Chapter Seven

CHAPTER SEVEN

Val

I wonder if anyone can tell I'm different. Not that a scorching kiss on the tailgate of a hot boy's truck should've changed me, but it did. Last night I stayed up, thinking about what it would feel like for him to kiss other parts of my body, rather than just my lips.

According to my parents I should be going to hell. Vaughn and I aren't engaged, we aren't married, and there is no guarantee we'll be spending any more time together.

"Did you have fun last night? I didn't see you after Vaughn drug you off the dance floor."

It's five am, a little too early to be telling Gabby about the dreams I had last night, but she's one of the best friends I've ever had. In fact, before Vaughn, she was the only friend I had. "I did, we went outside."

We're standing next to her, and I can literally feel her gaze on me, she wants to ask. I'm not sure if I'm comfortable enough to offer. As we work in silence, I'm rolling it over and over in my head if I want to confide in her. Right as I'm deciding, she turns to me.

"Did Vaughn do anything you didn't want him to do? You don't have to tell me everything if you don't want to, but I do realize you're pretty sheltered. I'll have a talk with him if he went too far."

My chest warms. My own mother never even cared enough to say these words to me. She never asked me if I was okay with what was happening in our home. I was developing as a woman, getting a chest, a roundness to my hips, and I noticed men within our family unit look at me in ways that made me uncomfortable. Vaughn has never made me feel that way. I want him to look at me, want to learn what pleases him, and figure out what does the same for me too. "He didn't." I finally answer. "He kissed me, but only because I asked him to."

She slams her hand down on the counter. "What? Vaughn kissed you?" She squeals. "How was it?"

I lift one shoulder up. "I don't have a whole lot to compare it to, but I liked it."

"You don't have to compare it. All it has to do is give you butterflies. Did it do that?"

I nod, pressing my lips together. "It did. It was the first kiss I ever had."

"Did he slip a little tongue?" She giggles.

I laugh right back. "No, but I wanted him to. I didn't know how to tell him, though."

Gabby puts the dough we've been working with on the counter, turns to me, and grabs my hands in hers. She takes me back to a table we have in what we've jokingly called the break room, and has a seat. "I'm going to offer you some advice. You might not want it, but because of your limited experience, I want to help you. Can I do that?"

"Please." I lean forward, wishing I could get her to speak faster.

"Tell him what you want. You can tiptoe around one another for weeks, or you can be up front with him. I spent a lot of time early in my life, when I could've been having a lot of fun, being scared to express my wants and needs. Sometimes I didn't even know what they were, or how to express them, but I learned quickly, and I guarantee Vaughn is going to show you a good time, Val." She stops for a minute, reaching out to put her hand on my arm. "There's one thing I've wanted to know, and I haven't wanted to come right out and ask, but I'm going to now. Were you violated previously, or did someone just make you skittish?"

My chest pounds, a sinking feeling in my stomach causes me to close my eyes. "I had a close encounter. I'd prefer not to go into it any further than that, but it made me not trust men. This was someone within my inner circle, and when I went to the people who should've protected me, they blamed me."

"Honey, I'm so sorry. No one should ever touch you in a way you don't want them to. I know Vaughn and that crew, I'm not going to pretend like I can make promises, because you never know about people, and it's smart to keep your guard up. What I can tell you is if he gets handsy, all you have to do is tell the group. They'll make sure he's taken care of. You're safe here, Val." She says it with such conviction that I'm willing to believe her. I've never been able to do that before.

One of the big refrigerators in the prep area turns on, and the sound snaps me into the present. I've been so stuck in the memories of what happened to me before I walked into Get Baked, that it's almost as if I've been walking around in a cloud, not fully experiencing everything that's been given to me with this new life I'm creating for myself.

"Thank you. I'll take everything you've said into consideration. C'mon, let's get ready for this morning rush."

With all these big feelings, I need some work, anything to get away from having to face that my upbringing messed me up more than I ever imagined it would.

"Nolan, you can't cut." I point my finger at the hot, single dad, I argue with almost every day. It's a little game we play. He comes in and tries to start working his way up to the front of the line, without having to wait. He's way too good-looking for his own good, and so many men and women just take the smile he gives and let him do whatever he wants.

"I didn't cut." He holds his hand up. "This lovely young woman told me I could go in front of her. Who am I to let a gift like this go to waste?"

I tilt my head to the side, hands on my hips. "You and I both know you asked her, it wasn't like she did it out of the goodness of her heart. One day I'm going to put a sign on the front door that says do not let this man sweet talk you into giving up your spot in line."

"Why you gotta be such a hater, Val?" Nolan crosses his arms, and throws me an aggravated look.

"Your daughter loves you, isn't that enough?"

He dips his chin into his chest. "Not cool, Val. When did you learn to be mean? You used to be so nice when you first started working here."

Behind him, the man I can't stop thinking about walks up. "She's learned from the best, stop being a dick, go to the back of the line, and wait your turn."

Nolan turns on Vaughn. "Nobody asked you to get involved."

Vaughn tilts his head toward me. "You give her shit, you fuck with me. Them's the rules." He grabs Nolan by the neck, squeezing, as he takes them out the door and to the back of the line.

The next person in line is an older woman, who comes up to the case. "Wish I had two young men fighting over me like that."

I don't correct her, Nolan doesn't want me, never has, but Vaughn? He's winning all kinds of points with me, and I can't wait to see him when it's his turn. "Sometimes it can be fun." I play along.

As I wait on each customer, I try not to think about Vaughn and Nolan, how I'm going to see him again, after what we shared last night. When they finally get up to the counter, Nolan huffs, while Vaughn smacks him on the back.

"I'm sorry." Nolan rolls his eyes. "I make it difficult for y'all every day and I should leave the house in enough time to get what I need instead of coming in here and trying to steam roll everybody." He cuts his gaze over to Vaughn. "Is that good enough for you?"

"It'll do. Get your shit and go, I got something I need to talk to Val about."

My heart pounds, and my stomach is giddy as I wait on Nolan. Hands shake as I finish bagging up his order. When I'm done, and he's paid, I turn to Gabby. "Mind if I take a small break?"

"Go ahead, take as much time as you need."

I direct Vaughn over to an empty table in the dining room and have a seat across from him. "Hey." I smile, cheeks heating. I'm weirdly embarrassed after what we shared last night.

"Hey yourself. Sorry Nolan was such a dick. Does he do that to you every single morning?"

"Yeah, but it's all in good-natured fun. We don't really take it seriously. It's just a little sparring." I shrug, leaning forward so that we don't have to talk loudly.

"As long as he isn't bothering you. We give Nolan a bunch of shit. He's not always been a member of our crew, and we like to remind him of that whenever possible."

His facial hair is growing in, and I can't help but wonder what it would feel like if we were really together, sleeping in the same bed? What would it be like to stand at the same sink while we're brushing our teeth together? What would it be like to live your life with another person who truly cares about you? Who doesn't see you as property, they see you as a partner. That's what I've never had before, and that's what I desperately want.

"What's going on in that mind of yours, Val?" His deep voice interrupts my thoughts. "You look like you're getting further and further away from me. Talk to me."

There's one thing I can count on with Vaughn, I can talk to him. He makes me nervous, but he also makes me want to be honest with everything I'm feeling. "What do you think about couples? Is she your property, or is she your partner?"

He seems to think about it for a few minutes, almost too long, but I'm willing to give him the time he needs. He's done that with me so often. "Complete honesty? I've never really thought about it, because I haven't had a serious relationship - ever. I've gone back and forth between a few girls I've dated in town, to the women I have flings with while I'm on job sites. I'm not ashamed to say that to you, because that's who I've been. But if you want to know how I'd handle it with you? You're not my property, Val." He stops for a second, rubbing at his forehead. "I think you've been someone's property longer than you should've been. I want us to build a life together if that's what we so choose. You tell me what you want to be, and I'll never make you feel like you aren't your own person, deal?"

Those words give me hope that there is a man who is willing to let me be who I am, who isn't threatened by someone being themselves. The family I grew up with, they wanted zero individuality. That's what I've fought against my entire life. I'm getting everything I've wanted, and that itself is scary, but I want to give myself over to him, and let him show me what I've been missing. "Can I think about it? I'm very much a pro vs. con person." I clear my throat. "Everything within me wants to go headfirst into this, but I just got out of a situation where my voice wasn't heard. I don't want to trade one prison for another..." I say the words as carefully as possible.

"I get it, and I will give you the time you need." He reaches forward, cupping my chin in the palm of his hand. "When you're ready, all you have to do is tell me. I'll be here."

"You really will be, won't you, Vaughn?"

"Yeah." I nod. "Whenever you're ready..."

He gets up and gives me a smile before leaving. I can't help but wonder just how long I'll be able to hold onto this shield I've effectively held in front of my heart. The Val that came to Get Baked a few months ago is a completely different Val that watches Vaughn walk out. This one desperately wants to know everything she's been missing.