35. Tessa

35

Tessa

T he stupid credit card my dad sent with Kade taunts me. I hate that he thinks he can buy my love when all I ever wanted was a father who was present. A father who soothed my tears, tucked me up in bed at night and attempted to fill the hole left by my dead mother.

Instead, I got the mafia boss who prioritized his business family over his actual family, as if the money he makes and the men who work for him are more important than his daughter.

At least my half-sister, Marie, was lucky enough to escape the bullshit. Her mother had the good sense to walk away while she was pregnant because she wanted nothing to do with the mafia life.

Marie grew up in suburbia with a nice, safe stepfather who loved her as his own. They're not stupidly wealthy like my father, but they are comfortable. Marie had the life I wanted, but I don't hate her.

Not at all. Once I found out she existed, we worked hard to build a sisterly bond. She may be my half-sister, but even if she wasn't I'd still count her as one of my tribe, just like Stella and her guys.

Given the state of my fucked up life, I need all the friends I can get.

Harry sits on the bed in his PJs, fresh from the tub, reading a book. Or pretending to read it. He recognizes some words on the page, but we have some work to do before he can read independently. I guess now we're stuck here, I can devote some time to teaching him how to read and some basic number work. It doesn't look like he'll be starting kindergarten now.

"D-o-g," he says.

"Dog," I prompt. Chloe has fallen asleep in my arms and I need to put her to bed, but moving feels like a step too far. The high of last night has long since faded and I'm feeling jaded.

The whole day has been weird. Cin can't keep his eyes - or hands - off me, which has at least reassured me last night wasn't a pity fuck. Well, not a fuck, exactly, but it would have been if he'd wanted to fuck. There's no way I'd have turned him down. Not after the amazing orgasm he gave me.

All day we've been dancing around each other. Stolen glances, and small touches when he passes me. I've caught Madden staring at us a few times. I think he suspects something happened, although he hasn't said anything.

To me, at least.

He might have spoken to Cin.

Honestly, I'm so confused.

Last night cemented the fact Madden and Cin have a situationship going on. Madden seemed to hint that he wanted me to be a part of it, yet in the cold light of day, I'm second-guessing everything. Clearly, Cin wants me, but if he and I start a thing, where does that leave Madden?

I feel like screaming at the walls. This shit takes me back to High School when I spent way too much time overthinking whether boys liked me, I liked them, or they liked my friends more than me...UGH.

I'm too old for this shit. At least with Enzo, I knew exactly how things stood. He was an asshole, and I tolerated it for the sake of our children.

"Mommy, can you read the rest to me?" Harry pushes the book at me and lies down. I shove the mess in my head to one side and begin reading.

When I walk into the kitchen for a drink and see the state of Cin, my jaw drops. He's covered in bruises and his eye is purple and swollen. What the fuck happened while I was with the kids?

He and Madden are chatting in low voices. They instantly stop talking the moment I appear, so I figure I am the topic of conversation.

"Something you'd like to share with me, boys?"

Cin's eyebrows shoot up in surprise. He's not used to snarky me. I've kept that side well hidden since I've been here.

"No," Madden replies. "Kade is still looking for Ferrero and Mashkov is currently out of the country."

"Does this mean it's safe for me to go back now?" I perk up at the thought.

Madden grimaces. "No, definitely not. Mashkov may not be around, but we can't guarantee your safety until Kade finds Ferrero and talks to him."

My shoulders slump as I picture my future disappearing once again. Not that I dislike being here with the guys. I like it more than I should, but it's a temporary solution, not a permanent one.

There's no school here for Harry, for one thing, which is my primary concern at the moment. Well, aside from fearing for my life. And also, it's not my home, even if it's beginning to feel a lot like home.

"So I can't leave?"

"Do you want to leave? Cin asks, looking affronted.

My heart squeezes in my chest at the thought he might actually give a shit, but I squash the little spark of joy from his words before it catches fire and burns me.

While Cin might want to fuck me, I'm not deluded enough to think he cares about more than sex. He's a fuckboy and I'm convenient. Kade made that quite clear the night he warned me away from his brother.

"Of course. Harry needs to start kindergarten and I have a life." A shit one, admittedly, but I miss being able to visit Stella and the guys.

"If Kade can find Ferrero, we'll consider letting you return to the city. But for now, you need to stay here."

I contemplate letting them know I already spoke to Enzo, then decide it would be a stupid idea. Firstly, Kade would lose his shit because I did the one thing he told me not to, and secondly, if they know that Mashkov already knew who I was, I'll never be allowed to leave.

And as much as I know they're only trying to keep me safe, I can't stay here forever.