15. A good bedtime story puts the bitches to sleep

FIFTEEN

It was nearly seven that night before I got Lily home to Del. The house was dark, but Lori and Ned were in the loveseat, kicked back watching Yellowstone. I ducked in to say hello before taking Lily downstairs. I heard the shower running, so I set the car seat down on the floor and opened the door to Lily's room. It was all ready for her to go to bed with the lights turned down and the sound machine on. I didn't know Del's night time routine for Lily yet, so I let her lay on the playmat and wiggle around. She loved looking at herself in the mirror while I tickled her feet.

Del walked out of the bathroom in a cloud of steam with her hair wrapped up in a towel and nothing on but an oversized t-shirt.

"Oh hi," she squeaked with surprise. She reached up to touch the towel on her head and smiled sheepishly. "I just got out of the shower."

I laughed at the obvious statement. "I can tell." My eyes trailed up her legs to the hem of her shirt that fell just low enough to be decent. The body of it hung loose around her middle, but I could make out the raised peaks of her nipples. Reluctantly, I made myself look away. "Could I help you put Lil to bed?"

"Sure, did you guys have a good day?" She pulled her hair out of the towel and scrunched the ends before tossing it aside and sitting down with Lily and I. She crossed her legs under herself, and my t-shirt rose up higher to expose more of her soft skin. She was close enough that I could feel the heat coming off her body and the fresh smell of her green apple shampoo.

"Yeah we had a great time, only one minor blowout and an outfit malfunction."

"What girl doesn't need a wardrobe change?" She flipped her wet hair, and we both laughed.

"I made the mistake of telling Holly I had her for the day, and she demanded pictures every hour. I think it was partially to make sure I didn't lose her and partially because she wanted to see her. She's obsessed."

Del smiled wide enough that her eyes crinkled at the edges. She was so beautiful like this. Stripped down and unapologetically herself.

"I know! It's never ‘your daughter' or ‘Lily', it"s always ‘my niece.' Pretty adorable though." She looked from me to Lily. "I'm really glad Lily gets to have family like that."

"We're the lucky ones." I rested my hand on her knee. I meant it. This was a second chance in Del's eyes even if I didn't know I'd blown the first one with what I said in the post-game interview.

She gave me a quick smile that didn't reach her eyes before moving away and scooping Lily up into her arms. "Okay, let's get this stinky girl all scrubbed up for bed." She cooed to her. "Heaven knows the kind of things you've been doing all day with your daddy."

Something in my chest warmed. It was the first time anyone had referred to me as that without calling me the baby daddy or joking around.

Del put a hand on her waist and gave me a stern look. "Don't get emotional on me, James. She needs to hear me call you that so she doesn't grow up calling you Parker."

"Pshh me? Emotional? Never." I waved her off.

"Right. I saw your eyes water when we watched Up for the first time. After begging me to not make you watch a cartoon."

"It's not my fault you're heartless."

"Movies just don't make me cry."

"A Walk to Remember did."

"Every girl wants to be loved like Landon loved Jamie." She tossed the words over her shoulder like a simple fact. "And that's why I will never read another Nicholas Sparks book again. Real life is sad enough. I don't need to borrow anyone else's trouble."

I followed her into the bathroom. "Makes sense. So that's why you stick to why choose and dark romance."

One side of her lips quirked up. "Right, but don't forget cowboys, rockstars, hockey players…"

I made a face. "Why not baseball?" I wiggled my eyebrows. "Maybe a… single dad?"

"Oh yeah, Liz is releasing one in October I think." She totally ignored my implication. "There's just something about a hockey player, though. They're all big and beefy, slamming each other around and knocking teeth out." She mimicked like she was feeling their muscles, then fanned herself dramatically.

"Hmm, good to know toothless hockey players get you going. I'll see if my buddy Noah knows anyone for you."

"Wow, you"re all kinds of helpful today. Thanks!"

I sat on the closed toilet and held Lily while Del filled the tub and got the water temperature just right. Lily used her tiny leg muscles to bounce up and down on my quad.

"You're such a strong girl. Can you say mama?" Lily stared at me, but her eyes got bigger and her pupils dilated slightly when I said the word. "Maybe you need to hear it in a sentence. Mama looks gorgeous today doesn't she? Mama should wear her nerdy little glasses more often. She looks like a naughty?—"

"Ooooookay the bath is ready!" Del sing-songed the words to talk over me. "You might be overestimating her vocabulary abilities."

I covered Lily's ears with my hands. "Don't let her hear that! She's going to be valedictorian someday, just like her daddy."

"Her daddy was only valedictorian by the skin of his teeth," she responded while depositing Lily in the tub.

"What can I say? I'm a likable guy." I smirked. "You like me even though you're trying really hard to pretend you don't." When Lily was strapped into her bath seat I put one hand on Del's back to press her into me and whisper against her neck. "But I have no problem waiting you out. The more you pretend you don't like me, the easier it is to see right through you." I kissed the shell of her ear and felt a shiver rake down her body before pulling back. I smiled innocently. "Come on, we have a baby to wash."

I watched Del shake her head like she could physically rid her mind of whatever thoughts were running through it. "Okay let's do this thing. Fair warning, she's a splasher."

Del wasn't lying. We were both on our knees in front of the tub making stupid noises and playing with Lily's toys more than she was. My shirt was plastered to my chest and I caught Del looking a couple times. I was tempted to tease her about it but held back because we were having too much fun to ruin it. If I called her out there was a chance she'd shut down on me. I wanted to stay in this happy little bubble for as long as possible.

Lily's dark curls were fully sudsed up when I tried to help rinse her hair. I put my hand in an arc above her forehead like I saw Del do, but must have still gotten some in her eyes because she started to wail.

"Shit, fuck, how do I fix it?" I whispered-yelled.

Del calmly took a clean washcloth and wiped over Lily's eyes. "Oh poor baby girl." Her voice was softer than I'd ever heard it used. "Daddy got soap in your eye. You're okay baby." She soothed her a couple more times and then Lily was back to normal, with red cheeks and teary eyes. "Okay she's good. Grab her a towel." She pointed to the sink counter, and I was ready to do whatever she said. I felt terrible. I went to hand it to her but she motioned for me to open it instead.

"Okay, here comes one squirmy, wet little baby!" She transferred Lily into my arms. I wrapped her up in the towel and pulled the little duck hood over her head. I think I could have died from the cuteness. "You made her cry so now you have to snuggle and make it better."

I nodded, taking the job very seriously. I carried her to the nursery and waited for further direction.

"Here, let's do her lotion and then you can read her a book."

Lily lay on the changing table grabbing her feet and trying to roll off while Del instructed me how to lotion the little rolls on her legs and make sure to get in the creases. She was a chunky little thing.

I already knew I was fully committed to being here and being her dad, but as we rocked back and forth with her snuggled in my arms something clicked. Del was sprawled out on the floor with her arms crossed under her head listening to me read. Both my girls drifted off to sleep, calm and at ease in my presence. I never wanted to do something that would take this away from me.

After putting Lily down in her crib and turning on the monitor I tried to wake Del up but she was out cold. I bent down and picked her up bridal style. Her arms wrapped around my neck on instinct.

"Parker," she murmured softly and snuggled into my chest.

"Yeah Peach, it's me." I kissed the top of her head and nudged the door to her bedroom open with my foot. Del's space was neat and tidy besides the clothes she must have taken off before her shower and thrown on the floor. I tossed them in the hamper next to her closet and tucked her into bed. After plugging her phone in and turning on the alarm I turned to leave.

"Parker." Del reached for my hand and I moved closer. She was quiet for a moment, but her pretty blue eyes stared up at me with so much vulnerability. "Do you like Lily? Is she… good enough?" Her words felt like a fist squeezing around my heart. On the surface they seemed silly. Lily was a baby. What was there not to like? But I knew the carefully concealed wounds that weighed heavy on Del's soul.

I chose my words carefully. They'd only be a bandaid for now but I knew she needed reassurance. "Lily is perfect. She doesn't have to earn my love, and neither do you." She was more awake now so I sat down on the edge of her bed. Her tiredness made her walls fall down just a little. "Come here, Peach."

She climbed into my arms and I held her as tight as I could. She fit just right with her head tucked into my neck. I rubbed my hands up and down her back while she took deep breaths. It was a familiar position, one we'd perfected a decade ago.

"Do you still have panic attacks?" It'd been a while since I'd been around for one so I didn't know how often they happened anymore.

She was hesitant to answer. "I had one the other day, but otherwise not for a long time."

"What day?"

"After our argument."

"Because of me?" I hated that my being home had caused her to be that upset. She shrugged. "I don't ever want you to get anxious over me. I've tried to make my intentions clear. I'm not going anywhere. You can count on me."

"It's complicated."

"I know it is for you, but it isn't for me."

Her smile was small when she pulled back, polite. Her guard was back up and she was pushing me away again.

I turned off the bedside lamp and noticed the way Del's face changed when I saw the thick stack of papers sitting there with blue pen marks scratching out words and writing in the margins.

"Thanks for taking Lily today." She redirected before I could ask and burrowed back into bed, pulling the covers up to her chin. "Ned can watch her if you're busy tomorrow."

I shook my head. "I'll be back in the morning to pick her up. Get some sleep." She closed her eyes when my thumb brushed over her cheek. I wanted to stay and hold her all night, but she wasn't ready for that.

Before leaving, I checked on Lily again. She was fast asleep all snuggled in her crib. I wished I could stay to help with her, but Del said she'd been sleeping through the night as long as she stayed on schedule. I had to admit that it was hard today with all the commotion with getting the house, but I wanted to impress Del, so I tried to be strict. I snapped a picture of her and added it to our shared album. I got a few of the nursery too, so I could replicate it as much as possible for the new house.

I made my way up the stairs and through the silent home. Everything was dark besides a light over the kitchen sink. Ned was waiting with a cup of coffee for me like he had been the last few nights this week.

"How's the house coming?" he asked, handing me the mug. Ned wasn"t a very vocal person. When I first met him I had no idea if he liked me or not, but I caught on eventually. He loved to cook, and when he knew I was coming over for meals he made sure to cook me a burger the way we both liked it. Del and Lori needed theirs to be cooked well and practically burnt, but he and I bonded over making fun of them for it.

Ned was an early riser and needed a solid eight hours of sleep, so it said a lot that he was still awake to wait up and have coffee ready for me each night. It gave me hope that he didn't think I'd be total shit at this dad thing.

I leaned against the counter, took a sip of the bitter black coffee, and tried not to cringe. I had a fancy machine and liked some sugar and cream at home, but Ned was a man's man and I didn't want to look weak in front of him. I appreciated the gesture so I wasn't going to complain.

"Really good. Everything's painted. The rest of the furniture will be here tomorrow. I'm working on the nursery tonight. I think it's shaping up well."

He nodded. "We're all happy to help. When are you going to show the house to Del?"

"A couple weeks hopefully. I'll need Lori and my mom to help with the decorating, but we should have everything done by then."

"Money can get a lot of things done quickly."

I swallowed. It was different being home and feeling like I was an outsider, not because people didn't want me here or anything like that, but because they felt like I wasn't on the same level as them. I couldn't bring myself to resent the success I'd had even though I didn't like being treated differently because of it.

Before I could wander deeper into my thoughts, Ned continued, "So does being a good person people trust. Makes people want to work hard and help you." He nodded to me and patted my shoulder. "Lock up on your way out, bud."