Chapter Thirty-Four

Jak was filled with a breath-stealing mix of happiness and fear. He had someone to trust, someone he might be able to open up to. Maybe not about everything, but most of it. Someone caring and kind, a woman who made his heart thump louder in his chest and made the blood rush more quickly through his veins. A woman he wanted in every way.

He didn't want anyone to know every terrible thing about the ways he'd survived, but he could tell her most of it. Even he tried to forget some parts, shivered when a memory came to him without him reaching for it. He was afraid Harper would be…disgusted if she knew all he'd done to live, but he was also afraid she'd think he was a stupid child to be tricked the way he'd been. All his life…a lie, and he still didn't know the reason why .

Would he ever know now that Driscoll was dead? Did it even matter? He was who he was. That was all.

Harper stood in front of the fire and rubbed her hands together, warming them. He let his eyes move down her body, wanting to pull at her pants, to kneel behind her and put his tongue between her legs from that position. Would she let him? Would her knees shake? Would she touch him again the way she had before? He wanted to make her shake and cry out his name again. Male animals made it known what they wanted and waited for the female to give a sign she wanted it too. But how did a man ask for something like that? Words had made her blush before, and he still wasn't exactly sure why, but he didn't think asking for it with words was the right thing to do.

Should he just…touch her? Would she like that?

Animals made it easier than people.

She turned, giving him a smile over her shoulder, her eyes widening as she caught his gaze like she'd read the thoughts on his face. The quiet sound of footsteps in the snow caught his attention, soft but coming closer. He turned from Harper, moving toward the door. Listening. Waiting for a scent. The sound got closer, and then someone was climbing his steps. A man. That was followed by a knock.

Jak tensed, a growl rising in his throat. When he saw that Harper was looking at him, he snapped his mouth closed, making his body loosen.

He moved closer to the door just as a male voice called, "Lucas, it's Agent Gallagher."

Lucas.

He'd already forgotten that name.

He frowned as he went to his window and peeked out. The man was standing to the side of the door, in a huge puffy jacket and boots with fur at the top that came from a type of animal Jak had never seen in nature. No weapon and…no car, which meant wherever he'd come from, he'd walked.

"You can trust him, Jak," Harper said, coming up behind him and putting her hand on his arm. "I do."

He realized how tightly he'd been holding his body and met her eyes, nodding. When he opened his door, the agent's gaze went quickly behind him to where Harper was standing. He let out a breath. "Good, you're here." He looked at Jak. "May I come in?"

Jak opened the door wider, and the agent came in, looking around the cabin as he took off his big coat. "I was concerned," he said, again to Harper, giving Jak a look that he knew meant he didn't trust him all the way. Jak could understand that, but he didn't like this man worrying about the woman he was already thinking of as his own. He wanted that to be his job.

"I'm fine," Harper said, taking his jacket and hanging it on the hook on the wall next to where she'd hung hers. Jak liked that she already knew his house, liked that she was acting like she lived there. "Were you looking for me?"

"Yeah. I've called you several times. When you didn't answer, I got worried. I remembered you said you were thinking of coming here."

Harper frowned. "Oh, I didn't see that I had any missed calls. The reception is so spotty out here. Maybe your messages hadn't come through before I moved into a spot where there wasn't any service."

The agent gave Jak another look that had something in it Jak didn't know the name for. It wasn't a good look though. It told Jak the agent had wondered if Jak had hurt Harper and had come to rescue her if she needed rescuing. Jak had thought he'd had nice eyes in the sheriff building, but now he didn't like him.

"I've sort of fallen down on the job you asked me to do if you're driving yourself out here." Harper looked back and forth between the agent and Jak with a nervous smile on her face like she wanted them to be friends.

The agent laughed shortly. "No, it's okay. I see why you stayed here. I had the deputy drop me at the nearby road, and then I walked. It's like an ice forest out there."

"Oh." Harper frowned again. "I hate that you had to do that because of me. Thank you for your concern." She looked at Jak. "But really, I'm just fine." She smiled at him, and then she blushed. Jak looked at the agent, hoping he'd seen it and knew what it meant.

"I'm actually glad I drove out." He gave Jak a smile. "Or walked, as the case may be. I wanted to talk to you anyway. I've found out a few things that I think you should know about. And I'm hoping you'll answer a few more questions."

"Do you want to sit down?" Harper cut in, leading the agent to Jak's table. He watched them for a minute as Harper pointed to one of the stools, making sure he was comfortable. That's where Jak had sat with Harper, and he felt something odd bubbling in his chest. No, not bubbling…but…he hated that he couldn't even explain to himself how he felt from minute to minute. Maybe if he could explain how he felt, he could talk himself out of it. As it was, all he had were the feelings. Nothing else.

After they'd both sat, Jak walked slowly to the table, joining them. The agent was watching him, the look on his face not mean, and Jak stared back. He knew that if another male stared at him, he could not be the first to look away, or it would show fear. The agent knew that too; he could tell.

"Lucas—"

Harper cleared her throat, giving Jak a look.

"Am I missing something here?"

Jak sighed. He had told Harper his name and didn't want her to have to lie for him. "I lied about my name. My name is Jak. I told the truth when I said I didn't know my last name."

The agent tilted his head. "Why did you give me a false name?"

"I didn't know if I could trust you." I still don't.

The man looked at him for a beat, two, but then nodded. "I understand." Jak watched him, nodded back. "Jak then…can you tell me again what you remember about being left out here by your parents?"

"I…don't remember anything, except being alone and having to…survive."

"That's all? Nothing more? Nothing about…being dropped off out here? Nothing before that?"

Jak shook his head, not looking at Harper. He hated lying in front of her. It made him feel bad inside after they'd shared truth, after she'd told him her secrets. He battled inside his own mind, not knowing what to do, trying hard to go through the reasons he should tell the truth and the reasons he should not.

Agent Gallagher sighed, and they were all quiet for a minute, something in the air that made Jak…unsure. The older man laced his fingers together, his hands on the table. "Jak, can I tell you why I moved here to Montana? Why I took a new job at fifty-four instead of staying in California at a job I loved? In the house my wife and I had put so much work into? The place where we'd raised our daughter?"

Jak tried to hide his surprise. He nodded slowly. Harper seemed surprised too as she watched the agent.

Agent Gallagher let out a long, slow breath. "Our only child, Abbi, died of leukemia three years ago. She was twenty years old. She'd been battling the disease since she was seventeen and a senior in high school. We—" His voice broke off then, and Jak could hear the breakable sadness in it, like the distant snap of something in the faraway that you couldn't name but knew had lost a piece of itself. "We buried her, and we tried to find a reason to go on living." He was quiet for a long time as he looked down at his hands.

Jak noticed Harper had the same look of sadness on her face as Agent Gallagher's. I understand you, her look said. She was kind. Good. It made Jak feel…soft toward her.

"One day my wife Laurie and I were in the grocery store, and we ran into one of Abbi's best friends, Ella. We hadn't seen her since the funeral, and…well, she was six months pregnant, excited to be expecting her first. We said all the right things, I suppose. Smiled. But…it broke us. My wife and I went home and sat there, and it was"—he shook his head—"it was like losing her all over again. Losing what would have been. We lived in a tight community. We knew we'd watch—even if from a distance—all of Abbi's friends get married, have children, and it…it felt unbearable."

He looked up at Jak and Harper, giving them a sad smile. "Laurie's sister lives in Montana and is raising two boys on her own. She'd been a great support to Laurie, and Laurie had been a great support to her when she went through her divorce, but she was far away. I thought I was doing the right thing when I applied to the Montana Department of Justice. I thought…a new start is what we needed. Somewhere the memories aren't crushing at every turn. Somewhere we have family. And"—he took a deep breath—"all that's been good. But the problem is, we still look at each other and all we see is Abbi. All we see are those hospital rooms, our daughter slipping away, and then that…casket."

He was quiet again, and then he looked at Jak. "That's what brought me to Montana, Jak. I'm here because I was running away, but I didn't get far enough. I'm here because the thing I loved most in this world, my complete family, is no longer in it, and I can't make sense of how we'll ever be happy again. I'm lost, and I think you are too. And I'm not sure what can be done about my own situation, but I hope you'll let me help you with yours."

A tear slipped down Harper's cheek, and she wiped at it quickly.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, and Agent Gallagher nodded, giving her a sad smile.

Jak ran a hand over his jaw, still confused but feeling…like he had two people who might…who might be on his side. A breeze blew through him, carrying happiness. Fear.

"I woke up at the edge of a cliff. There was a man. He told me it might be the day I would die," he said, the words tumbling over each other like they'd been a pile of sticks dammed up for a long time and finally been pushed free.

Harper's eyes went wide, and she tilted her head, surprise so clear on her face. He pressed his lips together, not moving his eyes from hers. "But a huge piece of ice moved, making snow slide. I…went over." He looked away. He wouldn't tell about the other kids. If they knew about them, they'd find out he killed one of them. They'd find out all the other bad things he'd done. And if they found all that out, he'd stay in that tiny cage with the bad smells. He'd die there. Alone.

Harper's face had lost color, and her body was held stiff. "I don't understand."

Agent Gallagher gave her a look that Jak didn't understand. But the words inside him were moving—the dam had broken. He'd never said these words to another living person.

"I didn't then. I still don't. I know that Driscoll was…in on it somehow, but he wasn't the man on the cliff. Driscoll told me there was a war."

"A war?" Agent Gallagher asked, and Harper seemed to lose more color.

Jak looked away from her. He hated the look on her face—unbelieving. He didn't know if she couldn't believe what was done to him or if she couldn't believe he'd fallen for it. Maybe he didn't want to know. For the first time since he'd started talking, he wasn't sure he should go on. But there didn't seem to be a way to go back now.

"Jak," Agent Gallagher said, and Jak looked at the man instead of Harper. That made it easier. He wanted so much for her to think good things of him. But he didn't want her to leave either. He wanted her to know him, to understand him.

Maybe not all. Not that wild part he kept hidden inside. The part that had come out when he was starving and suffering, the part that he never wanted to come out ever again. But most. As much as he could let her and still have her want him.

Jak told the agent about Isaac Driscoll, about the war, about the enemy and what had kept Jak alone all this time.

"Do you know why he would do that? Lie to you that way?"

Jak shook his head, the anger rising like a wave. "No. He was watching me though. There were cameras in the trees."

"Cameras?" Agent Gallagher leaned forward, putting his hands on the table. "Where?"

"I can't see them anymore. They're gone. I think Driscoll took them down." He must have noticed Jak had stolen the pictures. Known he'd been in his cabin. Known he'd found out the truth.

Agent Gallagher frowned. "Okay. Do you have any idea where the recordings were going?"

Recordings? Jak didn't know what that word meant. "I thought they took pictures. I don't know where the pictures are," he lied. He'd torn them into little pieces and thrown them in the river, watched them float away.

"Okay. Okay. And the man on the cliff, you've never seen him again?"

Jak shook his head.

"Jak, can you tell me what you remember before that?"

Jak glanced at Harper, the sight of her there beside him helping him feel brave. "A woman raised me until I was almost eight," Jak said. "I don't know her name. I think it was something that started with A. She said words different than the people on the TV, and she told me to talk like them, not like her. I called her Baka." He told Agent Gallagher about how she'd taught him to read and how to count and to believe that he was strong. "That's all I remember. I haven't seen her since the night I fell asleep in my bed and then woke up…out here."

Harper looked sad, and so did Agent Gallagher as he nodded. They were quiet for a minute before he said. "Thank you, Jak, for telling me the truth. You've given me lots of good information to work with." He paused for a second. "One of the things I need to tell you is that the woman murdered in town, the one we questioned you about? Jak, she was your mother."

Harper let out a small gasp. His mother. His mother. The hairs on Jak's neck stood up. "My mother?" he asked, rubbing his hands on his thighs. They felt cold and sweaty. His mother was dead ? The woman who had brought him books and told him she would come back for him? Ice ran down his spine.

"Yes. Jak, do you know anything about your mother?"

"I…" He looked at Harper, and her mouth was open. His mother was dead. No one could hurt her now. "She came here. I never met her before that."

Agent Gallagher pressed his lips together, his eyebrows moving closer to each other. "When did she contact you, and how?"

"She came to see me five…years ago. She told me she was trying to find a place for us to live. She brought me kids' books. She promised to come back and bring me more books. She told me not to tell anyone about her."

Agent Gallagher frowned again. "I see. And did she indicate why?"

"No. I thought…" He looked at Harper. "I thought it was something about the war. The war Driscoll told me was being fought." He looked back at the agent. "I said something about it, the war, and she agreed, or…" He frowned, looking away, trying to remember what he'd said and what she'd said back. "She said, yes, the world is on fire."

They were all quiet for a minute before Agent Gallagher asked, "Do you think your mother was working with Isaac Driscoll somehow?"

Working? Did she have a job with Driscoll? Is that what the agent meant? Jak thought about it. "I don't know. She didn't seem to like him. She said she'd followed him from town. But…there was another woman too…" He kept his gaze on the agent instead of looking at Harper, feeling heat rising in his face. He didn't want to tell them about the redheaded woman, but he knew he had to. He told the agent and Harper about thinking the woman was hurt, about bringing her back to his cabin, and then about her offering her body to him. He didn't look at Harper while he told the story, not wanting to know if she was angry or, worse, if she didn't care that he'd touched someone else. He was not like the gray fox, he wanted to tell her. He only wanted to touch her.

And he knew now why the other woman had felt wrong. Smelled wrong. She hadn't been meant for him. She wasn't Harper.

"Did you get the feeling the redheaded woman was involved with Driscoll somehow? And if so, why would she tell you about the cameras?"

Jak shook his head. He had no idea. Most of him hoped the agent could put it together, find answers. But another part just wanted it all to go away. Driscoll was dead—his life was better without him—and he wanted to figure out where to go now.

"Okay, Jak, thank you. I appreciate all your honesty. I'm going to try to figure out what was going on. I'm going to do my damnedest, okay?"

Jak nodded, running a hand over his prickly jaw, the question he wasn't sure he wanted an answer to falling from his lips. "Who was she? My mother?" It still caused hurt to echo through him when he thought of those words— my mother. She'd never been a mother to him though. She'd never come back.

"She was a troubled young woman, Jak. She made a lot of very bad choices, but I think she was trying to make them right. I think she cared about you and carried a lot of regret."

Jak didn't know how to feel about that. He wasn't sure he could miss someone he'd never known. He wasn't even sure he could be angry at someone he'd never known.

When Jak looked up, Agent Gallagher was watching him, a worried frown on his face. But when he met Jak's eyes, he gave him a small smile. "There are some other things I've found out about your past and where you might go from here."

Jak felt a jolt of fear. "Do I have to leave the cabin I live in now?"

Agent Gallagher sighed. "I'm afraid so. I spoke to Isaac Driscoll's sister, who's his next of kin, and she was unwilling to let you remain on the land." Why did he look mad? What did he care if Jak couldn't live in his cabin anymore? It wasn't really his anyway. Maybe he should have left it the second he found out Isaac Driscoll was watching him, had lied to him. But he hadn't wanted to let the man know he'd found out what he was doing, had thought he could hide it, so he'd acted normal…tried to understand what to do. And then…Driscoll was dead.

And now, he couldn't be sorry he'd had somewhere to be with Harper. If he hadn't had this cabin, he wouldn't have been able to protect her from the cold.

Take me inside.

At the memory of the words, Jak's skin flushed.

But now…now the cabin wouldn't be his anymore.

He'd go back to the forest. He'd survived it before. Survived it with less knowing than he had now. The only thing that made his heart speed up and his throat go dry was the woman sitting next to him, the woman who he wanted to call his own. The woman who he would never let visit him in a cave in the woods. When he thought of it, he felt ashamed. He could feel her eyes on the side of his face, but he wouldn't look at her.

"How long has she given Jak to vacate the land?" Harper asked, and he heard anger in her voice too. They both thought that woman should let him stay. But…now that he was really thinking about it, maybe he didn't want to stay. Not in a place where he had been lied to, watched. He didn't want to live in a cave in the woods because it would mean leaving Harper, but…he didn't want to live on Driscoll's land either.

"A week," Mark said.

Harper gasped as she brought her hands to her mouth. "A week? What kind of horrible witch is she?"

Mark Gallagher laughed, but it didn't sound like a regular laugh. There was no happiness in it. "Class-A."

"I guess so. Does she know what her brother did ?"

"I didn't get the notion that she cared. They weren't close. She's interested in her payout, and that's about it."

Harper was quiet, but he could see her teeth grinding. She was mad for him. It made a warm feeling in his chest. "Okay," he finally said. What else could he say?

"I have some other news for you," Agent Gallagher said. "And it's good. Or, at least, I hope you'll see it that way. You have a grandfather, and he wants you to come live with him."

"A grandfather?"

"Yes. Your father's father. Unfortunately, your father passed away many years ago."

Jak felt a tightening in his chest. But he hadn't known that man. "My father's father," he repeated, trying to picture unknown people who were somehow part of him.

"Yes. He knows how you've been living, knows about Isaac Driscoll. He'd like to offer you a home with him for as long as you want to stay."

Jak didn't know if he should trust this. He kept trying to tell himself that there was no war, no enemy, and then he had to tell himself that not everyone was lying to him. If he couldn't, how would he ever make it through the world?

"Who is he?" Jak asked. "My…grandfather?"

"Turns out your family is very successful. They live outside Missoula and own the Fairbanks Lumber Company."

"The Fairbanks Lumber Company?" Harper repeated, surprise in her voice. "That's…that's huge. Wait, Jak's father was a…Fairbanks?" She looked at Jak. "So that means you are too?"

"A Fairbanks?" Jak asked. "Lumber company?" He frowned, his head spinning. "I don't want to live with strangers. I don't know them."

"You'll get to know them. And…if you don't enjoy their company, you can move out." The agent paused. "Jak, I think this is a really good opportunity. I think…well, having family on your side—especially a family like the Fairbanks—is going to open a lot of doors for you."

Enjoy their company.

And open doors? What doors?

Harper was chewing at her lip, a small wrinkle between her eyes. "You don't think I should move in with them, Harper?"

Her eyes met his. "What? No. I mean…I think Agent Gallagher is right. I…I know what it's like to move into a house with strangers, that's all. But Jak, you're an adult, and Agent Gallagher is right. If you don't like it there, you can leave."

He felt sad for her. When she was a little girl, Harper had to move into a house of people she didn't know. She had been scared. But she was a little girl. Like I was a little boy when I lost my baka. That reminded him of how scared he'd been. He wanted to go back in time and protect her. He wanted to rip the throat out of the man who had done bad things to her. If you don't like it there, you can leave. Harper hadn't been able to leave.

There were so many words he hadn't understood from Agent Gallagher, and his heart felt like it was beating too fast. He needed air. To see the sky. He wanted to watch as the sun went behind the mountains and the stars came out, one by two, by ten, by a hundred, then a thousand, and an endless number he could never count to even if he learned them all. He wanted to empty his mind and figure out what might be waiting for him out in the world. A family, his heart whispered. Your own pack. No, people to call my own. Could he learn how to trust them? Could he learn how to be one of them? Would they want him to?

"Jak, listen, take tonight to think about it. I've laid a lot at your feet, and you've given me some more leads I need to follow up on. However, I recommend that you take your grandfather up on his offer." He glanced at Harper. "Were you planning on staying or—"

"No. I need to get back. I can give you a ride. I think the ice has melted enough that it's safe to drive." She looked at Jak, her cheeks going pink. "How about I come back first thing in the morning and we can drive to Helena Springs? I can show you around. Maybe you'll have made a decision and we can call Agent Gallagher."

Jak nodded. He didn't want her to go, but he needed time alone. He needed to think. He needed to decide. About his life. A life he had never known was possible for him.

"There's one more thing," Harper said, and then she told the agent about the helicopters, about Jak seeing them the morning after he'd been dropped off on the cliff.

Agent Gallagher frowned, looking confused. "That can't be a coincidence," he murmured. "Two mysteries beginning on the same night? In the same wilderness?"

"Well," Harper said, standing up and getting the map she'd marked up with Jak, "they occurred quite a ways from each other, but yes." She set the map in front of him, and he looked at it for a few minutes. "Can I take this with me?"

Harper nodded. "Of course. I drew it up hoping it'd be helpful."

"It is," he said, "if for no other reason than it helps me picture where everything occurred. Thank you."

Agent Gallagher looked between them for a minute and then put his hands on the table in front of him, his eyes on Jak. "Is there anything else you need to tell me? Anything that might help with the investigation?"

Jak's heart quickened. He looked away, shaking his head. There were things he couldn't…wouldn't tell. If he did, who would ever want him as part of their family? Part of society? They'd lock him up. They'd call him an animal. A beast. And maybe he was. Or at least, he could be. And that had to be his secret. That was all.

The agent nodded. "All right. All of this, it's a lot," he said. "Are you okay?"

Okay? Right then he was. "Yes. I'm okay."

Agent Gallagher smiled. "Good. Think about all of this, and then we'll talk." He looked between Jak and Harper again. "By the way, what are you two doing for Christmas?"

Harper glanced at Jak. "Christmas?" he whispered.

"Do you remember Christmas, Jak?" Harper asked softly.

He shook his head. "I don't know Christmas."

Something sad came into Harper's gaze. Christmas must be very good. Lots of things must be very good that he'd never known about before. "It's the holiday of Jesus's birth."

"Jesus?"

Both Harper and Agent Gallagher laughed, but their laughter was the nice kind, Harper's eyes dancing. Jak smiled too. "Never mind that for now." She looked at Agent Gallagher again. "I usually go to my friend Rylee's house. But it's her first Christmas with her new husband's family…so I don't have any plans."

"Well then, it's settled," Agent Gallagher said, standing. "You'll spend it with me and my wife. I insist."