11. Paige

11

PAIGE

After getting ready in my room, I fume and pace as I think about Kael telling me I can go out. As if he's the boss of me.

The nerve on that guy!

How dare he?

About half an hour after he left me in that living room, I'm all but walking to Kael's room to demand he apologize to me when the doorbell rings.

Finally. Lara's here.

I walk out to greet her, sliding into her car, a cute little sedan. Da tried to talk to her into a more expensive car, but Lara fell in love with this one, mostly because it's her favorite color—blue-grey.

Lara grins at me. "Hey, sis. Ready for brunch? Maybe a few mimosas to start off the day on the right foot?"

I put on my seatbelt, making a gagging noise in the back of my throat. "No booze today."

She chuckles. "Long night?"

"Just too many drinks with Sophie."

Lara smiles. "I'm glad you're back to your old antics. "

Not exactly.

I smile and look ahead. I don't want Lara to worry.

"Shall we?"

Lara nods, taking me to my favorite restaurant—a greasy spoon that makes the world's best prime rib tip sandwiches.

As soon as the server comes over, we order our usual—a cup of black coffee and scrambled eggs with ham, mushrooms, and cheese.

"We're creatures of habit." I sip my coffee, plenty of cream and sugar.

Lara shrugs. "I know what I like."

I've always admired Lara for that. She's always been pretty self-assured, despite how protected we've been, but I guess, being the youngest, I'm protected on a different level than the rest of my siblings.

Da always said Lara was the most like Ma, and I was the most like him. I guess knowing himself made him all the more overprotective.

Not to mention my two oldest brothers, who haven't taken their eyes off me, especially since I became old enough to date.

"How's it going with Kael?"

I grimace, sipping more coffee while we wait for our food.

"It's going, I guess. He's teaching me some self-defense moves."

Lara raises a groomed eyebrow. "Oh?"

"Just a little."

"Well, that's great, right? Sounds like it isn't as bad as you thought it would be."

"Oh, it is." I roll my eyes. "He never stops teasing me."

She chuckles. "Well, you should've expected that. Kael's always picked on you. If it helps, he used to pick on me too. Called me stork because of my long, skinny legs."

"Jerk."

"He's not so bad." Lara smiles. "He's always been a good friend of the family."

"He's an ass." I shake my head. "How is teasing us all the time ‘not so bad'?" I'm being dramatic again, because if I'm honest, it hasn't been that bad.

Kael teases me, and he's generally a thorn in my side, but he hasn't been cruel. I guess he never was, even when I was younger.

Not that it makes his teasing any better or less annoying. He's still a pain in the ass.

And I'm sure he thinks the same of me.

Lara shrugs. "Hopefully, things will calm down soon."

I'm not very optimistic.

My father and Niall Murphy have been at each other's throats for as long as I can remember. It has been deadly from the get-go, and the fact that even I know that is proof enough that things are not about to ‘calm down' any time soon, regardless of what my sister thinks.

Granted, what started as a forced marriage between Declan and Bree, Niall's daughter, has shaken things up, so whatever misguided hopes that things might get better between both families I might've had before shattered right there and then.

I look at her. "Are you coming to dinner on Sunday?"

"Of course."

"I haven't talked to Da in a few days. I wonder what he's been up to."

"Working." Lara shrugs, munching on her food. "He's been in and out of town for a couple of weeks now. I'm not sure exactly what he's doing, but I figure it has something to do with Murphy. Maybe he's recruiting."

My eyes widen. "It's been a decade since we've hired someone new. Da's always so wary."

Lara shrugs. "All I know is that he's been in Boston, visiting some cousins. He's probably going to bring them over."

It's like he's gathering an army. This is a real war, isn't it?

My throat's tight when I think about it. Not just for me—for all of us.

Da's putting himself in the front lines and pushing us toward the back, and I don't want anything to happen to him.

This is a dangerous game to play.

I should know it, for a few minutes there, I was a pawn in it.

I can only hope and pray that nothing happens to any of my family, and that our men are all as safe as possible.

Lara and I make a day out of our outing. It's rare that we do this anymore, especially after what happened.

Lara grabs my hand and pulls me to the movie theater. "I told you, you need to get out more, so I'm making it a point to be the one to show you a great time."

"You don't have to do that, really. I'm fine."

"Of course, you are. That's why we're making today count. Let's go watch that romantic comedy where some girl's dating her brother's best friend on the downlow. I heard it was fun."

Gross. I mean who would want to date someone who tells everything to your brother?

No, thank you!

That was a longer day than I'd originally intended. I'm beat.

By the time I get home, it's almost eleven at night. I unlock the door, go inside, and head to the living room, hoping to unwind for a bit.

Kael is stretched out on my sectional, snoring softly.

I glance over at him, and it takes me a moment to realize he's not wearing a shirt. Again.

Does he ever wear one inside the house? Because it seems like he doesn't.

Why is that? Is that a man thing or just a Kael thing?

I can't help my eyes roving over his body. His chest broad as it heaves with his slow breathing, his abdominal muscles contracting.

What would they feel like under my fingers? Would he shudder if I ran my hand down them?

Oh, my god, Paige. Stop it .

I shake my head, groaning.

You need to get laid.

But how? How would I even plan something like that?

I was already sheltered before the attack. Now that I'm living with my own watch dog? There's no way I'll ever be able to find someone to lose my virginity with.

And the worst part is, at home, I was always too ashamed to even touch myself. Too self-conscious. And since I moved here, well, let's just say the attack isn't something that put me in the mood.

I've talked about sex. With my sister, with Bree, with Sophie.

Sophie even mentioned her toys, talks about using them .

I pretend I know what she's talking about, but I have no idea.

Sex and orgasms for me are almost like myths. I've heard tales, both amazing and terrifying. But I've never been able to experience either.

Maybe I'm broken. Maybe sex just isn't for me.

But then, why do I want it so much?

I sigh as I walk up the stairs, undressing quickly and plopping in my bed.

It was nice, going out with Lara. I've been cooped up since the attack, and I guess I needed to get out because I do feel better.

Maybe I'll actually be able to sleep tonight.

I close my eyes, praying to be lucky two nights in a row.

Knocking on my door pulls me out of my sleep.

As I rouse, I look up.

Kael stands in the doorway, looking down at me.

"You sleeping?" His voice's husky.

"I was," I grumble, sitting up and wiping my sleepy eyes.

"Sorry." His hand goes to the back of his neck, his eyes on mine. Unwavering. Unrepentant.

As if in slow motion, he approaches my bed and sits down on the end of it, reaching up to grab my ankle.

"I'm sorry I woke you. But I remembered another tip to help you sleep."

He jerks me down the bed, spreading my thighs.

His fingers creep up my thigh, and my brain screams at me to stop him but god, it feels so good.

His fingertips are rough at the edges, and when he slides them through my lower lips, I arch my back, wanting more, wanting something. Needing. Craving. But I have no idea what .

I'm empty, hollow, almost as if waiting for something to fill me.

I can't seem to speak, can't seem to think, and something builds in my lower abdomen, something big and almost scary.

As his touch probes my entrance, my body jolts ? —

I wake up, panting, and it's the middle of the night.

My mouth is dry as dust. My body's still feverish, my stomach tight with arousal.

Was I touching myself in my sleep?

God.

Why does it have to be Kael, of all people?

It has to be because we've been spending so much time together, right?

Because there's no way I really want Kael Sullivan. I don't!

Do I?