Chapter 5

December 15th

7:10 p.m.

Spinning to face Sam, I closed the distance between us, stepping right up to him. He swallowed hard, his throat working, but his expressive brown eyes met mine, determination written all over his face.

This close, it was abundantly clear that he'd changed in the four months since I'd seen him last. He'd always been confident and popular, but physically, although he'd been taller than me, I'd always seen him as kind of lanky, with dark hair that never lay flat no matter what he did with it. Now, he was still lean but his muscles were well-defined, honed from his regular workouts and whatever training he'd done before he'd joined my gym—and the features of his face had sharpened somewhat, giving him angles any model would be proud of. His thick hair still had a bit of a wild look, but it worked for him.

In short, the cute boy I'd once known had turned into a strikingly gorgeous man.

My eyes tracked the movement of his tongue as he licked his full lips, and my dick stirred in my jeans. Clenching my jaw, I forced myself to remain calm and expressionless while he said what he had to say. I needed to listen.

"If I could take everything back, I would." His gaze pleaded with me.

My stomach twisted. Fucking hell, he'd managed to get everything completely wrong. I was the one that had fucked up. And I was still fucking it up, even now. Ever since he'd appeared in my gym, it was like all the old memories were resurfacing, and I couldn't seem to stop myself from acting like a cold-hearted bastard towards him, determined to keep him at arm's length so that I didn't have to face the truth. I needed to get rid of this anger, and fast, so we could have the conversation we should've had a long time ago.

"Sam…" Scrubbing my hand over my face, I blew out a heavy breath. Why was this so fucking difficult? Lowering my hand, I trained my gaze on the ground. I needed to get the words out, and it would be easier if I didn't look at him. "Look…fuck… I need to apologise. I've been unfair to you. I just—there's a lot of shit that I did, and I think?—"

"I should never have kissed you." His voice was low and defeated. "I ruined things between us."

"Sam, no." Shaking my head, I finally met his gaze. "Listen to me. I'm not angry or upset with you. I'm angry with myself. It's me. I'm the one who pushed you away. Yeah, I was…taken by surprise, but I should never have pushed you off the bench and run off like a coward. I should've stayed and talked to you. Properly. Fuck, as soon as I saw you in my gym earlier this month, I should've spoken to you instead of treating you the way I have been. I pushed you away then, I pushed you away when we were kids, and…fuck, I'm still doing it now. I'm sorry. Really sorry. For everything."

Sam gave me a cautious look that was a little disbelieving, and I couldn't blame him, not after the way I'd been acting towards him ever since we'd laid eyes on each other in the gym. Part of it, I wasn't sure if I was ready to confess yet…but the sight of him looking so happy with that man, the very first time I'd seen him again, had filled me with rage, and it was a good thing that I'd been in front of a punch bag. I'd focused all my unexpected anger and hurt and bottled-up feelings into my hands, hitting the bag over and over again until I was breathless and my arms were shaking. Even then, it hadn't been enough.

"Who was that man you were with on that first day in the gym?" The question fell from my lips without thought, and it was too late to take it back.

Sam blinked, his brow furrowing, and then his expression cleared. "Oh, Luke? He's my sister's boyfriend. He's a member of your gym. You don't know him?"

His sister's boyfriend. My ears were ringing, my heart pounding, and it took me a moment to realise he'd asked me a question. "No, I don't know him. I… There're a lot of members at the gym, and I'm still finding my feet. I guess he doesn't normally come in at the times I'm working."

Sam glanced down at the ground, shuffling his feet. "Yeah. Probably not. He, uh, he works full-time during the day, but he took the afternoon off to come to the gym with me. Sounds stupid when I say it aloud, but I was nervous about going. I don't know why."

"I get it," I said softly, and he gave me a tiny, hesitant smile. My stomach flipped. Could we really do this? Put the past behind us and move on? To be in each other's lives again?

I suddenly realised that I wanted it more than I'd ever wanted anything.

For now. There were other things I wanted, too. But those things…I wasn't sure I'd ever get.

Having Sam in my life again would be enough.

Putting every bit of sincerity I had into it, I returned his smile with a small but genuine one of my own.