11. Ten

Xion didn’t even flinch as Shepherd jabbed the needle into his thigh. His eyes remained locked on mine from across the room, gaze dark and brows pinched. Was he thinking about last night?

I should’ve knocked the door open the first time, barged in, and held him. Instead, I’d left him to cry alone, and that’d been eating at me all day. I needed to set things right between us, reestablish the barriers I’d let erode. It didn’t matter how badly I wanted him, because Church was right. Xion was too valuable for me to hold onto, even though that was the only thing in the world I wanted. I should’ve turned him in and collected the bounty weeks ago. While fourteen million would’ve been better, four was certainly nothing to sneeze at.

It”ll be nothing at all if someone else figures out he’s here, I thought, smoking.

Those spy devices Leo had found were untraceable, which worried me. It also worried me that someone had been watching Xavier through his computer, and that they’d caught us doing the same. Someone else had their eye on these boys, and it was someone with a lot more resources than me. If they decided they’d try to take Xion by force…

Over my dead fucking body. I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from letting myself growl out loud. Xion is mine.

But he wasn’t. Xion didn’t belong to anyone, least of all me. He was too wild to be tamed, but that only made me want to train him to be my good boy even more. I took in the barely visible swell of his bare ass from where he had his sweats pulled down, imagining being buried inside the tight heat of his body. What sounds would he make for me?

Jesus, what the fuck was wrong with me? I shouldn’t be thinking of that, not after the way he’d reacted the night before over a kiss.

“The initial dose can have a sedative effect, so you’ll likely be tired,” Shepherd said as Xion pulled his sweats back up. “You need to call me immediately if you notice any uncontrolled muscle movements or—”

“Or if my symptoms get worse,” Xion cut in, rolling his eyes. “I know. Are we done here? I’ve got shit to do.”

Shepherd stood, picking up his briefcase. “You and I are done, but Boone and I have business.” He shot me a glare before adding, “Private business.”

That was news to me. As far as I was aware, the professor and I were square. Unless he has news from Annie. I unfolded my arms and stood, clearing my throat. “Go on, Pup. We’ll be outside if you need us.”

“Whatever,” Xion muttered and went into the bathroom.

I stepped through the front door and onto the porch to light a cigarette. The door swung open a second later and I expected Shepherd to join me so we could discuss whatever he wanted like adults. Instead, he grabbed my shoulder and whirled me around to grip me by the shirt.

“Just what the fuck do you think you’re doing with him?” Shepherd demanded, lips pulled back in a snarl.

I’d be lying if I said the practically demonic growl in his voice didn’t put me at least a little on edge, but I kept my cool, arching an eyebrow. “You’re going to have to be more specific, professor. I’ve got no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Why is he still here, Boone?”

I pried myself free of his grasp and took a step back, smoothing my hands over my shirt. “You’re the one who suggested he stay until he was stable.”

“He was stable,” Shepherd practically hissed. “Stable enough for the handover, anyway. I was only supposed to be acting as his interim psychiatrist, not prescribing a new medication regimen entirely. Schizophrenia is not my area, Boone. Xion should see a specialist, but that’s beside the point. We both know that’s not why you’re holding onto him.”

I snorted and folded my arms. “I ain’t holding onto him any longer than I have to.”

Shepherd ignored my lies and took a step forward, probably expecting me to back up. I didn’t, instead choosing to let him tower over me. There was a part of me that was terrified to stand in his shadow, despite all the crazy sons of bitches I’d faced down in my time. Shepherd was something else.

“We had a deal, Boone.”

I gave him my best icy glare. “Did we now? I seem to recall our deal included me taking the kid off your hands. I never agreed to hand him off to a third party.”

His eyes narrowed. “A technicality. I assumed that once I mentioned the four million dollar reward you would receive, that would be enough to encourage you to act. Clearly, I have misjudged your motivation. What is it you want, Boone? More money? You want the full fourteen million? If you expect me to hand over my brothers—”

“Why not?” I snapped. “You’ve already given me one. Or are you going to stand there and tell me Xion means nothing to you?”

A muscle ticked in Shepherd’s jaw. “There are very few people in this world who matter to me, Mr. Calhoun, and your refusal to act as predicted is keeping me from one of them.”

I smirked. “Ah, so the professor does have a weakness. What is it he’s promised you in exchange for Xion? Maybe the better question is why you didn’t just hand Xion over yourself if it was so damn important to you? Unless you’re afraid to confront this guy yourself, whoever he is? Must have a lot of power to have you trembling in your Italian leather loafers, professor.”

Shepherd struck faster than a snake, closing a fist around my throat and cutting off my air. “Let’s clear up one thing, Boone. I’m incapable of fear. It’s a foreign concept to me, an emotion that I allow other parts of my existence to process so that I am unburdened by it. So, no, I don’t fear the contract holder. But he has information about someone who belongs to me. Information I have already killed many times to obtain. I’d turn this pathetic junkyard of yours to ash and bone if that’s what it takes to ensure I get what I need. So yes, if I must, I will take Xion to him myself, but I would prefer not to.”

He trailed off when he noticed a tiny red dot resting on his chest. With a sneer, Shepherd released me and took a step back, adjusting his jacket as he scanned the rooftops.

I rubbed my sore neck and winced. That was definitely going to bruise. “Not so brave when you’re in my backyard, now are you?”

Shepherd scowled at me. “You have three days. If the handover hasn’t happened by then, whatever follows is on your head.” He turned his back on whoever had him in their scope and started down the stairs, stopping at the bottom. “Oh, and I have a message from Annie regarding Harold Spencer. He’ll be taken care of. No need for you to be involved.”

I dug my fingernails into my palms. That bastard. I was ninety-nine percent sure I’d worked something out with Annie and then this fucker had to come along and ruin it with his three-day time limit. Well fuck them. As soon as Xion was feeling up to it, I was going to grab Harold off the street and hand him over to Xion. Fuck whatever the Laskins were doing. They weren’t my fucking problem. If they didn’t want me involved, they shouldn’t have given me Xion in the first place.

“Thanks for stopping by,” I said. “Careful on your way out. Never know what might be hiding out there.” As I spoke I gestured toward the shop rooftop where Church sat with a rifle pointed at Shepherd, following his every move.

Shepherd gave Church a glance and walked straight to his SUV.

Xion was standing in the living room when I came back inside. I paused when I saw him shirtless and splayed in my chair, legs spread, puffing on a cigarette like he owned the trailer. His tone was particularly cold as he said, “Four million dollars, huh?”

Shit. Fuck! God damn those trailer walls for being so fucking thin. He’d heard everything. I’d been working hard for months to keep him from finding out about that bounty because I knew he’d be pissed.

“It’s not what you think,” I started, even though it almost certainly was.

“I was wondering what you got out of taking me in.” He pushed up out of the chair. “Ragnar said you weren’t like that, but I knew he was full of shit. The only thing you ever cared about was money.”

“If that were true, I’d have handed you over the second you showed up here.”

Xion stopped in front of me, staring me down like I was dirt. Maybe I was. I sure as hell felt like it.

My gaze traveled down his face, coming to rest on his pouty lips, and I was suddenly reliving the other night, fumbling through an awkward kiss neither of us could admit we wanted. Dammit, now was not the time to be thinking about how good he felt pressed against me.

“Why didn’t you?” Xion demanded.

Fuck, I’d almost forgotten we were having an argument.

“You know why,” I said quietly.

“You want to fuck me. Is that it?” He scoffed and tapped ash from his cigarette. “I’m supposed to believe you gave up four million dollars so you can have a taste of my crazy ass?”

“It ain’t just that. If all I wanted was to fuck you, I’d have done it and forgot about it already.”

“Fuck you.” Xion crushed out his cigarette and stood.

“Xion, wait.” I moved to block him before he could run back to his room again. We needed to sort this out.

Xion’s lips pulled back in a snarl. “Get the fuck out of my face, Boone.”

“No, goddammit. We’re gonna talk this through.”

“There’s nothing to talk about!” he exclaimed, throwing up his hands. “You’re just like everyone else. I mean nothing to you.”

“That’s not true, dammit!”

He rolled his eyes. “Oh, please. I just listened to you tell Shepherd exactly how much you thought I was worth. I’m just a payday to you. Don’t pretend otherwise.”

“That’s what I’m trying to tell you. That I don’t have to pretend.” I shook my head. “Maybe it started out that way, but something’s changed. I…” I trailed off, unsure of how to put into words what I wanted to say.

The pained look in Xion’s eyes made my chest ache. I wanted to go back in time, to fix all the wrong I’d done, but I couldn’t. There wasn’t any way to fix any of this, to fix us. This whole situation was fucked, and I didn’t know what to do to make it right. All I knew was that I’d trade everything I had to take away the hurt in those eyes.

“I care about you, Xion,” I said finally. “Maybe I’m a fool for wanting you, but if that’s the case, then so be it. I’ll be a fool. Now, I don’t know what this is, or where it’s going, but I can’t stand here and pretend it ain’t happening. I know you feel it too. But after last night…”

His throat worked and his eyes went glassy. “I don’t want anything to do with you,” he lied, voice trembling. “I hate you.”

“No, you don’t,” I said, even as the words felt like a knife to my gut. “I know you don’t. You want me just as much as I want you, but you’re scared, and you’re hurt. And if you’re not ready, that’s okay. It’s okay if you’re never ready, Xion, but you ain’t ever going to get me to stop caring about you no matter what you do, so you might as well stop trying.”

His jaw trembled, and when he blinked a tear fell. He pushed it away furiously. “God damn you, Boone.”

“Xion…” My throat was too tight, and I didn’t know what else to say. I’d never been particularly gifted with words. “Listen, I—”

“Shut up,” he said, but there was no force to those words. “Just shut up and kiss me again.”

“I want to, but I don’t want to hurt you more.”

Xion took a step forward and gripped me by the shirt, fingers tightening slowly. “You can’t hurt me any more than I’ve already been hurt.”

“I don’t want to hurt you at all, Pup. I want to take care of you.”

He shook his head. “I don’t care what you do.”

I sighed and pulled his forehead down to rest against mine. “Now that’s a damn lie if I’ve ever heard one.”

Xion’s thumb traced over my bottom lip. He didn’t say anything more for a while, but he was thinking so hard. All I wanted to do was pull his lips to mine, put my arms around him and never let him go. I wanted to protect him from the world, but the most dangerous thing in it was his own mind. His demons were inside, not outside, and I was helpless to fight them.

He gripped my chin and tipped my head up. I could’ve happily drowned in those eyes.

Until I realized he was leaning down like he was going to kiss me again.

I put a hand on his chest, halting him as gently as I could.

His hand closed over mine and he flung it away. “I fucking hate you, Boone,” he whispered, but the words were empty of any malice.

When his lips closed over mine, I nearly crumpled, wishing I could fall into him. He was more addictive than nicotine. One taste, and I was floating on air, barely aware of anything except for him. It took all my self-control to keep my hands on his chest and to not let them roam all over, taking in his perfect body. I needed to take this slow so I didn’t trigger him again. That was the last thing I wanted.

But slow seemed to be the last thing he was interested in. He pulled back after a few moments and demanded, “Kiss me back. I know you want to.”

“Pup, if I kiss you the way I want, it might scare you off again.”

His fingers closed around the back of my neck, nails digging in. “Quit saying that. I want you to kiss me like I’m not broken. Like you want me. Like I mean something to you. I don’t even care if it’s true anymore. I just want to know what that’s like for once in my life. Please, Boone.”

I studied him for a minute before relenting. Hell, I should’ve known I couldn’t deny Xion anything he wanted. “All right,” I said, and we kissed again.

I tried to take it slow, but he didn’t make it easy, closing the distance between us until our bodies were pressed in tight. I let him take the lead as much as I could, allowing him to choose when things would progress with only a little nudging. He was the one who slid his tongue along the seam of my lips first, but once he did, my self-control started to shatter. I closed a hand around the back of his head and groaned at the taste of him, chasing more of my favorite drug. His hard cock dug into my hip and he started rutting against me.

I broke the kiss long enough to risk a little teasing. “That sure doesn’t feel like you hate me, Pup.”

“I can hate you and want your cock in me. The two aren’t mutually exclusive,” he protested.

But I wasn’t sure he was ready to go that far. I took his face in my hands and looked at him again. Despite his body’s positive response, I didn’t want to push him.

“Maybe we just stick to kissing today, huh?” I started to put my arms around him and I knew I’d made the right decision to turn him down when his shoulders drew up tight and he sucked in a sharp breath. I immediately pulled back. “Xion?”

“I’m okay,” he lied. His breathing was too fast and his hands were shaking. “I just… I just need a minute.”

“You can take however long you need. I’m not going anywhere.”

I wasn’t even sure if he heard me. I’d barely gotten the words out before he was stumbling down the hall toward his room. Xion jerked the door open and disappeared inside, slamming it shut behind him.

I sighed and fell back against the wall, staring at the ceiling. What have I done?