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24. Paige

24

PAIGE

There's no way I'm coming back to the mansion. That would be the first step to losing my independence forever.

It's not that I lived in a gilded cage or anything like that before I moved out, but being the youngest gets tiresome when people keep forgetting you are no longer a baby. After the attack, that feeling would be tenfold.

I'd suffocate.

Speaking to my father feels good, but not enough to go back. I don't want to move backward. Living at my own place full-time has been enlightening, shown me that I can be enough.

Well, on my own plus Kael.

If I didn't have him protecting me, would I feel as safe on my own? Probably not, but that could be just because the attack was so recent. It's not like it means anything. Right?

As I sit there looking at my father and trying to keep my gaze from trailing over to Kael, a man in a three-piece suit walks up to us.

"I'm so sorry to intrude. My name is Ricardo Giamatti. I'm the owner of this restaurant. It's named after my daughter."

Da turns to him with a smile. "Patrick Burke."

"Lovely to meet you, sir." It seems that Ricardo already knows who my father is, like maybe he's coming over to pay his respects. "I'd like to offer you two a dessert, on the house."

"Cheesecake?" Da knows it's my favorite, and I smile and nod.

"That would be lovely."

"Cheesecake it is," Ricardo says, standing up straighter and clapping his hands together. "We appreciate your patronage, Mr. Burke."

He pauses. "Miss Burke."

I blink up at him, surprised that he knows me by sight. I suppose the Burkes are more famous than I know.

I stand up. "Excuse me for just a moment. I'll be right back."

I make my way to the hallway where the bathroom is, but footsteps behind me have anxiety flowing through me as I whirl around.

I look up into blue eyes and let out a long breath. "Kael. You scared the hell out of me."

"Didn't mean to scare you," he mumbles. "I just wanted to warn you about how you've been looking at me."

I stare at him, narrowing my eyes. "About how I 've been what now?"

"You keep looking at me like you want to eat me up."

" I keep looking at you like I want you?" Is he shitting me right now? "Your eyes have been on my ass and legs all damn night!"

He huffs out a breath. "I didn't say I was doing much better. But I don't want your father or Declan to be suspicious. Besides, it is my job to look out for you. Keep my eye on you."

"So, what am I supposed to do? Not look at you while you're undressing me with your eyes? Pretend I'm indifferent when I can just about feel your gaze on my skin?"

Kael growls. "If it were up to me, you'd be feeling a lot more than just my gaze."

He closes his eyes and takes a breath through his distended nostrils. "That was out of line. I'm sorry. You're right. I need to do better."

"I told you, it was a one-time thing. Look at who my family is. Even if I was interested, which I'm not saying I am, there's no way we could ever be anything else than each other's dirty secret. And I deserve better."

"You sure don't look like you're saying you are not interested either when you look at me like that." He takes a step closer, backing me against the wall, and my eyes dart to my father, who's still talking with Ricardo. "And I agree, princess, you do deserve better."

He presses himself fully against me. "But I'm still going to keep my eyes on you because that's my job!"

"Looking at my ass isn't," I drawl, and Kael smirks slightly.

"I guess not."

His eyes are on mine, and he leans down.

If I tilted my chin up just right, my lips would meet his and?—

He kisses me, sliding his tongue into my mouth, and I taste lime on his tongue.

My arms immediately go around his neck, and I lean against him, but then he pulls away, grinning.

"Tell me again you don't want to continue this. "

I glare up at him and open my mouth to speak, but the words won't come.

Kael chuckles shaking his head. "Right there with you, princess."

I groan and walk into the bathroom. I do my business and then wash my hands and face, staring at myself in the mirror.

"What are you doing , Paige Burke?"

I keep having these little flashes of memory, the way Kael kissed me so hungrily, the way he felt inside me, stretching me out. Just the thought of it makes me heat between my legs, and I hate myself.

Kael Sullivan doesn't care about me. He's not my guy, not my happily ever after, and he never will be. He can't be.

So, why do I feel this way about him? Is this just how lust is?

God, I wish I could talk to Lara about this. I wish I could get my big sister's advice, but I don't trust that she wouldn't tell Declan or Gray, or even worse, Da.

Declan's distracted because his wife is pregnant, and Gray is distracted dealing with all this Niall business, so I'm lucky that they haven't figured it out yet.

As much as I hate to admit it, Kael is right. The way we look at each other makes things seem obvious. As much as I tried not to glance at him, make eye contact with him, I kept doing it anyway. I kept dreaming about impossible, unspeakable things.

I kept wanting what will never be mine. Kept craving the forbidden fruit.

And then I let him kiss me, right there where Da and his men could see us. I'm playing with fire and expecting not to get burned.

I stay inside long enough to get my head on my shoulders, but it's been long enough that Da might start wondering if something is wrong.

With a large exhale, I close my eyes and let my head fall forward. Time to face the world again.

I lift my head, my chin up high, and I breathe deep.

Here we go.

My hand reaches for the doorknob and turns it. As soon as I pull the door toward me, I take a step outside and almost bump into a very large chest.

"There you are, princess. I was just about to get in there and see if something had happened."

My breath rushes out of me. I hold up a hand to my chest, trying to stop my heart from bursting out. "Jesus! You're everywhere."

"I'm like your shadow, little princess. And I will be until your family calls me off."

I take a deep breath through my nostrils. "Still don't see why you have to be up my ass all the time."

Kael growls and opens his mouth to retort, probably intending to make a dirty joke, but I elbow him in the ribs.

"Don't you dare."

He shuts his mouth, but he's smiling.

I walk around him and head out to join my da at the table.

Kael stays behind me. I have no idea if he's coming or staying, but his eyes on me as I walk away sear my skin, yet I refuse to look back at him.

Da looks up from the cheesecake on the table and smiles.

I smile back as the mirror behind my da explodes before he crashes to the ground.

For a few seconds, I'm frozen, just staying there, unable to understand what's happening as the world around me seems to move in slow motion.

Three men with guns drawn come in the front door, and two men from the back door.

I open my mouth to scream, but nothing comes out.

Is this another nightmare?

My feet are glued to the spot, and I can't move.

My arm is yanked, and I look up, frowning at the strange man grabbing me.

My heart throbs, and my blood rushes through my ears, and I'm back in that day again, helpless, defenseless. A liability.

Kael. He should be here.

Remembering his name awakens something in me.

I close my eyes, thinking about what Kael taught me.

Use your body weight. Fight to escape, not to win .

I step down on the man's insole as hard as I can, kneeing up to hit him in the groin, putting my whole body into it.

He groans and doubles over.

A soon as his grip on me weakens, I yank my arm free and sprint away, crawling under a table as gunshots ring out.

My eyes are everywhere, looking for Kael, looking for Da.

Kael wrestles with one of the men, but I can't quite see who's winning because everyone in the restaurant is screaming and trying to run out of one of the exits.

They're getting jammed at the door in their panic, and I don't know if anyone is getting out.

As I peer underneath the tablecloth, my heart in my throat, Kael shoot the man between the eyes.

I wince, looking back toward my father, who's drawn his gun, pointing it at the two men that have come in the back .

They're wearing ski-masks, so I can't tell who they are.

Are they Murphy's men?

More gunshots ring out, making my ears start to hurt, and Da hits the floor again, unmoving this time.

My breath catches in my throat, and I know I should stay put, that staying put would be what Da would want, but I can't.

Scrambling from beneath the table, I manage to get to his side.

Using a cloth napkin, I hold pressure down on the blood spot blooming on his chest, marring his white shirt.

"Help! Please, somebody! Help me." I look down at my da, and his eyes are closed, his face white as a ghost. "No, no, no, no, Da. Come on, stay with me."

Tears start streaming down my face as I try to shake him awake without removing the cloth from the wound. "Da, please, Da… I need you to stay with me, please wake up. Please."

Da's eyes flutter, and he looks up at me.

I laugh as tears still fall unbidden. "Da, you're going to be okay, just please don't fall asleep on me again, okay?"

His mouth moves, but no sound comes out.

"I—I don't…" I frown shaking my head and lower myself so my ear is by his mouth.

"Get out." The words are a gurgly breath. "Get out of here, a'stor ."

I shake my head. "No, I'm not leaving you."

I press down on the wound until he groans, his eyes rolling into the back of his head as he passes out.

The blood keeps blooming despite the pressure I'm keeping on the gunshot, and I look up, wild-eyed, to see if anyone is calling for help. To see if I can find Kael.

He's still wrestling with one of the guys that came in from the front, and my heart pumps so fast I can hear it in my ears.

Everything goes a little fuzzy around the edges, but to bring myself back, I bite down on my lip so hard that the taste of iron fills my tongue.

I need to help Da, help Kael. I need to push through.

I won't let this be like one of my nightmares, where I can't get away, where I'm helpless, useless. The weakest link.

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