22. Paige

22

PAIGE

Kael is already up when I wake, and I can't help but be a little disappointed. I know what happened last night can never happen again, but god, it was fun.

I've never had so much fun in all my life. If I'd known that was what I was missing, I would have done it a lot sooner.

I'm not sorry that Kael was my first, even if it's messy and complicated. He's a friend of the family, so I can trust him, and since my brothers would kill him if they knew, I know he'll be discreet.

It was a one-time thing, right? So, there's no need to get all worked up about it.

As I get up from the bed, I feel slightly sore all over, muscles I didn't even know I had seem tight.

I make my way to the shower, feeling deliciously sore down there, and when the water hits me, I moan with the pleasure of it.

I stay in the shower for a long time, enjoying how the water feels on my skin, and by the time I get out, I check my phone, and it's nearly ten o'clock .

My stomach rumbles, and I walk downstairs, hoping to find some fruit or something in the fridge. Instead, Kael has ordered breakfast—just some of those biscuits with meat and egg on them, but they smell delicious.

Kael himself, though, is nowhere to be found. I wonder if he's working out in the basement.

I sit down at the kitchen table, stuffing my face, feeling ravenous for some reason.

Is that because of the sex? Or just because I haven't been eating well?

I don't know, but either way, I'm glad he's ordered food.

Just as I'm finishing up, Kael walks into the kitchen, sweaty and shirtless.

My breath catches in my throat, and I nearly choke.

"Did you enjoy your breakfast?" He goes to the fridge for a bottle of water, drinking half of it, gulping it down.

"I did. Thank you for ordering it."

He shrugs. "We've got to go grocery shopping."

It strikes me what a domestic thing that is, going grocery shopping together, but I don't mention it out loud.

"Kael," I start. "About last night?—"

He holds up a hand. "Don't even worry about it. I won't tell anyone."

I huff out a breath. "It's not that. It's just... Everything with my brothers, my family?—"

He nods. "We shouldn't do it again."

I sigh. "Exactly."

But part of me is bitterly disappointed. I can't imagine never doing it again. Especially with Kael.

"Do me a favor, aye?" He looks deeply into my eyes.

I swallow hard. "Yeah?"

"When you do find someone," he murmurs, "I don't want to know the details."

My heart skips several beats, and I have to breathe deeply before I answer.

"Why not?"

Kael doesn't answer, just tears his gaze away and goes into the living room, plopping down on the couch.

My head's spinning.

He's jealous. He admitted that last night.

Why would he be jealous of my hypothetical future boyfriend unless he felt something for me?

Or maybe jealousy just doesn't work like that for guys.

God, I need to talk to someone about this.

I can't talk to Lara. She might tell our brothers, and that would ruin everything.

The real issue is, some part of me is devastated that Kael agreed to never touch me again, and I want to cry.

I stay in the kitchen for a few more moments, getting myself together, before I walk into the living room.

"Kael, I have a favor to ask."

He raises an eyebrow. "Aye?"

"Could I invite my friends over? We'll stay in my room."

He shrugs. "Of course."

It seems too easy, but I'll take it.

I instantly text my friend group chat: Need you guys. Come over. Now.

They take their time texting back, and Tanya's busy, but Sophie and Catalina are on their way soon.

I sigh.

I need to spill my guts about this, and I don't have anyone else.

When they arrive, Kael's disappeared into his room, and I'm grateful. I need my privacy for this.

I let them in, and Catalina holds up a bottle of wine, and Sophie has gotten me a bouquet of flowers.

My eyes burn with tears. "This is so sweet."

"We've missed you, bella ." Catalina gives me a big hug. "Thanks for inviting us over."

"Sorry I was so drunk last Facetime call," Sophie says sheepishly, grinning. "I threw up, if it makes you feel better."

I laugh. "It does, a little."

I lead them up the stairs, and Catalina looks around. "Where's your hot bodyguard?"

"In his room." I sigh. "But that's what I need to talk to you guys about."

Sophie's eyes widen. "Did he?—"

I nod. "He took my virginity."

Saying it makes it feel real, and my head spins.

What have I done? Given my innocence away to the first guy who made me feel special? What happens now?

"Oh, my god." Sophie hugs me tightly. "Congratulations!"

Catalina cheers.

I look at them. "What is all the celebration about?"

"Come on, Paige. You're on the wrong side of twenty, and you've been all but trying to give it away for years. It's cause for a party!"

Sophie goes downstairs and returns with three wine glasses.

Catalina pours us all a generous glass, finishing off the bottle.

I sip the wine, feeling a little less panicked.

"I guess you're right. But it's my brother's best friend!"

"Your brother's extremely hot best friend," Sophie corrects. "And you like him, anyway."

"What do you mean, I like him?" I frown .

She rolls her eyes. "I know you've pretended to hate him for years, but isn't it time to give it up?"

"I did hate him." I cross my arms over my chest. "He used to call me short stack and make fun of me."

"That was years ago." Catalina rolls her eyes. "Things are different now, no?"

"I guess." Why can't my friends have my back on this?

"Seriously, Paige, you like him, right? You guys are getting along?"

"Yeah." I huff. "We have been. He's...different than I thought he'd be."

"Forget about all that." Catalina waves her hands. "What about the sex? What about his?—"

Sophie clamps her hand over Catalina's mouth. "What we're saying is if you'd like to share?—"

"It was amazing," I breathe, as if I've been waiting for this moment all day. And I guess I have. Part of me is proud that I bagged someone like Kael Sullivan. "It was the best night of my life."

I give Catalina and Sophie all the dirty details, and Sophie fans herself while Catalina finishes her wine.

She falls down dramatically on my bed. "That sounds like a perfect night. Almost romantic, really."

"There was nothing romantic about it." I frown. "It was just sex. No feelings involved whatsoever."

"Are you sure about that?" Sophie raises a blonde eyebrow.

I swallow. "I'm sure. We talked about it, and he said never again." I pause. "Except?—"

"Except?"

"He asked me to not give him any details if I found someone else and did it again."

Sophie laughs. "So, he's the jealous type. "

"That's kind of sexy." Catalina grins.

"It is." I groan. "Except, I have no idea how to feel about it."

"You should make him jealous on purpose." Sophie smirks. "That can result in some fire sex."

"Absolutely. I do it to Matteo all the time." Matteo is Catalina's on again off again boyfriend.

"And how exactly would that help me? I can't exactly leave the house without him. Besides, we're not school kids anymore."

Though, I do love the way Kael's jaw tightens, how his voice goes all low and serious.

Catalina shrugs. "Oh, it helps. All you have to do is talk about other guys in front of him. You don't even have to do anything."

"But I don't know any other guys."

"Just mention anyone he knows. It'll work. Use Ronan. He's had a crush on you forever, anyway."

I blink. "He has?"

Sophie nods. "Oh, absolutely."

Ronan O'Malley's handsome, with his full-body tattoos and his piercing black eyes. I imagine riding on the back of his motorcycle, imagine his hands on my body. It doesn't do anything for me. Not a single spark.

But the idea of riding Kael's bike, that makes me instantly wet. Maybe I can try and tease him, make him a bit angry.

"I don't know. Maybe," I mumble, and Catalina grins.

"You're learning the ways of love so quickly. Our little Paige."

"I'm not little."

We spend the rest of the morning talking, and I don't even have a slight buzz from the full glass of wine, but I have a good time.

When I usher them out of the house, Kael is coming out of his room, scratching his stomach. There's a trail of hair from below his belly button leading into his waistband that makes my breath catch in my throat.

Catalina is halfway out the door but when Kael walks in, she sticks her head back in the door. "Ooh."

I push her outside, my cheeks burning.

Kael grins. "Don't want me to meet your friends?"

"You already met Sophie. Catalina, this is Kael. Kael, this is Catalina. There, now go." I push Catalina back out the door.

I shut the front door behind me, and the girls stare at me, wide eyed when I walk them to Sophie's car.

"He's beyond hot, Paige," Catalina says. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"And he just walks around shirtless?" Sophie marvels. "I'm surprised you kept your virginity this long."

I snort and get them into the car, saying my goodbyes.

When I walk back into the house, Kael is facing the window closest to the door, where I'm sure he kept watch over me. He walks to the living room when I close the door and sprawls on the couch, turning the television on.

I hum as I sit next to him, on the far end of the couch.

"Have fun?"

"Lots." I smile at him. I pause, wondering how it would play out if I tried to make him jealous. "Found out someone has a crush on me."

Kael stiffens. "Aye?"

He doesn't say much, but his body language says a lot, his jaw clenched tight.

"Ronan O'Malley. "

Kael's face turns murderous, almost scary, and my eyes widen.

"You shouldn't go around with the likes of O'Malley." His voice is flat. Emotionless.

"Why not?"

"He's a thug."

"So are you."

"I never said I was good enough for you."

I stare at him for a long moment, huffing out a breath. "Well, you can't tell me who I can and can't hang around with."

"Like hell I can't. My job is to protect you from guys like him!" He's seething, his icy blue eyes flashing as he looks at me.

"You can't police who I date, Kael."

"You want to date him?" His eyes look almost gray, somehow, a storm brewing as he searches my face.

"I don't know. Maybe." I don't. At all. But I want to know what happens. Catalina and Sophie said this would be fun, and I have to admit I like the way he's affected by me.

"He can't make you come like I do," Kael says in a low tone. "No one can."

Heat rushes through my body. "Oh yeah? Well, maybe he can make me come harder."

Kael crawls toward me like a panther, his shoulder muscles flexing, and he takes my ankle in his hand. "That's not what you were saying last night, crying out my name while I fucked you."

I scoff. "You're just jealous."

Kael looks at me for a long moment, and then releases my ankle, sitting back down on the couch, almost defeated, his shoulders slumped .

"Aye." He takes a deep breath. "You can do what you want, but not until after this Murphy situation is resolved."

"You're really going to let me go after Ronan?"

He shrugs. "If that's what you want."

He sounds almost despondent, and I regret my words. I regret all of it, because there's not just jealousy in his blue eyes—there's hurt, too.

"Kael." I get closer to him, straddling his lap and putting my arms around his neck. "I don't want anyone else."

His eyes widen as they stay on mine. "You don't?"

I shake my head. "No, but that's a problem. We can't be together."

He rubs my back. "It's complicated. I don't do relationships. Especially not with my best friend's little sister."

"I can't help wanting you." I press my forehead to his.

"I can't help wanting you, either," he murmurs. "And I can't help it that thinking of O'Malley's tattooed hands on you makes me fucking crazy."

"I don't want Ronan. I just...I wanted to make you jealous."

He frowns, pulling away from me. "Why the hell would you want to do that?"

"Needed to know if you cared." I'm so stupid.

Because it's clear he doesn't care. It's just some male instinct?—

"Of course, I care."

I stare at him. "You do?"

"I can't help but care about you, Paige. I'm here to protect you, but…"

"But what?"

My breath is short waiting for his response, but he doesn't answer, just shakes his head .

He lifts me off him, placing me gently next to him on the couch.

Then he stands up and silently goes into his room.

Shit.

I messed that up.

I just wanted to know if he feels something for me, the way I feel something for him. I guess I got my answer.

He does, but that doesn't matter.

We can't ever be together.