Chapter 18

CHAPTER 18

IZZY

W hen we walk into the parking lot, I immediately spot his muscle car. "You brought the Charger!"

"I did, wildcat. And I'm going to teach you how to drive it today," Luca tells me as we walk to his car. When we reach it, he leans against the Charger with a half smile.

"What?! No way!" I exclaim as I bounce on my toes in excitement. I'm practically jumping up and down, I'm so stoked. Turning to Luca with a stupid grin on my face, I hug him. One of his arms wraps around my lower back. He cups the back of my neck with his other hand.

After a moment, I step back from the hug I liked way too much. My cheeks are slightly pink with embarrassment at initiating another hug. I don't hug people unless I'm under duress. I don't know what's gotten into me, but I don't like it.

"I haven't seen you like this before."

"Like what?" I ask, peering up at him through my blonde lashes.

"I don't know. Carefree? Happy, maybe?" The earlier laughter has been wiped from Luca's face. He's staring down at me pensively, seeing way more than I want him to.

"You can thank Michael Westen for it," I tell him flippantly, trying to distract him from thinking about why I don't seem upbeat or relaxed most of the time. I don't need the wolf digging into my life and discovering everything I'm trying to hide to keep him safe.

It works. "Who the fuck is that?" Luca rumbles. He straightens from his perch against the car and advances on me. I stand my ground and refuse to back up. Tilting my chin up, I meet his burning blue eyes. I'm proud of myself that I don't even flinch at the rage I find in his gaze.

"Calm down, wolf boy. He's fictional. He's the main character from the show I like and the reason I think Chargers are super cool."

When Luca realizes that Michael Westen isn't my boyfriend or fuck buddy, he backs up a step. He closes his eyes for a moment. He runs his hands through his short hair before his bright ocean eyes snap open. "Your mouth is going to get you in trouble one of these days, wildcat."

I can't help the laugh that bubbles up at his comment. "It gets me in trouble on the regular."

The corners of Luca's mouth twitch up briefly before he shuts down his grin. Turning away from me, he opens the passenger side car door for me. "Get in."

"I thought I was driving?"

Luca huffs a laugh. "You'll drive when we're somewhere you can't drive the Charger into anything."

"Oh. Good thinking." With how not coordinated I am, there's a huge chance I would drive the muscle car into something else in this parking lot. I climb into the passenger seat and admire the buttery soft leather. Even with it being white, the leather is in pristine condition. It's clear Luca takes great care of this beauty.

Once Luca and I are all buckled up, he pulls out of the parking lot. We drive while listening to his music without speaking for a few minutes before I can't take the awkwardness anymore. "How'd you become alpha so young?" I blurt out.

Luca flicks his gaze to me before darting it back to the road. "My parents were killed five years ago. One of my dads was the previous alpha. When they were killed in a vampire attack, Archer, Cain, and I had to step up to lead the pack."

"Shit, man. I'm sorry." I wince at how sarcastic I sound. While I meant it sincerely, it comes across flippantly. I'm the worst at emotions and dealing with other people having feelings.

He barks out a startled laugh. "Bishop was right, wildcat. You sure do have a way with words."

We're at a stoplight, so I twist in my seat to look at him. "I really am sorry, Luca. On top of losing your parents, which is a pain I can't even begin to imagine, you had to take on so much responsibility. I know how easy it is to be crushed and broken by everything that's expected of you. Taking on leading a whole pack isn't easy, and, from everything I've heard, you do a great job."

"I knew what you meant, Izzy," Luca tells me as he watches me. His eyes soften at what he sees on my face before he has to turn back to driving. "What responsibilities weigh on you?"

"Nice try, wolf boy." I know when someone's fishing for information. Everything that feels like it's trying to bury me under six feet of concrete is exactly what I can't talk to him about. To distract him, I ask him something else. "Is the vampire attack why your pack got into assassination and arms dealing?"

Luca's head whips around to face me before he quickly jerks his gaze back to the road. "Yes, it is. How do you even know that, wildcat? Our side activities aren't well known."

"Oh. Huh. I thought everyone knew of your shady, back-room, blood-money dealings. I probably heard it from Rhys or Aiden." Luca scowls at me for how I label his pack's illegal activities. I smile at getting a rise out of the serious wolf.

"How do they know?"

"Probably from their work at the security company." Rhys and Bishop are part owners of their mage security and intelligence business. They started it with two other friends straight out of college. Logan and Declan, the other owners, are pretty chill. It's doing decently well, if how many employees they have is any indication.

"Which one?"

"Elemental Security." I think it's a cheeky as hell name because most mages have an affinity for one of the elements. It sounds normal enough not to draw human attention but mage enough to attract the right kind of business.

Luca's eyes widen comically when I tell him the security company name. I manage to hold back my laugh at his shock. "Fucking hell. I didn't realize your brothers worked for them. No wonder they knew."

"They don't work for them. Well, Aiden does, but Bishop and Rhys own it. Are they a big deal or something?"

Luca chokes on his spit. He turns to me with his eyebrows practically at his hairline. "They're the best supernatural security and intelligence operation on the East Coast, wildcat. No wonder Bishop is so good at what he does." He mutters the last part to himself.

"Really? I thought they weren't very good because they have me help out sometimes." My brothers and Bishop hate when I come on their super-secret spy missions, but my skills are sometimes needed. Anya whips me up disguise potions, so no one other than my brothers and Bishop know it's me.

"They let you go on operations?" Luca growls, hands white knuckling the steering wheel. His eyes flash the amber of his wolf as they bounce between the road and my face. "That's dangerous."

I snort. Going on missions with Rhys and Bishop is probably the least dangerous thing I do. Since I'm in disguise, I can use my magic to defend myself. Hell, being at school is more hazardous for my health than the security work I do. "Yes, wolf boy, I go on missions when my particular skills are necessary."

"What skills are those?" Luca pulls into an empty parking lot in front of an abandoned building. He turns to look at me fully as soon as he puts the car in park.

"Ones I can't tell you about." I studiously avoid his eyes that remind me of the sea glass I used to collect as a kid.

"Is your work with Elemental Security why you've killed someone before?" Luca asks gently.

I close my eyes at his question and lean my head against the seat. "I've killed people on missions, but they don't bother me as much." I don't know why I'm shocked when these wolves ask me about it, but I am. I've thought more about that day in the past week than I have in ten years.

"As what?" Luca prods.

I just shake my head in answer, not having the words or will to talk about it with him. I've never talked about it with anyone.

Will what I did ever stop hurting this much? Not that I deserve to escape the pain, but, fuck, do I want to. I throw my arm over my eyes, trying to hide my sorrow. I haven't had the luxury of showing my emotions since I became an outcast. Showing them what hurts me just allows them to hurt me worse.

Maybe being emotional will scare him off, which only makes me feel worse. My shoulders shake from trying to contain my feelings.

Fuck my life. I really can't win today.

Luca is silent for a moment before he gets out of the car. I figure he needs time away from my emotional ass. Only, seconds later, Luca is at my door, opening it.

"Stand up," Luca orders. I'm too busy hating myself to protest, so I do as he tells me to. When I'm out of the car, Luca grabs me under my ass and hauls me up. My arms and legs automatically wrap around the big wolf. I lay my head on his massive shoulder, hiding my face in his neck.

Luca holds me the entire time I try to battle back my emotions. While one of his hands is banded under my thighs as support, his other one is tangled in my hair. He runs his fingers through the strands soothingly. His gentleness surprises me. I didn't know he was capable of tenderness like this, which makes sense. I barely know the guy.

When I no longer feel on the verge of crying and my breathing evens out, Luca murmurs into my hair, "I don't know what you've been through, wildcat, but it's obvious it was traumatic. You don't have to talk to me, but you need to talk to someone about it. You can't keep it inside forever. It'll destroy you, slowly smothering your spark until there's nothing of you left."

I don't know what to say to him, because he's right. It doesn't matter, though. I can't put my well-being above everyone else's. "I have to keep it inside. That's the only way everyone will be safe."

I try to get out of his hold to escape this conversation, but his arms are like iron bands holding me in place. Luca eventually lets me slide down his body.

When I'm on my feet, he stares at me for a long moment. Instead of pushing me to tell him, Luca throws the keys at me. I snatch them out of the air. I'm not sure what surprises me more, me being coordinated enough to catch the keys or Luca not pressing me for answers.

Luca doesn't give me time to dwell on it. "Come on, wildcat. Time for your driving lesson."