8. Paige

8

PAIGE

Never in a million years would I imagine that Kael and I have something in common. And to think that what we have in common is our reading preferences? My mind is blown.

I knock on Sophie's door and wait for a few seconds before she opens it, a giant grin on her face.

"Paige!"

I hug my best friend. "Hi, Soph. Ready to get this party started?"

We laugh as we go inside, closing the door behind us. Just before the door shuts, my eyes fall on Kael sitting in his car, book in hand, the look of concentration a sight to behold.

I'm glad to have the door between us. I can't be wanting to look at Kael, can I?

We go into the kitchen.

"I saw you brought your guard dog with you."

I groan. "Apparently, I'm back to being three years old again and can't even come to your house without my babysitter following me around. "

"Oh, come on, it's not that bad. Besides, at least you're definitely safe."

I sit heavily on one of the island seats, huffing.

"Am I? If he doesn't even like me and ignores me half the time, makes fun of me the other half of the time, how strongly will he want to protect me? Because I sure as hell wouldn't jump in front of a bullet for him."

She's busy getting glasses from the cabinet. "When did he make fun of you? Last I heard, he wouldn't even look your way, let alone talk to you."

She whirls, two glasses in her hand. "Wait. Do I have to go outside and kick his ass?"

I giggle. "I'd pay to see that."

"Well…" She frowns. "Do I?"

"No, you don't. But it is getting old how he keeps calling me princess, as if that's a bad word, you know?"

Her eyes widen. "He calls you princess?"

I let my head fall over my arms on top of the island counter as I groan.

"He enjoys taunting me."

A glass hits the island countertop next to my head. "Here, looks like you need this."

I lift my head just enough to peer over my arm.

A shot glass is looking right back at me.

"What is this?" I perk up a bit and pick up the drink.

"It's—"

I down it in one go.

"—vodka."

I almost cough my lungs out. My throat is burning like I'm about to breathe fire. I try to talk, but all it comes out is a croaking sound. "Why didn't you warn me?"

"I tried! You didn't give me time, just chugged the thing before the dust even settled around the glass! "

Okay, that's fair. But fuck, it still burns.

I breathe through my open mouth for a while to soothe the burning.

She's busy preparing our drinks and gets a vodka with orange juice in front of me. "Here. That's what we'll be having. There is no way I'm preparing those aberrations you call mimosas. So, either drink up, or it's water for you, lady."

I laugh, a throaty sound more than my usual bubbly giggle.

Damn vodka almost killed me.

I take a sip from my glass, and the cold from the drink helps a bit.

She comes around the island, and I get up to follow her to the living room where we throw ourselves onto the couch, careful enough not to spill a drop.

We sigh at the same time, then look at each other and burst out laughing.

I love Sophie to pieces. She's my sister from another mister. I tell her things I don't share with anyone else.

She's the only one who knows my shameful secret. She doesn't judge me, doesn't baby me. She doesn't think I'm less than.

With her, I can just be myself, free to be the drama queen I was born to be, or to just sit in front of the TV and veg out all day long.

"How have you been, Paige? Really. Have you been sleeping at all?"

"Not really. Not that I'd want to anyway."

Her arm comes around my shoulder, and I lay my head on hers. It feels so nice to be here with her, to know that she's got my back.

"Nightmares still not leaving you alone?"

I shake my head .

It pains me that I can't get past what happened to me.

Why am I such a baby about this?

It's not like I was even kidnapped, like my sister-in-law. She was taken from her home, woke up to find my idiot brother looming over her, got dragged to our house and forced to marry said idiot.

Did she spend her days cowering? Crying around the corners? Did she have trouble sleeping at night? No, no, and hell no.

And here I am, not kidnapped and checking all those boxes. Pathetic. Pitiful.

That's why I don't want anyone but Sophie to know how damaged I really am. How weak.

"That's okay, Paige. You'll get over this. We all have different times to process our traumas, just let the healing take its course."

I lift my head and look at her. "What healing? I'm stuck in that dreadful moment twenty-four seven. I can't go out anymore, I can't stop looking over my shoulder when I do. I can't even close my fucking eyes without being assaulted by memories of what happened, over and over again."

A sob tears from deep within me. The pain so hard, so crippling it almost rips me in half.

My arms go around my stomach as I fight not to fall apart.

And the dam breaks. The pain, the hurt, the fear all come pouring out of me as tears stream down my face, and I'm wracked by my lungs refusing to work.

My throat is clogged, and I choke, unable to take a single breath as I mourn the person I was, the weight of the person I was forced to become crushing me. Preventing me from moving forward. From distancing myself from the worst day of my life .

Sophie's arms surround me, holding me here, preventing me from being shattered into a thousand pieces.

She just stays there, allowing me to let it all out.

If only it would all come out and stayed out. If only this cathartic moment was all I needed to move on. To heal. To be able to be me again.

And that single thought makes me cry harder. Because I know the truth. I know that I'll never be the same again.

What happened changed me forever. And unlike my sister-in-law, I have not come out stronger on the other side.

But I don't want to have suffer anymore, don't want to have to work on this, to let the process happen, whatever that means. I wish someone else could do that work for me.

Unfortunately, there's no one in the world who can help me because this one's all on me. I'm the weak one, I'm the hurting one, and I don't care what anyone says, I don't think I'll ever recover from this, ever be whole again.

I don't know if it's minutes or if it's hours before the tears start to dry.

"Thank you, Soph. I'm so sorry. You shouldn't have to deal with this."

She holds me by the arms and pulls me back so that I'm looking at her. "Are you kidding me right now? This is exactly what friends are for, Paige. Or would you not want me to come to you if I'm hurting too?"

I blink at her and let her words really sink in.

"Of course, I would, Soph. I'd never want you hurting alone. But?—"

"No buts, Paige. Unless they are cute butts, they have no room here. Now…" She picks up our glasses—when did she even put them there?—and hands me mine and holds hers in front of us.

"To true friends. Our chosen family. "

I smile, a tear I didn't know I still had in me running down my face. "To chosen family."

We sip, and then she gives me a devilish grin. "Now, let's come up with ways for you to make Kael's life a living hell, shall we?"

I burst out laughing.

We stay on that couch for a while, and when our glasses our empty, Soph gets us both refills.

For that blessed time, I'm able to forget the world outside.

We talk about her life, her job, boys, which I have to experience vicariously through her. We laugh about her absurd ideas of pranks I should play on Kael. Some of them so tempting…

None of them I'll actually act on because I don't want to make my life even harder, but it is good to just be carefree for as long as I'm here.

How would I even hide all his clothes? Or trick him into pouring salt on his coffee? Does he even pour anything on his coffee?

I have a feeling he drinks it black. And I have a stronger feeling that the coffee is the one finding Kael bitter.

When time comes to go back home, I'm a bit lighter, and the world doesn't seem so dark.

Not until I open Sophie's front door and get a front row seat to Kael reading on his car still.

My heart should not be skipping a beat like this at the sight of him. Or maybe I'm just drunk and not even my heart can work straight.

Yes, that's what I'm going to stick with because there's no way that Kael, grump extraordinaire, makes me feel anything other than hate.

Right?