15. Raven

15

RAVEN

I open the oven to check the lasagna and inhale the robust scent of the tomatoes and cheese. "It's bubbling nicely."

"Great," Savannah says. "We just need to give it about ten more minutes. Turn on the broiler so it gets nice and crusty on top."

I do as she asks, and then I inhale again. "Food tastes so good now. It's richer, creamier, sweeter, more savory. Everything is. You name it."

Savannah smiles. "I suppose it would after not having an appetite for so long."

"Yeah, that too."

She wrinkles her forehead. "That too?"

"Yeah." I purse my lips. "I guess it's hard to explain if you haven't spent the last couple years believing you were going to die."

Savannah nods. "Oh, I know what you mean. Like the sky is bluer now and all that."

"Yeah, exactly."

"I can't say I've been through what you've been through," she says. "I would never attempt to say I understand." She draws in a deep breath, her face suddenly grave. "But I have looked my mortality in the eye. Or at least my life as I knew it. When Miles McAllister locked me in his bedroom and was getting ready to rape me."

An anvil sinks in my gut. Right. Just because someone hasn't experienced cancer specifically doesn't mean they can't empathize with what I've gone through.

Savannah has faced her own mortality. I'm sure Falcon did many times when he was behind bars. Certainly Eagle has too, though most of that was his own damned fault. Hawk is a closed book, but I'm sure he's had struggles.

I'll keep that in mind going forward. Everyone has shit they've dealt with. How much it stinks changes from person to person, but the smell is still there.

I turn to Savannah, lay a hand on her upper arm. "You're very strong, Savannah. I'm impressed that you figured a way out of that yourself."

She cracks a small smile. "Are you kidding me? I didn't do anything. I guess the sight of him just made me so sick that I threw up. Projectile vomited all over him and myself."

I must make a face in reaction to what she said, because she quickly widens her eyes. "Sorry. That's not exactly an appropriate topic of conversation when we're preparing dinner."

I chuckle. "Savannah, you never have to apologize. I puked my brains out when I was doing chemo. I'm completely and fully desensitized to the subject."

Savannah wrinkles her nose, but I can see a hint of a smile in her eyes. I know what's going through her mind. I've seen the same look on the face of each member of my family. She wants to playfully return my joke about my illness but doesn't feel it's her place.

"Well, it was enough to get him off me, and then I was able to escape." Her face darkens. "But if Falcon and his buddy hadn't come after me, I'd still be there. He would've found me eventually."

"Seems we both owe our lives to Falcon," I say with a smile.

She smiles back at me. I really like my new sister-in-law. Falcon made a good choice in her, and I want my brother to be happy. He already lost eight years of his life trying to protect one of us. And then he gave me his bone marrow and saved me. He saved Eagle's life and mine, and now Savannah's as well.

I owe everything to my big brother.

"He certainly changed my life," Savannah agrees. "I never thought I would fall for an ex-con. Certainly not one who was assigned as my parolee."

"Do you miss working as a parole officer?"

She frowns. "No, not really. It wasn't my choice. My original choice was to go to law school, but that didn't work out. My father decided after college I was going to marry Miles McAllister. I got out of it by agreeing to go work in one of the parole offices in Austin. I had to do what they asked when they came to me."

My heart breaks for her. "So you basically had to break the law for them."

"I forced myself to think of it only as bending the law," she says. "It was the only way I could live with myself."

"But you truly wanted to be a lawyer?"

"That was what I always wanted to do." She inhales slowly and sighs. "But you have to understand that in my family, careers for women are frowned upon. I mean, in a family where they basically sell off their women as brides to form alliances… Well, you can imagine."

"How did you manage to get as far as you did then?"

"My father had some different ideas. He taught me how to handle a gun, for example. And he made sure I was allowed to go to college, if not law school."

I shake my head. "I can't even imagine. My parents always treated Robin and me the same as the boys. In fact, for the first ten years of our life, Robin was convinced she was a boy."

"And you?"

I shrug. "I was never the outdoorsy type like she and the boys were. Don't get me wrong. I know my way around the ranch. I learned to ride a horse and how to take care of livestock and everything else we do. It was a requirement from both my parents. But I tended to have more interest in what Mom did. Taking care of the home, cooking, and baking. Just more of what I enjoyed, to be honest."

"There's nothing wrong with that."

"I guess I'd make a darned good mafia wife." I force out a chuckle.

Savannah raises her eyebrow. "You, Raven, would make a terrible mafia wife."

"I was kidding, Savannah."

Her cheeks redden. "I figured as much. It's just that… Just because you're interested in more traditionally feminine things doesn't mean…" She exhales sharply through her nose. "What I'm trying to say is you're one of the strongest people I've ever met. You think for yourself. You have no qualms about making your opinion known. The mafia dons don't really like those qualities in their wives."

I smile, but then I cast my gaze to the kitchen tiles. "I consider myself strong, but not for the reasons you may be thinking. Sure, I got through cancer. You do what you have to do." I sigh. "So many people aren't as lucky as I was. When you look your life in the eye, you realize you'll do anything—and I mean anything—to live. You let them pump poison into your veins so that all your hair falls out and you feel like complete shit. And I wasn't kidding about the puking. You vomit all the bile up from your stomach, cramping because the heaves are so hard. You watch the fat dissolve from your body, and you stop getting your period. But you do it. You do it all for that next breath of air."

Savannah frowns. "You don't consider that the reason why you're strong?"

"I'm saying that you would do the same thing. Anyone would. Unless you're suicidal, the will to live is strong in everyone, Savannah. And I guess you don't know that until you've looked your life in the eye."

"Yeah," she says. "I do get it. Miles wasn't going to kill me, but he was going to rape me. Pretty much make me his. So I kind of get it. Plus…there have been other times…"

I simply nod. Falcon has told me more of the story of him and Savannah. About how she was being hunted by two of her family's goons, how she defended herself with a few pieces of broken mirror when she realized they had come for her.

How she hid out in the safehouse with Falcon for several weeks, not knowing when that awful family would finally find her.

And she did put her life on the line in a way. She wouldn't have literally died if she had married Miles McAllister, but she was giving up her freedom, not to mention the love of her life. She was willing to sacrifice her own identity, her sense of self.

Is that really all that different from simply dying? In many ways, dying would be the easier way out.

I shake the thought out of my head and return my focus to Savannah. "Do you think you'll go back to work?"

"As a parole officer?" She shakes her head. "No. There were aspects of it that I enjoyed, but it was never my dream."

"What about law school?"

"I've considered it," Savannah says. "But right now, everything is on hold."

"Yeah, I can understand that."

"But maybe someday," she says. "I'm still pretty young. I could have a career as a lawyer if I want. But I think I might also want children. And that's something Falcon and I haven't really discussed."

"I think you'll both make great parents," I say.

She grins. "I think we would too. But like I said… It's on hold for now. Until… You know."

I nod.

"So how's everything going with you?" she asks me. "You met with that lawyer today, right?"

"Yesterday, actually." My cheeks warm. "You won't believe this, but…I have a date on Friday."

"A date!" She clamps her hand over her mouth. "That's great, Raven."

I bite my lip. "I don't know if it's great. The lawyer's a nice guy, and pretty good-looking too." I look down. "Why he wants to go out with me though…"

She scoffs. "Are you kidding me? Why wouldn't he want to? You're beautiful."

"Um…I don't have hair, Savannah."

"Hair grows back, Ray."

I'm touched by her use of my nickname. I'm not sure she's done that before now.

"I guess I'm interested," I say. "I mean, like I said. He's very intelligent, good-looking, nice."

She rubs her thumb against her index and middle fingers. "And he's a lawyer."

I laugh. "That's probably more of a selling point for you than for me."

"Nothing's a selling point for me," Savannah says. "I'm madly in love with your brother. I've never met anyone like him. It's like…" She gazes out the kitchen window.

I raise a hand to stop her. "You don't have to finish that thought. I'm not sure I want to hear about how great my brother is in bed."

"Oh." Savannah blushes. "I wasn't going to go into any detail. I was just going to say that when you know, you know. The first time I laid eyes on your brother, I knew something was different about him. The attraction was immediate. Which of itself is not unusual, but it was just different with him. I can't really describe how."

"I think I understand."

She raises her eyebrows. "Do you?"

Damn it. I spoke without thinking. I got so comfortable talking to Savannah that I forgot we barely know each other. I've almost let slip something juicy, and now she wants details.

But I can't go into detail.

Because those feelings? That ridiculous attraction that you think may be different from anything else you've ever felt?

I have had them.

The first time I laid eyes on Savannah's brother.