Chapter Eleven

CHAPTER ELEVEN

Val

" W hat's wrong with you today? That's the third fork you've dropped." Gabby gives me a once-over, as if she's looking for what's causing me to be so clumsy.

"Do I look different to you?" I demand. We have an hour before the shop opens, and if this is the way I'm going to work today, I might as well head upstairs and go back to sleep.

"You seem like maybe you didn't get a whole lot of sleep last night. Other than that, not much looks different. Should it?"

I tilt my head back and wonder what I should tell Gabby. She's been my closest friend since I came to Broken Falls, and if there's anyone I trust, it's her. "Vaughn and I made out last night, and..." I glance around to make sure it's just us, that none of the interns have shown up. "He gave me an orgasm." My face is flaming. Burning red, and full of heat in a way I've never felt before. This in't like me to be so forward with someone, but I need to talk about this.

"Oh my gosh, Val. Was it your first? Did the two of you have sex?"

I nod, walking over to the bench we have in the corner, and have a seat. My brain is foggy and I think I'm literally going to pass out. Maybe this is what a panic attack feels like? "It was my first, no we didn't have sex."

Gabby presses her temples before pushing her hair back. "If I'm asking too much here, you need to tell me, but I think of you like a little sister, and I'm worried. Do you know about sex? Has anyone had that talk with you? You're so sheltered, Val."

I inhale sharply, my eyes meeting hers. "I was told a few things, but I'm beginning to think they were very biased."

"Why?" Her eyebrows tilt together, and she crosses her arms over her chest.

"Because I was led to believe..." I stop for a moment, licking my dry lips, and avert my gaze as I say these next words. "That pleasures of the flesh were both a good and bad thing. I was told that women could hurt men by not going through with finishing . That we held our salvation in our hands. God punishes those that seek pleasure outside of marriage. We aren't allowed to hug fully, only side hugs. The first kiss is supposed to happen at the altar of our wedding."

"Jesus Christ, Val." Gabby sighs. "Sorry, that's probably not what you wanted to hear. What do you need from me?"

This is the part where I'm unsure, because I've never had anyone to speak to when it comes to anything regarding sex. I purse my lips, start to speak, then close my mouth. Open it again, trying to form my thoughts, and then decide I just need to get this out. "If I were really your sister, or your daughter, what would you say to me? What advice would you give? I'm beginning to learn that no one had my best interest at heart. Instead they kept me scared."

"How?" Gabby reaches over, grabbing my wrist. "You've alluded a few times that something happened to you. In order for me to know how to approach this with you, I need to understand where you're coming from. We will not turn that sign over to open until you're comfortable, Val. I promise you."

No one has ever cared about me this much; ever. There's always been some reason why I shouldn't be asking these questions, good girls should be seen and not heart. If God wanted me to know, then I'd find out, but I was never to ask. "The reason I left my family is because I got uncomfortable." I start the story, not sure how to get this out, but knowing I must. "I've been developing for years." I motion to my chest. "I wore a binder. Do you know how that felt?"

"Like you should've been ashamed of your body? I'm sorry Val. There's absolutely nothing wrong with how you look, and what you have. Did they not tell you that you're made the way the Lord wanted you to be made? "

I shake my head. "It was like that for the men, but not for the women, especially the young ones. So after I started to develop, I was told that I would be married off to someone older, one of the elders. I did everything I could..." I swallow around the tightness in my throat. It's almost like a vice, and barely lets the saliva go past. "To make myself be someone who wasn't coveted, who wasn't wanted."

"Oh Val. You're gorgeous." Gabby reaches out, brushing my hair back. "You can't hide that. You have a light about you, a glow that comes from the inside. When you smile, the whole room lights up, and there are men who want to extinguish that light, because they think we don't deserve it. Was that the type of man who made you run?"

"Yes." I answer, finally feeling as if I have a voice. "He was older, in his forties, but it isn't like Boone and Alexis. He didn't worship the ground I walk on, he didn't look at me the way Boone looks at her. He wanted me as a prize to show off, and he wanted me to say yes when he had a need." I shiver, thinking of the situation I found myself in the day I left.

"You can tell me, Val." She encourages. "The more you keep it quiet, the more power you give him. Something happened to me when I was in college. I was with someone I thought was a friend." She shrugs, almost as if she's as helpless now as I felt back then. "I trusted him to take me back to my dorm room. He pushed me into the room, pressed me up against the wall, spread my legs, stuck his fingers past my underwear and shoved them inside me." She runs a hand through her hair, blowing out a breath. "I don't talk about it, because no one wants to, but you aren't alone. I can assure you most women you see, have had an experience they didn't ask for."

I appreciate what she's told me, because it makes me feel like I'm less of a victim. Instead, I'm more of a member of a group, one that many seem to know about. There's strength in numbers, and I'm thankful to know I'm not by myself any longer. "I was told that I would be marrying, and it wasn't necessarily the marriage that worried me. I always knew what my place was in the family. It was expected I would be the first one married, because I'm the oldest daughter. I was aware that I'd be marrying into a certain family, in order to strengthen the bonds of my family's position within the church. I knew my place." I stop for a second, rolling my lips together.

"I hate this for you, Val. You're such an amazing person with the type of personality I always wish I had. You sit back, you watch, you listen. You're not quick to anger or to praise. You hold off until the time is right for you to make yourself known. I hate that someone tried to dull your shine."

Those words almost break me, because I wasn't sure anyone else would ever care about me. Not after what I did, and Gabby? She's been my rock through all of this, whether she realizes it or not. "I knew my place." I continue. "I was willing to grin and bear it, to not have those romantic feelings that I'd seen on the TV shows I snuck and watched, in the books I hid and read. What I did want? A husband who would listen to me, who would care for me as a human being."

Gabby scoffs, shaking her head. "And what did you get?"

"A man who tried to kiss me the first moment we were left alone. When I pulled away, he grabbed my hair, yanked me back to him, and told me I would learn to submit myself to him. That at forty he was in his prime, and he expected me to keep sweet for him every night."

"What the fuck does that even mean?"

Pushing my hair back, I blow out a breath. "I wasn't sure, not until that moment. I asked him, because I'd heard women and men speak on it previously. I wasn't prepared for what I was about to hear. He told me he would ruin my womanhood for any other man, that he wouldn't ask if I were in the mood, that he would take me every single night. He might've used the word railed, but I never understood what that meant. Then he grabbed hold of my breast and twisted it roughly." I shiver as I think back to the way every notion I'd had was shattered in those minutes. "I'd always seen him as a good man, a Godly man, but the way his eyes swept over me, the possession there, it scared me. I had a vision of what he would do when there was no one else around. At least when he tried to force himself on me, there were people around, and he was shameless. I tried to get away from him."

I'm taken right back to that night, when I'd yelled for someone to help me, but they wouldn't. I know they heard me, when I fought to get myself out of the room, and him off of me, they were standing around; watching. No one wanted to meet my eyes, and that said more than anything else could.

"Once I refused to accept the kiss and he twisted roughly on my breast, he pressed me up against the wall, shoved his knee in between my thighs and tried to go up my shirt. I pushed him off, and he said vile, vile things to me." I shudder as they replay in my mind. It doesn't matter if you want to satisfy me every night, Valentina. You will bend to my will. I can't wait to take what's mine. I can't wait to fuck you and ruin you for any other man who might want you. You'll be damaged goods for them. "That night I knew I had to leave. There was no way that man was going to let me go, not a chance that my father would listen about me not wanting to marry. There was no respect for me any longer, and I realized I had to save myself."

"That's a very brave thing to do, Val." She reaches over, grasping my knee. "I don't think I could've done it. What did you leave with?"

I remember those scary moments as I was about to leave. "A backpack full of clothes and around two hundred dollars I was able to steal. My heart pounded the entire time I was running through the woods to get to the main road."

"Oh my God, Val. You hitch-hiked?" She gasps, holding her hand to her chest. "Do you know how fucking dangerous that is? Someone could've hurt you."

"I got hurt at home, what was going to happen when I left that didn't happen to me while I was there? There were so many other things too, Gabby. I wasn't allowed to eat all the time, I had to ask permission from my dad to do anything, I wasn't allowed to watch the TV shows I wanted to, wear clothes that showed my legs, wasn't able to cut or highlight my hair, makeup wasn't a thing for me, and I'd never waxed my eyebrows."

We look at each other and giggle. Gabby laughs. "Not the non-waxed eyebrows."

"It was a scary situation, and I gripped a kitchen knife until I got to the hotel that I stayed at for a few days before I got the job here." I'm very aware of how lucky I was. "I'll be forever thankful for you, Gabby. You have no idea how much you changed my life."

She smiles, coming over for a hug. "While I know what you've told me has been difficult for you, I'm so thankful to have you in here. I know there's probably so much more you haven't told me, and I thank you for trusting me with your secrets. One thing I can promise you, is that you'll be safe here."

Eyes watering and throat tightening, I nod, barely pressing the words out. "This is the first place I've ever felt safe, and I have you to thank for that. You're the very first friend I've ever had."

Gabby reaches over, hugging me tightly. "If I had to choose a member of my family, Val. It'd be you. Thank you for allowing me to be your friend."