29. Raven

29

RAVEN

I wake up with my teeth chattering.

Once the faux Uber driver was done talking to me, he brought me home, safe and sound.

But I don't feel safe and sound.

I desperately wanted to call Vinnie last night. But I had been forced to call him by the Uber driver and I didn't want to bother him again.

He agreed to meet me at my place tomorrow evening, and that's all that matters. I'm supposed to get further instructions via the burner phone that feels like it's literally burning a hole into me.

But tomorrow evening I'll level with Vinnie. I'll tell him what happened.

He'll fix it. I know Vinnie will be able to fix it.

I have to get a grip. I could go to my mother and father. They would help me. But that might put Vinnie in danger. And Vinnie is Savannah's brother, so it may put Falcon in danger as well.

I don't want anyone to be in danger because of me.

Damn it!

Why? Why did I have to go and fall in love with?—

No.

I'm not in love with him.

He's a mobster. A gangster. And even though I know in his heart he's a good man who only wants to bring his evil grandfather down, danger will follow him.

Which means danger will follow me.

Why do I need to have him over to my place for dinner? What is the purpose behind it, and who is that damned Uber driver?

How did they hack into my Uber request?

Chills erupt over my body. I look at my clock. It's nine in the morning. My mother won't bother me. She probably looked in the room a couple times throughout the night to make sure I'm all right. She doesn't know that I've actually been up most of the night, my mind racing.

I draw a breath. Let it out slowly. Draw in another. I try to calm my shivers. Despite the fact that it's a warm day in Texas—and warm in Texas means infernally hot—I'm still shivering.

I've got to get this under control before I go to the kitchen.

I take several more deep breaths. I try to focus on something good, something happy.

I'm alive! The leukemia didn't kill me! At this point, it's likely that I'm going to have a normal lifespan.

One more deep breath and then I rise.

I shower, rubbing the loofah over my head and over the rest of my body.

When I get out of the shower, I look in the mirror.

My hair is growing in enough that it's difficult to see my scalp at this point. In several more weeks, I'll have a cute pixie cut.

My cheeks are red from the heat of the shower, and I decide I look okay.

I get dressed quickly in some denim shorts and a tank top, no bra.

Everything else seems to be too much effort.

How am I going to get to my place tomorrow? How will I explain to Mom that I need to go there?

I grab my phone and put a call in to my doctor's office.

"Lone Star Wellness," the receptionist says.

"Yes, hi. Good morning." I clear my throat to stop my voice from cracking. "This is Raven Bellamy. I'm a patient of Dr. Smith's. I was wondering if he was available?"

"I believe he just finished with a patient. I may be able to catch him. Please hold for a moment."

"Sure. Thank you."

A moment later, "Raven? It's Dr. Smith."

"Yes, Doctor. I just wanted to check in with you and see if you could clear me for driving."

"I think you've got another week to go." He pauses a moment, probably checking my chart. "But let me ask you this. How are you feeling?"

"I'm feeling great. I'm eating well."

"No fogginess? Dizziness?"

"Not at all. I was just wondering if maybe you could clear me to drive short distances? No longer than like fifteen minutes to half an hour behind the wheel?"

He pauses again. "You've responded very well to treatment. I suppose it's all right. If you're feeling okay."

"Oh yes, Doctor. I'm feeling just fine. I just want to get back to normal, you know? It seems like it's been so long."

"I totally understand. Tell you what. I will clear you to drive, but I don't want you behind the wheel for any longer than about twenty minutes. Is that all right?"

"That's perfect. Thanks."

"But you let me know if anything happens. And if at any time you do not feel comfortable behind the wheel, you pull over, you call for a ride. Is that clear?"

"Crystal. Don't worry. I'm not going to do anything to jeopardize my recovery."

"I know you won't, Raven. You've been through hell, and it's time for you to get back among the living. I totally understand. I've marked your chart."

"Thank you so much, Dr. Smith. I promise everything will be fine."

"I know it will be. Have a good day, Raven."

I end the call, and I repeat the words I just said to Dr. Smith in my head.

I promise everything will be fine.

As far as my recovery goes? As far as driving goes?

My words are true. I feel it in the marrow of my bones.

Everything else, though?

That's up in the air.

I head downstairs. Mom is still in the kitchen. "Raven, there you are. Breakfast?"

My stomach is a void, and I feel like if I eat anything I'll throw it back up. Still, I need to think of my body. Of sustenance. What it needs.

"Just two scrambled eggs and toast please."

Mom wrinkles her nose. "That's exactly what you had for breakfast yesterday. Are you feeling all right?"

"Yeah, I feel fine. Just want something easy to digest. Thanks, Mom."

"Coming right up." She smiles. "You look good today, Raven."

I stop my eyebrows—or lack thereof—from flying off my forehead. I look good? I feel…physically okay, I guess. I'm stressed as all hell.

"That's because I have some great news." I make my voice deliberately sing-songy to feign happiness.

"What's that?"

"I just talked to Dr. Smith, and he cleared me for driving."

She furrows her brow. "I thought you had another week to go."

"I just really want to get back to normal, so I called him. And he said as long as I haven't had any dizziness or fogginess, it would be okay for me to drive short distances. So this way I can go to my house. Get things fixed up for when I move home in a few weeks."

"Raven…"

"Call Dr. Smith if you don't believe me. I just talked to him."

"Oh no, I believe you." She wraps her arms around me, stroking the small amount of hair I have on my head. "I'm just worried. It's a mother's prerogative, you know."

I smile, forcing myself to look happy again. Keeping my voice upbeat. "I know you do. But I want to enjoy life again. I want to go to my house. Do you know how long it's been since I've been there?"

Only two days, but she doesn't know that.

"I understand, dear. Truly I do." She breaks the embrace and looks into my eyes. "Would you do me a favor?"

"Of course."

"Call me when you get to your house, so I know you're okay?"

"Absolutely, I will. But I may also need to go into town and get some groceries."

"Groceries?"

"Yeah. You know. So I can make myself a sandwich or something while I'm hanging out there and fixing stuff up."

"All right, Raven. But do your mama a favor. Just let me know you're okay. Text me every hour."

"Every hour?"

She sighs. "All right. Just text me when you're there safely."

"I may not be home for dinner tomorrow," I say.

"You won't?"

"Well, you know. I have a date. With my lawyer, Brick Latham."

Which reminds me. I still need to cancel that.

"Oh, that's great. You sure you're ready for that?"

"He must think I am because he asked me out. I'll just have him pick me up at my place. Most of my clothes are still there anyway.'

She opens her mouth?—

I hold up a hand to stop her. "And yes, I will call you when we leave on the date, and I will call you when I get home safely."

"Will you be coming back here for the night?"

"Yes, probably. But it may be late."

"All right, Raven." She sighs. "I knew I wouldn't be able to keep you here forever. But I did get used to having my baby girl around." She wraps her arms over my shoulders. "If you ever have kids, you'll know what I mean."

"Thanks, Mom. I love you. Maybe you and Dad can go out tonight. Catch a movie, some dinner. Something fun." I frown. "You haven't gotten to do anything fun in so long."

Mom smiles. "Maybe we'll do just that, angel." She kisses me on top of my head and then looks into my eyes. Creases of worry snake across her forehead.

I can see that she's not comfortable with this. Honestly, I'm not good with it either. I'm lying to my mother, and I hate that.

But I feel like I have no choice.

I don't regret meeting Vinnie, sleeping with Vinnie.

It was the most amazing experience of my life.

Right now, though? I'm frightened.

Frightened for him. And for me.