually answers me. "Since I don't have anything else to do this summer, I'm…looking for my father."

"Oh." That's the last thing I was expecting him to say. And based on his tone and refusal to make eye contact, I'm guessing it's a touchy subject. One I shouldn't give him hell about, or he would never forgive me. So, I don't say anything bitchy. Instead, I just say, "You don't know where your father is?"

"I don't even know his name," he explains. I have no clue how to respond to that statement. Thankfully, I don't have to before Cole adds, "You have no idea how lucky you were to grow up with your dad around."

"And you have no idea how lucky you were to grow up with Vanessa," I quickly reply .

His head comes up again, eyes landing on me. "Sorry. I forgot that your mother disappeared."

"It's fine."

"What does Dante think happened to her? That Yuri Petrov killed her?"

"Nobody knows for sure," I tell him. "She was just gone one day. I was still a baby."

"That sucks. I'm sorry, Cassie. That couldn't have been easy. I know Dante's not easy either, but at least you know who's responsible for you know…creating you."

Nodding with that sentiment, I find myself telling him, "For years, Dante would make up shit whenever I asked about her, where she was, or when she was coming home. He would say shit like she's traveling for work, or visiting her family, or on a vacation and would be back soon. And of course, she never came back. I was a teenager before I realized he had no idea where she was but didn't want to tell me. I wish he hadn't left me with that hope."

"Hope is better than nothing," Cole says.

"I'm not so sure about that. He never told me anything about her. I don't even know what she looks like. It's not like my father would keep photos of all his dead girlfriends hanging around the house."

"I doubt that he avoids hanging photos out of anything except his own pain and guilt. Maybe he can't bear to see the women he feels like he's responsible for losing, all of your mothers. Three innocent women are three too many."

"Yes, it is," I agree. "I know it may be fucked up, but I hope she was killed."

Cole stares at me silently for several long moments with pity in his eyes rather than thinking I'm a bitch. "Because if she was murdered, it means she didn't make the decision to abandon you?"

I nod my head, surprised he grasped that sentiment so fast. And ready to change the subject, I ask him, "What do you know about your father? "

"Not much."

"Because Vanessa refuses to give you more information?"

"Pretty much," he agrees, shoving his fingers through his short hair. "All I know is that my father may have been in the Sigma Chi fraternity at USC in the fall of two thousand two. Or, hell, he may have just been at one of their parties at the frat house. So far, I've found that they had twenty members who lived in the house that year. Not that the one she…slept with lived there, but they apparently fucked there. I was just doing research into the men to see if, I don't know, if I looked like any of their photos. Since I have my mom's hair and eye color, nothing is really jumping out at me."

I consider that information for a long moment, then ask, "What about your height?"

He arches an eyebrow. "What about it?"

"Well, you're more than a foot taller than your mother so your father must be a giant."

"My grandfather was tall, so not necessarily. But that's not a terrible idea."

"Maybe you could see if any of the frat bros played basketball."

Cole chuckles. "I may be tall, but I'm shit at basketball. At all sports for that matter."

"Then the athletic gene could have skipped a generation."

"Maybe."

He clicks away on his laptop for a few minutes, eyes moving over it as if scanning through images. "What will you do if you manage to narrow the list down? Ask him for a DNA test?"

Shrugging, he says, "Hell if I know. I mean, whoever my father is, he doesn't have a clue that he conceived me almost twenty-two years ago. I doubt he wants me butting into his life, his family. Of course, he'll assume that I want something from him."

"Do you? Want something from him?" I ask.

"No. I just want to know him. It's not about money. Yeah, sure, I could use cash, but it was never about that even when I grew up poor. I just…feel like I'm missing a part of myself. "

"That's how I feel about my mother," I admit to him. "And while Dante may assume that she was killed by the Russians, I can't help but wonder if she just up and left. That's why I hope he's right."

"You really think she could've abandoned you and your father on purpose?"

"Anything is possible."

Cole shakes his head. "No, Cassie. I don't buy that for a second. You were a baby and there's no way she would've left you behind on purpose."

"Well, I guess we'll never know since she hasn't been found, not even her body if she is dead. That's why…I do hope you get your answer some day."

"Thanks. At least I know my father didn't really have a choice. I mean, it sucks but I'm angry at my mother for never finding out who he was at the time. She could've used his financial support and I would've liked to have grown up with a father in my life. But she refused to go back and find him to tell him back when she had the chance. It's fucked up."

"Vanessa was probably just trying to protect you. And herself," I tell him. "If he had been a dick and turned his back on her, that would've hurt her too much, so she turned her back on him. After all, she was dealing with a lot of shit, getting a new identity, being a teenage single mother, and all while hiding from her psycho mobster father."

"Yeah, that's true," he agrees with another sigh. "I guess I can't really understand her decisions if I didn't go through the same shit myself." Closing his laptop, he leans back against the sofa and says, "All I know is that if I were a father to some kid out in the world, I would want to know, even if I have a family or it would upend everything. It would be my responsibility to step up and be a father, no matter how old the kid was, even if he was grown by the time I found out about him or her."

I can't help but ask him, "Are you expecting some girl from New York to come up pregnant sometime soon?" Maybe the one he was talking to on the phone last night?

"No. God, no," he replies. "I always use protection. I'm not stupid. My mother ingrained that shit in my head from the time I was like thirteen. That's when she gave me my first box of condoms."

"Thirteen?" I say in surprise. "My father thinks I should still be a virgin at twenty-one."

"Yeah, thirteen. She told me that she didn't want me to use them until I found a girl I really cared about, but that if I was going to have sex, that I better not even think about doing it without a condom on before any serious foreplay starts."

"You didn't with me."

"What?" he asks.

"You, um, didn't put on a condom with me. At least not at first." I try and fail to hide my smirk remembering how fast he came.

"I put one on when it counted," he remarks. "One that I remember you throwing at my face just last night."

"You deserved it," I tell him. "My room still smells like rubbers and cum even with it gone. I nearly choked on perfume to try and cover it up."

Chuckling he says, "Poor little rich girl."

After flipping him off, making him laugh harder, I ask, "Are you going to Sophie and Lochlan's wedding?"

"Yeah, I guess so. I still can't believe Dante's letting her get married."

"He must be desperate for the alliance with Lochlan to give up his little girl."

"Must be," Cole agrees. "Are you jealous?"

"What?" I huff.

"Are you jealous it's Sophie and not you getting hitched?"

"No."

"Good," he says before he gets up and walks away with his laptop tucked under his arm .

And I have no clue what that means, or where we stand after that little heart to heart.

Fucking Cole may have felt great, but we're lucky we didn't get caught. Tempting fate again, my violent father, wouldn't be smart. Cole obviously feels the same way.

I hate how disappointed that makes me.