17. Gabriel

17

GAbrIEL

I have no reason to be nervous as I lead Bella upstairs to my room. But something twists in my stomach all the same, an anxious anticipation at what's ahead of us.

This is just sex. Even as I try to tell myself that, I know it's a lie. Regardless of the reasons for our hasty marriage, Bella is my wife now, something she's never been before when we've gone to bed together. And I've never felt more certain of how I feel about her.

I've also never felt less sure of what I'm meant to do about it.

She all but said she plans to leave once Igor is no longer a threat. I know that can't have been an easy decision for her to come to, either—I know how much she cares for Cecelia and Danny. I also think we both know that, after this, there's no going back to how things were before. There's no world where we can go back to being an employer and his nanny, while Bella dates other men and builds a future without me, while my place in her life is only as her boss. Just the thought makes me feel hot all over, down to my bones.

I can't blame her for it, either. She was destroyed by one arranged marriage, running from another when we met. Now, I've talked her into a third—for her own safety, but that doesn't change how I know this feels for her.

Whatever there is between us, it's always been muddled by something else. Complicated by things outside our control. This is no different.

Soon, I'll have to tell her about the threats from Igor, what Gio told me today. But I couldn't tell her before the wedding, when I knew it would make it impossible for her to get even the smallest bit of happiness from the day. When I knew it would make her even more terrified to come to the church. And I don't want to tell her tomorrow, when she'll have a day to spend with Clara before Clara goes back to New York. But I can't keep her sheltered from it forever.

I know she wouldn't want me to, either.

I push the thought from my head as we step into my bedroom, closing the door behind us. When I turn back to look at her, she looks nervous, and I step forward, gently reaching out and brushing a piece of hair away from her face.

"We don't have to do this, if you don't want to," I tell her quietly. Every part of my body protests that statement—I'm aching for her, and I have been for every second since the last time I was inside of her, in the library. After having her in my lap on the car ride home, grinding against me, I felt like I was going to lose my mind waiting for tonight.

But I never want her to feel that she has to do anything that she doesn't want to. That I would ever ask anything of her that she doesn't want to give.

She nods, swallowing hard, and for a moment, I think she's going to agree. That she's going to say it's better if we don't do this at all.

A throb of frustration ripples through me.

"I want to," she says softly, and for a moment, I'm afraid I've misheard her. But she steps closer, her hand reaching up to touch the bare skin where the top buttons of my shirt are open, and I suck in a breath at the feeling of her warm fingers against me. "Just for tonight," she adds, and my heart slams against my ribs.

I catch her hand, folding mine over hers. "I understand why," I murmur quietly. "And I'd never force you to do anything you didn't want to do, Bella. But even if we're not—intimate after tonight…I want you sleeping in my bed with me. I want you next to me. I don't want to sleep in a separate bedroom from my wife."

She blinks, looking up at me. "Why not?"

Why not, indeed. There are a dozen ways I could answer that, and they all involve things I'm not ready to admit yet, not even entirely to myself. Feelings I don't think she wants. Desires that are at odds with what this marriage is, at its core.

An arrangement. A necessity. Not a union of love—no matter what I'm feeling right now.

"I want to know you're safe," I say instead—the closest thing to a lie I've ever told her. Not because I don't want to know that she's safe, but because it's far from the first reason I want her sleeping next to me at night. She can be protected even if she's sleeping in a bedroom down the hall. We don't need to share a bed for that. "I'll feel better if you're next to me at night."

That's closer to the truth.

She nods, slowly. "I trust you," she says softly. Her fingers tug at the buttons of my shirt, slowly undoing them. I divested myself of my jacket and tie earlier tonight, and I bite back a groan as her fingers trail down my chest, over the soft, dark hair there as she undoes the buttons all the way down. When my shirt is hanging open, she reaches to undo my cuffs, her lip caught between her teeth. I want to reach out and touch it, to feel that soft plushness under the pad of my thumb.

Her fingers running down my chest already had me halfway to hard, but that thought seems to send all the rest of the blood in my body south, straight down to my cock as it stiffens, straining against my fly. Bella is still fully dressed, and I want to rip that wedding gown off her body, but I can't seem to move. It's as if I'm afraid I'll startle her if I do, that she'll come to her senses and stop touching me. And the feeling of her hands on my chest, my abdomen, her palms sliding over my shoulders as she pushes my shirt off and lets it fall to the floor—it's as if my entire body has become an erogenous zone, her touch everywhere almost as good as if she were touching my cock.

When her hands drop to my belt buckle, I almost reach for her. But she undoes it, letting it fall open—and then she drops to her knees.

Instantly, all of my better sense comes back online. I reach down, cupping her cheek in my hand as I tilt her chin up, looking intently down at her.

"You don't need to do that," I tell her gently, even as, once again, my entire body rebels at the idea that I'm telling this gorgeous woman—my wife —that she doesn't need to put my cock in her mouth.

It's been so goddamn long since anyone did that. I've all but forgotten what it feels like. And the idea of Bella sliding her lips around me is so erotic that my cock throbs and strains just at the thought, the tip wet with pre-cum.

Her fingers reach for my zipper, dragging it down, and my cock throbs again with such intensity that I'm afraid this is going to be over before it even starts. "I want to try again," she whispers, her wide eyes looking up at me.

The memory of the last time she tried this jolts through me. The night she tried to go down on me on the living room sofa, only to panic as soon as my cock was near her mouth. She'd thought the entire night was going to unravel because of that, but all it did was get us upstairs and into bed—and me inside of her. Her first time. That thought pushes me even closer to the edge, and I suck in a breath, trying to think of anything else. Anything other than how much I want her mouth on me, or how hot and tight and wet she felt clamped around my cock as I took her virginity.

Slowly, Bella pushes apart the fabric of my suit trousers. My cock is an inch from her face, a thick ridge pressing against the front of my boxer briefs, and a jolt ripples through me as she runs her fingers down the length of the cotton fabric. I can feel that I've soaked through them, the cotton clinging to my tip, and when Bella presses her thumb against it, I hiss through my teeth.

She flinches. "Are you okay?" she whispers, looking up at me, and I have to struggle not to laugh. I'll hurt her feelings if I do, but okay doesn't begin to cover it.

"I'm more than okay," I murmur, trailing my fingers over her hair, my thumb brushing over the line of her jaw. "I'm just trying to keep from embarrassing myself all over again."

"Just because of this?" Bella catches her lip between her teeth again, and I close my eyes briefly, struggling for control.

"You should see yourself." I let her hair trail through my fingers. "You're so fucking beautiful. On your knees for me in your wedding gown, your mouth an inch from my cock—this is fucking heaven, Bella. And I'm so close to coming just from looking at you like that."

Her cheeks flushed pink. "Oh," she whispers, and her fingers hook in the edge of my briefs, tugging them down.

My cock springs free, slapping against my muscled abdomen. I feel sticky arousal against my skin, the hot, pulsing length pressed taut against me, and Bella leans up, her fingers wrapping around my shaft as she tilts it down to meet her waiting lips.

She's a vision in her white wedding gown, lace pooling around her, her hair spilling over her shoulders, delicate and ethereal and beautiful, her eyes wide as she leans in and presses her lips against the tip of my cock. She breathes in, and when her tongue flicks out to swirl around the tip, lapping up the drops of pre-cum pearling there, I think my knees might give out. I grasp for the foot of the bed, clenching my fingers around it to steady myself as heat sweeps down my spine.

I had forgotten how good this feels. The soft plushness of her mouth, which has been responsible for dozens of my erections, presses against my swollen cockhead with a sensation that's so exquisite it makes me dizzy. I can already feel that pressure building at the base of my spine, my balls tight and aching with the need to come, but I don't want it to be over so quickly. It's not even about my own ego—this might be the only time Bella ever does this…will almost certainly be the only time, and I want it to last.

I want to remember every second of tonight.

She rubs the flat of her tongue along the underside of my cock, her lips sliding around me, and I see her struggling to open her mouth wide enough to take more. She looks up at me, and I cup my hand against her jaw, my thumb brushing the corner of her lips.

I feel myself throb as I take in the sight of her with her lips wrapped around me, taut and struggling to take my cock, her eyes watering slightly. She's so fucking beautiful.

"Go slow," I tell her, my voice hoarse with desire. "You don't have to force anything, Bella. Your mouth feels so fucking good, just like this. Just your lips on me feels incredible. You don't have to rush."

She nods, sliding off of me just long enough to catch her breath. When she wraps her lips around me again, it's with more purpose, and she slides her mouth down another inch, the muscles in my thighs shaking at the sensation of her hot mouth all around me.

I don't know how much she's going to be able to take, but even this is enough. I could come right now, if I let myself. The pleasure eclipses everything else, my veins feeling like they're filled with liquid fire as Bella slides down a little further. The torturous slowness, the way she takes me a little at a time as she learns how to suck a cock for the first time, is both the best and most painful thing I've ever felt. It's incredible—and at the same time, it's torture.

What blood is left in me north of my cock is rushing in my ears, my breathing fast and hard as I trail my fingers down Bella's neck, gently caressing her as she takes me another inch into her mouth. I can feel myself sliding over the wet heat of her tongue, and I feel myself stiffen, throb, and I know that in another few seconds, I won't be able to hold back any longer. I start to pull my hips back, to slide out of her mouth, but her hand shoots up and grabs my hip, holding me in place as her eyes roll up and meet mine.

That does it. My orgasm goes from being held back by a thin thread of control to crashing into me like a freight train, my hand white-knuckling the foot of the bed as I feel myself explode in her mouth. My balls tighten, that first intense throb as cum shoots across her tongue, making my eyes roll back, a moan tearing from my mouth as her lips tighten around me, and she sucks as I start to come.

There are no words for how good it feels. I lean forward, gasping, my hand curled around the back of her neck as I fill her mouth with my cum, spurt after spurt, as she sucks me dry. There's no technique in how she does it, just the frantic pressure of her mouth as she tries to pleasure me, but it's better than the most experienced blowjob. The knowledge that she wanted my cum in her mouth, that she wanted to taste me, coupled with the erotic sight of her on her knees in her wedding gown, is enough to send me plummeting over the edge into a climax more intense than anything I can remember.

She keeps lashing me with her tongue, sucking at my cock until I finally pull back, gasping. "Too much," I manage, and she stops instantly, rocking back on her heels as she looks up at me. There's a trace of my cum on her lower lip, and the answering throb of arousal that I feel, even as drained as I feel right now, makes me dizzy.

When her tongue runs over her lip, licking it up, I swear I start to harden again, only seconds after I just came.

"We can stop there if you want," she says softly. "If you don't want to?—"

I shake my head. "I want more than that tonight, Bella. That was so fucking good I can hardly think straight, but it's not all I want."

Gently, I reach down, helping her to her feet. Her face is flushed, her lips swollen, her eyes damp with having my cock so deep in her mouth, and she looks exquisite. "Can you—" she starts to ask hesitantly, and I chuckle, the sound rough in my throat as I turn her so that she's facing away from me.

"I told you before," I murmur, brushing her hair over her shoulder so that I can reach the top of the row of buttons down the back of her dress. "I'll go as many times in a night as you want me, Bella. There's no end to how many times you could get me hard."

I feel the shudder of arousal that sweeps through her at that. I lean forward as I undo the top button on her dress, brushing my lips over the very top of her spine. She shivers again, and I undo the next button, following the path down with light brushes of my mouth against her skin.

"Gabriel." She breathes my name as I work my way down, bit by bit, until her dress is open to the base of her spine. I sink down, pressing a kiss there, and I have a sudden image of bending her over the bed, stripping her naked, and eating her out from behind. The picture is so hot, so filthy that I feel my cock start to swell to life again, but I feel sure that Bella isn't ready for that yet.

The only disappointment I feel is that she probably never will be. That after tonight, I won't get a chance to do any of the things I've imagined to her.

But I also don't want to push her too far.

I get up, sliding her dress down her hips until it pools at her feet, a puddle of lace around her high heels. "God," I murmur, as I slide a hand over the curve of one hip. "You're so fucking perfect, Bella."

She's wearing a strapless bra and white lace panties, so delicate that I could wrap a hand in them and rip them off easily. I unhook the bra, tracing my fingers down her spine as I let it fall away, and then I slide my fingers into the edge of her panties, tugging them down her hips as I strip the last of her clothing away from her.

"I didn't know what you'd like under my dress," she whispers, and I realize she's starting to tremble. "I?—"

"I like you naked." I reach for her, turning her and picking her up so that I can deposit her easily onto the bed. "I like you clothed, half-naked—any way I can get you. I like you every way I've ever seen you, Bella."

She licks her lips, swallowing hard as I push my pants off the rest of the way, and join her on the bed. I can imagine she still tastes me in her mouth, and the thought makes more blood rush back to my cock, a steady, pleasurable throb taking up residence there as I move between her thighs.

"I'll be aching to be inside of you before very long," I murmur, running my fingers up the inside of her calf. "But for right now, it's going to be all about you."

Her eyes widen, looking up at me from where she's laying back against the stack of pillows. Her muscles jump under my fingertips as I slide my hands higher, and I rub my palms over her cool skin, wanting her to soften for me.

"Relax," I murmur, gently spreading her legs apart. "All you have to do is say the word, Bella, and I'll stop if you want me to. It doesn't matter what we're doing or how far we've gone. I won't do anything you don't want me to. But I don't think you're going to want me to stop."

I turn my head, pressing a kiss to the inside of her knee. She gasps as I start to drag my mouth higher, kiss after kiss peppering along her skin until I have her thighs wide and I'm lying between them, my tongue flicking out to trace the crease of her thigh.

She's soaking wet already. I can see it, see how swollen and soft and flushed she is, her folds parted as I turn my head to let my warm breath waft over her sensitive skin. I feel her react, hear her gasp, and then I gently brace my hands against her inner thighs as I drag my tongue up the center of her pussy, tasting her arousal as it coats my tongue.

She tastes so fucking sweet. My cock hardens instantly, trapped between me and the bed, as I lean in and drag my tongue along her folds again as she moans breathlessly, her hands fisting in the blanket.

"I want to find out how many times I can make you come like this before I can't take it any longer," I murmur, and I circle her entrance with my tongue, lapping up her arousal. "Until I'm so fucking hard from feeling you come on my tongue that I have to be inside of you."

" Gabriel ." She moans my name, and I push my tongue inside of her.

Her back arches, another helpless moan spilling from her as I curl my tongue and fuck her with it, long, slow strokes that mimic what I plan to do to her with my cock very soon. Her arousal floods my tongue, and as I feel her tighten and flutter, my cock throbs with the aching need to be inside of her.

I've barely started, and I already don't know how long I can hold out.

A few more strokes of my tongue, and she's whimpering, bucking against my mouth with the need to come. I slide my tongue out, up over her soft folds, delving between them to flutter the tip of my tongue over her clit as I push two fingers inside of her, curling them as I suck her clit between my lips.

"Gabriel!" She shrieks my name, hips bucking upwards, and I wrap one arm over her, holding her to the bed as I press my mouth tightly against her. Fingers thrusting, lips sucking, I drive her over the edge into a hard, ceaseless climax as I feel her ripple around my fingers, her clit pulsing on my tongue as she grinds against my mouth, coming hard on my face.

The pressure in my cock feels maddening. It feels like an iron bar, wedged between me and the softness of the bed, but I'm not ready to stop pleasuring her yet. She whimpers and squirms under me as I lessen the onslaught of my lips and tongue, softening them to a gentle flutter as she gasps.

She murmurs my name again, and I slow the stroke of my fingers, keeping them buried firmly inside of her as I exhale a warm breath over her swollen, sensitive flesh.

I want to be inside of her so badly it hurts. But instead, I start to rouse her again with slow, gentle licks, swirling my tongue around the outside of her clit, sucking and nibbling lightly at her swollen folds. She squirms, twitching with each touch, until the small gasps and giggles at each sensation start to turn once again to moans—hesitant at first, and then more insistent as I drive her pleasure higher and higher, towards the edge of another climax.

Everything about her feels exquisite. The tight, velvet clench of her pussy against my fingers, the slick throb of her clit against my tongue, her arousal the sweetest thing I've ever tasted. My entire body is pulsing with need, and I suck in a breath as a jolt of pleasure shudders down my spine, hoping I can hold out long enough to make her come again. And maybe once again, before I can't stand it any longer.

"Gabriel, I can't—" Bella gasps, her body twitching under my hands. "It's too much?—"

I pull back slightly. "Do you want me to stop?" I murmur, and she swallows hard, her hips arching up, answering the question for her.

"I—"

"You can take more." I smooth my hand over the taut flesh of her abdomen, leaning in to drag another slow lick over her clit as I feel her clench around my fingers. "Come for me again like a good girl. And then one more time, and I'll give you my cock."

The sound that she makes at that, needy and breathless, makes my nerves feel raw with lust. I fasten my lips around her clit again, thrusting my fingers as I suck at her swollen flesh, and she cries out as I push her over the edge again, clamping around my fingers like a vise.

"Again," I murmur against her sensitive flesh, the sound vibrating over her skin, this time not letting up as I overstimulate her, pushing her into a third. I want all of her pleasure, want her wrung dry with it, and then, and only then, I'll take mine.

Bella whimpers helplessly, her breath coming in small, short pants. I've driven her past speech, into nothing but sensation, and that's what I want. I want her to be past thinking, to only feel , especially once I'm inside of her.

For tonight, at least, I want her to be entirely mine.

When I feel her start to tremble and tighten around me again, her arousal coating my tongue as she shudders through her third climax, I finally take pity on her and on myself. I give her one last long, slow lick, tasting every inch of her sweet pussy as she lets out another sobbing whimper, and then I rise up over her, taking in the look of exhausted pleasure on her face as I lean in to kiss her.

Her mouth is soft under mine, and she tilts her chin up, her lips parting for my tongue. "You like how you taste in my mouth?" I murmur against her lips, and she whimpers again, her legs tangling around mine. "You taste so sweet, Bella. And now I need you. I'm so hard it hurts, from feeling you come all over my mouth."

I reach down, my fingers wrapping around hers as I move her hand to my straining cock. "You feel how hard I am? That's all you, sweetheart. All for you. And fuck , I need to be inside of you."

She nods breathlessly, and I slide my hands down, gripping her waist. "I want you from behind. I want to see that pretty ass while I slide into you. Can I have you like that?"

The small, shaky nod that she gives me is almost enough to make me come apart.

Gently, I roll her onto her stomach, one hand squeezing her hip as I angle her just the way I want. She looks perfect like this, her tanned skin flushed with pleasure, her swollen pussy peeking out, pink and wet between her thighs. I wrap one hand around my cock, feeling myself throb as I slide into her.

" Fuck —" I hiss the word between my teeth as my tip sinks into her. She's hot and wet and tight, and it feels so fucking good that it's almost too much. I take a long, shuddering breath, clinging to my orgasm with all the self-control I have left as I slide into her another inch, and then another, feeling the wet, hot, velvet clasp of her around my cock with a pleasure that leaves all of my nerves raw.

Bella lets out a gasp as I sink to the hilt, her hips arching up, rubbing against me. I let out a sharp breath, holding myself still for a moment, the soft press of her ass against me and the feeling of her clenching around my length so good that I'm terrified that if I move, I'll lose myself.

She feels incredible. Better than I've ever imagined, better than I remember. I can't let myself think about the fact that tonight is almost certainly going to be all I ever have.

It's not ever going to be enough.

Nothing short of a lifetime of having her in my arms, in my bed, in my life , could ever be enough.

"Gabriel—" She lets out a sobbing, gasping moan, grinding back against me. Pleasure jolts down my spine, and I lean forward, pressing my mouth against her shoulder. " Please —I need more. Please."

The sound of her begging is almost enough to undo me. But I can't deny her anything that she wants.

I start to move, slowly, trailing kisses down her spine as I draw my hips back in a long, hot slide that ends with just my swollen cockhead still inside of her, before I thrust forward again. I fuck her like that at first, in long slow strokes that leave every muscle in my body wound taut, and make her shiver underneath me as she arches her back, meeting me every time I thrust back inside of her again.

It feels exquisite. She's exquisite.

And I want to see her face when I make her come again.

I thrust once more, savoring the depth, the feeling of her plush ass pressed against my taut abdomen, and then I pull out, my cock throbbing in protest as I roll her onto her back. I slide one hand down her leg, hooking it around my hip as I spear her again with a quick thrust, harder this time as I look down at her gorgeous face.

"Moan for me, sweetheart," I murmur, as I thrust into her again. "Let me hear how good that feels. God , baby, let me hear it. Come for me one more time."

"I don't think I can," Bella gasps. "But it feels so good?—"

"You can." I reach down, rolling the pad of my thumb over her clit. "Come all over my cock, baby. Let me feel it."

I want this to last forever. I don't want to come, don't want to stop, but the need for release is too much. I can't hold back much longer, and when I see her head fall back, when her mouth opens, and I feel that first velvet clench of her pussy as her orgasm ripples along the length of my cock—I'm gone.

It's all I can do to let her ride her orgasm out before I force myself to pull out, every muscle in my body protesting as I wrap my hand around my length and start to stroke. The first hot spurt shoots across her breasts as the pleasure unfurls down my spine, droplets of cum clinging to her stiff nipples as the next streaks across her stomach, her abs, dripping down her smooth skin as jet after jet of cum arcs across her body. My hand flexes convulsively around my cock, squeezing out the last of it, stroking as I coax every last throb of pleasure from my orgasm.

Panting, I collapse on the bed next to her. Bella has practically melted into the bed, her eyes closed and chest heaving as she tries to get her breath.

"Don't move," I tell her, when I can speak again. "I'll get something to clean you up."

She nods speechlessly, and I push myself up out of the bed, walking on shaky legs to go and get a warm washcloth. I come back after a moment, sitting next to her and gently cleaning her off, and she lets out a soft hum of pleasure at the feeling of the warm cloth on her skin.

When I come back from the bathroom a second time, she's slid under the covers, just the top of her bare shoulder showing above them. My chest tightens as I look at her, her face soft and relaxed, chestnut hair spilling over the pillows, and I want nothing more than to look at her like that forever.

I want her. All of her, in every way. And the thought terrifies me—the possibility of how easily I could lose her. How likely it is that she'll leave, when this is all over. How easily she could be taken away from me. The fear is a tight, iron band around my chest, squeezing tighter with every hour, every day, and it stifles everything I want to say to her.

Everything that could change what there is between us. Everything that could give me what I want.

I slide into bed next to her. She's already breathing deeply, soft, long breaths that tell me she's fallen asleep—without her pills.

Carefully, I move close to her—not close enough to touch, but close enough that I can feel her warmth, the solid shape of her body next to mine. Close enough that I can feel what it's like to share a bed with her, for at least one more night.

I told her that I want us to share a bed while this marriage exists, and I meant it. But I also know that if she resists, I'll give in. I could never force her to do anything that she doesn't want.

I just have to hope that she wants that, too.