Don’t Threaten Me With A Good Time

J asper insisted we set this damn ceremony up in the most formal, ridiculous way possible. I have no idea where the fuck Zav got all the shit to have it so quickly, but the Kitsuné are a resourceful species. Paired with his demon side and off-the-charts smarts, I guess he was the best candidate for the job. X and I got tasked with the atmosphere once we had the supplies—not surprising, either. What made me arch one of my perfectly sculpted brows was the heated discussion our fearless leader and his general had in the corner—it was obviously contentious.

By the time we finished the set-up, the room looked sufficiently like a human horror movie set with Satanists and witches. It’s a bit much, honestly, but our Prince wants to terrify the plucky new kid. Nothing here will harm Kit, which was X’s biggest concern. He might punch Jasper when we’re done—and I’d pay to see that—but nothing he planned will scar his psyche. I think that’s what Slash was arguing with the dumbass about, and I’m glad he won.

“We’re ready,” I say as I poke my head out the door to look at Kit as he sits with Salem and Oriel. They each glare at me and I hold my hands up as Kit rises to join me at the door to the altar room. “Stop acting like this was my idea, assholes.”

Kit sighs, patting Salem on the arm. “It’s okay, guys. Anton isn’t to blame for this spectacle.”

How did he know?

I must look shocked, because the dude grins and shrugs. “How could it not be some convoluted bullshit that’s far more intricate than necessary? Prince Prickface wants to punish me, and he’s making all of you take part. I’ll take my lumps like a good…boy… and then maybe he’ll leave me the fuck alone.”

The stutter makes me blink, but everyone’s anxiety is different. Not knowing what is in store for him is probably excruciating, and I don’t blame the guy for having brain blips. As he passes by me, I feel a ‘plink’ on my shirt, and my mouth drops open. Kit’s little rat threw a seed at me and it definitely has a smug expression on its face. “What the…”

“Not on the inside yet, dude,” Salem says with a chuckle. “Dottie’s very protective of her owner. At least you didn’t get that stuck up your nose.”

I shudder, backing away a little to give the beast a wide berth. “Good to know.”

“Come on, man, just take us to the big room and let’s get this over with,” Oriel grumbles as he follows behind Kit. “We know Jas has some ridiculous shit planned, and it’s going to piss everyone off, so let’s get it over with.”

Stopping at the double doors to the main area, I pause, hoping to figure out what I can warn the guy about without Jasper freaking out. “Just know that this isn’t how it’s done anymore, and there’s a reason it’s being done this way today.”

“No shit, Anton. It’s because your Prince is a fucking psycho,” Kit retorts drily. “Open the doors. I’m as ready as I ever will be.”

I nod, tugging the huge wood and iron door open to reveal the dark rooms full of candles. We set the corners, the circle, the pentagram, and the normal trappings first, but that’s where normalcy ended. Jasper insisted on turning the room into a dank cave of mystery with skulls and horned imagery Zav pulled out of storage in the basement. There are incense burners hanging all over, emanating spicy scents like basil, amber, musk, frankincense, myrrh, and mastic. It’s over the top, especially since the last time we did this as a group, it was in a fucking locker room in elementary school.

The place smelled like dirty gym shorts, and it worked just fine.

“Enter, supplicant,” Jasper says from beneath the stupid robe he’s got everyone wearing. “But know that…”

Kit snorts, covering his mouth for a second as he gets a grip on himself. “Fucking Christ, man. Tell me you don’t have ‘ spes omnes relinquite, o vos intrantes ? 1 ’ in your speech or I’m gonna have a real hard time keeping a straight face.”

“You speak Latin?”

That voice comes from under the hood with black lace quickly glued on it, so I know it’s my Xerxes. His excitement makes my lips curve up despite the ridiculous situation the Prince has us in. I bet his question has more to do with Drama Club than this nightmare.

“I do not,” our new inductee says flatly. “But I definitely know Dante’s Inferno, and one ex-family member was Catholic, soooo…”

Everyone pauses for a moment as that admission hangs in the air. Even Jasper didn’t think to ask because obviously, Kit is here in Hell , but maybe someone needs to pose the question. Before I can open my mouth, Salem grabs his hand and blurts, “They didn’t baptize you, right?”

“Uh, no. Why?”

Jasper flips his hood off, his face a mask of fury that his dry ice filled fever dream is ruined. “Because, you little twerp, if you were, this would really fucking hurt. It wouldn’t kill you, but you’d be sorry for quite a while.”

“I told you we rushed this,” Slash mutters as he pulls his hood off as well. “Zav couldn’t find?—”

“I can find anything. There’s something very wrong with his files. We all know what I found and?—”

“ Excuse me!” The in-fighting stops and all eyes fall on the rumpled guy standing in the middle of the circle, looking ready to stab the next person who speaks. “I don’t care about any of that. I wasn’t baptized—probably good if you assholes think I’m a demon—and I have no idea why whatever file Zavida is looking for is hard to find. What I know is that I want this damn ceremony over with so I can go back to my room and be left alone .”

Blinking, I stop forward, hoping to press pause on #TeamJasper before they start again. “Kit is right. It’s getting late, the set-up took forever, and it’s been a long day. Let’s do this shit.”

“These capes are hot as fuck,” X says and we all know that’s their way of agreeing.

“Fine!” The Prince says, throwing his hands up. “Kneel in the middle of the circle, Kit. Close your eyes and place your hands palms up in front of you.”

“Uh, fuck no , because that sounds like the start of some terrible frat prank that will go very wrong.”

The dragon growls and looks at the rest of us impatiently. “One of you, please help me. For fuck’s sake, we’re never getting out of here.”

“Look, you damn diva, I wasn’t?—”

Oriel walks into the circle, putting his hand on Kit’s shoulder. I frown, because that’s two of them who seem to be allowed to invade his space without the slightest reprimand. “Kit Kat, we won’t let him do something awful. That really is how it starts.”

He looks up at the crow shifter, gauging his face before sighing. “Fine. Here I go, making a Pretty Woman- sized mistake simply because I want to sleep on that damn cloud you rich dicks called a mattress.”

“Do the chanting and shit, Jas. Get this over with,” Slash commands as he rocks from foot to foot.

Sharks don’t like to stay still, and all.

“ Hac nocte portam lunae aperimus. ? 2 ” Jasper’s voice is powerful as he holds his hand up to the open ceiling to look at the pitch black night. “Sub Regis oculo Sanguinis, Ossa, Cineres, et Flammae, sanguinem novum tenebris deferimus. ? 3 ”

I can see Kit trembling as he listens, but the booming Latin sounds scarier than it is. Finally, Jasper asks who presents the new blood to the gate, and we all respond. “ Caliphatem Principum et Furum facimus. ? 4 ”

“Be nice if I fucking knew what anyone was saying,” Kit mutters, but he keeps his eyes closed.

“Quiet,” the Prince growls before starting again. “State your name, supplicant.”

“I can’t very well state my name and be quiet. I don’t know sign language, Jasper Eversore.”

Salem and Oriel have to cover their mouths as they snicker and even Slash has the hint of a grin on his face when our leader stomps his foot like a kid.

“Don’t ruin this or I swear I’ll…”

“What? You’ll what? Refuse to let me in the ‘Ancient Society of No Homers’? Be fucking for real,” Kit says as he stays perfectly still in the position we asked him to. When no one answers, he sighs heavily. “ Fine . My name is Kit Camponella and I’m super excited to join the Rancho Carne Toros! Go Toros!”

“Lucifer’s sweaty ball sack, I didn’t think I could like this guy anymore, but now…” X leans in to whisper in my ear and I bite my lower lip.

Yep, I definitely have to get to know Kit better. I see where this is headed.

“Are you done with the smart mouth, human? Because we could have finished already if you weren’t determined to be a smart assed little shit.”

I’m pretty sure if his eyes weren’t closed, Kit would roll them. Regardless, he zips his lips as he waits for our dramatic royal to continue. Salem is holding the familiar, and I have to admit, it’s kind of cute to see the little thing perched on his enormous bulk.

“This step requires you to repeat after me. It’s in Latin and it has to be, so if you’re worried about translation… it means you swear loyalty above all others to the caliphate and no matter what, you will strive to ensure the happiness and safety of your brothers for all eternity.”

“Someone who speaks Latin give me a clue if he’s lying about that?” Kit says and Salem grunts his response. “Thanks. Go ahead.”

“ Testor fidem fratribus, caliphate nostro, corde et mente, in eternum. ? 5 ”

“You’re good,” Salem says softly.

Kit repeats the phrase almost perfectly, and it makes me grin. There’s definitely more in him than a fragile human, even if he isn’t ready to admit that yet. He’s struggled a little since he arrived here, but not like he should have if that were the case. The air alone should have had him coughing and wheezing, but other than his anxiety and PTSD, the kid’s right as rain.

“ Tenebrae factae sumus omnes, quae pandimus in umbris. Ut in unum, extendemus potestatem nostram ad omnes mundi angulos prout intendimus. ? 6 ”

“Still okay,” Oriel interjects. “It’s the whole made of darkness, spread it around shit.”

His lips purse for a second, but our new initiate repeats the phrase. The floor shakes as he finishes and I flash a concerned look at Jasper. He’s not paying attention, though, because the dumbass is half-shifting. I don’t know if he meant to or not, but that question is answered when Slash lets out a snarl as his body gets bigger and his massive set of teeth drop in his mouth.

Shit.

“Maybe we should…”

“ Virtus omnis lapsae per venas fluitant Donec desinat tempus. Sanguine signamus hunc daemonium nobis; in perpetuum teneamur! ? 7 ”

Neither of my brothers give Kit the go ahead because they’re busy dealing with feathers and a poofy tail, so I look over at X, but they’re similarly afflicted. The soft hiss of their cobra lets me know I don’t have long, so I yell, “Go, Kit!”

I barely get the words out before my tail feathers sprout and my body forces me to half-shift into my demon hybrid form. We all have three forms and I have no idea how much Kit was told about us, so I worry that he’s going to lose his shit when this is over. Unfortunately, none of us seem to have control over it, and that’s immensely bad.

No sooner than the words leave his mouth, it’s like someone yanked the poor guy off the ground by a string. He’s suspended in air, legs akimbo and palms still up when a bolt of magic pulses through the opening in the ceiling. My eyes cut to the others and we all stare with jaws slack as Kit crackles with the energy like he’s a fucking X-man. The room is silent for a brief second, then a loud roar echoes through the room and a light so blinding I can’t keep my eyes open fills the altar chamber.

That can’t be good.

I pick myself up off the ground, groaning in pain as I dust the debris off of me. The first thing I do is check for the rest of our caliphate—but the bond is intact. In fact, I’d almost say it’s stronger , which is odd. X grunts and I reach down to help them up carefully. We’re all still half-shifted and I have no idea what happened after the bright light, so I don’t even know how long we’ve been out.

“Fuck me,” Jasper mutters as he flicks his tail behind him in irritation.

“How ‘bout you go fuck yourself, dickwad?”

The sound of Kit’s voice makes me let out an enormous sigh of relief, but I don’t know where he is. Leaving Xerxes to get Zav on his feet, I stride over to an immense pile of rubble that is shifting slowly. Motherfucker, that pile could kill a skinny dude like him. “Salem, Slash, get the hell over here.”

The two huge idiots lumber over pretty quickly once it occurs to them why I’m yelling. Both pick up rocks, hurling them aside as we dig through the mess to find our newest member. When we finally get to the bottom, I can’t help it—I literally fucking choke.

Kit Camponella is lying there covered in dust, ash, blood, and injuries, but that’s only because he has patches of scales that have appeared on his skin.

He’s definitely going to lose his shit; I was right.

1 ? abandon all hope ye who enter here.

2 ? Tonight, under the moon’s light, we open the gate.

3 ? Under the eye of the King of Blood, Bones, Ash, and Flames, we bring new blood to the darkness.

4 ? We do, the caliphate of Princes and Thieves.

5 ? I swear fealty to my brothers, our caliphate, in both heart and mind, for all eternity.

6 ? We are all made of the darkness that unfolds in the shadows. As one, we will spread our power to all corners of the universe as intended.

7 ? May the power of the fallen and all his children flow through our veins until time stops. With blood, we seal this demon to us; forever may we be bound as one.