50. Podcast Blues

FIFTY

My mood was more than sour when we arrived home. I felt bad about shutting Del out, but I needed to find out the truth for myself. It obviously wasn't coming from her.

I told her I needed to be alone and blow off steam, hence the overloaded bar I was benching. The door creaked open and in walked my best friend.

"You know it's a bad idea to lift without a buddy."

"Fuck off, Brett." I gritted the words out as I pushed against the weight rising slower than I wanted.

"Oh, come on. Your new dad bod can't keep up?"

"I don't. Have. A dad bod." I grunted as I shoved the bar up and into the rack. "What do you want, asshole? Did Del text you?"

"No, man. I could hear you stomping around and slamming shit from downstairs. Figured you were throwing a fit."

I glared at him. "What makes you think that?"

"Because you have the beautiful mother of your child in your bed by herself, and you're out here acting like a fucking twat."

"Why do you care?"

"Because I don't want to see you fuck this up again. What are you pouting about?"

"I think Del's been lying to me."

His face morphed into a shocked expression. "About what?"

I filled him in and told him about the podcast I kept staring at queued up on my phone.

"So you're out here sulking over something you don't even know is true."

"The GM's wife all but confirmed it."

Brett waved me off. "Rachel's always been a little wacky. Stop being a baby and see for yourself." He swiped my phone, hit play, and skipped the intro.

The podcast was dated two months before I came home. We hadn't talked for well over a year at that point, and I was in the peak of the season.

Aurora James is a bestselling author, well known for her deliciously spicy standalone romance novels, and has recently signed with Damsel Publishing. Aurora, welcome to the pod! We're so excited to have Aurora on with us today. Her new book comes out next week, and she was so sweet to send us early copies so we could talk about it on the pod.

Thank you guys so much for having me. I'm excited to be here.

Her first words were the nail in the coffin. The sound of Del's laughter was unmistakable and sent my heart in a spiral the way it always did.

"Shit," Brett cursed.

Have you always wanted to be a writer?

I think I've always been a writer, but I didn't have the courage to publish anything or think that people would want to read my work until last year. When I was younger, and all through high school, I would write during very emotional times. It's an outlet that helps me process, especially since I'm not a great verbal communicator when it comes to feelings.

So, younger Aurora didn't expect all of this?

Ha! She might've said at one point that she'd be an author, but that optimism died in late middle school or early high school when we were taught about realistic careers. I wish I still had some of the confidence that younger Aurora had.

You should have it now! All your accomplishments prove that you can do anything.

I appreciate that, thank you. I am starting to see it that way more. It's a journey.

Well, we all obviously love your standalones. Will you ever write a series?

I think I will in the future. I have a small town series in mind.

Well everyone wants to know where we can find men like the ones in your books.

Ha! That is a funny story actually.All of my books are works of fiction, but any author who makes up everything for their stories is more creative than me.

These men are real?

Yes and no. I"m a bit of a cynic. My characters are based on who I wish real men in my life turned out to be. Everyone has potential, but there's always some pivotal point where everything goes downhill. My stories came from wondering what could happen if they didn"t. If both parties tried harder and fought for each other instead of giving up. It's also fun to dream up an ideal partner. What they would have in common and how they would complement each other. The finished product is always so far from reality though

You must have a very active dating life then.

No. Not anymore.

Oh, come on. What changed?

This one was the one that got away, I think. I probably shouldn't say this, but it's hard to write a happily ever after when you feel like your love life is doomed once and for all. It's writer's block to the extreme, but I'm working on it. I finished the outline for my next book this morning actually.

Well whatever it is, rest assured we want to read it! What do your friends and family think about your books?

Uh, I'm still a little in the closet when it comes to that. I'm sure I'll have to tell more people soon, but right now the only one who knows is my gram.

Does she read everything you write?

She does! We read all of the same books, so it was only natural that she'd demand to read mine when I published them. She's not a regular grandma, she's a cool grandma.

"Have you heard enough?" I asked Brett.

He scratched the stubble along his jaw. "Yeah, I guess."

"Right, well, lock up when you leave."

I heard everything I needed to know. I re-racked the weights and left him there without another word. This was something I had to figure out on my own for our future, and I needed to see if I could stomach what Del thought my faults were that needed fixing for her book.