58. Whiny Adolescent Complaints

FIFTY-EIGHT

My family hardly went to church, but we loved Christmas. For us, it was about family and spending time together. My mom had always tried to make it magical for us even when we didn't have an abundance of money. She worked hard to create the special memories that I held close to my heart. It was my turn to do that for my family.

Lottie usually hosted, but Parker asked her to let us take over this year since we had the room, and he wanted to take the burden off her after the trouble she had when the power went out. I thought that meant I'd be in over my head trying to prepare but Parker was hell bent on catering to every ridiculous idea that came to my mind.

Brett offered to make the ham and he, my mom, and Lottie kicked me out of the kitchen hours ago. Gram was here, propped up behind the counter on a stool watching Brett command the kitchen. The inside information I gave him a few days ago had him batting his eyelashes. Gram was won over immediately. He played it up for her and she was eating out of the palm of his hand. Usually she hung out with me at family gatherings, but one glance at Brett and I was chopped liver.

Holly and Parker's parents arrived, and our mothers promptly uncorked the wine. I sat at the dining room table using Lily's chubby hands to make last minute ornaments to give to our parents since we were shitty children and forgot all about getting something for them.

"You certainly have a full house," Holly remarked, pulling out the chair next to mine.

I looked at our family and friends perfectly blended together and smiled to myself. "Yeah, I kind of like it."

My stepdad and Bob were kicked back watching the Cowboys game while Parker and Peter entertained Lottie's boys. They were running hot laps around the living room with toy cars in their hands. Peter was currently winning, followed by Ben, then Parker and Ollie. It was bound for disaster, but I kept my mouth shut and painted the circular clay in front of me. I couldn't believe that she would be nine months old soon. It felt like I was pregnant a lifetime ago and yesterday at the same time.

"You're different now, you know?" I looked up to see Holly assessing me.

"Because I'm a mom?"

"Well, that too, but you're a lot happier than you used to be."

"I feel happier. Minus the media drama."

"What are you guys gonna do? You aren't going to stop writing, right?"

"I don't want to, but I'm also not going to lose Parker over it."

"I'd barf if I didn't love you two together so much." She stole a piece of clay and started making an ornament of her own. "I knew the whole time—about you writing books."

My jaw dropped. "You did not."

"Oh, absolutely. I was stealing your journal and trying to decipher it before I was able to read. Mom yelled at me once because I had to ask her what a word was."

"You brat! Why didn't you say anything?"

She rolled her eyes. "Probably the same reason I didn't ask permission back then. You would have said no."

"Uh, yeah obviously!"

"Well, I'm just saying. That's why I recognized your writing. Easily, actually."

"Parker was reading my books too and he didn't notice."

"He's a boy, he's oblivious."

I shrugged. "True." We sat in silence for a minute, both lost in thought before I registered something else. "You probably shouldn't have been reading that."

She gulped dramatically. "There are some things I wish I could unsee, but I learned to skip over that stuff."

I shook my head. "I can't believe you."

"What?" She looked genuinely confused. "The books or your journal? You weren't very sneaky."

"I wasn't broadcasting my books, but I also wasn't exactly trying to be anonymous."

"And your pen name just happened to be James?" She looked at me like "get real."

"I thought it sounded good!"

"Uh huh, and you just happened to be in love with my brother the whole time?"

"Whatever!"

"You can act all "tough girl' if you want but I know how you really feel. You'll be my sister-in-law before I ever get a boyfriend."

I looked away, not wanting her to see my reaction to that. "I always said I'd never get married."

Her laughter was condescending in a way that only a sister's could be. "You also said you didn't see my brother as anything more than a friend." She eyed Lily. "Turns out you're a big fat liar."

Well, damn. She did have a point, but I wasn't ready to have the marriage talk after three months together, and definitely not when I didn't even know what the near future had in store. We'd have to face the music eventually. My publisher was expecting the book by the first of January. That meant I had exactly one week to give them something.

"We'll see if he wants to even be with me after I get sued for not giving the publisher a book by my deadline next week."

"You aren't going to give it to them?"

"I don't have anything to hand over. I stopped writing it a month ago when I realized it was serious between Parker and I. I didn't want to fuck it up."

Her forehead scrunched together in the same way Parker's did when he was thinking hard. "Can you give them a different book?"

"I don't have a different book, Holly."

"And you don't want to sell the one you'd been writing?"

"No." It wasn't done, and frankly, it wasn't good.

She tapped her chin. "What if you published something different?"

"Like?" I didn't know what she was getting at.

Her smile turned into an evil grin. "Do you still have your old journals?"

I nodded reluctantly. "Upstairs in the library."

"I have an idea." She popped up out of her seat and beckoned me. "Bring my goddaughter."

"Holly, we aren't even Catholic," I said, following her.

"Yeah, but if you both die I get her. Right?"

Parker heard that and shot me a "what the fuck" look.

"Not that I've thought about it," she quickly amended. "It's just good to be prepared, you know. And I get that I'm still in school, but I graduate in May. Lottie has enough trouble with those boys. I have plenty of time to spend doing spa days and painting her nails."

I held back a laugh. "We haven't discussed it yet."

"Okay, well when you do… I want to be considered."

She opened the door to my library and went directly to the blue journals lining two full rows of shelves.

"Ooh these are new," she remarked, running her fingers along the spines of the journals I'd added to my collection since high school.

"Holy crap, you really are a snoop."

"What? You're the closest thing I have to an older sister. It's practically in my DNA to invade your privacy."

"Okay, please point out any that may have references to my brother's dick. I'd like to avoid those if possible."

I pulled three out of the shelf and set them down next to me while lowering my slightly ashamed gaze to the ground.

Holly's lighthearted judgment was clear on her face as she grimaced. "Thank you. Now, we have much work to do." She grabbed highlighters from my reading cart beside the daybed. "Highlight any ramblings that may be book worthy. We have plenty of content, but it needs to be high quality, not just your whiny adolescent complaints."

Whiny adolescent complaints? "Kinda judgy there Holl."

"Do you want me to pretend you walk on water, or do you want honesty?" Her dark, shiny hair swayed as she shook her head. "No, sorry I'm not even going to give you an option. Tough love is the only answer."

Her words were harsh, but true. She pulled a stack out and sat it on my lap. "Get to reading, just maybe not out loud. We don't want to corrupt Lillian with your impure thoughts about her father."

I threw my head back laughing. "I'm sure seventh grade will be pretty tame. And her name isn't Lillian. You can't rename her."

"Shhhh, I don't see you contributing to this project. I'll need a cut of the profits if you don't start helping."

The journals she'd given me were from junior high. I cringed as I read the passage about seeing Parker have his first kiss right in front of me. That was a hard pill to swallow and definitely not something I wanted to relive. At this point in our lives, I knew being jealous over something like that was silly, yet seventh grade me really felt those feelings. Twelve-year-old Delilah was heartbroken the same way I was last summer.

I closed the journal and set it back down. "I don't know about this, Holly. I write fiction. I write adult romance."

"I get that, but this is what the world is interested in and you don't want to make something up. So tell the truth. Put Parker on the cover shirtless or something and profit off of it. Let him read it and see what he says. You can get his permission, give the team an early copy, and bam! You're making money off them like the media is making off of you."

"Right, but it's not that simple. This is our life, and I already feel uncomfortable with everyone talking about us. This would be like adding fuel to the fire."

"But it would also be telling your story the way you want it out in the world. I know it's scary, but someone is going to tell your story. Why not let it be you?"

I was quiet for a minute, letting Lily bury her head in my hair and play with my earlobe where the empty piercing was.

Holly reshelved the journals. "I mean, you could let Parker write it, but you and I both know he can't string words together like you can."

"He's just smart in a different way, brat."

"Yeah, I know. And I'm going to clean people's teeth for the rest of my life. You two are really making me look bad to our parents."

I pulled her close, and we all tipped back in our hug, sprawling out on the floor and staring at the ceiling.

I patted Holly's head. "You are so smart. I love your brain."

"I love yours too. What do you think Lily's going to do with hers?"

"Hopefully something that doesn't involve having everyone in the country know what she's doing in her personal life. Maybe she'll learn from our mistakes."

Holly sighed. "Don't be so hard on yourself. Pressure is a privilege you've both earned. Don't take it too seriously, but I really look up to you guys."

There was a knock on the door and then the knob turned like someone wanted to get in. Holly had secured the deadbolt though. Good thinking.

"Hey, supper is done!" It was Parker. "Whatever you two are plotting in there, can you leave me out of it? I want to enjoy this food without getting pranked."

Holly looked at me with a conspiratorial grin. We both knew he was thinking back to the last Christmas dinner we'd shared, when we'd switched his salt out with sugar. It was years ago, but he wasn't crazy to be worried. Together, Holly and I were creatively evil.

She leapt to her feet and opened the door for him. "What's wrong big brother? Scared?"

He eyed me and Lily still lying face up on the ground. "Should I be?"

"Maybe, but not for the reason you're thinking." I smiled, happy to confuse him even further.

"Come on. Let"s eat already."