48. Tessa

48

Tessa

T he sun is almost up and I've barely slept a wink. First, Harry woke me up. Then the whole thing with Madden and Cin happened.

Cin took me back to Madden's room to clean up. I think he wanted me to sleep in Madden's bed, but then Kade showed up. As soon as I heard his voice, I knew something had happened. He wouldn't have arrived in the middle of the night for no good reason.

I'm lucky he didn't turn up earlier, or he would have walked in on a very interesting scene. I can't even begin to imagine the fallout if he had.

But that's not my concern right now. Not the biggest one, anyway.

I can scarcely believe Enzo is dead.

My head is fucked.

I probably should be upset that Enzo, the father of my children, is dead, but I feel absolutely nothing at all. Is that awful? What kind of sociopath gives no shits if her partner is murdered?

Probably the sort of woman who features heavily in Netflix True Crime documentaries like 'Women Who Kill'.

Maybe this is what shock feels like. Or maybe I'm relieved that Enzo is dead because he put me in danger and if Kade hadn't shown up when he did I'd likely be locked up in Sergei Mashkov's basement. Or worse.

It's kinda hard to feel bad that my asshole ex is dead when he nearly got me killed.

I'm more upset about the thought of telling Harry his father is dead. It's not a conversation I thought we'd need to have.

Maybe there is a book on Amazon I can order, to help me explain in a way a four-year-old will understand? Then again, perhaps not. I can't imagine there is much call for books to help a parent explain to their kid how and why the other parent was murdered.

I'm still surprised Kade drove all this way to tell me in person. I'd have expected him to inform Madden and leave him to pass on the good news.

Madden seemed different last night, or more accurately, this morning. Softer, less gruff, and cold. The memory of his arms around me, when my legs threatened to fold, sends a warm shiver through my body.

A body that's still thrumming with lust from the unexpected threesome. It's official: I'm a thirsty bitch in need of a cold shower.

Chloe stirs in her cot and a few minutes later, she pulls herself up, rubbing her eyes.

"Mama!"

Great. The only thing that's going to get me through today is coffee.

Lots of it.

Kade looks even worse than me when I stumble through into the kitchen, urgently seeking coffee.

"Have you slept?" I ask. Harry is in the small room now, which only leaves the sofa.

"Kind of. I grabbed a couple of hours."

"I'm sorry," I tell him, feeling like it's my fault, but he shakes his head dismissively.

"I'll be fine."

He sits drinking coffee and staring at his phone while I putter around in the kitchen, preparing Chloe's breakfast. Buttons appears wagging her tail, excited to see Kade, and I push her outside to pee before she makes a mess on the kitchen floor. Harry toddles in not long after, his PJs on inside out and his hair sticking up all over the place.

"Kade!" he yells. "Have you come to see Mommy?"

Kade looks uncomfortable, and I realize I need to tell Harry about his father before he starts asking questions none of us can answer without lying.

"Yeah," Kade replies, pasting a fake smile on his face. "And Buttons."

"Cool! Buttons is allowed to sleep on my bed now. Mommy says she'll protect me if Daddy Enzo tries to take me away again." He pulls himself up onto a chair and reaches for the glass of orange juice I place in front of him. "I don't want Daddy Enzo to take me away from Mommy. He's a bad daddy."

My heart breaks in two and as much as I'm a little bit sad that Enzo got murdered, I'm also glad he can no longer hurt our son.

Kade says nothing more. He finishes his coffee and disappears. Once the kids have eaten and I've cleaned up, I put Chloe on the rug in the living room with some toys and sit on the sofa with Harry.

"Baby, I need to talk to you about Daddy."

My son looks up at me with wide, worried eyes. "Is Daddy going to take me away?" His lip wobbles.

"No baby. I have something sad to tell you. Daddy won't be coming back again because he died last night."

"He's in heaven with the angels now?"

"Yes." Harry crawls onto my lap and snuggles against my breasts. He smells of soap and puppy. Buttons must pick up on his mood because she scrabbles up and pushes her way between us, licking Harry's face.

"It's OK to be sad, baby. I'm sad too." I'm not sad, but Harry doesn't need to know that.

"Daddy can't hurt me or Chloe or you if he's in heaven." I always believed I had protected Harry from the worst of our arguments, the times when Enzo hit me, but now I'm not so sure.

"No, he can't hurt us now." Harry doesn't say anything else for a while. He just cuddles me and Buttons while chewing on his fingers.

"Can I watch TV?"

"For a little while, then we'll take Buttons outside and teach her to fetch. OK?"

"OK." He scoots off me and finds the TV show he wants to watch on the menu, leaving me feeling utterly drained.

Enzo is dead. Mashkov has flown to Europe. Nothing is keeping me here now. As far as I can tell, the threat level has gone from DEFCON 2 to DEFCON 4. Or the equivalent.

I'm not an idiot, and I am fully cognizant that if someone wants to kidnap and use me as leverage against my father, they will.

However, I refuse to hide away in this house for the rest of my life. Harry is supposed to start kindergarten next week. If I leave now, I can find somewhere to stay, maybe in a cheap hotel, and then get him settled in while I look for an affordable apartment.

Leaving the guys won't be easy. Having them around me 24/7 has started to feel normal. Madden has mostly stayed out of my way but Cin is in my face all day every day. He loves to help with the kids and it's been a real plus having him there. Harry in particular has formed a bond with my flirty bodyguard.

He's really going to miss Cin.

Me too.

But no matter how much I love being here, it's not a long-term solution. These guys have a life. A business. And I don't fit in their world.

Being here is like being on vacation, an escape from reality, and like any vacation, it has to come to an end. It will be a wrench leaving, but I have to put Harry first.

My biggest hurdle is getting Kade to listen. The man is more stubborn than a fucking mule.

He stares at me like I'm insane as I outline the reasons why I need to go back to the city.

"No."

"Excuse me?"

"No, Tessa. It's still not safe."

"And when will it be safe? When my father is six feet under and I'm in Sunshine Lodge Assisted Living?"

His jaw clenches.

"Harry is supposed to start kindergarten soon!"

Kade grinds his teeth some more but still isn't moved. And I'm officially done with this shit.

"OK, fine. I'll call an Uber."

"Oh for fuck's sake, Tessa! You need somewhere to stay for starters, unless you're planning on booking a suite at the Four Seasons. Oh, wait. You won't use Daddy's credit card, so maybe not."

Anger and frustration swirl between us threaded with the ever-present sexual tension that I can't ignore. I can't decide if I want to punch him in the face or fuck him.

"Don't be an asshole, Kade. I'm not completely broke. I can afford to find temporary accommodation." OK, so I don't exactly have much cash, but what I do have will stretch to a cheap room somewhere.

"And what about Buttons? How many places do you think will accept a dog?"

Fuck. He has a good point. I hadn't considered Buttons. For a brief moment I debate leaving her with the guys, but scratch that idea immediately. Harry would go ballistic if she didn't come with us. I can't do that to him. Not straight after telling him his father died.

"Tessa, I get it, I really do." Kade sighs and I feel bad for acting like a bitch when all he's trying to do is keep us safe. "If you're that determined to go back, let me talk to your father and see if we can figure something out."