Chapter Thirty-Seven

Because of the newly falling snow—and that the plows weren't out on Christmas—the ride to Harper's apartment was slow and quiet, though pleasantly so. Harper was basking in the glow of having spent the happiest Christmas she could remember, and Jak looked happy too, a small smile curving his lips as he watched the snow streak by his window.

They pulled in front of the house where she rented a room, and Harper took his hand, laughing as they ran from the truck, the snow a white flurry all around them. She unlocked the door, and they spilled inside, Harper taking her finger and bringing it to her lips as they tiptoed up the stairs.

The old house had been converted into a duplex, and the old woman who lived on the main floor was a distant relative of the original owners who had built the home. The studio apartment Harper rented was up a flight of back stairs and featured a main room, a very small kitchenette, and a bathroom, nothing more. But it worked for Harper's needs.

She unlocked the door at the top of the stairs, and they entered her apartment, removing coats and scarves, though Jak left his new scarf on. He hadn't taken it off since he'd received it. Harper loved how much he valued the gift. She was sure he'd keep it on indefinitely.

Harper watched as he looked around, moving from the small tree with twinkle lights in front of the window to her bed, made up with an antique, handmade quilt she'd bought at an estate sale on the last day when prices for the remaining items had been slashed to the thrifted furniture items she'd picked up for pennies and painted. He ran a hand over the high pile of books on her nightstand, and then he peeked into the tiny kitchen and then the bathroom. She watched him, his eyes moving everywhere with interest. He looked…impressed, and she couldn't help the smile that tilted her lips.

Jak walked to the window that featured a very small false balcony and opened the latch. There was a portico above the window that kept the snow from coming inside, and so although the wind whipped the curtain, the snow fell just beyond it.

"Don't step onto that balcony," she warned, coming up beside him. "It isn't safe."

He looked over at her and smiled and then back out to the snow, watching as it swirled and tumbled, the lights of the town twinkling beyond, giving everything a dreamy glow. "It's so beautiful here," he said, a note of awe in his voice.

She laughed, wrapping her arms around his bicep and pulling him close, resting her head on his shoulder and looking into the twinkling white. She'd tried to make her small home pretty despite having little money to spend on pretty things. But she had never considered it beautiful. Homey, yes. Hers, yes. As good as she could do with what little she had. But now, standing there as the lights and the snow blurred in front of her, the wind cold but the warmth and comfort of home a few footfalls away, she realized it was beautiful. She had everything she needed. She'd done her best, and she was proud that she'd never stopped trying.

"It is, isn't it?" she whispered, a small hitch in her voice at the emotion the whole night had elicited. She wanted to show him other things, experience everything that, for him, would be brand-new—pie in diners at midnight, picnics in sunny parks, late-night movies, barbecues, and a thousand other things people took for granted. She wanted to watch his face as he took it in, to see the delight in his eyes, the confusion, the understanding. She wanted to watch as he worked things out in that quick mind of his. And yet another part of her wanted him just the way he was, always—innocent, beautiful, untouched, hers.

He shut the window against the cold and turned to her, bringing his hands to her face and looking at her as if she was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. "You make me see beauty where I didn't see it before, Jak," she said, turning her face and closing her eyes as she kissed his palm. "You make everything new. Even me."

He tilted his head, and in the dim light of the room, shadows played over the lines of his face, his light eyes burning into hers, the only fire she needed to keep her warm. "Is that good?" he asked. "That I make you new?"

"Yes, it's very, very good." She was transforming, she realized, and she still wasn't certain about all the ways he was helping her grow, but it felt good. It felt right. Since he'd come into her life, more questions had arisen, and yet it finally felt like she was figuring out her life when before she had been flailing. Maybe part of it was the deep gratitude he'd opened up in her. Maybe it was her perspective on her own life and the struggles she'd endured. She wasn't entirely sure yet, but it had everything to do with him. She felt like a blooming flower, gently opening, her petals reaching for the sunlight she hadn't even realized was there because she'd been curled up so tightly, a bud protecting herself from the very thing she needed to blossom.

"Did you enjoy tonight?" she whispered, her finger moving along the wool of his new scarf.

"Yes. Very much." He looked thoughtful for a moment. "When you were in the kitchen, Agent Gallagher told me about the woman who raised me. He…found her. She was a refugee of a war. A…real one." He looked away for a moment. "Isaac Driscoll used her. She was wrong too. But for some reason, I can't hate her. She gave me what she could."

Harper regarded him, considering his innate goodness. His gentle heart. Him. "I'm glad you're getting answers, Jak. You deserve them."

His eyes met hers, vulnerability filling his expression. "Everyone gave me away. No one kept me."

Her heart stuttered, squeezed. "I'll keep you," she whispered, the words that had spilled from her lips making her feel shy suddenly. She looked down.

He nudged her chin up with his hand, so her eyes met his once more. "Promise?" he asked.

She nodded, their gazes holding. And she knew she would. No matter what the future held. No matter whether he decided to keep her or…not. He would remain part of her. Forever. She'd keep him. She'd never let him go because she wouldn't know how.

They stood at the window for a few minutes longer, living in the shared moment of vulnerability, looking out at the dark night. He traced her fingers, his hands moving up her arms, the heat of him all around her. Yes, she wanted him. Wanted every minute of the coming night.

She turned, kissing him slowly, and he groaned, pressing himself toward her, their bodies meeting, her softness molding to his hardness so they became one—two perfect parts of a whole. Their tongues tangled and danced, and she pulled away, laughing and yanking at his scarf. "I know you like this, but if I'm going to kiss you properly, you need to take it off."

Harper had never seen a scarf come off so quickly.

Her laughter was cut short by his mouth.

They kissed and kissed, their hands roaming, both wearing far too many clothes. Harper felt the proof of his desire and rubbed herself against him. He hissed out a sound of tortured arousal, his lips breaking from hers.

She ran a finger down the scar under his cheekbone, gazing at him, beautiful and fierce, and for a moment—but only a moment—she was fearful of the deep need she saw in his gaze. He wanted to take her, to claim her, to mate fiercely and with wild abandon. She saw it in his eyes, in the set of his jaw, but then his expression gentled, and the fierceness in his eyes diminished. Her breath came easier, her heartbeat slowed, but something deep inside had spiked in response and then dipped as it faded. She didn't know what to call it. All she knew was that she wanted him too.

"Take me to bed, Jak," she murmured. "I want to be with you."

His eyes widened, and he took one small step back, as if he needed to be able to see her better, to read the expression on her face to know that she meant what he thought she did. "Make love to me," she clarified.

"Yes," he said, and the simplicity of his answer when his eyes burned so bright and his body trembled made her smile.

He raised his hand and then dropped it. "Where…where should we start?"

"Removing our clothes is probably a good place to start."

His smile was sweet and unsure. Boyish . But he raised his hands and pulled off his shirt, exposing his beautiful chest to her, his scars standing out white and raised in the dim light. She leaned forward, trailing her tongue along one and then another. He pulled in a breath, bringing his hands to her scalp and dragging his fingers through her hair. She made a purring sound, raising her head and trailing her fingers down his sides.

"Harper," he moaned, a note of desperation in his tone.

"Yes," she said, "I know." This wasn't going to last long. But after this time, they had all night. The muscles between her legs clenched at the thought.

"This might…" He swallowed, seeming suddenly unsure, gathering his control. "We might have a…" His brow furrowed, and her breath paused. "Offspring," he finished.

Oh. She exhaled, her heart filling with tenderness. "No. I'm on, uh, I take something so that won't happen."

He regarded her quizzically for a moment but then nodded, his eyes heating once more as she began to undress.

She removed her clothes as he watched, his eyes devouring every part of her as it was revealed, his breath releasing in soft pants. A look of such deep approval in his eyes that she felt beautiful. Worshipped.

She took his hand, and they walked the few steps to the bed. He pulled off his boots and then his pants so fast a giggle bubbled up in her chest but died when her gaze fell to his erection, jutting toward her, large and flushed reddish-purple with the intensity of his lust. For her.

She swallowed. "Do you know how to do this?" she whispered.

He stepped toward her, his voice gravelly, thick. "I…know the basics. The rest, you'll have to show me. I have…questions."

"Like what?" she whispered. Why was she stalling now? Am I scared? she asked herself. Not of him, not of this, she realized. It was just that she'd never felt this kind of… gravity when it came to sex. Maybe she hadn't wanted to. Maybe she'd made a point of avoiding it for the lack of control it brought. But now, she realized she'd denied herself the very thing that might have helped heal her.

As he moved his finger under her breast, he watched in rapt fascination as her nipple stiffened and she shivered with delight. "I'll let you know as they come up."

He took her hand, and now he was leading her to the edge of the bed, where he pulled back the blankets and guided her to lie next to him. He pulled the covers over them, and for a few minutes, they simply gloried in the feel of naked skin against naked skin, in the warmth they shared, the safety of her room, the hopefulness that stretched before them. The long, delicious night that lay ahead. Harper's skin prickled, and a sigh fell from her lips as his mouth nuzzled the swell of her breast, moving around it. She watched him for a moment, realizing that he was avoiding her breasts. "You can kiss me there," she whispered, turning her body slightly, offering her breast to him. He looked briefly puzzled, but then his eyes darkened, lust flaring, and he lowered his mouth to her nipple, sucking gently. She moaned.

"You like that," he noted, his voice gravelly, a note of awe in it.

"Yes," she breathed. He lowered his head again, spending long minutes nuzzling, rolling his tongue around her nipples, driving her crazy with desire, the vibration between her legs heightening to a feverish pitch.

"Jak," she gasped, pulling at him, needing him to fill the emptiness inside her.

He rose up over her, a shadow in the darkness, his eyes glittering with intensity, and though she would have expected her heart to stall, her desire to fade, in fact the opposite happened. Her body thrilled. Answered to him in some primal way she couldn't define. She felt a heady rush of arousal, and her need for him made her writhe, the hot pulsing between her legs causing a sweet ache. She opened her thighs, giving him invitation, asking him to take the most tender part of her and make her his. I trust you, she thought. With every part of me.

She took her hand and lined his erection up at her entrance. "Slow," she whispered.

He did as she instructed, but she could tell it was costing him, his breath coming out in fast pants, his limbs trembling as he entered her one slow inch at a time, stretching her so it was a delicious pleasure…pain. Her body adjusted, muscles clasping as he penetrated her to the hilt, grunting, an animalistic sound of profound pleasure, of joy, of relief and surprise and desperation all mixed together.

She didn't have to instruct him what to do then. His body took over, as he pulled out slowly and then pushed back in, his movements corresponding to long masculine groans of ecstasy and short grunts of exclamation as he buried himself inside her and then pulled out again. He moved with such singular focus, and the sounds he made set her on fire. And oh God, he felt so good, his body big and hot and hard, filling her, his rough skin rubbing on her most sensitive parts, back and forth, back and forth, but too slowly. Too torturously slowly. "Faster," she groaned, a pleading note to her voice. "Faster, faster, faster," she panted.

"I'll…"

"I know, " she said. "I want to feel it. I want to feel you. " She wanted to watch him as he fell apart inside her for the first time. She couldn't wait.

She felt him hesitate, something almost fearful crossing his expression, but only for a second as he finally—finally—sped up, his hips bucking as he began to thrust in earnest. Yes, yes, yes. She tightened her thighs around him, watching his face, waiting for the moment it would tense with unbearable pleasure. But to her surprise, it was her own intense pleasure that swept over her, an orgasm rising so quickly, it took her unaware as she cried out, the pulsing bliss exploding and then receding.

His eyes grew heavy, his lids half closing as his mouth fell open and he plunged into her, once, twice, an animal roar of pleasure erupting from him, as he threw his head back and pressed himself into her one final time.

With one last groan, he collapsed on top of her, rolling his weight to the side as their hearts beat together, their quickened breaths mingling, slowing, sweat cooling on their skin.

She felt his smile against her neck, and it elicited a small laugh from her as she used her inner muscles to squeeze his softened flesh, still halfway inside her. He grunted against her throat, chuckling, the movement causing him to slip out of her body.

He rolled to the side and propped himself up, gazing down at her, the look of stunned joy on his face so stark and clear that she laughed out loud. She lifted herself up and kissed him once, hard on the mouth.

"Let's do it again," he suggested, his voice slow with satisfaction.

She laughed, kissing him again, tracing his lips with her finger. "Hold me for a while first."

He did, and she knew he relished the intimacy, his joy so close to the surface that she could read every nuance on his handsome face. His joy inspired hers, and she'd never felt so contented in all her life, lying there with him in the warmth of her bed, sharing, touching, making love again and again.

The night deepened, wrapping around them so it felt as if no one else existed. Only them. "This. Here," he breathed, looking at her with deep intensity, their bodies connected, their hearts entwined.

"What?" she asked on a breath, the moment slowing, though everything physical about her was rushing, quickening.

"This fills my soul. You…you fill my soul."

Oh, Jak.

He began moving then, and her thoughts tumbled, drifted away as pleasure engulfed her, joy spiraling wildly. You fill my soul too, her heart whispered just as her body flew to the stars.

They whispered in the dark. He told her about his beloved Pup and kissed her tears away when she cried for his loss. She told him more about her childhood, how hard it had been every time she had to pack up and move somewhere else.

When the sun peeked through her curtains, they had hardly slept. Her muscles ached, and she was sore in places she hadn't even known existed. And yet Harper had never opened her eyes to a morning that held more exuberant joy than that one.