Vicious Chapter 5

I couldn't believe we'd agreed to more time before we found out whether Micaela was mine or not. I understood she couldn't choose, but couldn't we do something like a fight in the ring, and the winner would be her choice? Or let each of us kiss her and see who turned her on more? Anything but a few more weeks of utter torture. I wasn't sure if I'd survive it. The past week had been much more complicated than I ever dreamed it would be.

Yes, part of it was sharing her attention with my brothers. I'd been tempted several times to pick her up and walk off with her. Worse, though, was the unending desire with which I had to live. It tormented me day and night. My dreams were X-rated, no, more like XXX-rated. I was worried that by the end of her time here, I'd be permanently disabled from either jerking off so much or from having the zipper of my pants biting into my cock constantly. Having your cock with a permanent zipper embedded in it sure as hell wasn't something I wanted.

Was I upset my two best friends were into her too? Yes. Was I shocked they were? Not a bit. She was smokin' hot and turning out to be a fantastic woman in my book. When I thought of it, how was it she hadn't already been snapped up and had a dozen kids? It made no sense. Definitely, enough men had seen her and wanted her. It had to be she wasn't into them, or they didn't do things right to win her. I wasn't complaining. I was relieved.

As for having competition, I'd bring out all the stops. I tended to be a rather surly guy a lot of the time. That trait partially earned me the name Vicious, although it wasn't the only reason. My single-minded dedication to eliminating enemies and protecting those who needed it was what earned me my name in the teams. More than one guy had commented that I was as vicious as a pit bull. Thankfully, the name Vicious stuck and not Pit Bull. We already had one of those. And since he was here first, I would've had to get used to a new name. I liked mine. It suited me.

Last night, after talking to her, it had been hard to go to the clubhouse, hang with the rest of the club, and pretend everything was cool. Dragon pulled Ashes and me aside and let us know not long after we got there that he'd told Executioner and Sin the new plan and asked them to keep what they learned on the down low. They promised they would.

Watching her laugh and talk so relaxed with the rest of the club told me she would fit in as an old lady. I was determined to do whatever I had to for her to be mine. No, I wouldn't do anything underhanded or dirty to win her. I had a code of honor that I adhered to, and it wouldn't let me do that. Anything short of that, though, and I'd do it.

I'd never been one to show a lot of emotion. I learned not to when I was young. It was always used against me, and I ended up hurt in more ways than one. When I was able to go into the Army, I continued to keep it that way. It came in handy with the shit I ended up doing while I was in, but it made making friends and having relationships somewhat challenging. Honestly, I was surprised Dragon, Ashes, and the rest of the Infidels befriended me and brought me into the fold.

I was still working on loosening up with my club family. It was a work in progress which might never be entirely over. Trust was hard for me, and while I trusted them with my life, I didn't trust them with my heart one hundred percent yet. It was my issue, not theirs. They were more than welcoming and tried to involve me in everything. Since I messed up in my books, I found it hard for a long while to believe I hadn't failed in protecting Piper. It made it worse knowing I was unable to protect my VP's old lady.

I'd been seriously contemplating leaving the club, assuming they'd never give me a patch anyway, when Piper and Raine told me it wasn't my fault, and then Saint talked to me. He'd gone off on me at the house where Piper was kidnapped about me not watching her, and it was my fault she was taken. Later, after calming down, Saint and I talked about it. He reminded me that I hadn't done anything different from all the others providing bodyguard services to her had done.

Big, scary bikers made some of her elderly clients nervous, so we would stay outside while she took care of business. No one could've ever imagined someone would set her up the way that crazy woman had. It had been a year and a half ago when we had no idea if Piper was dead or alive, and then we didn't know if she'd come out of surgery. I experienced feelings of being worthless. Thank God she recovered completely, and now she was mom to Bryn, who was already six months old.

It was hard to believe I'd been here with the club for three years. In that time, I'd watched the club continue to grow. As more and more of the brothers settled down and started families, I wondered if I would ever have what they had. I thought I was capable of loving someone, but would I be able to show it? Prove it? Would my trust issues and tamped-down emotions make it appear I didn't love someone when I did? It worried me. Would I lose out simply because I repressed myself?

Repression was one of the words used by the psychiatrist I saw at the VA. She was always after me to talk about my fears and feelings. I resisted. The only reason I went to her in the first place was to try and help with my PTSD. Christ, I hated that word and all the connotations that went along with it. When people heard you had it, most treated you differently. You became less in their eyes. They would automatically distance themselves, walk on eggshells, or some would be assholes and badger you about what exactly you did or saw to make you have it. The latter ones were lucky I didn't tell them. They'd never sleep again if I did, though they might deserve it. I was doubly unlucky in the fact I had things from my childhood and my time as a D-boy that haunted me. Most days, the ones from my days in the Army, were far easier to handle than those from when I was growing up.

I thought I knew enough about Micaela in the short time we'd known each other to realize she wasn't one of those to distance herself or act like an asshole. She had too much compassion in her to do that. I knew if I was ever fortunate enough to settle down and have a family, my old lady would have to be told most of my history. Not everything from my time in the Army, but enough to know what we might have to handle. I would never just spring that shitshow on anyone unless it was my worst enemy, and I wanted to screw them up.

I knew there were those in the world who had things way worse than I did. I saw the men and women at the VA who came in totally broken. Some were mentally altered, while others were physically changed. In the latter's case, sometimes it was apparent, but not always. Never assume you know what someone else was dealing with. They might be living in hell but have a smile on their face.

Dragon and Ashes knew the most about my demons. We'd shared ours a few times. They were way better at voicing their feelings about their time in the military. Fortunately, neither had the childhood I had. They were here for me even more than the others, and they had my back no matter what— well, just about anything. If I hurt or killed someone innocent, they wouldn't.

I thought about talking to Adara. She was a counselor and had her issues she had to conquer. No one seeing her would ever imagine she'd been technically a serial killer at one point. She'd gone after the twisted and those who couldn't be brought to justice any other way. She left her huntress persona behind. The club and her old man, Wrecker, told her if anyone needed to be killed, we'd do it, not her. She was retired. Well, sorta. She would get her hands dirty if the situation warranted it. Sometimes, the women scared us a tad.

When we went our separate ways last night, we'd made arrangements. In order to give her enough information to make a decision, she had to spend individual time with us. I knew we were all for that, so we'd set up dates for all three of us over the following few days. We all wanted to be first, but she decided to do it in alphabetical order of our names. One of the few times I regretted the name Vicious. She and Ashes would be going out tonight. None of us knew what the others had planned. I was working on what to do on ours, which was why, in between working on actual work tasks today, whenever I could get away, I was online researching.

Where the hell did you take a woman on a date? Dinner and a movie sounded so boring. Everyone did that. I wanted to find something she'd enjoy but would still allow us to get to know each other and be able to talk, so nowhere loud, preferably where it wasn't overly crowded. When it got to a certain point, if the place was filled with people I didn't know, it made me more hypervigilant. Too many people close, especially behind my back, had me searching for an exit and a weapon. I'd hoped after a few years, it would've lessened, but it hadn't, so I learned to deal with it.

I wanted her to enjoy the date and want to go out with me again. I found a few things I thought I'd enjoy, but I had no clue if she would. I didn't want to come out and ask her. How could I get the information without spoiling the surprise of it? In addition, when you pick a woman up for a date, should you bring her something? The cliché flowers and chocolates seemed tired to me, too. Would she expect them or something else? God, no wonder I'd never dated. Even if I'd had the desire to do it with anyone else, this would've put me off. However, Micaela was worth the angst it was creating in me. I would give it my all. My only hope was my two brothers were having as much difficulty or more than I was.

Today, I was lucky. I was working mainly in the back at the gun range. Other than a few hours as a range safety officer, the rest involved dealing with inventory and moving things—no front-of-the-store time for me. Maybe my threat to shove something up a customer's ass yesterday had convinced Boomer I should be allowed contact with the public on a minimal basis. Hey, at least I didn't make the threat to the guy's face or within his hearing. I was getting better.

"Look at him. Back here having to be hidden because he's too dangerous to the public," a voice snickered.

I rolled my eyes since I knew the voice, and it didn't bother me a bit, although I whirled around quickly and put a fierce scowl on my face before I did. Standing there grinning like fools were Bullet and Phalanx.

"Don't you two have work to do? If not, I can tell Boomer he needs to find you some. Your slacking off shit is getting old," I snarled.

"Fuck you, you know we don't slack off. At the moment, everything is covered. We thought we'd come back and see if the antisocial one was working or not," Phalanx said with a damn smirk.

"More than you ever do."

"Hey, at least we can be allowed contact with the public," Bullet smarted off.

"You know, I need to talk with Raine. Surely, to God, she's tired of you two and needs to upgrade."

"Listen here, you bastard. If you try to make our woman give us up, they'll never find your body," Phalanx threatened.

Bullet nodded his head in agreement. They were nuts for their old lady. I wasn't sure how they never seemed to get jealous or resentful of sharing her time and attention. They made it seem too easy. I respected the hell out of them for being able to do it, not that I'd tell them.

"Threats of bodily harm aren't allowed. Didn't you read the damn employee handbook?" I taunted them.

"We're not employees. Like you, we're part owners," Bullet answered smugly.

We quarreled a few minutes more before we were interrupted by Boomer coming into the back. He made a beeline for us. "Guys, will you keep an eye on the place for the rest of the day? I gotta head home." He seemed distracted as he asked.

"Sure, is everything alright?" Bullet asked before Phalanx or I had the chance.

"Yeah, I just need to go check on Bella. She wasn't feeling too hot this morning, and she sounds worse. I just talked to her. She keeps telling me she's fine, but she isn't. Damn woman doesn't want me to worry," he grumbled.

"Is it the baby?" I asked.

A few days before Daredevil and Shain's wedding, they announced that Bella was pregnant. She was due on Christmas Day, and Shain was due two days later. November, December, and January were the top months for kids to be born in our club. I guess we knew the months when the most sex was happening. The kids stretched in age from Morgan, who would be twelve in a couple of months, to Ledger, who was a few months old.

Thinking of Morgan, I smiled. She was over her infatuation with Daredevil since he married Shain. After she found out they were having a baby, she was counting the days until they knew if it was a girl because she was determined they'd name her Morgan. They'd never hear the end of it if they didn't.

Lord, help Rampage. He kept threatening Daredevil when she was all into him, but what would he do when the local boys started paying attention to her? It was only a matter of time. She was beautiful like her mom. We'd have to hit him with doses of that tranquilizer, ketamine, to keep him calm. He was slightly less twitchy about her turning her eye to Moose, Shain's cousin, as her new crush, due to him not being around often.

"Yeah, she's throwing up all the time. I thought it was called morning sickness. She has all-day sickness. She keeps saying it's normal and I need to stop worrying, but I can't. If it doesn't stop by the beginning of next week, her ass is heading to the doctor, and I'm going with her. I'll ask Dr. White if it's normal. You can't believe the shit you read on the internet," he muttered darkly.

"We've got this. You go home and take care of Bella," Phalanx assured him.

A minute or two later, after thanking us, he was out the door. The conversation gave me something to prod Phalanx and Bullet about. "That'll be you two one of these days. Do you have any idea when you'll be adding to the Infidels' little renegades?"

They exchanged glances, and their lips twitched. I jumped on it. "Are you three pregnant?"

I said it louder than I intended. Bullet and Phalanx scowled at me as they reprimanded me. "Shh, not so loud. Christ, you know what it's like around here. Someone hears you, and it'll be all over town within a day or two. The club will know within the hour. No, we're not pregnant, but we decided we're not continuing to do anything to prevent it. Who knows, by the end of summer, we might be," Phalanx informed me with a huge smile.

"We can only hope. When Raine is pregnant, we pray she isn't as sick as Bella or some of the others have been. If there was a way to protect her from it, we would," Bullet added with a grimace.

"You know, I gotta admit, you two sure found a way to win Raine's heart. Tell me, what did you do to make it happen? Was it a lot of wining and dining? Nah, wait, I can't see that happening. I'd think most women would see dinner and movies as boring. You had to have done something more exciting and given her awesome gifts."

It came to me moments before to pick their brains for dating ideas. If I went around asking the others, they'd be suspicious. If I slid it into a conversation this way, they'd unlikely guess I had an ulterior motive for asking.

"Man, it wasn't anything like that. Sure, we took Raine out, but it was mainly spending time with her, getting to know her, and making sure she knew us. Our alone time was what did it," Bullet explained.

"So, no fancy dinner, expensive gifts? Then it had to be the sex. You two must be more manly than I thought," I joked to keep them talking. It was hard to believe that more effort and cash wasn't needed.

"Asshole," Phalanx said as he half lunged at me. I laughed. He kept talking. "The women who're only impressed with fancy dinners and expensive gifts aren't the ones you want. I'm not saying you shouldn't ever do that. Of course, you should, but if it's what makes the woman want to be with you, run like hell. She'll be the wrong choice.

"Why the sudden interest in how we won our woman?" Bullet asked. He was studying me.

I shrugged. "Nothing really, it just came to mind when I saw how Boomer was. It made me think of our brothers and their old ladies, and since you two were standing here, I thought I'd ask."

"With Raine, she appreciates smaller things. Sure, flowers and chocolates are nice, but she loved not only our alone time but when we made an effort to do something we thought she'd enjoy. Finding out what interested her or gave her joy was better. Oh, and yeah, the sex is out of this world because we're fucking studs," Phalanx shared with a snicker.

This made all three of us laugh. As it died down, Phalanx added, "You thinking of finding an old lady soon?"

Before I could deny it, Bullet popped in, "I think he might've already found her."

Shit, I wasn't as smooth as I thought. As I scrambled for what to say, Phalanx jumped in. "Yeah, I saw that too. But he's not the only one who is. Ashes and Dragon are eyeing Ms. Micaela like they'd love nothing more than to have her as their old lady. Unless you three are trying for a bed warmer. If you are, stop. Daredevil will kill you. He'll have a hard time coping with anyone claiming his little sister period, let alone sleeping with her. The dude probably tells himself she's still a virgin."

Even though I knew the likelihood of her being untouched was slim, his mentioning her not being one made me growl, and I didn't hold it in enough. They high-fived each other.

"I told you! He's all into her, and so are those other two. You'd better be pulling out the stops if you want her for yourself," Phalanx advised.

"You don't know what you're talking about," I threw out casually.

"Oh, really. So we should call Dragon and Ashes, give them dating advice, and forget to share any more with you. Okay," Bullet said as he took out his phone. I snatched it away from him. This made the two hyenas laugh again, only this time louder.

Glancing around, I shoved them toward Boomer's office. The three of us had keys to it, although he'd left it unlocked when he left. Pushing them inside, I slammed and locked the door. You never knew when one of the other brothers might show up unannounced. I didn't need more of them knowing about this. They dropped into chairs, crossed their arms, and gave me raised eyebrow looks. I flopped down in another chair.

"Fine, I like her, and no, it isn't just for sex. But if you tell anyone, you won't need to worry about having a kid."

"V, we won't tell anyone, but I don't think it's a secret. We all saw how you and those two have been hanging with her since she arrived. You all danced with her at the wedding. I've never seen you dance and them only rarely. Do you know if she feels the same? If she does, don't waste time locking her ass down if you can," Phalanx warned me.

"I'm not. We're going out Saturday."

"Hot damn, good for you. Any idea where you're taking Micaela or what you plan to do?" Bullet asked.

"Not yet. I'm still working on it."

"Do Dragon and Ashes know? They sure were paying as much attention as ever last night. The four of you were talking a lot," Phalanx observed.

"They know."

"Wow, alright. I was off base with my assumption that they were into her, too. That's good. It means you don't have to worry about having brothers as competition," Phalanx added.

"No, you weren't wrong. Ashes and Dragon are interested in Micaela too, and yes, they know I am as well."

"Christ, then what's the deal? She doesn't know you guys like her? Surely she does," Bullet said.

"Not if she's anything like our Pixie. Remember her reaction when we told her we wanted her," Phalanx reminded him.

"True. So, do you plan on telling her on your date?" Bullet asked eagerly.

"She already knows, but there's a problem. She likes all of us and says she can't make up her mind if she likes one more than the others at the moment. We're gonna spend quality time together, as a group, and then one-on-one over the next couple of weeks, so she can figure out which one she likes the most."

They didn't say anything for a minute or two. The silence was stressful. I was about to tell them to spit out what they were thinking. The way they were staring at each other, you knew they were reading each other. They beat me to it, though. It was Bullet who broke the silence.

"And what if she comes back and tells you she can't narrow it down? What if she wants two of you? Will you be able to handle that? Or will you give her up to your brother?"

"She has to decide! She can't feel equally for two of us."

"Why the fuck not? Pixie does. She outright told us she would never be able to choose one of us. Do you think you could share her with one of them?" Phalanx asked the question that I dreaded one of them would ask as soon as Bullet said what if she wasn't able to pick just one?

I wanted to tell them hell no, but this tiny voice in the back of my head kept asking me if I would be able to give her up when I knew there was a way to have her. I struggled to answer him. After several seconds, I shrugged.

"I don't fucking know if I could or not. I've never thought along those lines, ever. Hell, until Micaela, I'd never met a woman I truly saw the way I do her. She's like no other. The thought of not having her makes me insane. I've gotta just pray she can, and it's me."

"Life isn't fair, you know that. I think you need to consider the possibility. What if you have to share her? Remove yourself from the equation if you can't with your two closest friends. You need to talk to them about it too. There's always a chance she'll be like Raine," Bullet warned me.

"How the hell do you not get jealous? I don't mean to pry, but how does the sex work? Could you imagine it if she wanted all three of us? What the fuck would that be called? Jesus," I muttered as I held my head.

"We don't get jealous because we spend the majority of our time all together. Yes, we have some alone time, but it's never days and days of it in a row. As for sex, that too is usually with all three of us interspersed with those couple times. And no, there's no sword crossing or anything like that. We knew we had the same requirements in a woman, and as long as the other man was each other, we were fine with it. We're best friends. I don't know if we'd be able to do it if we weren't. As for what the fuck it's called, it's a different type of polyamory, which is what we are, or you can use another more common term used. You'd be a reverse harem," Phalanx explained.

"A what? A harem? Are you kidding me? I can just imagine the others' faces if we went into church and stood up to say we wanted to form a reverse harem with Micaela as our old lady. They'd kick our asses out," I snorted.

"They didn't us, and really, how different would it be? It's not much different. You're only adding an extra guy. Listen, you think about it. We advise you to mention it to Ashes and Dragon so if any or all of you determine you can't deal with it if she happens not to be able to decide on just one of you, you can stop pursuing her. Really be sure. If you have questions, we'll be glad to answer what we can. And we'll keep our mouths shut, but it's pretty clear to the club you like her. Oh, and be prepared for Daredevil to corner you sooner rather than later, demanding to know what your intentions are or just to threaten you," Bullet added.

They left me there to think. I sat for a while, trying to decide whether I could be part of a polyamory group. Ultimately, I had no answer, and I needed to get my ass back to work. I knew I might have to talk to Ashes and Dragon after Ashes' date tonight. They needed to be thinking this over, too.