13. Do you believe in signs?

THIRTEEN

Holly:

You're still coming tonight, right?

Del:

Yes, of course.

Holly:

Good. Just making sure P didn't fuck up already.

Del:

Not yet ??

Jenna-Agent:

I need an update on your progress. How many chapters have you finished this week?

Pulling into the lake house brought back so many memories of our childhood. I'd spent countless summer and fall nights there in the bunk bed room. We'd stay up all hours of the night talking and playing games when we were supposed to be sleeping. Evan was always there too and liked to tell ghost stories to freak me out. I hated it, but that usually meant that Parker ended up in my bed or on the floor next to me.

Nightmares were something that had plagued my dreams for as long as I could remember. They often came multiple nights in a row until I avoided sleep altogether. Then I'd eventually exhaust myself so that I was too tired to dream at all.

I grew up within the cabin walls and on the lake. It was where my crush on Parker first developed—long before his abs appeared. It was also where I cried after seeing him have his first kiss with a different girl. In the winter we'd throw parties here because no one braved the roads when they didn't get plowed. That led to us getting creative on how to get everyone home.

"I promise they're going to be chill. I talked to them about it." Parker's words brought me out of my head. I'd been staring off. "Well, as chill as my family can be."

"What?"

"I mean, my mom will probably cry again, but I don't think there's any avoiding that."

"Oh, I was just hoping they wouldn't hate me, so my expectations are low."

"Fortunately for you they like you more than me."

I really hoped so, because the James family knew how to love, and I wanted Lily to experience that. I'd hate myself if my actions messed that up for her.

We exited the truck and got Lily out of her car seat. I propped her on my hip as we walked toward the front door.

"You look beautiful by the way," Parker tossed over his shoulder. He caught my eye for the briefest moment before walking away like it was nothing.

I looked down at the flowy ankle length dress I had on. It was probably too much for our usual family suppers, but this felt different. The stakes were higher. Even so, I tried to dress it down with a pair of white sneakers for a more sporty feel. The deep teal color was my signature and made me feel a little more confident when I wore it.

When we reached the front door Parker didn't hesitate, walking in with the diaper bag slung over his shoulder like he owned the place—I guess he kinda did. I followed behind and slipped my shoes off next to the coat rack.

"They"re here!" I heard Holly's excited voice call from the kitchen, and then she was barreling into the entryway. Her dark brunette hair was pin straight, but otherwise she was a carbon copy of her older brother. Her smile shone through her green eyes, and a wave of relief swept through my body.

"Slow down kid." Parker put his arm out and caught her around the waist. "Wanna say hi to your brother first?"

She glared up at him in dismissal. "No, I saw you yesterday." Her snarkiness was one of her best qualities. I liked to think she learned it from me. "I want my sister."

I loved Lottie, but Holly was the little sister I never had. She was always happy to see me, kind of like a puppy, even though she was a woman now and in college. I had a front row seat to see her grow up and I'd really missed her in our time apart.

I handed Lily off to Parker and opened my arms wide. "Get over here!" She didn't need any more prompting. She flew into my arms and squeezed the shit out of me. It was hard to breathe, but I would endure the pain any day over the crushing weight of not talking again.

She pulled back and took my face in both hands. "If he hurts you again, I'll kill him. Just say the word. You're mine and I'll pick your side in the divorce."

She needed to work on her whispering because Parker immediately replied, "I heard that."

"Okay, now give me my niece." She put her hands out to Parker expectantly, but he just ignored her and walked into the kitchen. She turned to me with a fake innocent, confused expression. "What's his problem?"

I couldn't help but laugh. "I mean, you did just declare you'd off him for me and that you like me more."

Her perfectly shaped eyebrows pinched together, actually confused. "What's new about that?"

I threw my arm around her shoulder and kissed the side of her head. "I missed you Holly."

We walked in the room linked like that, and I took in the place I spent half my childhood. As a kid I never appreciated or understood the difference between my home and theirs. My parents worked hard and our house was perfect for our family. This cabin was something straight out of a movie, from the vaulted ceilings to the back wall lined with windows looking out to the lake behind the house. It was strange how both my house and this one felt like home, despite the clear differences. The fireplace was rolling with flames crackling behind the guard we'd long since done away with after all the "kids"" were grown up. It made me smile that they were already thinking about Lily being here and protecting her.

"There's my girl! Gosh I was starting to go crazy without you here and Holly at school." Maria wiped her hands off on a kitchen towel and swept me up in a hug. Her jasmine perfume drifted over me. I took a deep inhale and let it wash over my senses. I should have known it would be like this. Maria had been there for me so many times throughout my life. She'd bandaged me up plenty when I tried to keep up with the boys and they knocked me to the ground. Sometimes it was easier to tell her things than my own mom. She never judged me.

"Thank you for coming," she whispered in my ear. "Don't ever doubt my love for you."

When she pulled back I tried to subtly wipe under my eye, but Parker still caught the movement and his expression softened. I looked away and pretended the moment didn't happen. I was not ready to be vulnerable with him, no matter how great the last few days had been.

"Bob," Maria called outside where her husband was grilling. "Come inside, they're here."

Bob came in a few seconds later carrying a huge tray of grilled meat and veggies. He was wearing a t-shirt that proudly proclaimed him as "grandpa." I felt like the grinch when his heart grew three sizes. I wasn't an emotional person, but this family never failed to show me I was loved even when I didn't feel like I deserved it.

"Well, I know you guys are really excited to see me, but I also brought someone special for you to meet." I addressed them all and wrapped my hand around Parker's bicep to tug him next to me. "This sweet girl is Lily Rose."

Holly's eyes snapped to mine immediately. "No." She shook her head in disbelief, but her mouth was open in awe. "You didn't." Her bottom lip started to quiver, and I braced myself for more tears.

Parker handed Lily to his mom, who took her to the couch and everyone crowded around.

"Guys, look at her toes! They're so small." It was safe to say Lily's aunt was already obsessed with her.

They fawned over Lily, and she ate it up, giggling and kicking her feet as they cooed over her. I curled up in the big loveseat across from the couch and watched them take her in. I could physically feel a weight lifting off my chest.

"Scooch over." Parker nudged me, and I made room for him next to me. We always sat here together, but I expected things to be different now. From the arm draped over my shoulder, it didn't seem like he was willing to give me any space to push him away.

I tried to put my phone away quickly, but he caught my agent's name on the display.

"Who's that?"

"No one," I shushed him. "Mind your business."

An hour later when everyone remembered the food, it was cold. They all took turns getting to hold Lily, and it was long past her bedtime when we finally sat around the table to eat. Lily slept peacefully in her floor lounger with a thumb in her mouth and a content expression on her sweet face. They asked about my work, and Maria attempted to get Parker talking about baseball, but he kept steering the conversation away from it.

Our family dinners always ran late, but I was exhausted by the time we pulled back into my parents' driveway. Parker shut the car off, and we sat there listening to the end of "She Will Be Loved" by Maroon 5. The song always reminded me of singing in the car with my mom when I was younger.

"Do you feel better now?" Parker's smile was soft in the glow that reflected from the garage lights my mom must have left on for us. We were both on a high after the evening went well. "Since you know they don't hate you." He drew out the "a" in hate, teasing me. He pulled his hat off and ran his fingers through his hair.

I let out a long breath and unbuckled my seatbelt to get comfortable. "Yeah, I've been stressed about it for months."

"I don't know, there's just something about Delilah James—I mean Delilah Howard that's irresistible to us."

"Us?" I tried to ignore his slip up. They'd always joked about adopting me so the name felt familiar and easy. Like it was part of who I was already. But like every other interaction between us now, it felt different. The meaning had changed.

"I wanted you to move to Seattle with me, back then." Parker let out a sigh like he couldn't hold the words in his chest any longer. He couldn't look me in the eye. His gaze wandered out over the steering wheel and then he craned his neck. I followed his line of sight to see a large white faced owl staring back at us from a tree branch. It took me a second to process his words because the bird spread its wings and flew at us before soaring skyward.

"Holy shit." I tried to keep my voice low so I didn't wake Lily up, but I could feel my heart racing in the pulse point of my throat. We looked at each other like "what the fuck just happened" with our chests rising faster than normal. I'd jumped in my seat and my hand found his on the center console. I didn't notice the death grip I had on him until his thumb started moving over my skin in gentle, soothing strokes. It was the first time I'd held his hand since Buffalo and despite how many things changed since then, it still had the same grounding effect.

"You wanted me in Seattle?"

"I wanted you in Buffalo." I started to interrupt him, but he shook his head. "When you were in college. As soon as I left home. Not just after that weekend."

"Parker I?—"

"Have your own career. I know. Your own life. I get it. You aren't saying anything I hadn't already thought about."

"And Lily?—"

"Is everything I didn't know I needed. You'd have friends there. You can work from anywhere in the world. You never wanted to be stuck here anyway."

He was right about everything, yet what I wanted to hear was that he still wanted me there because he wanted me.