Chapter 25

CHAPTER 25

B y nine, I had hidden the ledgers and was trying to get some work done when Poppy slammed into the kitchen. " Why won't people listen? "

I frowned at her. "Why aren't you at school?"

" Because people won't listen! "

I glared at her. "Stop yelling. They won't listen because they have nothing to listen to. People don't talk. "

"I said I didn't want to go to college next year! "

I stopped, confused. "Okay. I said we didn't have to make a decision on that now?—"

" Because you think I'll change my mind! "

She was breathing heavily now, her eyes wide.

"Okay, let's talk." She started to say something and I raised my hand. "You talk. I'll listen."

She just stood there for a minute, and then she nodded and sat down at the table.

I sat down across from her.

"I got to school. I got called into the counselor's office," she said. "Not Mrs. Gaffney, Mr. Phelps. Darius had told him I'm not going to college, and I had to listen him to tell me what a huge mistake I'm making." She was steaming. "So I just called an Uber and left. I can do that. I have money. "

I blinked. "Not going to college at all?"

"No," she said firmly, not yelling this time. "I told you I wanted a gap year. But now I don't think I ever want to go to college. At all."

She waited for me to argue with her, and I wanted to, but I just nodded. I felt like a bobblehead, but I needed her to talk and she needed me to listen, so I nodded.

"I was thinking," she said, calmer now. "Marley came by a couple of days ago to talk me into going back to Darius, and it was a good talk and it made me think. About my life. About how I've changed."

I nodded again. Right there with you, kid.

"It's like . . . high school is like a bubble. Not a great bubble, but it's like a . . . a terrarium. The stuff that works inside the bubble doesn't work outside."

"Yes," I said. Because I agreed, but mostly because I was tired of nodding.

"Ozzie built us another bubble," she said, still speaking slowly, frowning as if thinking it through. "And then he died." Her voice broke a little on that last word. "And then Serena broke what was left of that bubble. That changed everything, and not just because she . . . threatened me. Even if she hadn't said those things, done those things, him dying would still have broken the bubble. The world isn't the same now. My world isn't the same."

I nodded again. This time because I really was right there with her. My world wasn't the same either and never would be again.

"But everybody still thinks it is." Poppy lifted her eyes to meet mine. "They still treat me the same as they always did, but I am different now. Not broken, cracked a little maybe, okay, a lot, but mostly just . . . awake. I'm seeing things in a different way." I nodded, and she said, " Say something ."

I took a deep breath, trying to think, trying to follow her, trying not to let my frustration with Max get into this discussion. "I'd say it's all part of growing up, but you're going to spend the rest of your life growing up, I'm still growing up, so really, it's just part of life."

Poppy scowled at me. "That's not a help ."

"Okay, how about this." I thought for a minute. "When I was growing up, I lived with your grandmother and your great-grandmother, and they had very clear ideas of what a good woman was that didn't make sense to me, especially given the way they were living their lives. But I had to live with them, in that little town, so I grew up thinking they were right even though it didn't make sense."

"Because of the bubble," Poppy said.

I nodded. "Yes. I think of it as my first act, the first act in the story that's my life. Then I met your father, and he showed me freedom and a world that didn't follow any rules, and I left town with him when I was eighteen and started my second act. For twelve years I was a supporting character in his act, and it wasn't good even though it was better, until I found out I was pregnant and he threw me out and got me arrested. Then I came here and met Ozzie and had you and lived by his rules until he died. That was my third act. And now I'm starting my fourth act. I don't have any choice; no matter how much I wish I could bring Ozzie back, everything changed, and I was just shoved into my fourth act."

"Okay," Poppy said.

"But the thing is, I think you're smarter than I ever was. I gave my second act to your father and my third to Ozzie, and it's taken me until now to realize that it's not my story if I give my acts away to somebody else. Even to you. Even to Max. And that's what you're saying right now. I think you're starting your second act, Poppy. You're just smart enough to demand it on your terms. Even if it means losing Darius, you're not giving your life to anybody. That's better than losing who you are for three acts of your life."

She nodded, staring at me, as if what I said next mattered more than anything.

"So I think my not listening to you about the gap year was a leftover from my Ozzie act. Act Three. I think I need to start thinking about Act Four for me, just for me, on my own, and let you decide what your Act Two is going to be, on your own. You're eighteen, almost nineteen. And if you don't want to go to college next year, then you're not going. Your life, your choice."

Poppy nodded, not looking as happy about my capitulation on the gap year thing as I thought she would. "So this change stuff is going to keep happening?"

"Is your life going to keep changing? Yes, it's going to keep happening. But the thing is, Pops, every one of my acts was better than the one that came before. They weren't all good, but they got better every time because I learned things from my mistakes. I mean, look at you. You're not living in the high school bubble anymore. You know more, you've got a better idea of what you want; it's not going to be perfect, you're still going to make a lot of mistakes because that's life, but . . . yeah, I get the gap year now. I mean, it's college. It's not like you get one shot at it and then you're out of luck, you can go any time. For right now, college is not part of your Act Two. I get it."

She started to cry, and I got up and went to the other side of the table and put my arms around her. "I have your back," I told her, patting it. "Ozzie has your back, that's why he gave you a ton of money. If Max was here, he'd have your back. Everybody is behind you?—"

" No! " she said, and I stopped patting. "Darius says it's stupid to take a gap year. Mei thinks I'm ridiculous. Even Marley tried to talk me out of it."

"Well, that was stupid of Darius to say. And everybody else."

She sniffed and nodded. "He said I was screwing up our future. So I said we were done."

"You'd talked about a future?"

She nodded again. "Go to college, get degrees, get out of Rocky Start."

"Well," I said carefully because I really wanted to say Yes, do that! "I can see where that would be a good goal for some people."

"For him," she said. "Not me. He wouldn't even listen."

Well, at least he talked, I thought, but I kept that one to myself, too.

"When we were on the bridge that night," she said, and I held my breath, "I told him not to stop for Norman, I told him it was too dangerous, and he just ignored me, like I was hysterical or something. And to be fair, when he stopped the car, I got pretty upset so I probably was hysterical, and he basically just ignored me."

"Been there," I said.

"And then he got out and got tased and I got kidnapped because he wouldn't listen. "

"Right. Well, I can see why Darius is history."

She tensed up. "I really love him."

"I know you do. And he really loves you. He's a great guy. But you want and need different things. He's got his own Act Two, Pops."

"And I don't fit."

"That's not the problem. You fit in your life. The problem is that he's trying to make you fit in his."

She nodded. "Yeah."

"Maybe you can make him listen?—"

"No," Poppy said. "It wouldn't matter. He's going off to be a big Harvard lawyer. I wouldn't have that life as a gift. I just want to slow down and think about things, try things out. I want to work on the shop, I want to learn business stuff, I don't want to go to school anymore. I want to think about my life. I want to figure out what I want, try things, not go to college to learn things I don't want."

"Well, life does tend to provide its own education," I said, looking back at all I'd learned ricocheting off my choices.

"That's what I think. I think if I need an education, I have to figure out what it should be." She took a deep breath. "Darius and I were always going to come to this. It just came earlier than I'd thought. And now I don't have a date to prom."

"Me, neither," I said.

Poppy nodded in sympathy. "Max, huh?"

I nodded.

Poppy bit her lip. "Are we in danger?"

I shook my head. "I don't think it's about us this time. Of course there's always the possibility of crossfire, but nobody seems to be gunning specifically for us."

"Except all those guys who want to marry you."

"They'll give up."

"Not once Max leaves."

I looked at her, exasperated. "You are not a help."

She spread her hands out in a shrug. "Well, convince him to stay."

"Sure. And you convince Darius not to go to Harvard."

She scowled at me. "Where Darius goes is none of my business."

"Exactly. Same for Max."

She thought about it. "No. Max belongs here. Darius does not."

"Max doesn't want to stay here, much like Darius."

"I think he does," she began, and then Max opened the back door and walked in.

"Stopped by to chat, did you?" I said, and Poppy nudged me to cut it out.

"Sid's dead," he said.