Chapter 10

“Everything okay?”I ask Dad once he finally picks up. It’s Saturday morning, and Frankie should’ve been back in Sunny Cove by now. I don’t bother to ask Dad, though. I don’t want him stressing out any more than he already is.

He sighs over the line. “Yeah, but Clementine isn’t doing too good.”

I sit up on my couch and stare at the TV screen, watching my reflection. My hair is up in a messy ponytail, and I’ve still got my pajamas on.

“What’s wrong? Do you need me to fly there? She seemed fine on the phone last night.”

“She doesn’t want to bother you, mija.”

“But she’s not doing well,” I remind him.

“No, she’s taking this trimester harder than she did with Dahlia. More morning sickness and barely sleeping.”

I chew on my lip, thinking of my best friend. I don’t know what to say to make him feel better, I just know that pregnancy can be so different each time.

“I’m sorry, but if you need me to fly there, I will. Just say the word.”

He chuckles. “Te amo, mija. But stay there. I’m trying to be there for her. Work has been kicking my ass lately.”

“Language,” I giggle.

“Lo siento, Rosie.”

“Well, try to be there for her, but also remember that you’re not Superman. You can’t be at two places at once.”

He’s silent for a moment. “Yo se. I can’t do both. Which is why I’ve been thinking of how to navigate the company.”

“Yeah?” I ask, perking up.

He mumbles something before he’s coherent. “Yeah, I’m just hoping that it’s in the right direction. But enough adult business talk. How’s my favorite girl?”

I roll my eyes and laugh. “Dahlia is doing just fine.”

“Rosie,” he chuckles.

“I’m fine, really,” I say. “Work is getting busier, so I’ll be focused on that for the next few months.”

“They pay you well? Benefits? Insurance?”

Typical dad talk. “Sí, todos. They take care of me, and I really like working there.”

“Good, I’m glad. And Frankie, he’s doing okay there?”

I nod, already missing him. “Yeah, I’ve taken him to all my favorite places around my apartment. I’m hoping to take him to Brooklyn and then Queens later on. I know this spring Luisa wants a trip to the Hamptons, so I’ll see if he wants to tag along if he’s not busy with the company.”

“That’ll be nice. I’m sure he’d love that.”

“Mhm, maybe Clementine will be okay to visit, too?” I chew on my lip once more.

There’s noise on the other line, and he sighs. “Hopefully. She deserves that kind of vacation. I’m glad she was able to go this time to see you.”

“Me too,” I smile. “Anyway, I don’t want to take up any more of your time. Give Clem a hug from me and a big kiss to Dally.”

“Will do, princesa. Te amo.”

“Te amo más,” I say before we hang up.

The apartment is quiet this morning as Luisa is still sleeping. I made coffee already, so I plan to let her know once she’s awake.

As if on cue, her bedroom door opens, her hair is disheveled, and her pajamas look like she’s been tossing around all night. Her eyes are half open when she spots me on the couch.

“Good morning,” I say with a bright smile. She squints at me for a moment before smiling.

“Buenos dias, is that cafecito I smell?”

I nod. “Please, help yourself. I heard you got back home really late last night.”

She heads to the kitchen, and I hear her bustling around. Her voice is loud as she answers me. “Yeah, some member wanted the Wisteria room.”

I widen my eyes. Wisteria rooms are for wax play. It always intrigued me, but it also felt like it’d hurt.

“Really? How was it?”

She emerges back into the living room with a cup of coffee and plops down on the couch next to me. After taking a long sip, she exhales and groans. “Fuck, that’s good.” She eyes me. “It went really well, but I think I pulled a muscle in my back.”

“From the wax?” I raise a brow.

Luisa giggles. “Then another member wanted to go to the Rose room.”

Ropes.

“Shit,” I whisper. She nods and smirks.

“It was great until I apparently tried to move my arms in a weird way, and that bent my back in a super odd position.”

I wince. “You’re still going to work tonight?”

“Of course, it’s Game Night.”

I give her a look as she continues to drink. “You need to rest your back.”

She waves me off with her free hand. “I’ll just choose a member with either no charms on their bracelet or a very tame room. We’re supposed to be making the big bucks tonight.”

For some odd fucking reason, my mind drifts to Snakebite. He said he’ll take it slow and so he’ll most likely have one charm that’s a very tame room. Like Bluebell. That’s the room where you use blindfolds. Those are usually where new members go to get a feel of the club.

Sudden possessiveness comes over me for Snakebite. I don’t want Luisa to see his wrist and assume she can take him. Would he even be able to recognize the two of us besides our hair? Would he even care if another girl took him tonight?

Luisa is looking at me with the mug at her lips. I clear my throat. “I might have someone coming tonight for me.”

Her eyes widen. “What?! Really? Is it Frankie? I knew he was into that kinky shit with the way he looks and talked?—”

“No!” I cut her off, completely embarrassed. “Not him. Frankie’s already back in Sunny Cove for some business. There’s someone else that I met at the club.”

“No fucking way. It’s not Reeve, is it?”

I shake my head. “No, no. Someone new. We haven’t even done a room yet, just the private curtain.”

“Wow, taking it slow. I love that. And he’ll be there tonight?”

“Yeah Even River put me on a mission to get to know a member, so I’m doing that.”

She smiles and nudges my shoulder. “That’s amazing, look at you! Do you know what room he might pick?”

“Not at all,” I say with worry laced in my tone. “What if he suddenly wants to do breath play… or even sensory deprivation? Fuck, I don’t think I’m ready for those.” I hang my head and bury my face in my hands.

Luisa laughs. “You’re choosing the charm, remember? And if he wants to take things fast when you just want slow, then you can say no. River will fucking ban the dude if he tries to trick you into one of the more intense rooms.”

She’s right. I look up at her again. “I know, but I guess it’s just nerves talking. I don’t even know if he’ll show. He could very well be setting me up to be essentially stood up.”

Kind of like Frankie and how he should be back in Sunny Cove when I thought I’d be able to distract myself after Snakebite. I was hoping we’d be able to get lunch tomorrow if tonight sucked.

“Don’t wrap yourself up with this member. They’re nice and have money, but don’t rely on them for your happiness. Okay? I don’t want to see you hurt over that. They’re not worth it if they take your peace of mind away.”

I look down at my lap, and Luisa scooches closer on the couch, placing her mug on the coffee table. I don’t know how to respond to that. I definitely let Snakebite take my feelings and wrap them in a box with a pretty bow on top. I’m letting him control how I’m feeling, as much as I hate it.

“I just don’t want to disappoint him or get disappointed.”

She scoffs. “If anything, he’d be the disappointment by not showing. If he can’t see that, then it’s his loss and you’ll move on to the next member. He’s not the end all be all, he’s simply a transaction. You have to remember that while working.”

I lean into her as she pulls me in for a side hug. I rest my head on her shoulder and change the subject. “You don’t think I look too bloated in that corset? Or that silk dress I bought the other day? I was hoping to wear the dress and then that sparkly red garter. No tights this time. I want to feel my best.”

She’s silent for a moment as she takes in my words. “No, not at all. Is that what you’re really worried about, babe? How you look?”

Tears brim my eyes, and I don’t know why everything seems to be crashing onto me at once.

“I just want to feel good enough. Not just for him but for myself.”

I don’t want to admit to her that since I last saw Frankie, I’m starting to spiral again into deeper waters with my eating disorder. I haven’t eaten since last night, and I know I should at least have something in my stomach before tonight.

“You are enough. You’re more than enough, and if they can’t see it, then fuck them.” Luisa squeezes me again.

As if on cue, my stomach growls, and Luisa pulls back. “Let’s get something to eat, yeah? My treat.”

I look at her for a moment, not wanting to ruin the moment by saying no. But I need to do better. I have to yell at these destructive thoughts that are making me doubt myself. Doubt everything.

I nod slowly. “Sure, that’d be nice.”

She pats my knee. “Alright, let’s get all dolled up and pretty. And then we can go to work together, okay?”

“Okay,” I respond softly. She gets up from the couch and grabs her mug before disappearing into the kitchen. I grab my phone and head to my bedroom to get ready. A shower would do me good. And food. Definitely need some food in me, like Luisa suggested, or else tonight might turn out much differently than what I expect.

Passing out due to lack of food isn’t on my agenda for tonight. Work takes a lot of energy out of me, and I can’t risk it.

As I get my things ready for the shower, the whole routine shower, I might add, I open my phone and click the text message thread with Frankie. The last message he sent me was from yesterday.

Frankie

Here’s the photo that jogger took of us. We look great. Especially you, Rosalía.

Attachment: 1 image

I stare at the picture once more. The way my leg is lifted and he’s holding my body as we’re both leaning toward the rocks. It looks like a damn coordinated couples photoshoot with the way we’re holding each other, and he’s burying his face into my neck while I’m laughing. We look cute. Real.

I haven’t responded to the message yet, unsure how to reply to that. My neck tingles like a phantom feeling of where he bit me that day. My stomach flutters with the reminder of what happened.

How I wanted more to happen, but then he had to leave.

It’s funny how I’m slowly starting to get to know a member at the club, and then I have moments like this with Frankie. My body doesn’t seem to know what to do with all these pheromones.

I quickly save the photo into my camera roll, and my fingers work quicker than my brain as it clicks the three dots and then sets the picture as the wallpaper.

My eyes glance over the wallpaper. The photo lights the screen up, and I can’t stop staring. The way he’s holding me.

What are we doing? We could never be anything.

I shake those thoughts away and head to the bathroom to shower, not wanting to think about the two men anymore. Snakebite and Frankie.

How did I get myself into this position with these two men?