Chapter Twenty-Three Mabel

A t first, the silence is bliss because, with it, comes the absolute knowledge, deep down in my bones, that Reeve is finally out of head. He no longer controls me.

He no longer controls me!

After so many decades of having the pull based firmly in my mind, I hadn't realized just how much freedom the lack of it brings. I jump up, I scream in joy, run around in circles as mud sucks at my feet and water splashes up my legs. It's so weird to have this sudden silence, this remembering of what it was like, back before I was human, and my mind is entirely my own. For so many years the control felt normal. It got to the point that I didn't even feel it, there in the back of my mind. But now, without it, there is such clarity inside my brain, clearness in my head, that I want to dance and scream and spin in circles with the sheer relief it brings me.

Gods, how amazing it is to feel normal again.

"Zeklan!" I call out in response to his call. "Brugo! Fenn! Arthur! I'm free! I'm finally free."

I laugh out loud as I speak the words and joy bubbles up even as I note the silence surrounds me. It's not just inside my head.

Then it dawns on me.

"Oh no," I whisper as I come to a complete standstill. "Oh no, oh no, oh no."

My voice rises until I am screaming the words out, over and over again. The urge to run and shout, to flee far away from this horrible place, overtakes me and I take off as fast as the muck below me will allow.

I don't know where I'm going but does it even matter anymore?

I've killed my monsters.

I killed my monsters .

Panic rises as I run, my throat constricts and my breathing is ragged, caught up in my chest as my heart squeezes and explodes, broken beyond compare. My hands are fists as I fight my way through the fog and trees, my nails digging into flesh and making my palms slick with blood. My head pounds with fright and despair. As I breathe in the frigid air, my lungs burn.

None of the pain compares to what's going on inside my chest, though. I am traumatized by the loss.

"Brugo, Zeklan, Fenn, Arthur," I repeatedly mutter under my breath as I fight my way through the muck, slowing as my lungs clench. Staggering, I finally fall to the ground, their names still hot on my lips.

I did this.

I let them all die.

Why did I have to kill Reeve?

Why did I feel it necessary to do what I did?

But he gave me no other choice. It was kill him or be with him and I wouldn't settle for that. He always forced that on me, and I couldn't do it anymore. Still, it meant everyone's destruction. And that had been Reeve's plan all along.

What he didn't expect was that it would also kill me.

Reeve's greed to have me amounted to nothing after all these long years. No one wins now.

As I dig my fingers into the mud and stones beneath my hands, I swallow a sob when I picture Brugo's face, then Zeklan's, and Fenn's. Finally, my mind settles on Arthur, and I howl into the foggy air. Throwing my head back, I look skyward, even though I can see nothing but murky gray clouds. Tears run down my face, chilling on my cheeks. I feel the snap of a fingernail as I close on a rough stone and then I am slinging mud into the ether.

"Fuck you, Reeve!" I scream, my mind numb with grief.

I would give anything to feel the crowd of another inside my head right now. If only sweet Arthur could read my mind, or I could reach out to Zeklan. Even Magnus, I'd be happy to feel, even with all his smug contempt. Hell, I'd even take the knowledge that the smoke people of Kiros Somu could feel the pain I'm in right now.

Instead, I am more alone than I have ever been in my life and the feeling has tremors break out over my body. My jaw shudders as goosebumps cover my skin. I hug myself tight, streaking mud across my body.

They're all dead.

All of them.

Whether they just disappeared individually or joined back into Arthur's human form before crumbling to dust, I don't know but the sudden notion of Arthur's ancient bones laying somewhere out there, in the gloom of this land, has my teeth chattering. Then I feel the truth of it.

I need to find him. I can't leave him out here, forgotten.

At least if I can find Arthur's bones, I won't be alone anymore.

Then I'll be able to lie down and rest next to him, waiting for death to cover me. No matter how long it takes. And it just might take a millennium. But that doesn't matter. Not when I was the one who did this.

Dragging myself up out of the mud, I turn and retrace my footsteps, my flight through the bog obvious and easy to find.

"I'm so sorry," I utter as I make my way back through the endless forest. "I wish I could bring you all back. I wish that this ended differently."

My soul is cracking with grief, my steps plodding as I think about my monsters, the loves of my life, and trudge on through the mists.

"I wish I could bring you back," I continue and my body aches with how much that one request is my everything right now. It settles deep in my bones, the knowledge of how much I want them digging its claws into me. For all this curse has coated me, consumed me, it is now gone and all my hopes of happiness along with it. "Oh, how I wish I was strong like Reeve. I wish I had magic that can bring you all back because I need you all right now. I need you."

I sob again as I come to Reeve's body.

The sheer panic and true realization sinks in then.

The consequences of my actions.

"Oh gods, what have I done?"

Once more, I crumple to the ground. This time, though, I pull the knife from Reeve's eye. Quickly I pull his head to his neck, trying to piece everything back together.

"Please, breathe, Reeve," I utter the words, something I never thought I would say but I am desperate now. I can't go on forever beyond this point without them. I simply can't. "Please come back to life. I can't live without them. I'll even stay with you if it means they get to live."

I am not beyond unreasonable begging now.

But Reeve remains dead. His bloody eyes sockets boring into my soul as I continue to mash his body together.

"Please," I say hoarsely. "Please don't let them be gone for good."

Leaning back on my heels, I shudder and shake, my hands back into bloody fists as I cry and howl. This can't be it.

Then I remembered Zeklan's voice. They were close by when I killed Reeve. If they returned to Arthur and became bones–because that is the only explanation I can come to now, then they must be lying somewhere around here.

Turning, I search the ground but it's so hard to see through the white mists that surround me.

"Where are you?" I whisper as I stagger to my feet. Lurching, I head in the direction I last heard Zeklan's voice, a sob trapped in my throat as I remember his voice. Brugo's too. The last voices of theirs I heard before everything was ruined.

Please, gods, don't let me forget the sound of them .

I search hard, turning round in circles, tromping through water and mud, not noticing the drag of reeds as they tear my clothes. But no bones present themselves.

Let me die, then , I beg of the gods. Let me lay down and die .

How long will it take? I wonder. Before I finally die .

Probably a hundred years.

Numbly, I stagger through the bog, not sure of where I am anymore. My steps cross over and over, taking paths I've already followed. Ahead, shadows form in the trees, and I suppose Siorah's guards are looking for me. Or for the king.

In the fog at the back of my mind, I wonder if Gilberd has managed to kill the queen. Maybe these are his guards, ready to arrest and return me to the king.

I don't even care. Let them take me. But the next time he wants me to kill a monster, I will let it devour me, to do the job that needs to be done.

I stand still, waiting. The quicker they take me, the quicker I will get my wish for this to all be over.

Closing my eyes, sorrow washes over me. My body aches. There is the pain of my cut palms. Bruises from Reeve. None of it matters, though. I can hear the trudge of the guards. Their footfalls quick as they approach.

"Kill me now," I say when they are so close I feel the whisper of their haggard breaths.

"Mabel."

I let myself lose myself to my mind, let the sound of Arthur wash over me, even as I know it's not really him. It feels right, though, that my sanity leaves with the sound of his voice.

"What's wrong with her? Can we fuck her better?" Fenn asks and I let myself smile. That would be something the satyr would say. At least I can be lost in a fantasy now where they are all alive.

"Mabel?" There's Brugo. His voice is next to my ear, and I reach out to touch him.

He feels so real. But I know him as well as I know myself. Of course, he feels solid beneath my touch.

Slippery tentacles wrap around my arms and shake me, my teeth rattling. Zeklan…

They're all here. Inside my head. I can die happy now.

"Wake up!" Zeklan says and shakes me so hard my neck snaps back and I am forced to open my eyes.

"Come back to us," Arthur says, the whisper of his smoke coating my body even as claws and fingers grab at me.

In front of me, I can see them all. They look so real. So present . Even Arthur. He is only slightly smoky around the edges, like Siorah and the rest of her people. I have only ever seen him this solid when we are fucking. I like him like this.

"Mabel, snap out of it," Fenn says, snapping his fingers in front of my eyes. "We're really here."

"Really?" I ask, not sure if this is just a fantasy or if it's really true.

"The curse is gone," Zeklan says. "Can't you feel it?"

I let myself feel again. To really feel. The grief is there. Sick and slick as it settles in my bones. I let it roil over me even as I look at my monsters.

"Feel it," Arthur says, inside my head. Zeklan's mind is right there beside his, helping me, guiding me to the truth.

"It's over," I finally whisper as the grief slips away and the knowledge that Reeve and his curse really are dead and gone. That, somehow, we did it, we broke the curse.

"You didn't die," I say quietly as I look at each monster in turn. Brugo smiles at me, Zeklan's eyes are moist. Fenn sees the exact moment when I realize I'm not dreaming, that I haven't lost my mind and he leans in, his cock hot against my leg.

Finally, Arthur is there, standing still, barely breathing, as he smiles at me. And I can see it in his expression. He's relieved to be alive, to be the way he is. One of my monsters still. Somehow, the indecision of the past is gone, and he seems at peace with the fact that he will always be this way now, that his separation into four creatures is exactly what I need. Gods, how we have truly all suffered. But it's finally over.

"Oh, my gods," I exclaim, throwing myself at him. "We did it! I did it! I killed Reeve and made you all stay."

Even as I say it, I know the truth of it deep within my bones. While Reeve cursed me, nothing beats love. Nothing beats a love as true and as pure as what Arthur and I shared.

Nothing.

Mabel's potential earnings: 1000 gold crowns

Actual earnings: 0 gold crowns

Currently in her purse: Four monsters and the knowledge that they are all she needs