21. Vail

21

VAIL

The drive to the cabin wasn’t short. It was up in the mountains on a lake. The whole way there, it was on the tip of my tongue to have Albert turn the SUV around. But I didn’t because this was a chance for me to take out my pain, anger, and so much fucking emotion on a place that did nothing but remind me of awful times.

This was never my cabin. Gil tried to say it was both of ours, but nothing in it felt like mine. Not the decorations nor the furniture. Not the kitchen, where in most settings I felt at home. The cabin held memories of pain, both internal and external. Times I bled and others where I had injuries that couldn’t be seen, like a cracked rib. Or when Gil simply fucked with my head because he could.

Every mile we went, more memories flooded me. It didn’t matter where Gil took me. At some point, he hurt me. Not every visit, but more often than not.

I sat in the back of the Navigator with Jordan on my left and Hartley on my right. Oleander rode up front with Albert. Behind us were Sheldon, Raiden, and Rory. Forest offered to come, but Hartley reminded him he was working a new job and probably shouldn’t take off so soon. Barry got Forest set up with internet access in his apartment and anything else he needed. Jordan wasn’t going to spoil him, as he did Hartley and me, but he gave him the necessities like the furniture that came with the home and a stocked fridge and pantry, as well as towels, bedding, and other items.

We finally turned onto the gravel driveway, winding through the trees, until we got to a clearing where the cabin was. It looked the same as I remembered it. Two stories, natural wood logs on the exterior, and a deep navy door. It was rustic inside, with modern amenities. Gil even had professional-grade appliances put in for me. He could have hung the fucking moon in there and I still would have hated it.

Albert and Oleander exited the SUV while the three of us stayed within.

“There’s no rush to go inside,” Jordan said.

“We didn’t have Albert drive this far for me to not at least destroy something.”

“We’re here for whatever you need,” Hartley said.

“I appreciate it. You two being with me gives me the strength to move forward. For so long I was trapped in my head, not sure where I could go or who I could trust. But once I got away, everything became clearer. I built a life for myself away from him. And now I have you two. I might cry in there and scream, but please know I love you very much and there’s no one else I’d rather be with.”

“Take your time and do as much damage as you want,” Jordan said.

Raiden and Oleander went toward the house first. I told them where to find the key. It was hidden beneath a heavy, fake potted plant. Gil had tried to give the key to me many times so I could come here without him. When I refused the key, he said he’d leave it outside. I told him it was because I didn’t want to be here when he wasn’t. The truth was, I didn’t want to be here at all. If I told him that, it wouldn’t have been good.

We watched as Raiden went inside with his gun drawn, Oleander behind him. Gil was a lot of things, but I doubted he laid a trap inside to hurt whoever went in first. That wasn’t his style. He was more of the inflict pain when the other least expected it type of person.

Raiden was the first to return to us. Jordan got out, Hartley and I sliding out as well.

“I’m not sure if you want to go in there,” Raiden said.

Jordan’s tone was hard. “Why not?”

“There was no threat that we saw, but there are notes.”

“Notes?”

He nodded, his eyes finding mine. “For Vail.”

Jordan’s hand squeezed mine while his other fisted. “I want him dead. I can’t do it, but for fuck’s sake, can’t he be struck by lightning or run over by a fucking bus already?”

“I want to see them,” I said. “If I don’t go in there, he wins. If I keep letting him get to me and rule my life, he wins. I’m tired of it. Tired of feeling this way and being afraid. I just want to move on.”

“I could kill him.”

I offered Jordan a sad smile.

“Only if there is another life on the line.” He remembered our conversation.

I nodded.

A sigh left him. “Fine, but can I at least help you tear this place down?”

“In a suit?”

“I didn’t wear a good one.”

“I can help too,” Hartley added. “I’ve always wanted to swing an ax.”

“We brought an ax?” I asked.

Jordan nodded. “Always be prepared.”

“If you both would like to assist me in purging the cabin from my memories, I welcome it,” I told them.

Together, we walked to the cabin. Raiden and Oleander were in front of us. Rory went around back to keep watch. Sheldon drifted off into the woods to make sure there was nothing there. I didn’t see cameras on the home or anything to let me know Gil had outfitted the place. That didn’t mean some weren’t hidden, but again, that wasn’t his style. There wasn’t even an internet hook up. He made me leave my phone in the car. All we had was a landline here, although that could have changed.

The inside was just how I remembered it. Soft earthy tones along with the scent of pine. Not the fake kind, but natural and crisp.

I saw the first note when I was three steps in. It was a yellow sticky note on a mirror over the side table near the entrance.

We stood here and looked into the mirror, my arms around you. We were happy .

The first time we were. But he changed. I took the note and crumbled it into a ball.

The next one was stuck to the banister that led upstairs.

I carried you up these when you were too tired and fell asleep on the couch in my arms.

What he neglected to add was he had knocked me unconscious.

Everywhere we went there were more of them. Note after note of fond memories for him. In his mind, I was certain that was what they were. He didn’t live through the hell I did.

By the time we got to the kitchen, I had tears silently falling down my cheeks. Jordan started grabbing the notes before I could get them after that. He climbed the stairs and tore through every room. I heard his shoes on the hardwood floor, pounding from room to room.

Hartley embraced me, held me through my tears, telling me how much he loved me and how they were there for me. The tears wouldn’t stop though. The only thing I could do was turn them into anger. Let them fuel me.

It was Sheldon who handed me the sledgehammer. I didn’t bother to aim. I made sure there was no one near me and simply swung and connected. The dining table was my first target. It was a thick farmhouse style. It took a few swings, but it eventually fell. I moved through the kitchen, hitting the counters, the cabinets. Glasses and dishes shattered. Pieces hit me, but I didn’t care. I vaguely heard Oleander say he shut off the water main and cut the power to the house.

The living room wall was much easier, the sheetrock giving way. The sledgehammer wouldn’t work well on the couches. Jordan handed me a knife though. I tore through the fabric.

Pictures of Gil and me on the mantle of the fireplace found their way into my hand. I threw them across the room, careful not to hit anyone. They mostly stayed on the sidelines.

My chest heaved and sweat mixed with my tears as I went through every room on the first floor. At the base of the stairs, I looked up but couldn’t bring myself to go to the second floor.

Turning, I handed the sledgehammer to Jordan. “Could you?”

“Of course.”

“Hart, could you take care of the furniture?”

“I’ve got you.” He had an ax in his hands, his fingers wrapped around the wooden handle.

The two of them climbed the stairs while I went outside and bent over at the waist to suck in much-needed fresh air. It was a hand rubbing circles on my back that finally had me dropping to my knees as sobs racked my body.

“I’m here,” Sheldon said. He pulled me to him and held me as I raged at the world. As screams tore up my throat until my voice became hoarse. Sheldon rocked me, kept me close.

I wasn’t alone. Not in any of this. I had Hartley and Jordan. Sheldon, Oleander, and the others. I had people who cared about me, who refused to let me go through it alone. And if they could have, each one of them would have murdered Gil for me. They would have torn his body to pieces with one word from me. I almost asked them to. But like I didn’t want more blood on Jordan’s hands, I didn’t want it on theirs either.

My tears had dried by the time the men I loved exited the front of the house. From the outside, it looked like it always did. The inside was where we did the damage.

“There will be a crew here tomorrow to start the demolition,” Jordan said. “I’ve already contacted a non-profit about donating the land. This will be part of your past soon enough.”

“I might have carved something into one of the walls upstairs with the ax,” Hartley grinned wickedly.

Sheldon released me so I could get to my feet. Hartley and Jordan held me the moment I got within reaching distance to them.

“Thank you,” I whispered. “Thank you so much for doing this for me. You have no idea how much your support means to me.”

“You don’t have to thank us,” Hartley said. “We’ll do anything for you.”

I nodded against them; grateful they were here to hold me up when I could barely stand. I turned and thanked all of them for being here with me.

As we were about to leave, I saw one of the neighbors walk over to ask if everything was okay. Albert intercepted him, assuring him it was perfectly fine and to move along. They didn’t hear me when Gil used to beat me. He always did it inside. If I was loud and screamed, I got hit. If I yelled for him to stop, he beat me harder.

No , I said to myself. I had enough memories resurface today. I was done. No more. This had to end. They wouldn’t ever completely leave me, but I could lock them away where they could stop inflicting pain. I could push them to the back of my mind and focus on the good in my life.

That was just what I did as we walked to the SUV. I focused on the work I had to do in the space Jordan gave me. On the menus I couldn’t wait to plan to feed the people who worked for him. I listened to Hartley ask Albert about the hawk he saw when we were in the SUV turning around in the driveway, while Hartley ran his fingers along the inside of my arm. And I heard Jordan’s sigh as he dropped his head back, while Albert gave Hartley a lesson about the hawk.

These were the things that made me happy. These men, this environment I was part of. It was more than I could have hoped for. And it was just what I needed to help me continue to heal and move on with my life. To my future. To our future, where anything was possible.