11. Raven

11

RAVEN

I 'm a little taken aback at how Vinnie nudged away from me so quickly.

I hate all of this.

I hate that we're asking Savannah's brother to break the law.

I hate that my brothers broke the law all those years ago.

But I love my brothers.

Eagle has always had a special place in my heart, and now Falcon does as well because he saved me.

And Hawk? He and I have never been that close, but he is still my blood, my brother. Though he has the least to lose in all of this, I want him safe as well.

"Let me get you another drink, Vinnie," Falcon says.

But Vinnie shakes his head. "I need to go."

"Come on. Have you eaten? We can at least feed you."

"I'm good, but thank you for the offer." He turns but then he looks over his shoulder. "I'll be in touch as soon as I have any information."

Then he leaves the room, and Savannah follows him. "I'm just going to see him out."

Alone with my brothers, I place my hands on my hips. "I love each and every one of you guys," I say, "but hear this. This is the one and only time I want you to put that man in a position of doing something like this. He came back to take down his family. Not to participate in its crimes."

Hawk raises his eyebrows. "Ray?"

"You think because I don't know the guy that I don't care? Look, I get what happened all those years ago. And you"—I glare at Falcon—"had no business going to prison." And as angry as I am, I launch myself into his arms. "But thank you," I whisper. "Thank you for protecting Eagle."

Once I let Falcon go, I turn to Eagle. I sit next to him, hug his trembling body. "How did I fail you, E?"

He rubs his eyes. "You didn't."

"I must have. I'm the one who took care of you all those years. When the boys and Robbie were out following Dad around, and Mom was busy running the household. You were my responsibility. You were my baby, Eagle. How did I fail you?"

"You're only four years older than I am, Raven. You weren't my parent. You're my big sister. Sure, you looked after me. But this is not on you."

I kiss the top of his head. "You're clean now, right?"

"Yeah, of course."

But he doesn't look at me. Doesn't meet my gaze.

I look up, meet Hawk's gaze, and then Falcon's. "Is he?"

Neither of them responds.

"Eagle," I say. "Tell me right now. You're clean."

"I am!" He curls his hands into fists. "No matter what the two of them think. They think I've got something going on. Something with Scarlett Ramsey."

"Scarlett Ramsey?" I wrinkle my forehead. "What the hell does she have to do with any of this?"

Falcon clears his throat. "We don't know. He won't tell us. But you should know, Ray, that he was late getting to the hospital to see you the day of your transplant because of Scarlett Ramsey."

I look at Eagle, but his sad sunken eyes get to my heart.

"You don't know how hard it was for me," he says, "when I found out my bone marrow couldn't save you."

My heart melts.

"We all felt that way," Hawk says. "Especially Robin. She's your twin."

"But I really wanted it to be me," Eagle says. "You know how special you are to me, Raven. And I kind of thought…" He closes his eyes.

I place a hand on his upper arm. "You thought what, E?"

He swallows, his face stiff. "I thought if it could be me who saved you, then maybe my stupid-ass life would actually have some value. Maybe it would make me a little less of a fuck-up."

Hawk scoffs, and I dart him a glare.

I return my gaze to Eagle. "E, you've fucked up. That much is clear. That doesn't make you a fuck-up. And you have the rest of your life to make up for what you did. What you put Falcon through." I gesture to my other two brothers. "The three of you need to be a team. We all need to be a team."

"Without Robin?" Hawk says.

"Without Robin." I nod. "At least for now. Why bring her into this?"

"None of us wanted you brought into this, Ray," Hawk reminds me.

But then I look again at my youngest brother. "I think I was meant to be brought into this. Eagle needs me. The two of you need me. I'm damned lucky to be alive, and what better thing to do than to help my brothers if they need me?"

Falcon sits down on the other side of me. "Raven, we always need you. You need to look out for yourself right now. You're still recovering."

"Then the three of you shouldn't have been talking where I could hear you." I stand up and pound a fist to my chest. "I may not be able to fix this for you. But I can be here for you. I can help you bear the burden."

"That's just it, Ray," Falcon says. "We want you bearing your own burden right now. Healing. Recovering."

I scoff. "I wish you'd quit doing that. You think I can't do both? You think I don't want to help my brothers? I know you think that there's nothing I can do. That I'm not Vinnie Gallo, that I can't go running to my grandfather to fix this. What I can do is offer you emotional support. Be there for you the way all of you were there for me when I needed you. When I needed your emotional support when I was sick. When I could barely lift my head. Could barely talk. When my beautiful hair fell out. You were all there for me. You helped me. Now let me help you."

"I'm so sorry, Raven," Eagle says.

"Too little, too late." Hawk lets out a huff.

I glare at Hawk. "Don't think for a minute I'll let Eagle forget his part in this." And I can't help myself. I smack the back of Eagle's head. "That's what I should've done years ago. I should've known you were in trouble. And if I had, I would've stopped this before it got out of hand."

"We were all gone, Ray," Falcon says. "Don't you think that's haunted Hawk and me over the years?"

"But he's my responsibility," I say.

Eagle finally strikes back. "No, Raven. I can't have you putting that on your shoulders. Or the two of you either," he says to Hawk and Falcon. "This was all me. All on me. I'm the one who got involved in selling drugs. I'm the one who started taking drugs. I was an idiot. The spoiled baby of the family. And I've never even had to pay for it. Falcon paid for my crimes. And now here you all are, trying to help cover up another of my wrongs."

I sigh. "Eagle, I think the whole world knows that Diego Vega is better off dead."

Hawk simply nods.

"I told you once," Falcon says, "that I don't regret what I did for you eight years ago. That I would do it again. But I don't think Hawk or I will be there for you if you fuck up again. So whatever's going on with you and Scarlett Ramsey?—"

"Nothing," Eagle says. "Damn it, I don't know how many times I have to say it."

I put my arm around Eagle's shoulders. My baby brother is now so much bigger than I am, the broadest shoulders of our bunch.

"I'm here for you, E. I should've been here for you then. I'm sorry I wasn't, but I'm here for you now. Whatever you need."

"Thanks, sis." He turns me toward him and places his hands on my upper arms. "But I agree with the others. I want you concentrating on yourself."

"Part of my healing," I tell him, "is being a member of this family again. Focusing on someone other than myself. Trust me. It's what I need."

"All right, Ray," Falcon finally says. "If this is what you need, you do what you feel you can."

"I absolutely will, no matter what any of you say." I hug Eagle, and then I rise. In turn, I look each of my brothers in their eyes. First Hawk, who's still standing, and then Falcon, seated on the couch. Last, my baby brother Eagle.

He nods at me, gives me a slight smile.

The first time I've seen him smile since this all started.

"Now," I say. "We need to trust Vinnie to get done what he can get done. But if he can't? We need a Plan B."